I was more and more tired lately of his screwing me and then leaving. Some days things between us were so good, better than good but some days his life got in the way. Even after more than three years together he was still not ready to admit to loving me. Not to his Irish brethren, who knew better. Not to the world. And was I okay with that? No.
I watched Cian while lying on my back in my bed, as pissed off as I was able to be at this point. He moved around my bedroom pulling on his clothes. I could tell from the expression on his face that he was already somewhere else mentally.
Which door tonight? I thought.
Door A: I spend the night alone crying in my bed.
Door B: I go out with friends and drown my thoughts in alcohol—Fuck it!
"Where are you going?" I asked him again.
He acted like he didn't hear me and continued to get dressed. This was the third or fourth time. Deciding I'd had enough of his ignoring me I jumped up from the bed, still completely naked, and grabbed his keys.
"What the fuck are you doing Keya" he snapped at me then without pausing "Give me my fucking keys."
As he lunged for them I moved out of the way. My only option was to run into the bathroom and lock the door, which I did.
In the bathroom silent tears trailed down my face. I angrily swiped at them.
"I am so damn tired of this Cian" I yelled from behind the locked door.
"I have to go. Give me my keys" he said again, highly impatient this time.
"No."
"Open this fucking door before I beat it down" he growled pounding hard on it enough to frighten me.
"Fine" I came out. "Here are you stupid fucking keys" and then I tossed them onto the floor.
His cell phone beeped again, like it had been doing for the past hour. He looked at it, picked up his keys from where they'd landed. He kissed me on the cheek and then left.
^^^^^^^
When I met Cian
Three years ago when Cian and I met I would have never thought that falling in love could be so damned painful. I hated him most of the time. I hated that I had gone to law school and he had gone into the family business after college which kept him busier than my law school classes.
His behavior lately hadn't been about having to work. It was about the redhead he'd been fucking for the past few months. Part of me wanted nothing more than to let go of him but I just couldn't. Rihanna was right when she said it was like an addiction because somewhere along the way my life had begun to revolve around Cian.
After our first night together he had tried to stay away from me and when he found he couldn't I told him I would stay away from him. Although I was better at staying away than he, it didn't change a thing. If I wasn't in his bed most every night or he wasn't in mine it was he who came looking for me.
The first time that I went out with someone else he beat the living breath out of this guy and told me I'd better not ever do some shit like that again. This had come three days after him telling me he couldn't see me anymore.
As time went on I began to want him with a really deep hunger and need. I was sure he felt the same for me. After all, I had become a part of his life. Even his friends began to see me as a permanent fixture in his life. I think the only one who didn't see it was him. The guys would tease him mercilessly, Aidan especially. Aidan was more than a little racist and couldn't understand his friend's fixation with me.
Still as messy as our relationship was I was happy to be with him, I felt at home in his arms and with him between my legs. I would have been content to love him forever because he made me feel like I belonged to him, with him. It was intoxicating. At least until Jenny happened.
^^^^^^^
The Jenny Situation
I had rushed over from my last class to Cian's apartment. I was excited about a grade I'd received in a class I and was in a hurry to celebrate. It was almost six o'clock in the afternoon. It had been raining earlier and was still wet out but the skies had cleared at least. There was obviously a party going on when I pulled up because there were cars parked everywhere.
I bypassed the smoke filled living room, the people I didn't know and went directly into his bedroom where I found a pretty blond lying underneath his blanket, totally naked. She'd jumped a little when she saw me. I guess I had startled her by coming into the room unannounced, then following her gaze across the room both our eyes landed on a naked Cian. He looked like he had just gotten out of the shower. In the next second I was all over her, I mean literally. I wanted to kill her.
It took Cian, Niall and someone else to pull me away from her while Aidan stood smirking in the doorway. I had never felt so much pain in my life as Cian's two goons still held me and he had the nerve right in front of me to hold her and check on her.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he barely spared me a glance.
What was wrong with me? This coming from the same asshole that was known to explode in a murderous rage with little or no provocation. I only told you about the first guy he beat down. That guy was far from the last. Who the hell did he think I'd gotten my temper from? He'd completely rubbed off on me. I wasn't the same shy and timid girl he'd met at a frat party. What was wrong with me? He was what was wrong with me.
Watching him tilt her bloody face up to his tears began to slip out of my eyes of their own accord. I felt like I was bleeding to death and he was taking care of her.
