Barbara and Rebecca were right. Sexually, I was somewhat of a prude. What can you expect from a woman, raised in a religious, middle-class white environment. The girls are probably the first close black friends I've ever had.
Like an idiot I fell in love with and then married the first and only man I ever had sex with. After almost 22 years with that loser, he comes home one day and tells me he's running off with my business partner.
Well that's just fuckin' great! I hope that she and he will be very fuckin' happy! I was very fuckin' happy to get the house, both cars and the business.
So there I was: a divorced, middle-aged, sexually repressed white woman, all alone in a big house. The sex with my ex- and I wasn't really that great or anything, but at least it was regular. After the split it was almost two years before another man other than my doctor touched me anywhere.
I did actually try to make some changes in my life. You know, the weight loss thing, the new wardrobe thing, the therapist thing, the middle-aged-divorcee-club thing and all that other crap. I succeeded in losing 25 lb. and looking better. But the men in the clubs were just as boring and self centered as my ex-husband, and the only good advice I got from my therapist was that I needed to go out and "let myself go" once in a while. Becky and Barb had been telling me that all along.
It was difficult at first, I mean I couldn't even masturbate without feeling as if my mother was going to catch me. Thanks to Barbara and Rebecca, I was able to eventually break out of my shell. They helped me to realize that sex wasn't something "dirty or sinful" , but completely natural and shitloads of fun! (A particular Friday night of almost a year ago will always be a cherished memory.)
One of the wildest nights I ever had happened a few months ago. The day before, I had just finished showing a house to a couple who really weren't interested in the place. The meeting was pretty much a waste of time. I was feeling a little stressed so I stopped at a bar to have a quick one before I went home. While there I bumped into Curtis and Bryan. They were two young, black men I had met at a party Rebecca had thrown for her nephew, Randy's 21st birthday . I was very pleasantly surprised that they remembered me. We chatted for a while and had a few drinks.
Now, I've never told anyone this, not even the girls, but I've always had an appetite for men of color, particularly blacks and Latinos. I think it may have something to do with the fact that my folks had me believing that they were taboo. I never told Barbara or Becky because I didn't want them to think I was just another white chick who was hot for some dark meat.
So anyway, we talked and laughed for a bit. I checked them both out, and I felt pretty sure that they were doing the same to me. They invited me to a frat party they were going to the next night and I accepted. I got home that evening feeling really good and very damn horny.
The moment I hit the bedroom, I went straight to my hiding place and got "Big Sam". I ordered him from the same place that Barbara got her "Big Daddy". I fantasized about the night I got my first "taste of chocolate" from Rebecca's nephew Randy. I came at least three times in less than five minutes.
When I woke up the next morning I was suddenly struck with a bout of neurosis. I felt very nervous about going to that party. Not only might I probably be the only white person there, but at a college frat party most of these kids would be half my age. I considered not going, but my desire to see Curtis and Bryan again was much stronger. So I figured I just needed some reinforcements and called up the girls. I told them what the situation was and what my feelings were.
Rebecca told me I was being silly and said that I should just go alone and have fun. Besides that, she already had a hot date with a banker she'd met the day before. Barbara was much more understanding. She told me that she'd probably feel just as nervous if she were the only black person at a party. She agreed to go with me.
We got there around 10:30 p.m. The house was located near the campus of the college where Rebecca works. The party was very crowded and the music, a mixture of rap and R&B, was very loud. I was surprised to see that I was neither the only white person nor the eldest one there. Barbara and I both let out a sigh of relief and went in.
We found Bryan and Curtis behind the bar mixing drinks, and we all had a few and danced. The girls have probably already told you that I am not a drinker, so I was careful not to exceed my limits. And I'm not really that much of a dancer either, but I think I did all right. Curtis was my partner and he was very good, I just loved the way he moved those hips. As the dance area got more and more crowded, we had to dance closer and closer. By the time a good slow tune was played we were practically humping each other.
This kid couldn't have been more than 22 years old, and I wanted him very badly. But I must admit that I was still a little nervous and felt slightly intimidated. I've never been much of a party-goer and being in a small room surrounded by a lot of blacks (none of the whites there were dancing) was making me a little uneasy. I think I understand now how most minorities must feel on a daily basis.
Curtis must have sensed this and took my hand and led me through the crowd to the kitchen. I looked back to find Barbara, but she and Bryan were having the time of their lives so I didn't bother her. There were a few couples cozying up to one another around the room, and no one seemed to notice or care about this obviously, older, white woman, and her young, handsome, black escort. Curtis told me that he understood how I must be feeling and that he was very glad that I was able to make it.
