Falling for Grace

Grace and I didn't sleep much that last night. We weren't busy screwing; we were busy being nervous and just holding each other to try to relax a little. It didn't help much. By the time we got our wakeup call at 6, we'd gotten a couple of hours sleep.

Hot showers helped us wake up a little. Nervous energy helped some more. We met our mothers at 7 with Grace's suitcases. We went down to the restaurant to eat a breakfast neither Grace nor I felt much like eating. Edina and my mom, seeing how nervous we were, didn't eat much. We didn't say very much either. It was that kind of morning.

I drove uptown to Columbia, with Grace next to me, jittery as could be. My confident, brilliant, tough fiance was a barrel of nerves. We got to her dorm, Furnald Hall, right on Broadway, by 8:30 and there was a long line outside, but it was moving smoothly. Finding a place to park the van wasn't so easy, though. So I let Grace and our moms out while I drove around the block, over and over. And over. At least 20 times until I saw Grace wave at me. She was checked in and our mothers went up to start setting her up while I parked, Then we started bringing her boxes upstairs.

She had a single room attached to two other singles, with three girls in the suite, each with her own bathroom, and a communal living room. It was kind of like an apartment. We brought up her things and we met her suitemates, Juanita, who was from nearby in Harlem and Jessica, from a middle class family outside Washington DC, and met their parents. Everyone was nice to each other. It was promising.

We spent a few hours getting Grace squared away, getting the room just how she wanted it. Then it was time to say goodbye. Mom hugged Grace first, telling her how proud she was and all, then Edina kissed and hugged her daughter like she thought she'd never see her again. That took a while.

They went downstairs to wait in the chaotic lobby (there were couches there) while I said goodbye. It would be days before we could even speak to each other on phones that had to get turned on. At least she was able to give me the phone number for the suite. She had to share her phone with the other two girls.

"Tiger...Henry...I'm so frightened. What if I'm not good enough to be here? And what about us? You're going to meet a lot of cute girls there."

"So? You're going to meet some hot guys here. I'm not cheating, and I know you won't either. We just got engaged. Besides, we're madly in love." She held me like I was a life preserver in a rough sea. "And don't even go there about not being good enough. You're as smart as anyone I know. Brilliant. You can hold your own intellectually with anyone. You'll see. I know it. And you know what else?"

"What?"

"You have a single room. I know where I'm going to be every weekend. I've got a roommate. But we'll have every weekend together. My fiance."

She smiled big and wide. "Yeah, we do have that. But I want to visit you sometimes too. So hopefully you'll have some weekends alone there. So I can meet your new friends. Check out my competition" she teased.

"Honey, there is no competition. You're my Dirty Girl, remember?"

"I remember, Nasty Boy." Then we got more somber. "We won't see each other until next Friday. I wish we could have moved in together now."

"One semester, honey. Just one. By the way, we're going to my aunt Lorraine's tonight for dinner. I'll get to see the apartment, though it's not yet ready to live in, from what I know. September we'll be living together."

We hugged and kissed, a big, big kiss. I was giving her strength and confidence, but I was just as uneasy myself. "Henry, you'd better go. They're waiting for you downstairs. If you don't get going, you never will. Call me as soon as your phone gets turned on? Please?"

"Count on it Gracie. As soon as I can. I promise. I love you, honey. With all my heart."

"I love you just as much, Tiger. At least." We kissed a few more times, then I had to go. Had to. It hurt like hell.

I met mom and Edina in the lobby, where they were kind of teary themselves. We went silently to the van and I drove us back to the hotel, just as quietly.

We had enough time to get cleaned up, so I took another shower and while I waited for the mom's, laid back on the big, lonely bed, feeling sorry for myself. It would be days before we could even talk together.

An hour later, I met up with mom and Edina and we caught a cab to my aunt and uncle's brownstone, just off Central Park West. It was dark by then, but the city was beautiful, like no other, even at night. Maybe especially at night, lit up like a Christmas tree. We had a nice dinner with my aunt and uncle and my cousins, who were disappointed Grace couldn't be there. Aunt Lorraine had learned to cook a number of Jewish dishes over the years from her mother in law and she made a brisket of beef with lots of potatoes and carrots and onions. Honestly, it was better than the barbeque style brisket I grew up with.

After dinner, my uncle Bernie took me down to the apartment on the ground floor they used for storage. It had potential. It was spacious, plenty of room for two people, with brick walls and a large window facing the street from the living room with a metal grate to keep out burglers, a small kitchen and dining area behind it, and a decent sized bedroom, along with a bathroom. It would be a perfect starter apartment.

"And Henry, by living here, we could go golfing on weekends when the weather's nice. I belong to a few clubs."

I got uncomfortable. "Uncle Bernie, I, um...I don't have my clubs. I broke them when dad died. I kind of lost my cool. I haven't even played since April. I'm not sure I want to anymore. Not if I can't play with him."

Instead of feeling uncomfortable, he put his arm around my shoulder. "Henry, I understand. I'm never going to force you. I'll ask sometimes but I'll never pressure you. Maybe someday, you'll feel up to it. In any case, by August this place will be ready for you and Grace. You can even join me in the Spring. I can get you a set of clubs if you want. Whatever you want."

I appreciated his offer and his generosity, but I just couldn't see it then. It was still too recent a hurt. I had no interest in golf then.

When we went back to the hotel, the night before I was to move in to my dorm, I felt so alone in that big bed, wondering what Grace was up to, not able to call her. It was a sad night for me, even with being excited about my own start. Nothing could make up for not seeing her for a week. Thankfully I was tired enough to sleep through the night.

The morning was almost the same as the previous morning...except Grace wasn't there. Wakeup call, shower, met with mom and Edina for breakfast that I didn't wat to eat. Mom was much more subdued. She would be going home Monday to an empty house. It was too late to change my plans now.

We got down to Lipton Hall, right on Washington Park West and it was even more hectic than Grace's dorm had been. She was on Broadway, a major avenue. Mine was on a small one way street. I got out on my own while mom and Edina circled until I was ready.

Fortunately, that didn't take long since I wasn't using any scholarship or loans to pay my bills. I was all paid up months ago. I got to the front of a line and was checked in within three minutes, key in hand. I was on the tenth floor of the building. I went out in the street and waved to mom when the van came around. She and Edina did the easy things, the light boxes and small suitcases while I brought up the heavy things, my stereo and TV, and my typewriter and my books. Then mom look out my window, which faced right on Washington Square Park.

"Henry, take a moment and look at this view!" Edina and I joined her at the closed window and took in the sight of an incredible park that we'd seen in movies (mom and I, anyway) but that was nothing like seeing it in person from about 80 feet up. Even though it was cold out, we had to open the window and stick our head out to get the full view. It was like nothing any of us had seen before along with the sounds that were distinctly New York. "Sweetheart, you're going to love it here!" It was something else. But it didn't take my mind off Grace.

Mom and Edina helped me set up my side of the room with personal touches from my boxes, posters and books and framed pictures of my parents and Evelyn, as well as Edina and of course Grace. She had the most prominent place on my desk, where I could see her while I studied.

As we were finishing those personal things and putting my television in a middle place in the room, my roommate, Jose Gomez, a guy from a Queens, NY working class family, got in, there for his second semester. We shook hands and we met each others families, his parents and his two younger sisters. Really nice people. His dad was a City transit worker and his mom a 3rd grade teacher. I went down with him to help bring some of his things up from his parents car, giving us a chance to talk a little.

He was there on a full scholarship, like Grace at Colombia, a smart guy who attended Stuyvesant High School, not far from NYU and an academically challenging school for the city's brightest students. His first semester roommate had been homesick for Nebraska so he didn't return for the Spring semester.

We got his things up to the room, the things that he had brought home over Christmas break. I told him he could use the tv and stereo any time. He had a great record collection to go with my own. We'd be listening to a LOT of music together. And he let me know he went home to see his family about half the time on weekends. Perfect.

After mom and Edina said goodbye to Jose and his family, I went down to the street with them. This was it, the goodbye I'd been dreading. After I got huge hug and kiss from Edina, my second mother, she sat in the van, keeping warm and giving mom and me a few moments of privacy.

I held mom tight, like I hadn't hugged her since I was a child. "Mom, I can't believe it's time. Are you going to be all right by yourself?"

She was teary but not crying. She wouldn't do that in public, in front of strangers. "Henry, it is not your job to worry about me. You know me, I'm a tough woman. I'll be fine. I'll just have to get used to being by myself. And I was thinking. I'm going to join the South Carolina Democratic Club. It's not what it used to be; it's very liberal instead of the old Dixiecrats, not the party of segregation anymore, They're dedicated to changing things. I think it will be good for me."

"I think it will too, mom. If anyone can change our home state, it's you." I let go of her and we looked at each other closely. "I'm going to miss you, mom. A lot."

"Same here, son. Study hard, make your father proud. I know you will. I love you so much, my sweet Henry. My sweet boy." She was starting to cry.

"I love you too, mom. I'll call you as soon as my phone is working. Probably Tuesday night."

"You'd better. I have to go" she said, leaking tears down her cheeks as she hurried into the van. I waved to them both as mom pulled away from the curb. It hit me I wouldn't see either of them for two and a half months.

I got my own composure and went back up to my room, my temporary home. Jose was saying goodbye to his family, less emotional than mine. He would be seeing his family in a couple of weeks and besides, this was the second time he went through this. His mom, Carmen, invited me to come with Jose for a home cooked meal every so often, and I thanked her. I didn't know how that might work out, except maybe during the week. My weekends were booked.

After his family left, Jose and I got to talking more before going downstairs for lunch (there was a dining hall in the building). Over burgers, fries and Cokes we connected and we hit it off. We're still friends 40 years later.

That night orientation started, with meeting the Resident Advisors, the two faculty dorm coordinators and a few other staff, a party planner etc. They explained where we could go buy drinks and snacks and beer (it was legal for 18 year olds back then). They told us 700 freshmen and sophomores resided in this building with coed floors. Each double or triple room had its own bathroom and we were expected to keep it clean. We filled out forms and paid a rental fee for a 3 cubic foot refrigerator, to be delivered the next day. Then another deposit to get our phone turned on. I told Jose I'd take care of both. He wanted to at least take care of the fridge but I felt silly letting him pay. I told him he could buy the first 12 pack of beer for us.

Then there was a getting to know you party in each of the dorms. A couple of kegs were brought in on the ground floor, plus soft drinks and snacks of all sorts. Almost immediately, a very cute girl approached me. VERY cute. Long straight dark hair, silky, with blue eyes and pale skin. Heavy makeup, but in style, dark red lipstick and black eye liner, like for the clubbing scene. She introduced herself as Sumya. I stood up when she came over and shook her hand gently, but with the right amount of firmness. I offered to get her a drink or something to eat. "A gentleman" she said smiling. "I like that in a man." She was flirting big time.

We talked as some great music of all sorts played, from Talking Heads and Blondie to Lou Reed and Bob Dylan, Stevie Wonder, Donna Summer etc. Everyone's taste was represented. I found out she was from a very small town upstate New York and in her sophomore year, here to help with the orientation. I could feel she had me in her sights, so to speak, and I didn't want any misunderstanding.

She was smiling at me with those high cheekbones and sparkling eyes. "Sumya, I think you're a really pretty lady and in other circumstances, I would love to...well, whatever comes to mind with you."

"Other circumstances? Come on, Henry, I'm practically undressing you with my eyes. My hands would be next. What's the problem, are you gay? If you are, fine, we can be friends. But I don't think you are gay."

"No, I'm not. But I am engaged. Her name is Grace and she's at school at Columbia. I'm crazy in love with her and I don't want to do anything that could hurt her."

Sumya took my hand, a soft and sensuous touch. "I actually think that's very sweet, and I respect that. I would say it's just sex and I would never tell, but you sound like you're very serious about this. No problem, Henry. It's kind of nice to meet a man who has a sense of integrity. How long have you been engaged?"

I looked at my watch ostentatiously and said "Four days." I was grinning like it was a big joke.

"Four days? You've got to tell me this story!" She shifted her slim, sleek body so she was facing me on the couch we shared and I told her everything, from Edina being our domestic, my issues with my parents a few years back, how I finally met Grace,... everything. My arrest. My accident. How Grace was with me every step of the way. The only things I didn't talk about was our sexual escapades when we traveled, Bethany, or the party at Chris' house. Nothing of our sexual life. I didn't even tell her about when I cheated on Grace after my father died. Why give her the idea I could be tempted? But over the course of two hours, Sumya got the story of the previous nine months.

At the end, the big party was dying down and kids were heading for their rooms to get some sleep, sleep off the alcohol they drank, or to hook up. There looked to be a lot of that. "So that's our story. Damn, I spent the whole night talking about myself. I didn't find out anything about you."

"Tomorrow night I'll tell you about me. After orientation. I'll stop by your room. It was very interesting, hearing that story. And I'm so sorry about your father. It sounds like he was a good man."

"He was" I said with a sad smile. "The very best sort of man."

We got up to say goodnight. "Henry...are you sure I couldn't invite you to my room? We could just cuddle for the night. Though I would like something more. You're a good looking guy, and you're very interesting." Her brow was raised. I knew if I went there was no way it would be just cuddling.

"Thanks, but I don't think it's a good idea. As I said, I'm in love with Grace. But I'm glad we met. My first friend here at college." I kissed her on the cheek and we said we'd see each other in the morning. Then I went to my room...alone.

Jose was hanging out, reading by his lamp next to his bed. "Yo, Henry, where've you been? Last I saw you, you were talking to a real hot chica."

"I talked to her for a few hours. Really nice girl. Sweet."

"Yeah? So why aren't you with her? I would have cleared out for a couple of hours for you, bro."

"Yeah, thanks, but I told you, I'm engaged to the greatest girl in the world."

"Hey I got a girl back in my neighborhood, Marisol. That doesn't stop me from having my fun here. We're young, man. We're men. We're supposed to have fun!"

"I do have fun, when I'm with Grace. I don't need anyone else."

"Your loss, man. More for me." He shut his lamp and chuckled as he turned over to go to sleep.

"Enjoy, man. I'll stick with my Gracie." I laid on my back, staring up at the strange shadows on the ceiling and listening to the soft traffic sounds outside in The City That Never Sleeps. I hoped to get some sleep myself. But I was really missing Grace. I hoped she was missing me as well.

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The orientation was kind of overwhelming. We walked all around the Washington Square neighborhood, learning where all the classroom buildings were, all mixed into the Greenwich Village neighborhood. We were given maps to help figure out where everything was. They introduced us to the famous landmarks and restaurants, the various dining options on our meal plans, where the athletic center was, with a first class gym and swim center. And we were very close to a lot of music venues of all kinds, from rock clubs to punk, even a few discos, jazz...pretty much anything you could want.

At lunch Sumya found me and we sat together and she introduced me to some people she knew, males and females. Mostly very attractive females. Temptation was going to be all around me all semester long.

That night we had dinner together; I treated her to a fairly good bar-b-que place (nothing nearly as good as back home) and she told me her story. Divorced parents who had a bad relationship. She was glad to be over 200 miles away. Two older sisters she didn't get along with and an older brother she adored. Sumya struck me as an outwardly fun person with a sad personal life. And she had a really good heart. We walked around the neighborhood, which by then she knew well and we stopped in a bar called, I kid you not, Chumley's, an old Speakeasy. You had to know where the entrance was, off a courtyard, with no signage. We had a couple of pints, Black and Tans, talking more while we drank. They we walked back to our dorm. It was cold but it wasn't windy, so with our warm clothes it wasn't too uncomfortable.

When we got back to the dorm we got in the elevator, taking it to my room on the tenth floor, then it would take her to her room on twelve. We were alone and Sumya said "Are you sure you don't want to come to bed with me, Henry? I really like you. You're so much nicer than most of the guys I've met."

"Sumya, honestly, if I wasn't engaged it would be no question. But I am, and it's not just that I feel obligated to Grace. I love her like I can't even begin to describe. She's the world to me. If you want to come to my room for a minute, I can show you her picture." She came with me and we went inside, no Jose there. I offered her a seat and then I showed her my framed picture of Grace.

"Wow, she is stunning. I can see why you don't want to cheat on her."