Doctor Does Diesel

Madison felt like a fraud. She paid little attention to the man sitting before her, other than feeling that he looked familiar when she first laid eyes on him he hadn't been able to pull her mind from wandering to its own devices.

"And how did that make you feel?" She asked him, her voice a monotone. A fraud. A lovesick obsessed woman posing as a therapist.

"I felt upset. I feel like I loved him more than she ever could. I was never given the opportunity to show it, though because he's a coward and she's oblivious."

"She's oblivious?" she asked, the tone of his words breaking her from her reverie. "How so?"

The man gave her a slow smile, sat back in his chair. "She was oblivious throughout the relationship and as far as I can see, she's still pretty damn oblivious."

"In what way, Carlos?"

"She didn't see the man for who he was when she had him, and then when she found out who he was she ran away screaming, blaming everyone but herself."

"Why should she blame herself if the man was deceiving her?"

"Because we are all responsible for our own destinies. We can't go through life failing to look at the details and then lose our shit when things are not what they appear to be."

Madison pondered his words, thought of Diesel. Her phone rang. She glanced at the clock, only a few minutes left in her session.

"Feel free to take that Dr. Attard. I need to be going anyway. Work in an hour. Same time next week?" Carlos asked. He stood. He was tall with tan skin, longish silky black hair and a thick Spanish accent. He leaned over to shake her hand.

"Yes, same time next week Carlos. Square it away with my receptionist before you leave, okay?" He nodded and then she was alone with the ringing phone. She answered it.

"Meet me outside. I have something to tell you," it was Diesel as she'd known it would be.

Outside he sat in his rental with his head bobbing to the beat of the rap she could hear pulsing even when she was a few feet away from the car. She palmed her face and hesitated for a moment, uneasiness settling in her stomach. He looked up suddenly and saw her standing there, and her legs started working again. She slid into the passenger seat and relaxed as his smell invaded her nose.

"Hey there beautiful," he said. He pulled a dozen roses from the backseat and handed them to her. "How's work going?"

"Great!" she said as she put her nose to the flowers. "Thank you Diesel, they're beautiful." And they were, wrapped in gold paper and tied in a blood red bow. She leaned over to kiss him and his tongue was in her mouth instantly. When she pulled away to break the kiss his eyes remained closed.

"So what you have to tell me?" She asked.

"Remember yesterday when you asked me if I still wanted to be a Marine?"

"Yeah and I remember we got, distracted."

"Yeah, distracted," he said casting her a wicked smile. "So, I was thinking about it today. All morning I thought about it right up until I called you. I know why you asked me whether or not I wanted to be a Marine. You asked because essentially, you could get me discharged."

Her heart jumped. "Yes, I could."

"That wouldn't be right though, would it?"

"It wouldn't be wrong, either. You need help Diesel. You have real issues that will cause you to be distracted, or less vigilant and reactive than you need to be with a job like yours. If I got you discharged from the military because of psychiatric reasons, it wouldn't be a stretch."

"So you think I'm that bad?"

"I think you are strong Diesel, and I do think that you would get through another tour overseas, at least I hope so. I couldn't guarantee that, however, and I think that even though you might survive the tour it'll be so hard for you there and it will get so much worse for you there that you'll wish that you hadn't gone. So in a way yes, you're that bad, but you're not damaged."

"I don't feel damaged, either," he said cutting her off and looking away. "I don't feel damaged and I don't think I want to do anything else in the world, but be a Marine."

"What?" She felt like the wind had been knocked out of her.

"I'm a Marine Madison. I grew up wanted to be this strong guy who had everything under control. I wanted to take the world by the balls, barrel through it and tear it to shreds as I went. I did that, I do that. I like guns. I like how sore my fingers get from gripping my weapon to brace against this fear in my guts."

"Diesel, I--"

"Let me finish, Maddy. I like all those things. But at the same time I don't like any of it. I hate the blood sometimes, I hate the gory shit. I wish everything was like a video game, that way I could enjoy fucking up our enemies without having to see real blood and gore."

"Well the world isn't a video game."

"Don't I know it!" He said, whirling to face her. "I know it better than anybody does. None of this is a game. That's why I sorta wish it was. If it was, you'd get to redo things. You get a second chance. But life is real, and I've seen the shit I seen. There's nothing I can do about it but deal with it. Talking to you is cool. I mean, I like telling you some things. It feels good to tell all this shit to someone but there's nothing you can say that will erase the images from my mind and really, that's all I want. It's not gonna happen. They're lodged there." He tapped his temple, smiled at her. "But life goes on, right? I came out of Alabama swingin'. Until I got all emotional I was doing great, everybody knew me, everybody knew I was good under pressure, fearless, they even called me resourceful once. Then I started letting everything get to me."

"You didn't let anything get to you, Diesel. I don't care how strong you think you are, you can't stop this from affecting you. I can help you---but I think you need to wait---"

"Tell me Madison, what's the plan. How do you plan to help me? By making me rehash shit that's better left unsaid? By asking me how I feel about it? I feel pretty shitty about it all. What else is there to know?"

"You need to know how to resolve the issues within yourself. You're right, you'll never forget the horrible things you've seen, but you can be made to be at peace with them."

"I doubt it," he said. "Sounds like a fairytale."

"Let me get you out of this. Out of everything," she said softly. She almost didn't say it at all. She hadn't known him long, but she knew him well enough to feel that her words might not be welcomed.

"Madison, have you been listening to me?"

"Yes! I'm listening to a bunch of fucking---bullshit!" She burst into tears. He couldn't go. She knew she would never see him again. She had to keep him right here by her side.

He gathered her into his arms, palmed the back of her head as she cried into his shirt. He didn't say anything. She pulled away. "Let me help you!"

"All you'd be helping me do is run away from the one thing in my life I'm proud of. You call Sergeant Ford, and you clear me for duty. My place is in the service overseas fighting for my country."

"Just forget me, huh?" The words flew from her mouth.

"Forget you? You're crazy!" He arched his pelvis up in his seat, shoved his hand into his pocket. He produced a ring box; red, velvet. "I would never forget you!" He hopped out of the car and while she sat frozen in the spot, he popped open her door and fell to one knee.

"Madison Louise Attard, will you do me the honor of being my wife?" The wind blew then, and she kept her eyes riveted to his. She smelled him on the breeze, loved the look in his eye. She turned her body to him, placing her feet on the cracked cement of the parking lot on either side of him.

"Marry you, Diesel, you can't be serious."

"Madison Louise Attard. Do me the honor of being my wife. I'm as serious as cancer." The wind blew again.

"My next session doesn't start for an hour. Let's get out of here for a minute," she said.

He nodded. "Here, hold this, and stare at it. Think hard while we drive. I love you Madison. I'd take care of you."

He got back in the driver's seat and started the car. They drove in silence while she did as he'd asked without even thinking about it. She stared at the ring. It put Pete's ring to shame, surprisingly, and it was more her style. The band was encrusted in diamonds, and the single diamond in the glittering setting was clear and large. She could see every facet. "Diesel, this ring, it's gorgeous."

"I know. I had it special made for you."

"What? Diesel you've really thought this through, huh?" He nodded. "How did you afford this?"

"I have quite a bit saved up, I've never been a big spender." He took a sharp turn and they drove down an incline that led into a small park that Madison knew had a bridge and a beautiful waterfall that emptied into a small stretch of river. They parked in a gravel parking area and walked through the wooded area for a while. When they came upon the river she went down to the edge and listened to the water being parted by the rocks.

"You think enough?" He said coming up beside her. There was a breeze suddenly and it smelled of rain, Madison looked up at the sky and tried to find an answer.

"A moment more," she said.

He sat down beside her and linked his arm around her waist. "I never loved anyone so quickly, so don't think I do this all the time," he said.

"I know you're sincere. God knows I wanted to shout yes when you asked. I just think it's too sudden."

"We've been sleeping together. I tell you I love you and you tell me back. What else is there?"

"Sex isn't everything, and love is complicated."

"You're right."

"It's beautiful right here, quiet."

"Isn't it?" He placed a hand on her stomach, tunneled his fingers beneath her shirt.

"Stop Diesel, this isn't the time," she said.

"Who says," he said, shoving his hand under her shirt again.

"Diesel, what's gotten into you?"

He didn't answer, he parted her legs with his knee and laid on top of her, she didn't struggle, and she returned his kiss with gentle enjoyment. He held her left leg up and out, unzipped his pants with the other, worked them low enough so that that his penis sprang free to land heavily against her stomach. Madison unbuttoned her own pants, sat the ring box in the grass.

He entered her with little interlude and he fucked her harder than usual, grinding his pelvic bone against her clit. "You sure are wet," he said as the sound of plane engines cropped up on the breeze.

"Diesel, that plane sounds low," she said breathlessly as she stared up into the overcast sky. He didn't reply, he worked himself out of his jeans entirely and raised up on his forearms began to assail her with softer, yet body rocking strokes that moved her up the grassy incline where they laid entwined.

"That planes getting lower, and we're pretty close to the airport," she said, not exactly sure of what she was worried about.

"It'll be fine, do you feel that or not," he asked, leaning away from her while he drove his hips into her. He tossed her legs to one side and gripped her right breast in his hand.

"I feel it," she all but shrieked. The plane was getting closer, though. Diesel grabbed her left leg and rose up to his haunches, he pressed her ankle to his face and kissed the indention above the arch of her foot.

"Diesel, oh my gosh," Madison shrieked. The plane was red with a yellow tail and wings, and the banner behind it repeated the question in bold red letters. "Diesel, are you fucking kidding me?"

"What's the problem?" He asked, not losing the rhythm of his stroke. "Hold on a sec," he said. He slid out of her and then buried his face between her legs. Madison barked a laugh that turned into a moan and though it was hard she kept her eyes on the plane and the banner behind it. "Madison, will you marry me?" It read. It was gone before too long, but it still sounded close. Diesel lifted her from the grass and held her against a mossy tree, cocked on leg up, wrapped the other around his waist.

"So, what do you say now?" He asked, his voice raspy. She was unable to speak for a moment, she paused to adjust to the feel of him inside of her.

"You're giving me the whole thing?" She asked him, staring down between them to take in the sight of his large member disappearing completely into her quivering pussy, a feat they didn't often perform.

"You're taking that dick like a pro, too," he whispered in her ear.

They shared a joke that she was not always up to taking his entire length and girth, she usually topped out at three-fourths. Today, she felt every inch, and as a result she could barely speak. But she could see. Another plane flew by.

"Diesel, you really put a lot into this, huh?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. I don't see anything."

"You've had your back to it the whole time!" She said laughing. "Another plane is coming. This one says, 'No one's gonna love you like I do. Marry me, Madison'."

"Wow, that plane's got the right idea," he said, pausing his strokes long enough to cast her a crooked grin. The rain started then, it came down in buckets. Madison disengaged herself from Diesel and walked on weak legs to where the ring box lay. She opened it, and handed it to him. He got down on one knee, his face and hair already soaked by the rain.

"Madison Attard, will you marry me?"

"After all that, how could I say no. I love you, Diesel, and yes I'll marry you," she said. He grabbed her, kissed her neck, pretended to toss her into the river which bubbled and flowed faster now that the rain had started. He ripped her shirt open, buttons sprayed around them, and took his time licking both heavy globes. He entered her again on the river bank, and their wet bodies slid against one another through raging torrents of rain that stopped abruptly. The sun came out, the clouds cleared, and they lay entwined, Diesel's mind blank and content, Madison's thoughts moving a mile a minute as she held her hand up to the sun and watched the sunlight glint off her engagement ring.