Shame

I want to thank everybody for the response to Shame. The numbers are low but the written response was more than enough. I want to continue the ride with Torrie and Ignacio. I have where I want it to go, I can't wait till I get to those points in the story. What is happening right now is leading up to the accident. The actual accident won't happen for a couple of chapters, at least. It will depend on how I want to play with it. I had thought about switching between present and past but, nah. I don't know if this chap. is as exciting as the first but it serves a purpose. I know everybody doesn't like the subject of cheating...You may like Torrie even less after this chapter. Those who don't mind, enjoy. As always feedback is welcomed, Thanks guys :D

*****

Do you think you know who I am, now? Are you judging me? Am I sad, desperate? Trust me, you are thinking no more than all the things I had called myself. I promised to start the next day off with a clean slate.

I walked around my office like nothing in me had changed. Nobody had spray painted whore on my door. I spoke to people and smiled like everything was okay. No one looked at me different. I went on with my work and tried to stay positive. I tried to push what happened the night before out my mind. My upset stomach was another reminder, tequila. I popped some Alka-seltzer in my water and skipped the coffee.

My attempts to stay focused were feeble. I kept replaying what I had seen in the mirror. The images flashed like a picture show popping up randomly, while I was trying to concentrate. I pressed speaker to call my assistant. I had to fix the error from yesterday there was no time for this. Yesterday...

Ignacio ripping my bra apart

"Jen, could you bring me the reports for the sales that were done two weeks ago?" I put my hands to my temple. I was trying to massage away the images.

Ignacio's head between my thighs, "Oh" slipped from my throat.

"Here they are, did you say something else Torrie?" Natasha walked in and looked up from the stack of papers with a raised eye brow.

Ignacio's tongue tracing back up my body right before he...

"No, not at all, thanks. I will take these two weeks. Can I count on you for the first two? They were slower for intake, I know you can handle it." I was hot all over, I began fanning myself.

"Of course! Thanks for trusting me". She smiled and walked out, leaving me alone with my torture.

I needed to get a grip. I went to the restroom to splash water in my face. I could see Ignacio's ass flexing in the mirror as he slammed into me.

Come on, focus. It was a mistake, you can't go back. That is what I told myself, but my body was begging me to. Jen walked in and gave me a worried look. Did I look that bad, I gave myself a once over. My hair was straight and neat. My gray wool suit pants were pressed, and my white shirt was clean. The only thing that was an indication something was wrong, was my tired eyes. As well as the harried look on my face, dead giveaway.

"Torrie? Are you ok? I'm sorry my mess up is making extra work for us. I know this has put us behind."

"Jen, its fine. I am fine, my stomach is just a little upset. This is not about you. We talked about it yesterday and I said everything that needed to be said," I tried to smile. Jen looked like a sad porcelain doll. Her family was from the Philippines and at first glance it was hard to tell her ethnicity. Her slim face was full of worry. We were the same height; I looked her in the eye. "We just have to get on our grind and make sure it doesn't ever happen again." We walked together back towards my office, passing the reception desk on the way.

"Ms. Du Rone, " The receptionist called. "Mr. Lancaster would like to see you in his office. I had just left you a message."

Jen gave me a worried look. Nothing good, in the present circumstances would come from that meeting. Mr. Lancaster was my boss; we hadn't spoken about the error yet. I told Jen to pick up where I left off with the checks.

Upstairs was what I expected. I didn't get in too much trouble though I got scolded. He mainly focused on Jen, they wanted her out. I told him she had improved and I would work with her. He told me, the company couldn't afford another avoidable error. I needed to fire her once he got the ok from the regional office. My mood was sour the rest of the day. I tried not to take it out on Jen. The situation at work had successfully pushed Ignacio out my head for the time being.

I didn't think about it again until I passed Pappasitos on the way to dinner...

*****

As we kissed I felt so much better. This was right. He was safe. I belonged, and I wasn't breaking a commandment. The was the other reason I was the lowest of the low. I broke the kiss pulling back from my man. My actual man not the one that belonged to someone else. I felt like I had on a scarlet letter. Any minute he would ask me some question to make me blurt out I cheated.

"What's wrong with you?" James looked concerned. The candle between us flickered in his eyes and his brow furrowed. With the dim lighting in the place, it made his face stand out. I didn't really want to look at him.

"Nothing, I'm just relieved to be around you." I gave my best smile. I feared the 2 showers weren't enough. I had showered that night, and this morning. But around James, guilt was making me crazy. I could swear he breathed in a deep breath and smelled another man on me. He was going to call bullshit.

"You know I know you T, you seem nervous. Something is going on in there." he reached out and touched my forehead. I smiled again.

"Just work. They want me to fire Jen, you know, my assistant. Apparently the mess up with pay role was her last strike. I never wanted to do that, fire someone. It's coming I can't even say anything to her, not until everything is final. I feel like an ass." This was true. As I came down from the high from last night, the unpleasantness continued at work. I was told what I was dreading. I liked Jen, she was sweet. She just needed to pay more attention to detail. I would have loved to work with her; but in this economy the higher ups felt like they didn't have to wait. They could get someone more efficient begging for a job and they were right.

"Baby, when you got this promotion you knew this was part of the job. Its business, not personal. Doing your job doesn't make you a bad person." James had gotten up and moved over to my side of the table to comfort me. His hand was on my knee caressing it, his look full of understanding.

Does fucking a married man make me a bad person? Or just the fact I cheated on you is enough? The thoughts in my head were on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to pull away from his touch. Instead I tried to push the previous night from my mind. Maybe I can be good and put it behind me.

James was not perfect, but he was good. We were good together. I was a smart ass and he was sweet. I was a little wild and he was sensible. We were like puzzle pieces; I figured I was happy. I mean, I was happy. My slip up meant nothing to me. I loved James and I would never hurt him on purpose. I let him talk me up as we ate in one of my favorite places, Carrabba's on Kirby. He picked it because he knew I liked it. See how good he is? I knew he would want to make love that night and I would not deny him. Though I insisted we go to his house. I was paranoid he would know what happened if he stepped in my space.

James was a good looking man. Like many black people I knew in Houston including myself, he had family in Louisiana. But, he, looked like he had come straight out of a Creole fantasy. He had skin like buttermilk, thick wavy black hair and a straight nose. He stood 6'3, built like a ball player. He was everything I wanted. I will admit it was his looks that first got my attention. We met at a mixer for black professionals. My back was turned his direction but, I saw the reactions from the group of woman I was talking to. Someone even said damn. I had to turn to look, I then said my own damn. He asked the group if he could borrow me for a dance. From that moment I knew he would be the man I married. We complimented each other so well. Now, It was hard to even look in his eyes. They were brown like the other...But I had to, he was here first.

James always said he loved my darker skin. Being in the south I could have had a skin complex. My eyes are what gave me more problems than my skin. At 5'4 I was definitely short compared to him. I also had some curves on me. I stayed in the gym to make sure they didn't get out of control. I fluctuate between sizes 6 and 8. I have one of those weird bodies for clothes, in something's it was a 6 and others it's a 8. James loved my body, and he loved I stayed in the gym. Sometimes I wondered what would happen if I stopped going.

When it came to our making love, it was like clockwork. Not in a bad way. It was like my favorite foods, comforting. I loved his touch. When we had time, he would start from my calves up to the top of my head. That night hurt the worst because it was so tender, like a plea. He said he missed me so much. He seemed to know he could lose me. He undressed me, then himself. Then he laid me on the bed kissing me all over. Kissing my nipples, he sucked on my skin tender. I was grateful for the lights off. I had forgotten about the mark until his lips touched it. I winced in pain, how disgusting. I can't do this. I wanted to just leave but I couldn't, why should James have to suffer? Honestly, my body was ready for more sexual contact. I would not let him taste me though. Not where another man had been, not yet a full day before.

"Baby, not tonight. I just need to feel you inside me" I whispered pulling his head up. That was my cover, partly true. I needed to know he could still fill me like before. I would know then nothing was lost; I wouldn't be craving another man. I had a brief hesitation. The old women use to always say men could tell. That it would feel different to a man when someone else had been in their women. Was that true? I pressed my hands to his chest to delay him. I couldn't do this I couldn't take- He pushed forward into me against my hands. I gasped. It still made me catch my breath, so now I could breathe in relief.

It was slower. My hands were in his hair and his arms under me, as we kissed. I felt our hips meet as he pushed every inch into me. He was hitting my spot. I gave out a long cry wrapping my hands around him, squeezing him tight. Nothing but the moon coming through his large windows was illuminating us. He pushed my left leg up, slightly picking up his pace while grinding into me. The sight of his silhouette turned me on. "James, shit."

My leg started to tremble I felt the sensation rising up through my leg. We are still here I thought. This is what I want. James hooked my leg in his arm as he leaned down to kiss me. He pushed my knee further back, closer to my face and him deeper inside. I climaxed and my legs turned to jelly. He rolled me over so I could ride him to his own end. I gave all the energy I had left moving my hips in tight circles. I placed my hands on his chest for leverage. I began to raise my ass and then crash back down onto his dick. We came together and I moved to lay on his hairless chest. I was in his arms in a bed; not some random restroom floor. I was somebody's woman. Not some whore to be used in public. I drifted off to sleep feeling better than last night. I would do right by James.

*****

I didn't go to the gym for a week, which is big for me. I usually go four times a week. I ran at the park instead. It was safe there, I was constantly moving. Not stuck in one place where someone could stare at me for long periods of time. I wanted to act like nothing had happened. I started falling into my routine again. The next week I went to the gym closer to my house, instead of the one by my job.

As always life made sure it would get the drama it wanted. Just when I was back comfortable in my life, a wretch got thrown in it. The third week, the gym by my house had a pipe burst in the steam room. It went into the walls causing mold in the locker rooms. They were closing it down for the week to clean and fix everything. The sign on the door said we were welcome to use the other locations. Of course we were. The next close gym was the one by my job, he one where HE worked out.

I could have made a better decision. I could have ran twice a week, then the gym on the days I was by James. He had one semi close to his house. But no. I guess part of me wanted to prove a point to myself. No one could run me from anywhere and I had self control.

I stepped into the gym and scanned the area quickly. I sighed with relief, I didn't see him.

Maybe I was catching a break. I did my cardio then cut it short. I really needed to focus on the weight machines. Today was upper body, I was on my triceps when I felt the stare. It felt like my back was on fire. Shit. I shouldn't have stepped foot in here if I was serious. I knew better, what is going on with me? You could have avoided this, you know you could've; you didn't have to come here.

You must want it...

No! I refused to look, and as long as I stayed away from corners I was good. Around all these people I would be alright. I concentrated my work out. Eventually Ignacio crossed into my line of vision. I couldn't tell if it was on purpose. He had come out the steam room talking with two other men. His body was covered in sweat and he had taken off his shirt. I saw a drop trickling down the line of hair on his abs that led to his abdomen. My eyes followed it till it went past his loose gym shorts. I wanted to lick it up with my tongue; I felt so dirty. I squeezed my thighs together like my pussy was going to call out to him. I tore my eyes away. I tried to ignore him as I moved to the ab machine.

When I came up from my crunch, one of the other men was looking at me. He then, shook his head and turned back to Ignacio, who smiled and shook his. What the hell? Is this motherfucker telling his gym buddies what happened? At that moment the other friend looked and waved with a leer. Anger began to boil inside me as my eyes began to water.

Did I deserve this for what I had done, shame and humiliation? Was this high school? This time the farfetched rumors would be true. Damn that, true or not what kind of man goes around gossiping? I may not even have a right to be mad, but I was mad as hell. He was going to get the cursing of his life, a broken nose, and then I would never step foot in this gym again. I was even thinking of having my brother or a cousin beat him down. Yes, we can take it back to high school.

They glanced at me again and I was going to explode. He seemed so sincere, but don't be dumb Torrie. How sincere can a cheating man be? I finished my reps in a hurry. I was about to make a bee line for him. I stopped and decided it was best to get my belongings, to make a quick exit. I was ready to rip him a new one. I hurried and changed; didn't want him to leave before I got my chance to go off. I could shower at home.

When I rounded the corner of the dressing room, I saw him standing on the other side of the walk way. Perfect, the only people who could see us, were the guys on the basket ball court. They were busy with their game. I could get a knee to the balls in first.

"You motherfucker, you are telling people?! Laughing with your friends you piece of shit! I regret everything. I won't be talked about where I have to show my face!" I yelled through my teeth. My knee connected with his groin. He bowed down grasping my shoulder for support. I shook him off. I wanted him to go down to his knees. He didn't, almost like he refused.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he coughed looking up at me with a red strained face.

"I saw you talking with your friends. Y'all kept looking at me laughing, leering, you think I'm stupid? All a woman has is her reputation, you fucking bastard." I was trying not to cry but my angry tears began to fall. Women were coming out the locker room trying to ignore us. Some guys on the court had looked up when they noticed Ignacio go down.

I didn't have the strength to punch him anymore. I just walked out the gym as fast as I could wiping my face. Why did this guy always get me emotional? I had only spoken to the man twice and both times it was heated. Both times I ran away and he followed. This time a little slower than the last, he was slightly limping. Good I could smile at that.

"Wait Torrie wait! I didn't! Torrie, I didn't!"

As I was fumbling with my keys, he had time to catch up. I hit the alarm and opened the door. It was too late, he had made it up to me. Ignacio slammed the door and snatch my keys out my hand. "What's wrong with you?! You don't have the right to take my keys!" My knee went up again, but this time he was protecting himself. I had no space; he had me pressed against my door

"You will listen," his eyes burned into mine, his face was still full of color. He looked even more menacing with a hood pulled over his head. The shadow made his brown eyes seem darker. I stopped fighting, breathing hard I gave the meanest face I could. "You will listen to what I have to say AND let me finish. Instead of jumping to crazy conclusions and running like a little girl!" He grabbed my chin with his other hand.

"Fuck you!" I said still looking in his eyes my back pressed against the car. I struggled to turn my head from his touch.

"You did, it was the best sex of my life..." He smirked slightly and let my face go. Then his face went back serious. "I didn't tell a soul. I wouldn't do that to you or me for that matter." I wanted him to stop looking in my eyes I saw something in them when he mentioned our sex. God help me.

"Then why were you looking? You think I am an idiot? You guys were talking about me." I had lowered my voice. The force I had before was gone. He was making me feel small.

"That is true, we were talking about you. Not about that, they know nothing of what happen between us. You are a beautiful, sexy woman. People notice you, my friends noticed you as I did. We have had light discussions about you is the past. They were remarking on how you showed back up at the gym. You haven't been here in 2 weeks. You have been avoiding me..." He looked down at that last statement.

"I have. I want to forget you and what happened that night." I shivered. It was the last day of November, so it had finally gotten cold in Texas. I still wasn't certain what had caused my shiver, the cold or him. "You may not care about being unfaithful, but I do. I have a boyfriend who I'm probably going to marry. I won't let you fuck up my karma." I made to push him off me, his heavy body finally gave.

"You have a boyfriend? " I saw jealously flash in his eyes. It was quick, if I had blinked at that moment, I would have missed it. The nerve of him being jealous, it was laughable.

I rolled my eyes looking up into the skies gray overcast. "Yes I do. What? You thought I would be your own personal sex doll? Get over yourself. You know nothing about me." I pressed back against him reaching for my keys.

"Torrie... I know I have no right to ask anything or expect anything from you. But I can't get what happened out my mind. I know you can't either." He pressed me back on my car. "I know it has been driving you crazy; like I have been going crazy. Thinking about me taking you again, anywhere we feel like." I felt his hands rubbing against my mound through my sweats. I hoped they were thick enough to hide my wetness. I had been wet since he first pushed me against the car; even more so when he called me a little girl. Please, let them be thick enough. My body began to betray me as a moved against his finger, I spread wider.