When the knock vibrated through her apartment she sat up and tried to stop the room from spinning. She slid her glasses on and wrapped herself in her robe and answered the door, disorientation made her forget to even look through the peephole.
"Didn't think you were going to answer when you saw who it was," Pete said stepping through the threshold and then standing awkwardly in front of her. Madison sighed and shut the door, her insides seized in his presence and she shook her head at him.
"Had I looked through the peephole I guarantee you wouldn't have gotten inside. What are you doing here?"
"Last night, things didn't go as planned," he began. He walked past her and took a seat on the edge of her couch.
"I'm sure it didn't, I didn't agree to front for you at that party."
"That's not all I'm talking about, Madison. I don't want us to hate one another. I want us to be cordial, civil at least."
"How adult of you," Madison took a seat on the couch as well, a safe distance from Pete who had her completely on edge. She couldn't believe she'd let him in, being half awake and hung-over had really done a number on her judgment.
"Listen Madison, there's nothing I can say that will take the hurt out of what happened between us, and I can't tell you enough how sorry I am. I only hope that I can fix things between us so that we can at least be friends, you have forgiveness in your heart, I know it."
"I do, but it remains to be seen whether I have any in there for you. You're rushing all of this anyway. I need more time, you literally just blew my world apart last week. Don't I deserve time to be mad at you? I'll get over it but I guarantee it won't be any time soon."
"Fair enough," Pete said. Silence drifted between them for a few moments. "I--I broke it off with Hector."
"Hector? So your lover has a name."
"Yes, I, care for him but after you caught us the mere sight of him reminded me of how I'd hurt you. I could barely look him in the eye."
"And you're telling me this because?"
"I'm telling you because--I could always talk to you before about any and everything, and that's a hard habit to break. I don't deserve your ear but if I could have it for a few minutes even--"
"You are a piece of work, Pete. I can't believe you have the audacity to ask anything of me." Madison stood and walked to the window, parted the curtains and stared out at Pete's car, a silver Jaguar parked crooked at the curb.
"I know. I know. But I'm hurting too Madison. I made a mistake, a lot of them. I lied to you about who I really was, but I was lying to myself too. I didn't want to admit to myself that I was a homosexual. I was embarrassed, horrified."
"For how long...how long were you sleeping with Hector, for how long did you know that you had these feelings for that matter?"
"I--had been seeing Hector for about seven months," Pete said. Madison couldn't turn around. Her eyes left Pete's car and focused on the sky, blue with a few white clouds drifting slowly by. "I've known I was gay since college. But I never acted on it before Hector. I was faithful to you up until I met him."
"I don't know why I didn't know. You never touched me. I thought you were a gentlemen. My mother convinced me that it was all because you were such a gentlemen. Boy was she off." Madison pulled her robe tighter about herself and closed her eyes against a sudden wave of lightheadedness. "I thought you wanted to wait until we were married. I'd never even seen your--dick until the day I caught you with him. How could I have been so stupid?"
"You weren't stupid. You are trusting. You had no reason to assume that I was--how I am. Please, just don't blame yourself. Don't blame yourself for my mistake."
"How can I not? I was too stupid to see all of the signs. I was head over heels for you, Pete, and to have all that ripped from my chest after I saw you with that man, there's a gaping hole left."
"I know, I understand. But don't do anything stupid to fill it."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"The guy from the bar. I saw you leave with him."
"And, what concern is it of yours?"
"Madison, I still care about you, I always have, I still love you, even. I don't want you to ruin your life because of what I did."
"Pete, my life is already ruined. There's nothing else I can do to ruin it further," Madison was about to ask him to leave when the doorbell rang. She didn't make the same mistake twice, and her heartbeat quickened when she looked through the peephole and saw him standing on her stoop, his eyes shadowed by a baseball cap.
"Shit," she cursed to herself. Her hand went to the doorknob, and she turned it but didn't pull the door open.
"Who is it?" Pete asked standing.
"It's--you need to go, I'll be fine and I won't do anything stupid, I've done enough stupid things to last me a lifetime honestly. I know what I need to do and I'll do it and not because of what you said or what you think, but because it's the right thing."