Almost an Obsession

Purging Seth from my thoughts...

I am internally screaming. What a dick and such an insensitive thing to do. To me. Haven't heard a peep from him this whole week and then he does this. Damn it.I really wanted to punch him but instead I rolled my eyes, put my car into reverse and went back to work. Screaming all kinds of curse words, the whole way, all the while my phone is ringing, I know it's him but I ignored it. The boss was surprised to see me back so soon I quickly gave the excuse of working towards a great weekend and that I did.

With so much gusto I kept my ass busy and away from reading my phone messages for the next few days. By the middle of the following week, I had my sisters coming by to check up on me because I wasn't answering my phone. I never got into the details of who I was seeing with them but they knew I wasn't the type to share unless I wanted to.

They also knew I was bad company and after maybe ten minutes of sign of life and light conversation they left. That night I cried and the following day, yep, I cried too.

I cried so much that first month, ughhh.

When I thought I had a moment to myself, getting back to me in the second month of purging Seth out of my system. There's a hard knock at my door, I check the peephole and it's Seth.

I sigh, fuck, really?!!

Go to hell is what I should have said, instead the words 'what do you want?' I inquire in anger through the door.

Yes, McKenzie, that's going to get rid of him.

"Didn't you get my messages? Why aren't you answering your phone? Can I come to talk about this?" Seth pleads.

"Did you really have to ask? No!"

"McKenzie, could you please open the door so I can fully explain myself since you're not going to answer your phone when I call."

Of course, I DIDN'T want to open the door.

"Please." He pleads.

I can see him leaning against my door, looking so pitiful. I opened the door and I let him in.

Seth immediately took his shoes off and stood in the middle of my living room looking both remorseful and refreshed. I was hoping he'd lose a few inches from his height and get a growth on his back but he's still as lean and wiry. His black hair is longer and bone straight, cut strategically around his face long on one side, short on the other. Looks like he took great care of himself before coming to see me.

I know what you're doing Seth, I must remain strong. I'm regretting inviting him inside my home.

We stand there facing each other and Seth's clearly on the defense but doesn't say a word and I'm getting annoyed by the second. I told him to talk, clear his conscience or whatever he needed to say.

"McKenzie, I'm sorry, it was stupid. I should have told you the kind of relationship Kimberly and I have. We're together but not exclusively together. She always takes these breaks from the relationship and then when we get back together, she has me meet the guy she was with so there isn't any misunderstanding."

She has him

meet

the guy she previously sleeps with? What the...

He took a step towards me and I naturally stepped back.

Raising my hand in front of me, "Stop, stay right there. Do not move." I stated, because I can't trust my emotions. It was a nuisance. I'm thinking about how beautiful and bright his hazel eyes are, and how I can remove his spirit from his body.

Seth nods his head, "But are you listening to me? I told her you're different, I feel different and I'm different around you but she insists I get a hold of you for coffee." He shoves his hand into his back pocket and sighs, "I can't seem to shake her off from me about it but yeah. I finally did it, I called you. If you had let me finish that afternoon at

Starbucks,

maybe things would have ended differently."

"Different badly." I sarcastically replied as I rolled my eyes.

"I AM SOOO glad I practice safe sex with you Seth. This girl can do whatever it is she wants with whomever and know when things don't work out, you're right there waiting for her."

I'm disgusted and I want to go for his jugular, "You're not for me Seth and that's not the kind of lifestyle I want. You're obviously back with your girlfriend and I'm not waiting for you for the day she gets bored with you so you can freely rebound with you."

I cross my arm and frown while I think about their b.s of an arraignment and I didn't see Seth approach me and completely invade my space. He places his hand on my cheek and smile that sweet smile of his and I nearly fucking melted. He leaves a trail of kisses on my shoulders, my neck, and my temple. His hands caressing me while he whispers, I'm sorry, I miss you, I need you over and over again. His lips and hands reignite a familiar feeling my body craves. He begs me to touch him, to feel how much he misses me.

Each word he whispered pulled me that closer towards him. I couldn't think because my brains communicate with my pussy and they agreed to feel all of that and enjoy it and fuck, I did.

But HOLD on, don't give up on me yet. I really did end things with Seth. Trust me, it took a lot of willpower to push him off of me. I opened my front door and politely told him to get the hell out. Close the door right on his 'I'm sorry.'

Listen, I'm not an idiot, nor am I second to anyone's emotions.

After a while and I mean not responding to his calls and texts and yes, he did both - excessively, they finally got less frequent to none at all.

Four months and haven't cried, was I finally free of Seth? Well, not quite. When I had those intense urges to send him a text, I'd pull out my vibrator instead and think of him that way. Yes, that dickmatize withdrawal is serious. Go on, judge me. I'm human, don't care.

Give it a rest Thomas

If you thought I was hung up on Seth (and I was) well Thomas is with me and I had no idea why. I gave him no indication of anything more than sex. those two horrible times. Believe me I don't even want to think about those times but I do when he'd call and I'd shudder.

The first time he barely went down on me but expected me to finish him off. Two pumps in and then pulls out wanting me to finish him off with my mouth. I didn't even get to cum, the fucking audacity.

The second time; same thing like the first. Barely worked my pussy before asking for my mouth to finish him off. I walked out in disgust. Left him standing there with his pants down his knees.

His message was almost the same:

Hey sweet thing

=internally cringe=

I'll be in town on such and such date, let's meet up. Promise to be attentive.

I never respond.

Back then when Thomas came into town, I'd let him know If I can make it. One pair in particular belongs to his friend Leo, who I thought is named James, Simon, something when first meeting him. I wasn't sure of his name at the time but it's Leo and he's important, trust me.

Some things I do know about Thomas. He is all about even numbers, all the time. He owns his own airplane and flies into Vegas every second and fourth weekend of the month, with the same entourage he mixes it up but it always seems to be the same two or four and 'guest'. The 'guest' always changes but the two, four remain the same. I've seen them but never really fully integrated myself in his circle of friends but we've always been polite with each other especially Leo. He's cool and always says hello to me.

At first Thomas would be okay if I couldn't make it to practically calling and pleading for me to see him and things with Thomas eventually got messy

During those summer months of

purging of Seth

, Thomas reaching out to me were consistently mixed in with calls from Seth and I'd delete both, however I would occasionally and politely send Thomas a text of my being busy with work or family, friends and it would be best for him to focus on himself. I was not leading that man on.

Twice Thomas sent me an unsolicited dick pic and I was t off. It was so random; I didn't ask for it and I was annoyed by it.

First time he did I told him he is a grown ass thirty-four-year-old.

Second time I replied back with

">:/! "

He was smart enough to ask me if I wanted a dick pic the third time but I said no,thanks.

And guess what?! Seth sent me an unsolicited dick pic too and how he bet I was missing it.

Not really and not as much.

The day I rejected a dick pic I didn't hear from Thomas for a few days and it was GREAT for me but Thomas got some kind of rule or something because that man would send a text every two, four or six days. They'll be really sweet too. Those kind words of aspiration, inspiration or quotes to live by but slowly they'd become texts of desperation and would always end with "I miss you, "when can I see you again?" Even adding sad faces.

Until one day I sent him a

Fine, let's meet up but no sex

. I know he didn't like that but he gave no indication just a great and a smiley face.

That weekend we are to meet up Thomas flew in on that fourth weekend with his usual four.

I explained to him earlier that morning about my unavailability to meet him at Atlantic LAS due to working offsite but being at MGM for check in. He instructed me to pack a bag and spend the weekend on the strip with him and I toiled on the idea before telling myself no. I know what he was doing, anything to get into my panties. I have to applaud his game.

There are six of us in total, three men, three women. As he hastingly made the re- introduction at check in, I listened closely to Thomas' conversation with the front desk. It seems Thomas booked the Penthouse and it's fucking comped for the weekend. Ah, I get it, Thomas is a whale.

I never ask Thomas what it is that he does for a living but I'm somewhat curious but not that invested. I'm more pressed on my being in close quarters with this man and I wasn't for that. I cleared my throat not too keen on the idea, he turned and wink back at me. Jokes on him, I didn't pack a bag, so there were no plans for me to stay.

I voice my concern of staying with them over the weekend with an excuse about work, having to leave early and not wanting to wake anyone up. It was a botchy excuse but I rambled on and on as these five pairs of eyes stared back at me. Now, I think my excuse is working until Leo starts to laugh and Thomas other friend, whose name I forgot, slaps Thomas on the back and says, "Man, no dice for you."

Thomas faces me, I'm looking at him, everyone else is watching us, the front desk trying to act busy but clearly in our business are also watching us and then I smile and go "Hell with work, let's enjoy this."

We, of course, explode into a 'quiet discussion like argument' in the Penthouse, which is on the thirty second floor, see even number, regarding the sleeping arrangement. You know the kind, very quiet so his friends don't hear but they are listening. I didn't want to sleep with him and I told him this. I've been telling him this for a long time now and honestly the whole thing is getting exhausting. His friends as it turns out are friends, no one is romantically involved, suggest us, women on one side and the guys on the other thus making the sleeping arrangement uncomplicated.

...Hooray!

Perfect but sensing tension in the air I recommend we all take a shot to get the festivities going and to clear the un comfortability around us. By the third shot we were all relaxed and ready to get things going.

Cherline asked what it is I do and I told her.

"Me too, well, I used to be an assistant but I'm engaged now and my fiance made me quit."

Cherline leans forward to show me her ring

"Wow, that's gorgeous, why didn't he come?"

"He had an important meeting," she huffs, "He's always working this time in Hong Kong but he promises he'll come out for the next trip."

"Speaking of Hong Kong," Cherline turns to face Leo, "How are things going with the program?"

Long forgotten, I sat back on the sofa and listened to conversations about mergers, and addendums and circuit chips. Everything was going well; it was going great. Thomas had a private table reserved for ten that evening and we got ready. I waited for my turn to get ready. Once it was my turn for the bathroom, I took my sweet time getting dressed.

Doing the bare minimum with my relaxed hair I had dyed a deep burgundy color. I thought about adding curls but changed my mind using their curling iron and left it alone. I paired my black dress with silver earrings, a bracelet and black red bottom heels. I did take great care with the makeup especially around my eyes and done. For added measure I face the mirror, raise my phone in the air and take a picture and tweet the picture to my twitter and myspace.

As we all made our way out the door, I hung back to take a call from my sis, told her I'm good, I don't know what made me say what I said but I mentioned I didn't plan on staying because of the way Thomas had me. She wants to know who this Thomas is and I wasn't about to go into detail. I just said a friend from the west coast, and couldn't stay long on the phone but might give details about him over brunch. I hung up and did this long ass sigh.

"That bad huh?"

It's Leo and I don't give him a response, instead I take him in and He. Is. Gorgeous.

Wow! I was so focused on trying to enjoy the evening, avoiding Thomas and the predicaments we're in, I nearly missed what's in front of me.

Leo is a gorgeous man, he had his hair comb back in a strategically, messy pompadour and the look complemented his strong jawline and high cheekbones but it's the eyes for me. Always the eyes. His onyx eyes scream alluring, sexy and come hither. You'd almost forget the clothes staring into his eyes... ALMOST, ok because the simplicity of his black suit at first glance is misleading. An impeccable fit that exudes a rough around the edge's vibe with that textured dazzle jacket and square diamond lapel pin. Everything about Leo, in his suit, screams smooth operator.

I know my mouth is open, I'm speechless. I'm about to compliment him when my phone chimes then another and another right after.

I look down and they're texts from Thomas wondering where I was.

"When he takes a liking to someone, he wants it all, their time, energy and space. You're just going to have to find time to explain to him that you're not into him." Leo advises as he places his watch on his right wrist.

That sounds unhealthy but still I say nothing, I'm staring at him.

"What?" He asked in concern, "Is there something on me?"

"No," I shake my head, "You're perfect." I whisper my response all breathlessly.

Leo laughs and I go straight mush seeing him blush like that.

"Well, I think you're perfect too."

It's faint but I felt that thump in my heart go and I blink a few times, "Oh! Thank you."

Now, I'm blushing and full-on giggling too.

Stop that right now, McKenzie I tell myself.

We walk down the corridor to the private elevator and every time I steal glances at him, I'm full on enjoying the view. We bumped into Thomas off the elevator, he was on his way up to see what was taking me so long.

The private room had a few other players already engaged in play at their table. Our reserve blackjack table was in the center, six seats.

Thomas whispered in my ear, "Don't worry about a thing, I want you to have fun."

I nod my head, "ok." Thinking nothing of it.

Thomas takes a seat on the far left, having me sit to his right, Leo takes the seat next to me followed by his other friends, Jasmine, Cherline and forgot his name.

The waitress came over and took our drink orders and then I watched the dealer count out and slid a stack of blue and pink, brown and white, and pink and yellow chips in front of us.

This feeling of overwhelming hits me and I want to ask what amount each chip was but Thomas laughs it off and tells me to have fun.

They all wait for me to place my bet, the dealer staring and blinking at me. I glanced at both Thomas and Leo bets. Thomas had four pink and yellow on his and Leo also had four chips of the same color on his bet line, I placed one on mine.

Off to a great start; Thomas Leo and I pushed on the first, Cherline won and I forgot his name and Jasmine lost. I kept my bet the same, that lone pink and yellow.

I am familiar with blackjack so I knew what numbers to split on, I did quite a few of those, double down on others. There were push, insurances and lost hands but slowly that stack of pink and yellow were adding up.

The dealer is focused and engaging but I did not like the way she openly flirted with Leo though she flirted with Thomas and forgot his name too but it's different with Leo.

Jealous much, ha.

We stopped for a break and since I saw Leo do it, I also tipped the dealer and waitress three blue and pink chips. They thanked me. Keep in mind that I HAVE NO idea what these chips are worth. Everyone seemed to know each other in that room as we got up to mingle and feeling the odd one out but did make eye contact with Leo and he smiled and raised his glass of ole fashion to me.

I felt a light tap on my shoulder "Having fun?" Jasmine asked me.

"I am."

No! I am not. I am not really having fun.

"Good, good." she says then takes a sip from her glass.

I can tell she wants to say something and I told her to say what she wanted to say and that she does.

"I've been talking with Thomas."

I took a sip from my martini, very uninterested but she didn't care, "yeah."

"Well, you know, he's, my friend." She says this matter of fact, "One of my best really. I can tell you're doing your best not to lead him on and I can tell you're also a great person and all, "Jasmine placed her hand over mine, "Why don't you leave after this like you said you would at check in? That way he doesn't get any ideas or expect anything from you."

This woman right here.

I internally sigh, "I plan on it."

I can tell she was taken back by my response but why would she, I mean I am really trying to have fun here but I'm not.

At All. It's after 1am, we've been at this blackjack table for a total of three fucking hours okay, I was done but I can tell Thomas and the rest were into it.

The dealers let everyone know it was time to start. New decks of cards were brought in and Christ, I'm over it. I didn't know who to give my stacks of chips back too, so I slid it over to Thomas letting him and the dealer know I was done.

She looks at me, then at Thomas and Thomas nod his head.

"I'm not a gambler."

"I know but are you having fun?"

There, that fucking word again. "Fun" I'm over it.

I smiled hard and with so much enthusiasm too, I said I am. Thomas reached out and he caressed my back and I leaned forward pretending to scratch something on my leg bumping into Leo.

I watched Thomas remove the starting chips from the stack and he slides the rest to the dealer. The pit boss watches as the dealer quickly counts them out, making adjustments to the stacks by switching colors, the pit boss makes a note of the amount and gives her a nod of approval. She slides it over to the pit boss and we watch as he then recounts it out and writes quickly on his paper in his hand. He ripped it and handed it to me. It was a casino check of some sort in the amount of 28k. He goes on to explain that I can cash it out at the cashier or deposit into my bank account. He recommended immediate cash out, much easier, blah blah blahs, I really wasn't listening. It is the amount of the check I'm still hung up on.

I gawk at the check.

Twenty! Eight! Fucking thousand dollars, fuck.

I face Thomas and calmly ask him to explain this to me.

As you guess I got into an open in your face discussion like an argument with Thomas which I forgot his name and Jasmine has no business being in but neither here or there and they were. Everyone in the private room is watching us and I would rather not dwell on the fine details and all you need to know, according to Jasmine, is that I put everyone in such a mood over my inferiority complex or some shit like that. Inferiority complexes my ass, I decided Jasmine is trash and not worth any of my time.