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"NATALIA AMELIA RICHARDSON ANSWER THIS PHONE! This is the fifth message I've left you this week. I don't like talking to your answering machine! I know you're out having fun with Mr. Nice Guy but don't forget about your friends, me in particular. Plus I need the notes from Mondays class. Call me back this time... Oh it's Art by the way."

The past few weeks with Matt have been a blast. We do something different every weekend and it's been terrifyingly awesome. We've gone from rock climbing to learning the tango all while attending class regularly. I don't know how Matt does it, I've started taking B12 vitamins just to keep up with his energy. He's obviously some kind of super genius with excellent stamina. Officially we've only been dating for two weeks, but with the all of the activities we've been doing it feels like longer.

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket as I walk up to my door, it's Art again. I play his message "NATALIA AMELIA RICHARDSON-" Amelia? That is not my middle name, I quickly delete it after hearing the rest. I've been deleting him a lot lately, I know I should call him back but I felt awkward ever since the Truth or Dare game. I still missed hanging out with him, but at least Matt helps pass the time. I know for a fact Art isn't wasting his breath over me, I've spotted him with multiple girls around the campus.

As I unlocked my door ready to throw my bag on the floor and pass out on my bed I come face to face with Art.

"Hey Art, what are you doing here, in my apartment, that was definitely locked." I asked cautiously

"Camelia let me in."

I look over his shoulder to see Camelia standing in the kitchen holding her 'Keep Calm and Don't Be a Dick' mug.

"Hey Nat, Art is here for you" she smirked waving me off and walking into her room closing the door.

"Did you get any of my fifteen messages?"

"Yes, and I was going to call but I've been so tired. Just wait here and I'll get the notes for you."

"Nat. I'm leaving."

"Okay just let me give you the notes first."

"No Natalia," he placed his hands on my shoulders willing me to focus on what he was saying.

"Listen to me, I'm leaving. I'm leaving school, and the city. I'm going back to San Antonio."

I stood there like a statue, this isn't happening.

"But...why?"

"It's my dad, he's sick and I'm going home to help out with my baby sister. I leave in a week."

I couldn't believe this was happening, I'm cursed, that's the only reasonable explanation. Every friend I make quits school and leaves. Why am I talking about me? What about Art? Oh man his dad and his sister. This is not good, I can't be upset, stay positive.

"Well I guess you won't need those notes anymore" I said with a dry laugh.

"Talia, do you understand what this means?" He asked looking to me for something, but I don't know what. He was expecting something more from me.

"Yes, I know what this means. A farewell party, this Saturday, it's going to be epic. You can have a proper send off."

"Nat-"

"Come on, we have a lot to do and three days to do it."

¤

See I was scared to admit,

That failing was in the back of my head.

Comes a point when lying no longer works,

So you have to stand up for how you want to live.

Tonight is the night is the night,

That were losing control.

Tonight is the night is the night,

We set it off.

Everybody go

Wooh wooh ooh ooh ooh

Wooh wooh ooh ooh too

"Hey Tam, if you're going to flirt with the DJ all night can you at least get him to play some good music. Enough of this top 40 electro shit"

"Well someone's got her panties in a bunch."

My constantly swaying friend was right, I had been in sour mood the entire week. I decided to call the only person able to put up with my bouts of bitchiness, Tamberlyn. She helped plan the party, found an extremely cheap dj and managed to get an amazing amount of alcohol. Looking around my barely recognizable apartment I was amazed how far lighting and a little streamer can go. The place was packed with random people I didn't know, and people who knew Art. I shifted uncomfortably as I watched Art socializing with a group of girls. One in particular who keeps touching him and doing an obnoxious fake laugh, he's not that funny. I shouldn't be concerned about this I have Matt, too bad he has to work tonight I could really use the distraction.

"Can you stop staring that girl down like you're going to cut her."

"I'm not staring at her, I'm just making sure she doesn't choke on a peanut or something."

"Your panties are all twisted because you like him."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh come on, I can tell when you like someone, and you really like this guy. So stop being a pussy and tell him, he's leaving tomorrow, what have you got to lose?"

Tam was a great kick in the ass, she would bring me down to earth when I was to in my head and helped me put things in perspective.

Watching her shimmy her way to the DJ table I was grateful to have her as a friend, if only I could harness some of her strength and confidence. Well there is one way to gain some temporary courage, I went to the kitchen and grabbed the trusty solo cup.

"Filler up"

¤

It was after four in the morning and the party was still in a groove. Tam sweet talked the DJ out by 2 and we've been relying on Arts iPod for music. Art was holding the party hostage to classic 90's music because "everyone loves the 90's", people were either dancing or reminiscing to their favorite song, but they weren't leaving. Once the clock struck four I was ready for the party to be over so I can curl up in my nice soft bed and pass out, unfortunately the rest of the party wasn't as eager to leave.

"If you ever want to end a party quietly, play crooning country love songs." Art mumbled as he adjusted his iPod on the stereo switching the fast paced dance music to a 'boots, babes, and bullshit' playlist.

"When did you start to like country music?"

"After listening to you play it constantly it caught on somewhere between George Strait and Delta Rae."

"Well you can't live in Texas without listening to a little country."

Partygoers dispersed slowly over the next half an hour until it was just Art and I hanging out on the couch listening to heartbreaking country music. I held his inebriated head in my lap I ran my fingers through his soft chestnut hair. The party ended hours ago but he remained in limbo, too impaired to drive yet to sober to sleep. The slow country song oozing through the surround sound embraced us into an intimate moment, not realizing we both stopped talking a while ago and are now just gazing into each other's eyes. The unspoken words floating in the air hanging over us like a cloud getting heavier with each passing moment. I tune into the song as the lyrical essence foreshadowed our thoughts;

"Half scared to death can't catch my breath

Aren't these the moments we live for

And I kissed you, Goodnight."

Enraptured in the moment I leaned down and softly and kissed him with hope, in return he embraced me with desire. It was soft and aggressive, tender and wanting, forgiving and accepting. It was the stars in the sky, making an everlasting darkness beautiful. It was slow, passionate, captivating; lingering. This kiss built empires, started wars, wrote sonnets, and inspired masterpieces. This kiss was 42, the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything, and now it was mine.

"It's a good night good night baby goodnight. It's a good night good night baby good night. It's a good night good night baby good night. It's a good ni-"

We parted interrupted by the skipping song that induced the enchanted moment. My lips were numb and tasted of the sweet rum he had been drinking. The rum, oh no. That was stupid, I just took advantage of his drunken state. Maybe he's too drunk to realize what just happened. Maybe he won't even remember. Do I want him to remember? No, this was a mistake, if he was sober he never would have kissed me. Maybe?

"Listen, we're both a little tipsy and accidents happen, just forget about it."

"That didn't feel like an accident" he retorted pacing after me.

"Well it was, just chalk it up to one last crazy college night."

I turned around and he was standing there, two inches from my face, waiting for something. I could feel the heat radiating off of his body, he was so close I hear his heartbeat, feel the little hairs on his arm, feel his warm breath.

"Well if we're gonna 'just chalk it up'--" he kissed me like he ran out of time, I abandoned all thought and gave in to his lips. I caved to his touch, to the feel of my body pressing against him, to his hands caressing my curves.

We pushed our way into the bedroom without parting lips, I never wanted to part from these lips. His lips were intoxicating and the deeper we kissed the more I craved his high.

Every touch was magnified, the graze on my shoulder as he lowered my dress, his lips on my neck that made me moan in pleasure. I needed this, I ached for this, and I never wanted it to end.

His kisses traveled from my neck to my collarbone until they reached curves of my breast. I gasped as he sucked my breast and nibbled on my hardened nipples.

With eyes full of lust he thrust into me while nibbling the tender spots on my neck. A tear rolled down my eye as he stilled inside of me, "Are you okay? I Don't want to hurt you."

"I'm fine, keep going." I whispered holding my breath from the pain as a tear rolled down my cheek.

Art licked the salty trail and kissed me feverishly as he absolved my pain and replaced it with pleasure. I could feel him inside of me, taking up every inch of me.

"Are you ready baby?"

Unable to speak I nod my head yes.

He kisses me softly and lingers on my bottom lip before biting it and thrusting into me once again. His hips moved slowly, teaching me the forbidden dance, and I no longer felt discomfort, instead I felt a fire building up. I moaned as the fire I felt grew hotter

"You feel like heaven. I want you so much, all of you, forever."

I wasn't sure if he knew what he was saying, I'm sure guys say a lot of things they don't mean in the moment. I had no choice but to ignore him as I focused on the rising heat within me. Changing from slow steady strokes Art began to go faster. Our breathing painted the air with lustful pleasure.

"Art" I moaned, unaware my ability to speak had returned.

"Say it again baby"

"Art" I complied, digging my nails into his arched back, it was all I could say.

"Yes baby, I want us to finish together. Cum for me."

At his request I released what felt like all my worries, my insecurities, my doubt. I released it and all i had left was him.

For once I didn't want to overthink, I wanted to enjoy it, enjoy him. He gazed into my eyes and I knew that he understood. I didn't have to say anything, I didn't want to say anything. I kissed him softly, tenderly reassuring him this is what I wanted.

My mind was free, I could think of nothing but him; his lips as he kissed my thighs, his hands as he caressed my breast, his teeth as they grazed my nipple. He explored my body like he was fulfilling a fantasy, he was fulfilling a dream and he was going to cherish every moment. The way he kissed me at the significant moment, absolving my pain he replaced it with pleasure.

I held him on top of me, I never wanted to be empty of him. He traced my collarbone with kisses in the serene after moment and I fell asleep in his arms.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I awoke in mid-morning hours with the urge to pee but I was tangled in the being of Art. I twisted from beneath his arms and legs like a Rubik's cube and went to the bathroom. Sitting in there with nothing on, my brain decided to turn back on and I was left contemplating what's next. He's leaving tomorrow, is he still leaving tomorrow? Of course he's still leaving he doesn't have a choice. Then what was this? Was this a goodbye? Maybe he's not really leaving and this was all just a plan to get into my panties. Nah--maybe---nah.

"Get it together girl" I whisper to myself. I always worried having sex would bring out my insecurities, I didn't want to cling to some guy just because we slept together. I honestly feared giving anyone that power over me; I guess that's why I waited so long to do it, and now it's done. I slept with my best friend, eight hours before he leaves, and I'll probably never see him again. So I ruined a friendship and I'm gonna be alone; that's just great. I hear a noise in the bedroom and I open the door to see Art on his knees looking under my bed.

"What are you doing?"

"Looking for your stash." He answered looking through my bottom nightstand drawer.

"What stash?"

"I know you stash bottles of water by your bed like some weird little forest nymph." He looked up and I watched his eyes sweep my body, I had forgotten I was still indecent. "A sexy little forest nymph"

Grabbing an over-sized t-shirt I reach by my bed side and toss him a water bottle. He catches it and sits on the edge of the bed pulling me between his legs. Wrapping his arms just underneath my butt he pulls me close resting his forehead on my stomach.

"So...how long have you been waiting to do that?" he muttered into my shirt. I shrugged unsure of what to say in this intimate pose. My range of emotions are everywhere, I'm surprised, embarrassed, afraid, guilty, confused, with a twinge of hopeful. I couldn't deal with this moment anymore, it was too comfortable, it was becoming familiar and I knew it wouldn't last. I broke our hold and started to pick up the clothes off the floor.

"So what time are you leaving out?" I ask trying not to make eye contact.

"I uh, I don't know" I could hear the surprise in his voice.

There was nothing else to clean in my room so I went to the living room to distract myself by cleaning the remnants of last nights party.

"Nat we have to talk about this--" He followed me into the living room while putting his on his pants.

"No we don't" I said to the ground refusing to look at him, I knew if I did I would forget all sound and reason.

"Yes. We do. Especially considering this was an--ahem-- significant moment for you."

"Not to toot my own horn but I think it was a significant moment for you too."

"You know what I mean"

"YES--" I turned and glared at him "I know what you mean. These things happen, it could have been anyone."

Suddenly he grabbed my wrist and pulled me to him. "That's crap and you know it. You chose me because you love me and you know I love you too and I always have. You chose me because you wanted to give me something no one else can have. You chose me because you trust that no matter what, I would never hurt you. You love me Natalia, I know you do."

I stopped breathing ten minutes ago. The look on his face, it was painful, his eyes pleaded for a response. I think he really does love me, a stab of guilt shot through my stomach. I wanted to kiss him, hold him, take away any doubt he has and make him feel better. He was leaving, now. He can't stay and I can't go so what was the point of giving him any hope when there wasn't any.

"What do you want me to say? I love you? I love you? Why does it matter you're leaving in a few hours."

"Do not make me feel bad for leaving, you know I don't have a choice."

"I'm not, I'm not trying to, but even if anything were to possibly come out of it, well it couldn't."

"I'm going to be four hours away, that's not even a road trip, it's traffic."

"Leaving is leaving, thirty minutes or three days, it's all the same, you're gone. You can promise to call and visit and skype and text but when it all boils down, it's bullshit. Life gets in the way, you're too busy to call one day and that leads to another and then you just disappear."

"No that's bullshit. If you want something to last you have to work for it. All the other crap doesn't matter."

"I don't want to have this conversation." I turn away to avoid the rising anger in his eyes.

"Well you shouldn't have screwed me on the night I fucking leave!"

"It was a mistake."

"BULLSHIT! You know what, you're a masochist. We had months together, we spent everyday together and you did nothing. You knew from day one I liked you but your low self-esteem bullshit put me in your safe little friend zone. You find Mr. Boring and date him even though you barely like him and I'm stuck here watching you two. Do you even remember telling me no romantic interests because I sure as hell do. Oh, but as soon as I leave you do THIS to me. You say you're protecting yourself, but from who? No one can hurt you more than you're hurting yourself Talia, you are your own worst enemy."

Standing in the middle of the living room I stare at Art out of breath from monologuing while pacing back and forth and gesturing wildly. He was angry, and annoyed but what came across most vividly was his hurt. He hid it well at first, but after my mistake comment his wound opened and all I saw was the pain I caused him. He didn't deserve this, he didn't deserve to feel this anguish. What could I do? If I could go back to that day in the bookstore I would do things differently, but we don't know our mistakes as we make them. There is nothing I can do but let him go, give him space, time heals all wounds.

"Say something." He pleaded taking my hands, his eyes pleading for relief, but I can't.

"I'm with Matt now. I can't just leave him, I made a commitment and I have to follow through."

"Follow through? This isn't golf, this is it, the crossroad. You can stay with Mr. Nice, have a safe predictable boring life, or you can choose me. It won't be easy, it won't always be safe, but it will be adventurous, thrilling, exhilarating, consuming, and passionate and it will be a life worth living. You just have to take a chance."

I couldn't speak. I stood there looking at my hands in his with so much that I want to say- Yes I want to take a chance, I want to have adventures and laugh and be spontaneous and it will be great, WE will be great- but I didn't. I felt like such a coward standing there unable to look him in the eyes while every minute of my silence hardened his heart. When he let go of my hands in defeat I knew it was over. There was no turning back, the decision was made.

"I see." was all that escaped his lips as he grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. He paused before turning the knob, as if contemplating the energy for one more fight. But the defeat was evident, savoring his pride he squared his shoulder and walked out of the door. I knew the moment he touched the doorknob I would regret this moment forever.