Vanessa And Veronica Ch 01

Eighteen year old twins Veronica and Vanessa Sinclaire waited nervously in the living room for their parents to come out. The girls were physically identical except for one thing, Vanessa's eyes were blue like Ethan's and Veronica's were brown like Katrina's. Both girl's were tall at five feet seven inches and had Ethan's athletic build. They both wore their brown hair loose so that the curls framed the round faces that they inherited from Katrina. Neither girl wore makeup deeming it a waste of time, effort and money but even so, there was no shortage of boys who vied for their attentions much to the displeasure of their father.

"What do you think the big secret is?" Vanessa asked as she peered into the kitchen.

"I don't know but did you see how nervous mom got when we asked how they met?" Veronica replied.

"Dad got nervous too." Vanessa replied. "I mean really, what's the big deal?" she asked.

******

Ethan and Katrina stood close together with three month old Victoria between them. Even though he knew that this day was coming, Ethan found himself completely unprepared. For years he had practiced what he would say when the time came and he couldn't remember a single word. Katrina wrapped her free arm around his waist, she wasn't looking forward to this anymore than he was but it had to be done. Katrina knew and understood Ethan's fear, he loved his girls more than he loved his own life and he was about to hurt and disappoint them.

"Sweetheart, you really don't have to listen to this." Ethan said softly as he wrapped both arms around Katrina being careful not to crush the baby.

"I know I don't but we agreed to do this together, they need to see us standing together." She replied.

Ethan nodded, as much as he didn't want Katrina to relive that night, he was grateful that she was going to be with him. He hoped that there would be no nightmares as a result of the telling but they would deal with that when and if it happened.

"Katrina, I love you." Ethan said as he kissed her and then the baby.

"I love you too, now let's get this done." she said kissing him back.

Katrina's physical appearance hadn't changed over the years but emotionally she was very different, while still inherently shy she much more confident in herself and of what she could do. She had gone to school and double majored in social work and psychology and now worked with Miranda and Rachel in working with victims of rape and other kinds of domestic violence with an added focus on children. Ethan was immensely proud of her and made sure that she knew it.

"I am so proud of you." he told her. As he kissed her again. "And grateful that you're going to be with me when we do this."

"Ethan, they're going to be hurt, angry and confused but remember that they love you." Katrina said.

Ethan nodded, took a deep breath and headed toward the living room where the girls were waiting.

*******

Ethan sat on the loveseat while Katrina still holding the baby sat next to him. He waited until she had the baby settled before taking hold of her hand and holding on tight.

The girls looked at each other and then back at their parent's and waited.

"First of all," Ethan said looking at both girls, "Know that we love you and that we're proud of you. There isn't anything that we would change about either of you." Ethan said and then he took a deep breath.

"I first saw your mother as she came out of a coffee shop...."

Four hours later, the story was finished. Both girls had expressions of shock, disbelief and anger on their faces. Neither of them spoke but stood as one and walked out of the living room each going to their own room leaving Ethan and Katrina alone with the baby. Ethan started to go to one of them but Katrina stopped him.

"Wait awhile, they're both too hurt and angry right now." she advised.

Ethan sat back and nodded, what had just happened was almost more painful than him not being there for their births. Consequences he reminded himself and when Victoria was old enough, he would have to do it again and then again when and if the girls had children.

Katrina snuggled close to Ethan but didn't say anything, he wasn't ready to talk. She could feel the guilt radiating from him like it did whenever the topic came up. She didn't do or say anything to sooth his guilt, he didn't want her to; as far as he was concerned, he didn't deserve to be soothed.

******

Vanessa sat on her bed in shock; her father had raped her mother? And she married him anyway? That her parents loved each other she had no doubt. It was rare to hear a cross word between them and when it happened, they both took responsibility for the disagreement and then it was over. It was rare to see one without the other and if they were apart it wasn't for long. Vanessa didn't understand how her father didn't know who he was raping until it was over or why he didn't recognize Katrina when he first saw her. She heard the explanations and on an emotional level she sort of understood but on an intellectual level, it just didn't make sense.

How had their mother reconciled herself with the fact that the man that she slept with, made love with and had children with raped her? The one thing that it did confirm was that her mother was a strong woman in order to be able to forgive and to keep the babies that resulted from the rape. That prompted another question, had she considered abortion? Was there a time after they were born when they weren't wanted?

What kind of family did her father come from that they would even teach such a thing? The one thing that she couldn't deny was the anguish she saw on her father's face as he told them what he had done. Along with the anguish was guilt, Vanessa could feel it pouring from him even from where she sat. As angry and confused as she was, she admired Ethan. She realized that they could have lied to them and made up some rosy story about how they met, fell in love and lived happily ever after. Vanessa lay back on her bed, Veronica would be over in a few minutes and they would do what they always did when there was a problem, they would compare notes and talk their way through it.

******

Veronica was stunned, she had picked up on something from time to time but she never thought that it would be this. Like her sister, she was confused as to how Ethan didn't know who Katrina was. From everything that she knew about mates, the vampire was supposed to recognize his mate immediately so what happened that her father didn't recognize their mother? But not only him, his brothers too and one of them had actually killed his mate and then himself.

She replayed the explanation in her head, something wasn't making sense. What really amazed her though was the love that her mother showed toward her father, she like Vanessa was amazed at the strength and courage that Katrina had shown during the whole ordeal. That and the fact that she had seen her way clear to forgive, marry him and have another baby.

Even as Ethan was talking, Veronica couldn't visualize the angry man that he had been that night. He had always been loving, patient and kind even though they got into their share of mischief as children and now as teenagers. She wasn't sure of what she was supposed to feel, she was angry that Katrina had been hurt and that her father had been the one to do it but like her twin, she admired the courage that Ethan showed by telling them the truth but at the same time she was angry at him.

Veronica got up from her bed and went to Vanessa's room and found her crying. In addition to the difference in eye color, there were personality differences as well. Vanessa was the more sensitive of the two and more than likely she was crying for both their mother and father and not for herself.

Veronica sat on the bed next to Vanessa and rubbed her back until she stopped crying.

"Can you imagine?" Vanessa asked sniffling.

"No, I can't and I'm still in shock." Veronica said as a tear slipped down her cheek. "Are you mad at him?" she asked.

"Yeah, you?" Vanessa replied.

"Yeah. But you know some things are making sense now." Veronica said. "Remember how we were never allowed to sneak up on mom? And how dad always called out her name if he didn't see her right away?"

"I guess I never really thought about it." Vanessa replied, "But you're right. So what do we do now?" she asked.

Veronica gave her sister a confused look, "What do you mean?" she asked.

"Are we supposed to tell him that we forgive him? Or do we stay mad st him?"

Veronica played with Vanessa's hair like she did whenever they were together and she was thinking. She was still angry and hurt but the one thing that their parents always told them was that you can still love someone even if they did something wrong, one thing had nothing to do with the other but this.... Did it qualify? Apparently it did, their parents were still together.

"I think that we leave them alone and in the morning we let dad know that we still love him." Veronica said. "And I have some more questions."

Vanessa nodded in agreement, "You remember how he used to pray with us every night?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"He always used to say something after the prayer; do you remember what it was?" Vanessa asked.

"Sure, he said that he swore that no one would ever hurt us like mom had been hurt." Veronica replied.

"Close but not quite, He swore that no one would ever hurt us the way that HE had hurt mom. Don't you see? He was already confessing to us but we just didn't know what he was talking about."

"I guess but what's your point?" Veronica asked.

"I'm not sure that I have one, it was an observation." Vanessa replied.

The conversation died as each girl tried to imagine what Katrina had gone through.

A few minutes later, Vanessa asked Veronica the one thing that was really bothering her.

"Do you think that mom thought about having an abortion?"

"How could she not?" Veronica asked. "I know that if it had happened to me I sure would have."

******

Ethan got Victoria ready for bed while Katrina went to check on the girls, she didn't think that it was a good idea for him to talk to them just yet and as much as it hurt, he had agreed. Tears burned his eyes as he recalled the look of anger, confusion and pain in the eyes of his girls. He hoped that Katrina was right in as saying that they just needed some time. After Victoria was changed for bed, Ethan sat in the rocker, the same one that he had rocked the twins in and said the same prayer he said with the girls when they were small.

"Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray to god my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the lord my soul to take."

His mother had never prayed with them but he came across the prayer one day while he was reading and he liked it. At the end of the prayer, he held Victoria close to his chest and made the same promise he made to the twins after the prayer.

"I swear on my life that no one will ever hurt you the way that I hurt your mother."

Ethan kissed the baby who was already asleep and tucked her in. He felt rather than heard Katrina come in and then felt her hand on his back. They stood together for long minutes watching Victoria sleep.

Katrina took his hand and led him from the crib and to their room, he needed to talk.

"Talk to me." Katrina said as she knelt behind him on the bed and rubbed his shoulders.

Ethan closed his eyes and for just a moment he didn't want to be comforted. The anger and disappointment in the faces of his daughters was punishment and was not meant to be rewarded with comfort. He almost told her that until he realized that the touching was as much for her as it was for him.

"Are they alright?" he asked.

"Upset and angry but they're alright." Katrina replied.

"They're going to come to you for answers." Ethan said.

Katrina stopped rubbing his shoulders for a minute and then replied, "I know."

Neither of them spoke as they got ready for bed, even after all of this time, Katrina couldn't be in the bed before Ethan, it was a sure way of triggering a flashback. Their routine was that while Katrina brushed her teeth and changed for bed, Ethan would already be in bed. It was a routine that they had followed ever since they mated and married.

Since that time, most of Ethan's male relatives had been treated and the sanctioned rapes in his family had dwindled to almost nothing but they were still happening in other families. Ethan and his brothers Martin and Patrick worked at trying to reach all of the male vampires who raped whether they were family or not and referred them to Eustace Matthews for treatment.

Ethan waited for Katrina to come out of the bathroom so they could get into their sleeping positions. Katrina liked sleeping with her head on his chest and his arm around her later, she would turn on her side with her back to his chest and would wake up that way.

Ethan lay awake long after Katrina was asleep dreading the evening. Unable to rest, he slipped out of bed and went to his office to do some work. Although the laptop was new, the pictures of Katrina and the girls from when they were born continued to be his screen savers, the only additions were the pictures of Victoria and the girls as they grew. The feeling he got when he saw those pictures hadn't changed in seventeen years. There was the sense of awe that he and Katrina had such beautiful and intelligent girls but along with that came the feelings of regret that he hadn't been there for the births and the circumstances surrounding their conception.

He had been there for Victoria's birth he reminded himself. He had gone through the entire pregnancy with Katrina from the cravings for maraschino cherries to Victoria's arrival into the world. As sweet as that was, he still regretted missing the births of the twins. Ethan changed his mind about working and opened the scrabble game instead, it was still Katrina's favorite game and he still hadn't discovered how she always beat him and not just her but the girls too.

"Papa?" a soft voice behind him called.

*******

Vanessa couldn't sleep either; it was early not quite ten in the morning. She was on her way downstairs when she saw the flickering of Ethan's computer screen. She almost ignored it but decided to go see what he was doing, it was extremely rare for him not to be in bed with Katrina unless the baby was crying or one of them was sick. She stood behind him and watched his shoulders shake. She realized that her father was crying, she felt his pain and remorse and started to cry herself.

"Papa?" she called. She hadn't called him that in years and couldn't remember when they had started calling him "dad".

Ethan dried his eyes and took a deep breath to steady himself for the accusations that he thought were coming.

Vanessa walked up to him, looked at him through her own tear blurred eyes and hugged him tight.

"We love you, we don't understand but we love you." she said and kissed his cheek.

Ethan hugged Vanessa back and cried. He could tell that she was still confused and angry but she was able to set the anger aside enough to let him know that they didn't hate him. "So much like their mother." he thought to himself as he kissed Vanessa on the cheek.

"Thank you sweetheart." he told her as he dried her eyes with a tissue. "I love you too."

Vanessa went back to her room shortly afterwards leaving Ethan alone with the scrabble game that he hadn't even started to play. Ethan played the game actually managing to win and then played several more; he wouldn't go back to the bedroom until Katrina was up. He was surprised that she hadn't suffered any nightmares from reliving that night but was grateful that she hadn't.

Partway through the fifth game he heard Victoria crying but by the time he got to the nursery, Katrina was already there with her back toward the door.

"Katrina?" he called to let her know that he was there.

"Oh hey," she replied. "Where'd you go? I woke up missing you." she said as she rocked Victoria gently.

"I couldn't rest so I went to the office to do some work and ended up playing scrabble."

"Did you win?" Katrina asked as she laid a now calm Victoria back in the crib.

"You know it's the oddest thing, I can beat the computer but not you or the girls." Ethan replied.

"That's because you're trying too hard." Katrina replied.

"Maybe." He conceded. "Vanessa came to see me." he said as they left the nursery.

"And?"

"She's angry and hurt but she told me that they still loved me." Ethan replied.

"Did you doubt that?" Katrina asked as they went downstairs, neither of them would rest anymore.

"No but I needed to hear it." Ethan replied.

*******

Victoria was the first of the girls to come down to breakfast. Anger showed in her brown eyes but so did the love that she had for her parents. For several minutes she didn't speak but when she did, she was full of questions and anger that had only increased over the hours.

"How could you have hurt her like that?" she asked.

Ethan hesitated before responding.

"Baby, I know that it's a lame excuse but it's what I was taught and...."

"Bull shit!" Veronica exclaimed.

"Veronica!" Katrina exclaimed.

"No sweetheart, it's alright let her talk." Ethan said.

"How could you not have known her? Why didn't you listen to yourself? Explain that to me!" Veronica said as tears ran down her face.

"That is the million dollar question and one that I still don't have the answer to. As to why I didn't listen to myself, I think it was because I chose not to. If I could go back and undo that night, I would do it. I would have introduced myself to your mother as I should have."

"But you're supposed to know your mate right? You should have known her!" Veronica said.

"Yes, I should have known who and what she was the moment I saw her." Ethan agreed. His heart hurt as he watched Veronica struggle to understand something that he didn't entirely understand himself.

Veronica turned to Katrina.

"Were you going to abort us?"

Ethan left the table, walked over to Katrina and wrapped his arms around her.

"Yes." Katrina replied. She wasn't going to lie or sugar coat the truth.

"Why didn't you?" Veronica asked.

"Because you were my babies no matter how you came to be here but before I reached that point, I had to deal with the pregnancy and how it came to be. Once I decided that I couldn't go through with the abortion, I was going to give you up for adoption but the further along into the pregnancy I got, the harder it was to think about giving you away and no, I don't regret it and no I don't think of that night whenever I look at you. Do I wish that it had been different? Of course I do but I have always loved you."

"I don't understand how you can love someone who hurt you like that." Veronica said still crying. "He hurt you!"

"Yes, he did." Katrina said moving out of Ethan's arms and going to Veronica. "And it took me a long time to get over that hurt but your father hurt too, in a way he was as much of a victim as I was."

"But he knew it was wrong!" Veronica exclaimed. "But he kept doing it instead of getting help! He knew when he was hurting you exactly what he was doing, he even said so himself!"

"You're right." Ethan said quietly. "I did know and I should have listened to my inner voice but I didn't and there's nothing that I can do to change that except to try to make sure that it doesn't happen again."

"How do you propose to do that?" Veronica demanded. "You can't know when someone is going to rape or kill someone."

"No, I can't but your uncles Patrick and Martin are helping me to reach as many male vampires as we can and hopefully they will spread the word that help is available." Ethan replied.

Veronica looked at Katrina.