My Diary: Entry 19 - Deserved

Hi!

It's Emma.

That was fair...

Back at the bungalow with Hershey, we got to reconnect again there. He even had a little surprise for me: a petite white girl desperate for his towering ebony physique (and that's just his penis!)

Her name was Jane, and she came across very nice, but she kept herself very close to the chest; I mean, she didn't seem shy, very much outgoing and inserting herself all the time in conversation and stuff, but was reluctant to divulge personal details.

Hershey was very pleased to be able to cuck me with her, since we've been getting closer of late, at the very least physically, so being denied that with him was a difficult pill to swallow. Although I've grown fond of my time with Hershey, he made it clear to me that our friendship is far more like casual friends hanging out with occasional benefits rather than a more traditional relationship, and seemed to be interested in fostering that with Jane rather than me. I wasn't going to object though, jealous as I was, because I felt like this was true love and understanding, keeping me outside in the cold craving the warmth and affection just beyond reach...

Franco and Shoni were keen to do their own thing, open as they are to just be together at any time, anywhere, without shame, serving as a catalyst for Hershey and Jane to get into the mood, and setting me deep in my own mood, festering and raw with ache. I was an island between two rough oceans stirring up immense storms of turbulent pressure, looming large about my exposed self.

Although Hershey admittedly isn't particularly forthright with his sexuality, opting to regularly cuck himself to edge towards ecstasy, Hershey seemed uncharacteristically horny. Jane was all over him, slinging to him like an infant who can't live without him, begging to be entirely dependant on what he can provide, and provide he did...

What I do know about Jane is that despite her youthful appearance and short stature, looking barely at college age, she was quick to point out that she not long just turned 30, which really isn't much younger than myself really, but I felt a gulf between who we fundamentally are; with the exception of some raw sexual energy as we indulge in our fantasies!

Hershey was all too happy to hump Jane with his hung horse-cock, with a verve I've hardly seen from him in the time I've known him, but it was something to watch. As I recall it, I'm satisfied, but it didn't feel as gracious in the moment, believe me. I ached and yearned with a deep churning for some sort of help, but it would be help that wouldn't come, like being tricked by mirages in the desert, desperate to quench thirst at any oasis...

Shoni lent a hand to me, if only to pull on my hair, and treat me like her dog; to be chastised and petted at her whim. I felt pathetic beneath her, but Shoni did say at one point, "You are a weird bitch, but you aren't a bad bitch, I suppose, but you need to learn to respect boundaries and shit."

It was a week or so ago now (how time flies) since I stalked and somehow inserted myself into a college couple's love-life, all to get myself off, so, to Shoni's point, and the reason Hershey was doing this with me, I did deserve it.

Denial got richer and richer, and I wasn't bound in any way, having to resist on my own will the temptation wanting to claw off my clothes and claw at my crotch until climax...

It seemed to go on so long...

I used brainpower I didn't even know I had to drive consciousness through the numb waves of desire, like driving a speedboat to carve through thick waves with the bow, but driving further and further towards a storm threatening to lose me in the indistinct...

Jane really let me know how much she was loving Hershey, seeming to do it to spite me, but she assured me she wasn't meaning to be mean. She'd never seen anyone be subject to what I was going through, and couldn't really understand why I was there. Her main purpose was clear, for Hershey's pleasure, and she more than got hers in return.

Hershey was absolutely enjoying my dilemma, with his watchful eye being the only humiliation I needed, and it was so powerful, like the ever-watchful eye of God. His presence was a great temptation to me which was purposefully made unobtainable, and, even though I had the autonomy to reach out and receive the pleasure I craved, I didn't want to disrespect him, and be banished from his Kingdom forever.

The heat and waves of embarrassment coursing through me radiated like the sun itself. Sweat poured to create rivers all over my head, cascading down to drip into my clothes, soaked as they were by the sweat pooling beneath from every pore. Breathing was short, but long, and my mouth parched dry as I dehydrated, desperate to drink deep of the dangerous depths. My head devoid of any thought; just a dull haze, thick and obscuring, clouding everything beyond comprehension...

Hershey and Jane did it for hours. They didn't seem to tire, or get bored, and it was clear it was done to torment me, but I did see Hershey pity me more than a few times, almost weighing whether to let me join in with him and Jane, but he abstained, and his abstinence was my penance. It really was hard to take, but I needed this harsh treatment. I didn't want to be encouraged to even more deviant behaviour, and having Hershey deprive me of my desire to be with him, and deny my pleasure hit home healthily.

Jane even got hands-on with me afterwards, teasing my body with her tender touches. She got a little too hands-on more than a few times, and I had to bat her hands away, concentrating with every fibre of my being with controlled breathing to keep the dam containing my delicate deluge amassed from the denial from bursting. Jane was far too concerned, and far too kind with me, and she was determined to continue, even as I worked against her, and the result was truly profound; teasing out a small burst, crashing my hormones like a hurricane through my body, before subsiding the excess into agonising retreat...

My orgasm was ruined by myself, after building it up and nurturing it inside me all day, feeling it's power far outside of my body for so long as I was truly encompassed by the enormity of it, to have such a dissatisfying conclusion felt magical. I was overcome with emotions, saying, "I'm sorry," to all, almost crying as the energy came crashing out of me in all ways it could. For the manner of my self-interrupted release, Hershey had a definite look of relief on his face, as if breathing for the first time after holding his breath for so long, obviously happy for me.

I felt so strange in the aftermath, like I was tingling from the orgasmic energy dissipating, feeling like the bubbles in a carbonated drink constantly popping and rising in a glass, but my crotch had this hard ball of horniness inside, and it was like I felt an orgasm, but needed another at the same time...

Jane kept apologising to me, not knowing what to say or do after my predicament. I found her very sweet, and assured her she hadn't done anything wrong, even doing something right, and Hershey agreed. What stung more than the swells of dissatisfaction was the clinginess of Jane, never ever not touching Hershey in some way, always hugging, stroking, and holding him. To say I was jealous of Jane would be understated, and was overblown because of my raw feelings at the time (but still am kinda jealous as I write this.)

I felt very cold and neglected by everyone, and hindsight isn't helping. In the heat of the moment, it was very exciting, but there was apathy, and a sense, now I look back soberly, that I didn't really belong there; like I wasn't really wanted. Did I want that? Am I being taken advantage of and abused? Is it what I asked for?

I'm probably, if anything, way overthinking everything; but if Jane thinks she's having a relationship with Hershey over me, then I'm going to compete for his affection.

Well, until then,

Night xx