Natasha was my best friend but going back, things had always been bumpy in our friendship. We had met in college and were thrown together as roommates our Freshman year. We bonded over boys and ice cream and it seemed like we would be friends forever. After college, Natasha went to graduate school for international business. She was also studying Italian, French, Spanish, and Mandarin. Natasha was a smart girl, but also beautiful so it wasn't surprising that she met the hottest guy in graduate school and got engaged.
Meanwhile, I was trainwrecking. I was addicted to cocaine and partying and I don't think I had been ready to leave college. I had barely graduated and I wasn't in a position to get into graduate school. I took a job as a receptionist at a day spa and it paid so little that I found myself searching for men with money, hoping they might pull me up and out of the situation that I was in. It didn't happen overnight but eventually, I started having sex with men for money. I never told Natasha this or anyone for that matter. It was my dirty, little secret.
I still remember the day I opened the invitation to Natasha's wedding. It hit me hard, right in the chest. I felt like the room was spinning as I tried to read the words that were blurred by my own tears. They weren't tears of happiness. They were tears of anger, jealousy, and regret. Natasha had done it all. Her life was perfect and now she was marrying Alec, the most handsome man I had ever fucking seen. I knew I should be happy for her but it was hard. It was tough to be supportive and happy for her when she always got everything she wanted and I never got a damn thing. I didn't know if I would ever find the right guy and I wasn't sure I really wanted to but as I read that invitation and saw that it was at the Blythe Country Club, I lost my mind. That was the most expensive venue in the entire state! How had she gotten a date so quickly?
Natasha was so happy. Whenever I talked to her or hung out with her I could see that she really did have a perfect life and that everything she had ever dreamed of was coming true. I wish I could say I was happy for her but I wasn't. I hated her. I was so fucking jealous of her I could barely keep myself calm. She was so beautiful and her body was nearly perfect. She was always bitching about her calves being huge, but honesty? They looked great. If I looked like her I could have any man I wanted too. Instead, I was stuck with the rejects that no one would want to marry. Instead, I was taking wads of cash for sex to pay my rent. My life was shit. Natasha's was perfect. It wasn't fair!
The day of the wedding came and I was pleased with the cute dresses Natasha had chosen for all of the bridesmaids. She had even paid for mine when I told her I couldn't afford it. I was the maid of honor, of course, and I tried my best to be happy for her. This was her big day. I wasn't going to ruin it. Or was I? There was an urge inside of me that had been building for some time, maybe even through our entire friendship. I hated Natasha. I hated her for being so fucking perfect and getting everything before I did.
The Blythe Country Club was spacious and the plan was for an outdoor wedding. It was mid-summer and the day was perfect, of course. Nothing less than perfection for Natasha. I had arrived for pictures, which were taking place before the wedding because Natasha wanted everyone to look perfect in the photos. I was late, as usual, and I found that everyone was waiting for me. I ran to join the wedding party and the photographer began to bark orders and snap pictures. The men all looked great in the tuxes Natasha had picked for them. She had impeccable taste in suits and men. I was horny. I hadn't had enough sex that week and I found myself flirting, giving off that subtle sexual energy that women usually miss but men clue right into. I flirted with them all, including Alec. I had no idea what I was doing but I knew it was reckless. I knew it was hurtful. I knew I should stop but I was so angry, so sick of Natasha being so fucking perfect.
"Okay, bridesmaids let's all go to our suite. I have some gifts to give you before the wedding," Natasha announced.
"I have to make a phone call. I'll be right there," I told her.
"Thanks for being my maid of honor, Shauna!" she held out her arms for a hug and I gave her a tentative squeeze, not wanting to wrinkle or stain her long, white dress. She was a beautiful bride.
"The groom already saw your dress?" I questioned her about the pictures.
"I don't believe in bad luck," she winked at me.
"Well, I can see why. You always have the best of luck."
"Yes, I do. I'm so fortunate. I'll see you in a few minutes. I can't wait to give you your gift."
"I can't wait to see you get married." We shared a meaningful look that I was mostly faking. Natasha had no way of knowing how I really felt about things. She didn't know how many guys I'd had to fuck to make rent last month or how I didn't have enough to pay this month. She had no idea what it felt like to hurt and cry. Someone needed to teach her.
I made my phone call to my landlord, not realizing that the groomsmen were still nearby. I saw them out of the corner of my eye. The photos had been taken in a beautiful enclave that had an ostentatious fountain with statues of large koi fish spitting water back into the jewel-toned water. The groomsmen were gathered there, talking and smoking and I could see that they were all eyeing me. When I hung up with my landlord I walked over to them, strutting like a little slut.
"Shauna! What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be with Natasha and the other girls?" Alec asked me.