This is the eighth of twelve chapters. To really understand it, you should read the previous chapters before reading this one. Once again, I want to thank my editor Terry for his valuable help! I hope you enjoy the story.
As Bridget looked back over the holiday season, the time seemed to be divided between highs and lows. Christmas had been a clear high point. Not only had she made love to Sian for the first time, but they were no longer dancing around their feelings. It was a little scary to have them out in the open but at least she knew that Sian felt the same way. Bridget felt like knowing that Sian loved her gave her a little bit of protection against being hurt.
She hoped that Sian thought the same thing, especially in the wake of one of the lows. With all of her planning for Christmas, Bridget hadn't given much thought about New Years and it hadn't gone well. Unlike Christmas where they could spend it together, it just wasn't possible to do that on New Year's Eve. She and Don had an invite to a party over at a neighbor's house but so did Sian. And Bridget couldn't go to both. She could only be with one person at midnight and in the end that was Don. It would have been impossible for Don to go to the neighborhood party without Bridget. It would have raised too many questions. Given a free choice Bridget would have rather gone with Sian but that meant Don being home alone on New Year's Eve.
Sian said she understood but it didn't stop it from hurting her. It was the first time in a while that Sian wasn't with the person she cared about on New Year's Eve. She went to her friend's party but she couldn't get Bridget's absence out of her mind. She ended up drinking a little too much and at midnight found herself alone in a bedroom feeling sorry for herself and wondering what she was doing. She started to write a text to Bridget asking that but deleted it before she sent it. Still the thought stayed in her mind and she was unable to dismiss it. It wasn't too long after midnight when Bridget sent her a text of her own. "I love you! Happy New Years! Wish I was there holding you close and giving you a kiss!" it said.
Sian tried to come up with a response but everything Sian wrote seemed to end up sounding forlorn. The last thing she wanted was Bridget pitying her. In the end, she just sent back "Love you too. Happy New Year!" Shortly after that, Sian called a cab and went home. Her phone buzzed a couple of times with text messages from Bridget during the ride but she didn't look at them until she got home. Once there Sian got ready for bed before reading the messages. One more had come through in the meantime.
"r u doing okay?
"my darling sian, you know i love you."
"sigh. i wish i was there with u! we'll talk in the morning i guess"
Sian looked at the messages. Bridget's worries were clearly coming through. After a moment's reflection, Sian realized that in refusing to answer she was being passive aggressive and that was something she hated. It was childish and would only hurt their relationship. She quickly typed a reply.
"sorry. was in cab coming home. i'm ok, just a little sad. i missed u. don't worry tho. really i am ok. Going to bed but see you tomorrow. i love u, bridge." She pressed send. Looking at the clock, she realized it was close to 1 AM. She hoped that they weren't in bed yet.
A few moments later Sian's phone buzzed again. "ok. missed you too. wish i was going to sleep with u" was Bridget's message.
Sian smiled briefly and then she put down the phone and slipped into bed. After flicking off the lights, she lay there. Despite of the number of drinks that she had had, her mind took a while to shut down. She picked up her phone and looked at the texts again. She felt a little better. Slowly she began to drift off into a restless sleep.
On New Year's Day, Bridget tried to make it up to Sian by spending the whole day with her and then staying the night. Don was going over to friends and watched football all day. He probably wouldn't even miss her until night. Bridget and Sian had a good time together but there were echoes from the night before. Both of them were a little jumpy and quieter than usual. Even when they were affectionate, there was the barrier of Bridget's promise not to go too far without Don being there. As much as she wanted to ignore it, Bridget felt obligated to stick to her promise.
As she thought back on the first, Bridget was glad that she spent the night. Even though they couldn't make love, it had been important in helping Sian understand how important she was to Bridget. Without Don around, Bridget hadn't felt constrained in expressing her feelings. While Sian hadn't said anything, Bridget was pretty sure that her choice to go with Don made Sian feel like she was a second priority to Bridget. She tried to make sure to let Sian know that wasn't the case and that she was just as important to her.
Even for Bridget, that had been a startling revelation. She wasn't sure when it had happened but she knew why. Part of it was a weakening of the ties to Don as he pushed her to fulfill his obsession and then allowed her to develop feelings for someone outside their marriage. Rather than protect their relationship, he had risked it.
The longer it went on, the more Bridget began to question how much he cared about their relationship compared to his desire to see lesbian sex. When they started with their fantasies, it had been a way to enhance their love life and connect more. But once the subject of lesbians had come up, that seemed to have been lost.
Even after he recovered from Christmas, he had not found it easy to make love to Bridget. He found that small nagging doubts kept getting in the way. Sometimes he wondered whether Bridget was comparing him to Sian while other times he couldn't get his failure on Christmas day out of his mind. Most of the time he had been able to ignore it and make love to Bridget but a few times he found that he couldn't maintain his erection. Each time it happened, Don dwelled on the problem and blew it up bigger in his mind which made the next time more difficult. And even though he tried not to, Don reacted by getting irritated and reflecting it back at Bridget.
The contrast to when Bridget was with Sian was stark. Because their time was limited and constrained, Sian appreciated any time that she got to spend with Bridget. Despite the frustrations of those limitations, Sian was able to keep them hidden and didn't let them get in the way of enjoying her time with Bridget. And she accepted the limitations without complaint. Sian knew what she was getting into when they started going out. As challenging as it could be, she had agreed to it. Sian also admitted to herself that she was so head over heels in love with Bridget that she took whatever she got.
Bridget hadn't yet talked about her feelings for Sian with Don; nor had she brought up whether he would accept allowing her to make love to Sian without him being there. It made her nervous to think about having the talk. Bridget just wasn't sure how Don would react. It was becoming increasingly important to her to have the talk. Without fully seeing it, Bridget was the one who was deciding the direction.
