"What the...??!"
The sunlight streaming through the windshield of my car had woken me up. I was sprawled out in the driver's seat of my car, the seat back fully reclined. I lifted my seat and looked around. How did I get here? And why do I have such an awful headache? My head was pounding.
In a complete panic, I searched for and found my purse. My phone, cash and credit cards were intact. Whew! I also found a bottle of Advil. Wow, I thought to myself, I don't usually carry the whole bottle. I opened the top and swallowed 3 tablets dry. I couldn't bother to wait for water.
I looked around the car for a minute. My dress was all disheveled, covered in hard white stains. It was held closed by only three buttons that weren't even in the right buttonholes. My high heels caked with dirt were on the seat next to me. I then felt squishiness inside me and realized I wasn't wearing any panties. Where were my panties... my fucking panties??? I searched the car for a few minutes and found them tucked into the crack between my seat and the shifter console. I held them up. They were covered in white stains and the crotch had been torn out. Fuck, those were brand new!
I flipped down the visor and looked in the vanity mirror. My makeup was smeared nearly completely off. My face was covered in dry, white streaks. And I could feel more in my hair. I looked down and saw that the top of my dress was just covered in stains. What a mess!
I needed to get my bearings. I saw a McDonald's down the street, so I threw on my big sunglasses, started the car and headed to the drive-thru. It hurt my head just to hear the voice through the intercom, "Would you like to try a value breakfast today?"
The thought of a greasy breakfast sandwich turned my stomach. "No thanks, just a bottled water and a large coffee."
"Would you like a Frappe?" I could barely suffer through the conversation with this stupid metal box.
"No. Coffee. Large. Black. And a bottled water."
I pulled around, picked up my order and pulled into a spot. I needed to figure out what the hell happened and fast. I chugged the bottled water, knowing that the dehydration wasn't helping my headache and the Advil wasn't doing a thing to help, yet. I opened the lid of the coffee and took a long sip. The caffeine began to cut through the fog in my head.
I started to remember yesterday. Yesterday sucked. I had gone to the County Courthouse to finalize my divorce. The divorce settlement was done and child support and custody were taken care of, but I still needed the final decree. My lawyer had gone over the questions that the judge would ask, but I was still nervous. Name. Address. Minor children? All easy. Is the marriage irretrievably broken. Fuck, yes. Did I want my maiden name back? Yes.
And with that I became Lindsey Greene again. Good bye to Lindsey Mann. Goodbye to Mrs. Jeffrey Mann. Goodbye to almost 12 years. Hello to being a divorcee. As we walked out of the courthouse, my lawyer tried to cheer me up, "Lindsey, smile. It's the first day of the rest of your life." I smiled back weakly.
I went home after court and put on my biggest, baggiest sweatshirt and shorts and crawled into bed. I was glad that my mom offered to pick up Gwen and Nicole from elementary school and keep them for the night. I just wanted to be left alone, a quiet night with my TV and some Ben & Jerry's. I laughed. How clichΓ©.
Around 6:30, I was flipping through the channels, when my doorbell rang. I tried to ignore it, figuring that whoever was out there would go away. But the doorbell rang and rang again. Shit, this person was persistent. I got out of bed and stomped my way to the door, ready to tear some delivery guy or kid peddling some fundraiser a new asshole. It was Laurel. I opened the door and let her in.
Laurel is one of my best friends. She's 41 years old and carries an extra 25 pounds that she blames on her husband and three sons. Brassy and loud, Laurel is a total firecracker.
"Get dressed," she cackled. "We're going out."
I sighed, "Thanks, Laurel, but not tonight. I'm drained. I'm too tired to go out" I turned to walk back into the bedroom.
"Shut the fuck up and get dressed!" Laurel was not to be dissuaded. "You get dressed and I'll take care of your tiredness." I watched as she removed the silver tea set from the tray that decorated my dining room table.
"What are you doing with my grandmother's tea set, Laurel?," I asked.
"Setting high tea for the Queen. Seriously, I'm getting you ready to go. After all, this is the first day of the rest of your life," she laughed, removing a small vial from her purse and pouring a bit of fine white powder onto the tray. "Now, go on. And wear something sexy"
I knew I had no chance of getting her to stop, so I turned and went into the bedroom to find clothes. I slipped on a new pair of black lace panties and matching bra and had just decided on a simple black and white dress from J. Crew when I heard Laurel behind me.
"Just so you know, I fucking hate you." I could feel the sarcasm in her voice.
"Huh?"
"You're 36 years old. Free from that piece of shit ex of yours. Two beautiful little girls. And the perfect body. Boy, I don't understand Jeff at all. If I were a guy married to you, I'd keep you chained to the radiator and fuck the shit out of you everyday."
"Thanks... I guess. I'll keep that in mind if you ever get a sex change. Besides, forget Jeff. He was the only guy I ever met that was afraid of blow jobs. Like I might gag on his three-inch cock and bite it off," I laughed. "Do we really have to go out? I so am not in the mood."
"C'mon, let me take care of those blues." Laurel led me out to the dining room table. On the silver tray that had held my tea set were four even lines of white powder. "Remember, it's the first d..."
I cut her off, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. The first day of the rest of my life."
Looking at the tray, I gasped, "Cocaine, Laurel? Seriously? You're like PTA Mom of the Year."
She chuckled, "Unlike you, I still have my needle-dick husband. And I've got three boys who all belong in reform school. With that much testosterone in my house, I'll take whatever help I can get. Besides, how the fuck do you think I made seven dozen Snickerdoodle cookies for the bake sale last fall? Those things were a product of Bolivia, baby." She handed me a rolled $100 bill. "You first. We each get two lines."
I leaned down an inhaled the first line. The tip of my nose went numb instantly and I let out a little cough. "Eww, I can taste the bitterness going down my throat," I complained.
"Like you've never had anything bitter running down your throat," Laurel retorted.
"Fuck you," I laughed. "Hurry up, it's my turn and I've got to finish getting ready or we will never get out of this house." Laurel took her line and handed the bill to me. Better prepared for the rush, I inhaled deeply, making sure that I cleaned my line completely. Wow, I was feeling better already.
I finished dressing and fixing my hair and makeup. I slipped into these gorgeous black high strappy sandals, checked my face one last time in the hallway mirror and said to Laurel, "All set. Let's roll."
"Fine," she said. "I'm driving."