Annie from my French evening classes asked me to her house party. Secret agent themed, she said, and that I had to come as a character from a spy movie. I hadn't a clue. She said I would make a beautiful Bond Girl. It meant nothing to me. I'm more Bridget Jones than The Spy Who Loved Me. She said I should Google for ideas.
I was twenty-two and had just finished my degree. I'd decided to stay in Manchester instead of going back home to Devon. I reasoned I stood more of a chance of landing a job in the city.
On the morning of the party, I caught a tram into the city centre and visited Affleck's Palace in the hunt for something suitably retro. Three floors of Vintage clothing, fetish attire and sundry items of the outlandish and bizarre. It took me the best part of the morning to settle on a pale white, mini shift dress, and matching almost knee-high white boots.
That evening, having done all I could with myself, I still couldn't see myself as a Bond Girl. All that effort for this, I thought. I'd managed to coax my hair into something resembling a beehive, even though I wasn't really sure if any Bond Girls ever had one. But I was proud of how I'd done my eyes: big false lashes, heavily pencilled spider legs underneath, pale blue and slivers shades. I sat looking in the mirror only to see I'd transformed myself into one of the girl go-go-dancers from Austen Powers rather than a hot babe from Goldfinger like I'd intended.
I didn't know anyone at the party apart from Annie. Jane from class was supposed to be joining me later but she never turned up. I was considering my option, one being calling a cab and heading back to my flat, when I spotted a guy I really liked the look of.
Over six foot tall, he had a handsome swagger. His physique and features ticked all the right boxes for what I look for in a bloke. But what really appealed was the way he carried himself in the authentic clothes he had chosen to wear for Annie's secret agent party. Immaculate in tuxedo and black bow tie, his hair freshly clipped, all lent him an authentic 1960s chic - think Sean Connery in that first Bond film.
After a few drinks to give me courage, I made my approach. I just went straight up to him and said, "Hi, I'm Lauren. You've really pulled off the spy thing."
He smiled, said I looked sensational too. We talked and seemed to click, and when he said he was going out for a smoke I said I smoked too and could I join him. So I followed him to the garden, even though I didn't' smoke. That's how much I fancied this guy.
He talked about people at the party while I listened and pretend to smoke, sucking and exhaling while doing my best not to cough. I was trying too hard and knew it, going over the top with my come-to-bed looks and coy pouts. When I touched his arm and laughed at some daft quip of his, I knew I'd got it real bad for him.
And my efforts paid off. When he'd finished his fag he took me in his arms and kissed me. I dropped my half-smoked Benson and let his tongue move all around my mouth. God! It felt so good to be kissed by a man again. I'd almost forgotten how nice it was to be all wrapped up in muscular arms, savouring the clean shaved freshness of a man's cologne. During that first kiss, a mad surge of what I can only describe as pure lust welled up and rattled the lid of my brain. Every nerve ending in my body fizzed like sparklers. The decks of my mind swept clean of every thought. For those first moments while we kissed, I was rid of all those mental nuisances that go round and round all day long. It was a perfect moment.
And there was a lot of stuff that was a nuisance in my life just them: the main one being I'd split with my then live-in boyfriend, Kenny, just a month before so was missing my daily fix of cock. And now this guy's cock was blatantly promoting itself by pressing into my abdomen from inside his pants. That felt really good too - as did his palms on my buttocks pulling me hard against him.
I was really getting into that kiss when I heard a soft and husky female voice saying, "Tom - I hate to interrupt . . . but can I have the car keys. I need that book I brought for Annie. We left it on the back seat."
She spoke so matter of fact. Such a world weary voice. Her tone suggested a person for whom the world no longer held any surprises.
His reluctance as he released me from his arms was as obvious, as was the disappointment that probably soured my face. He reached into his pocket and retrieved his keys and handed them over. Even I - dumb blonde that I was back then - immediately realised she was his wife.
If he was Sean Connery she had to be Liz Taylor. Her nearly black hair was done in an authentically sixties-perm, full of body and curled on her shoulders. And in complete contrast to the weariness in her voice, her large, heavily lined eyes were clear and focused. She had a string of giant pearls around her neck that glistened like tiny moons from the light reflecting from the high garden lamp under which we stood.
At first it was if I was invisible. She just took the keys and made to walk away, had gone only three paces when she stopped abruptly, as if just remembering something, turned and looked back at me, scanning me up and down with those densely massacred, enormous brown eyes. Her glance sort of sparkled as she took me in. And I swear, the corner of her rather sumptuous tart-red lips raised a sly smile. This might be just my imagination with hindsight, but I did feel appraised, weighed up. It was like I was up on stage for the first time, being judged by the female panel members of Britain's Got Talent. In the seconds before she smartly turned and walked away, our eyes became a tangle of meaning
When she had gone, I said, "Your wife?" I stood looking into his eyes, waiting to see what he had to say for himself. He said nothing, just looked at me looking at him. He wasn't giving much away, so I prompted him. "Doesn't she mind you kissing other women, then?" .
"Never mind her," he said, his arms reaching out for my hips to draw me to him again.
I raised my arms, palms becoming buffers flat against his broad chest. "What if she comes back," I said. "I don't want a scene."
"Oh she definitely will come back, but there won't be a scene." he said.
"Why won't there?"
"She trusts me," he said, still smiling.
His smug grin was beginning to annoy me Why did he suddenly think I was amusing.
"How does that work, then?" I said.
"She trusts my judgement."
He was talking in riddles and I was losing my patience. His arms reached for me again - and again I had to stop him from kissing me - even though I really wanted him to kiss me. In fact, I wanted him to do more than just kiss me.
"You're not making sense," I said. I could hear the irritation in my own voice.
"Its simple: I read people."
"What, like Darren Brown?" I said, sarcasm slipping into my tone.
"Derren - Its Derren."
"Whatever - Is what you do like what Derren Brown does?" I said emphasising the Derren.
"If you like."
"Have I been read, then."
"Just the preface."
At that moment his wife came back, and it was awkward. Then looking at her he said, "Mandy, this is . . ."
I stood in silence, horrified that he had forgotten my name. Then after seconds that seem like minutes, I spat it out. "I did say earlier when I first came over to you. I'm Lauren."
"So you did. Mandy, this is Lauren. Lauren, meet Mandy, my wife. Oh, and I'm Tom."
"Yes, you did say - and I remembered."
Mandy held out her palm and we shook hands as if we were at a business meeting. While gripping my hand she moved close and kissed my cheek. When her lips actually pressed softly against my flesh she let them linger fractionally longer than really necessary, and when she pulled away the night air chilled the skin of my cheek where her saliva and lip-gloss moistened. Being a well brought up young lady, I returned her kiss with a clumsy peck. Up close her fragrance had the effect of making me want to kiss her again. That fragrance unsettled me, a scent so subtle, yet blatantly suggestive. Expensive, I imagined. It stayed with me as I moved away, clung to the air about me - it contaminated me, even. Then moving back, I said, "Lovely to meet you Mandy . . . about earlier . . . I didn't realise he was married. He doesn't' have a ring - and he never said . . ."