You Deserve Better 1

The following day I woke with a sense of peace and happiness as I looked over at the sleeping figure of my lover. I smiled and then the memories came rushing back in on me and I remembered that my Grandfather just passed away and I had to deal with that. I sighed and wondered if everyone felt so heavy and alone when dealing with this kind of thing? I figured they probably did but this was a little different because I hated the man I was burying.

I pulled myself from the bed and went into the bathroom I brushed my teeth and took a shower, dressed and headed to the kitchen to make coffee and a lot of it. It was Saturday and this was not how I wanted to spend my day but I had no choice. I had a feeling before the end of the day I was either going to be spiking my coffee or just drinking straight out of a bottle.

I was sitting alone in the living room, on the couch, lost in my thoughts when Julian walked up. I didn't hear him and almost dumped my coffee on myself. "Good morning." I feigned a smile as Julian leaned down and kissed me.

"Good morning." He smiled back and I knew he could tell I was faking and trying to make the best of a bad situation.

I just wanted it all to be over but I knew there was plenty that was going to have to be done. I had no family in the area, except my father, who was in the nut house, and he wasn't going to get out to go to his father's funeral. Not that I was thinking he really would want to since it was his father who murdered his wife and unborn child.

Looking over to Julian who had walked to the kitchen to get some coffee I said, "have you ever planned a funeral?"

He shook his head, "no, but if you want I will go with you and help you in whatever way I can."

"I'd like that." I said. I got up and walked into the kitchen. "Would you like anything to eat?" Julian shook his head. "You sure?" He nodded and set his coffee down, but not before taking mine out of my hands, he pulled me into his arms and just held me.

Pulling away I said, "I think you deserve someone better. Someone with less baggage, someone who is not going to drag you down with them." I wanted to tell him I loved him but I didn't want him to think I was just saying it because I was emotional right now. I was emotional but not so emotional that I did not know how I felt about him.

Julian looked taken aback and unsure of how to respond to my sudden unease with our relationship. It wasn't how I really felt I did love him and I wanted to be with him but I didn't want to drag him into my world of torment and torture.

"How can you say that?" Julian asked sounding truly hurt by my words.

"Because I don't want you to have to deal with all of this."

"I choose to deal with it because I love you." The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them and I just stared at him open mouthed. "Don't you love me? I hear you in your sleep -- you talk you know. I hear your dreams, I hear when you dream about me and you are talking to me about our future and how much you love me. I just figured you weren't ready to say it and I did not want to put any pressure on you by saying it first."

I sighed, I was cornered with the truth and I didn't know how to reply. Tears welled in my eyes and I turned away from Julian because I could not bear to look at him and the pain in his eyes. I felt a hand on my shoulder and he turned me around and I just stared at him for a long moment. "I do love you, Julian. But you just don't..."

"Stop. Just stop. I choose to be here with you. I love you and I am here and I will do anything I can to help you." He took his thumb and wiped away the tears from my eyes.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I am in for the long haul." He smiled at me and I could not help but smile and fall into his arms.

"I love you," I whispered against his chest.

******

Julian drove to the funeral home. I had called early in the morning and told them to expect his body and made arrangements to come down there at noon. Never having done this before I expected it to be much like in the movies and I wasn't wrong. It really wasn't hard, especially for a man like Thomas James Franklin the elder.

The funeral director showed Julian and I around and explained how things worked and we talked about arrangements. I wanted him in a cardboard box, cremated and then I didn't care what happened to the ashes because I didn't want them. They could go unclaimed for all I cared, and suddenly I wondered if that ever happened, if ashes ever went unclaimed. I suspected that it was rare but could happen.

Then there was the obituary, which I did not want to put in the paper but was told that I should. I sighed and went ahead and gave the man the information for the obituary. However, I wanted it clear that there would be no funeral or services and flowers and cards were not being accepted. I wanted this as simple as I could make it because I wanted it to be done and over with as soon as possible.

When we were about to leave one of the attendants interrupted and asked to speak with the director. When the director returned he apologized and said that my Grandfather's body had arrived a little while ago and he asked if I would like to see him. Suddenly there was a morbid curiosity coursing through me and I nodded my head.

"Are you sure?" Julian asked as he reached for my hand.

"No. But I think I should." I said. "You don't have to go if you don't want to."

"No, it's fine I will go with you."

I followed behind the director to the viewing room and stopped in the doorway. The place was creepy and I could sense that there was this heaviness about the room. There were a lot of people that had been in that room and I could feel all of them pressing down upon me. My breathing grew faster and I felt panicked. I felt dizzy and the room began to spin and I swooned. I was going to pass out.

"Are you okay?"

I shook my head and Julian put an arm around me and led me out of the room.

"I am sorry." Julian said turning to the funeral director, "I don't think this is a good idea."

"I understand." The director said and ushered Julian and I back to his office where we talked for a few more minutes before leaving.

When we reached the car Julian unlocked it and opened my door. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Better now, thanks. I think I just need to go home and..." a smile came over my face as I looked at Julian and I knew that he knew exactly what I was thinking. Gods I hoped the sex stayed this good all the time.

*****

This time we made it to the bedroom before the clothes were off and on the floor. Julian pulled me into him deeply kissing me and he stepped towards me until I ran into the bed and fell back, Julian falling with me.

His hands trailed my body and I moaned at his touch, it felt so good. I didn't realize just how much I needed to feel him at that moment until I felt his hands on me. "I love you." I breathed against his ear and I felt his body react to my words.

"I love you, too." He said as his lips devoured mine again and again and I could not help the growl that escaped my lips.

I rolled him over on his back and smiled down at him, I was in control now. My smile widened as I took his hands and pushed them up above his head and pinned them down. "Now, be a good boy and stay there when I let go." He did as he was told and stayed there and I smiled again as I readied my cock for him. Lifting his legs and wrapping them around me I slowly pushed inside of Julian. He groaned with pleasure and I looked into his eyes and I thought to myself just how much I loved him at that very moment.