Wor and Play

A/N: Three years later. Wow. Your comments have caused me to fall back into this story. No excuses here; let's get on with it!

_________

"I didn't ruin the barbeque, did I?"

"No," Grayson chuckles. I hear beeping on his end of the line. "I just wish I were there before things got out of hand."

I haven't moved from my bed since I woke up two hours ago. At 11.

Grayson was calling to invite me to lunch, but I told him I'd rather stay inside. According to his knowledge, Clay and I were just in a disagreement, and I had called the cops because Clay was drunk and threatening me.

I think Jiao is the one who spread that story through the crowd. She left for California this morning. I wish I'd seen her beforehand.

"I'll be the office gossip for a while," I groan. My alarm clock taunts me with "1:13pm", and I just stare at it. I don't feel like doing anything today. Or tomorrow.

"Yeah, yeah. But everyone who knows Clay knows he's a drunk. It was only a matter of time before something like that happened. I'm sorry you got caught in the middle of it. He's an asshole, really."

"Mhmm," I mumble. The phone is silent for a second. "We could run later today, if you want. I think I'll be feeling better by then."

"Yeah. Sorry that whole thing happened, Zeke. Really let me know if you need anything. Or anyone to talk to. Or just company, you know?"

I smile a little. "Thanks."

"Anytime."

-----------

I had to prepare myself for about an hour for the looks I'd get when I walked into the office on Monday. Two people asked if I was alright, one guy mumbled about "that asshole Clay Edgar", the rest just gave really sympathetic smiles.

Gabriel and I haven't talked besides a few exchanged text messages. I tried not to let that stress me out. I already have to have a meeting with HR, and some guy who works over Clay and me—a guy who isn't Grayson or Gabe—to discuss the events of the barbeque. Oh, and Clay will be in the room.

The sandwich I brought is just texture in my mouth. In five minutes, I'm heading upstairs to confront one awful part of my life. By myself.

Clay sits on one side of the table with someone to his right—maybe his lawyer—and there are two HR reps that I recognize. There's a chair for me, opposite Clay. There's a projector set up in the middle of the table, and it's turned on. I wonder—

"I don't have a lot of time," comes Gabriel's voice from the speaker, "—only about thirty minutes, actually. Make this quick." Soon enough, he sits in front of his laptop.

My heart skips a beat and I feel myself flush but I don't care. I feel this tingling on the back of my neck. All the way in California and he still is right with me.

"Glad you were able to join us, Mr. Ortega. This process will go by much more smoothly with you in the mix," one of the HR reps says. He straightens out a folder and clears his throat. "Everyone present has been fully informed of the situation at hand."

"Yes," Gabriel says.

"Ezekiel Hartigan has informed Human Resources that he will not be pressing any legal charges against Clay Edgar."

"No?" Gabriel asks.

"No, Sir," I respond. Gabriel shakes his head with a sigh. "Signed off on everything."

"Alright well—" Gabe checks his phone. "Well, we're obviously terminating Edgar." The room is silent. Gabe looks into the camera. "Hello?"

"My client is being... fired?" Clay's lawyer asks. Gabe rolls his eyes. "Mr. Ortega—with all due respect—one incident in the course of 8 years warrants termination? That seems arbitrary."

"In what way? Just weeks ago, we presented the company's no tolerance policy on sexual harassment, your client chose to ignore it, chose to abuse an employee—and from what I understand this is NOT the first time." The room is silent again. "Is this the first time Clay Edgar has assaulted Zeke Hartigan, Patty, or am I just making things up?" Gabe asks one of the HR reps. He's obviously still pissed. I hope he doesn't blow this.

"Reports from both Mr. Hartigan and Mr. Edgar are consistent in the fact that Friday's incident was not the first time Edgar had made unwanted sexual advances toward Hartigan," Patricia reads directly from the file.

Clay's lawyer scoffs. "My client has an obvious alcohol consumption issue, and it is discriminatory to disregard—"

"You do realize you are fortunate that Mr. Hartigan is not bestowing ANY legal action upon your client, correct? Not even a RESTRAINING ORDER. With your history of domestic disturbance, multiple DUI's, a battery charge, public intoxication—you do realize you are VERY fortunate that this company is JUST NOW letting you go, Mr. Edgar? And given your work performance it probably should have been done a long time ago. This is your own undoing. OrtegaTech Corporate is happy to provide services to reduce your alcohol consumption."

Gabriel doesn't even have to be in a room to control it. Is he being harsh? Yeah, a little. But Clay messed with both me and Jiao. And he's a shithead.

"Anything else that needs to be said?"

Clay's lawyer shrugs. "I was under the impression we were discussing options for a more temporary punishment."

"Ha! Why are you here? We are not. Good day to you all."

And with that, the call goes black.

----------

Gabe even sent HR a list of rehabs for Clay within two minutes of leaving the meeting.

At two o'clock, Clay's things have been removed from his office.

At three o'clock, I ask Grayson if I can go home.

At four o'clock, I cry on my bed, letting out the last of my built-up emotions. Frustrated tears, sad tears, tears of relief. I didn't know this was a battle I'd have to fight, but I'm glad it's over. I think it's time to start telling the truth. I start with Beth.

"Are you coming in August? There were people in town from OrtegaTech talking about a summer program. They were at the job fair. Apparently that starts soon? And what are you doing for Michael's birthday? You can't just send him money again."

"Bethany," I cut her off. "I... I think I'm gonna do the nepotism thing and make sure you get the internship here."

Beth pauses for a second. "Okay... I mean I'd rather you not—"

"Beth, it's a dink internship, not a concrete job. I probably wouldn't have to pull many strings, but I want you to live with me for your three months before college. And I bet you'd be able to keep doing hours while you're in school." Beth doesn't protest, which she shouldn't. "And you know I can't just show up for Michael's birthday in two weeks."

Bethany sighs, "Zeke, he isn't talking to anyone. He even tried to fake sick. We know from age six not to fake sick, and he did. He's really not okay."

"I'll call him. Beth... I actually called to tell you something that's been going on." Beth is silent, and I sigh out loud, reminding myself that the situation is over. "I was harassed for a few weeks by a coworker. He's fired now but... it shook me up pretty bad."

"What... what do you mean harassed? Like sexually harassed?" Beth whispers.

I sigh, picking at my nail. "Yeah. He's fired and all that. I just really needed to tell someone because I feel like I haven't been honest with anyone lately and—I'm just struggling. And Gabriel left," I explain, my voice cracking.

"Who's Gabriel?" Beth asks. "You really haven't told me anything."

"Gabe... my boss. I-I think we're dating now but I'm not sure—he didn't leave forever... he's still coming back but that'll be a month from now. I just got myself into a fucked up situation overall. I can't wait until I see you." I thought I was done tearing up, but I swipe a droplet away from my cheek.

"Maybe... you need to see the family? It's been years, Zeke. You're the only one who wasn't here during the last two Christmases," Beth tries. I don't even have to respond before she answers her own statement. "Yeah, yeah—I mean Mom still acts like you being gay is the worst thing to happen to this family, which is not good for any of us, but... I wanna see you sometimes, darn it."

"Beth—"

"Mom has Alzheimers. Just, deal with it."

---------

Today at work, we're all signing an electric document, confirming that we understand the company's new sexual harassment policy. Gabriel's idea. He talked to me about it yesterday. He was pretty shaken up still, and he said he couldn't focus on the meetings he was supposed to be having about Roderick Tracy.

I suggested he do something that would make him feel safer about me being in Colorado without him, so he sent HR a proposal at 1 a.m. to modify the harassment policy, adding an amendment.

Two days later, I'm signing my name electronically, but not really paying attention.

I had a million questions about Beth's hypothesis two days ago, and from what it sounds like, Michael is gay, alone, and severely depressed. He's only going to be fourteen in two weeks.

So I decided yes, I'll go home in August.

In the meanwhile, Sean came to visit Grayson (Sean said he was stopping by to talk to some higher-ups, but he also drove five hours on a Wednesday, so I suppose he'll be clocking in here for the week) and of course, the office was abuzz. Those who didn't know Grayson and Sean were dating from the barbeque definitely found out by the bouquet of flowers Sean brought for Grayson.

I thought it'd make me miss Gabriel to see Grayson and Sean head out for lunch together, but I just felt happy for them. I felt a little less happy when Shannon casually strolled into my office, and I knew by her face she'd ridicule me for eating four Slim Jims, which she did.

So I guiltily pop the last piece in my mouth and sip my coffee while Shannon chats on about her day, and I nod and grunt in response. "And how are you? We haven't really talked sine the barbeque."

I just nod, knowing exactly where this conversation is going before Shannon even asks. "I'm good. Better than I was when Clay Edgar was harassing me... which was because of my sexuality."

Shannon nods, and she leans back on my door. "Here I was thinking I'd have to pry." I shrug. "The things I thought I knew... why didn't you just tell me, Zeke? Even after Grayson told the both of us... did I do something to make both of you feel so uncomfortable you didn't tell me for such a long time?" Shannon asks.

"Shannon... being gay is something I have a hard time admitting to myself sometimes, and I've known for close to seven years now. It's a lot of just—having to reintroduce myself as someone different every time I out myself. I think it's something that will bother me for a long time. And so far... I don't know how Clay found out, but that was enough for me to never want anyone to know ever again," I explain, staring at a spot on the wall. For a second, I thought she'd be hurt that I didn't trust her, but she just gives me a look of admiration.

"I don't ever want you to think I'm not there for you. Or that this company isn't there for you. So many people are gay, Baby. That's all," Shannon says. She swipes a Slim Jim from my desk and heads out. Ironic.

I'm afraid to leave my office all day, even to use the restroom. I find myself staring intently at my computer screen, finishing up any little bits of work I can to avoid confronting anyone else. I know a lot of people are curious about the circumstances of the barbeque; people I barely see have been glancing into my office window.

At five, I pack up all my things and leave before anyone can confront me. I type up a text to Grayson saying I didn't feel like running today, but I erase it. I think I should properly talk to him. If anything, his coming out was smooth and unquestioned. Granted, he's never shown genuine interest in women or pretended to be attracted like I did. I feel like people respect Grayson more than me anyway.

ZEKE: Hey... I vaguely came out to Shannon and I'm feeling a little suffocated. she was amazing about it, as I expected, but I'm still a little anxious. I know you might be with Sean, but can I call you later?

GRAYSON: Sean is here but he probably wants rest from driving. do you want to talk about it while we run?

ZEKE: Yeah. Sorry for being an ass and thank you for everything.

GRAYSON: :) No problem. You were going through it, man. I understand

---------------

I figure I won't beat myself up too much over taking a shower when I get home and having to take another one after running with Grayson. There's a message that has been in the voicemail of my phone, and it blinks. I've been ignoring it for two days, but I decide to set my phone on speaker, and I place it on the kitchen counter while I eat chips.

"Hello Zeke Hartigan. This is Doctor Garrett Mourney from Vista Medical. I have your result from Friday's examination. I'll spare you the suspense; it turned up negative. Feel free to contact Vista Medical with any questions and my extension is 4007. Have a great day."

With that, I quickly chomp down the rest of the chips and go to my room to put on sweats.

Grayson actually bikes over to my house. I guess he's taking advantage of the warmer weather. I greet him with a half-hug and ask if he wants to come inside for a minute, but he's all ready to run.

"Can we do a shorter run?" I ask.

"Absolutely," Grayson says. We set out right when it's starting to get dark, and I feel like I'm in the middle of the bad and good. I'm afraid I'll start spilling everything if I open up, so I'll wait until Grayson brings it up. We run in silence for a while before he does.

"I tossed a note in the trash today, and I missed," Grayson says. I 'hmm'. "It was funny, cause I was going to throw it away, and I found a button by the trash can."

My heart rate speeds up a little. I know that button. Completely forgot about it. Forgot that the second time Gabe and I fucked, it was in Grayson's office. Just in case Grayson is suspicious, I act casual, nodding and 'hmm'ing again. I say 'hmm' while I think about the way Gabe teased me for wanting to be spanked, and I shrug while I remember how we shared sloppy kisses while sitting on the ground. And I think at that moment, I knew Gabriel had me tied down, even if I didn't admit it.

"I checked my jacket and pants, but I couldn't find where the thing came from," Grayson says. I just nod. "So how are you now? After all the shit?" he asks between breaths.

I shrug. "I'm feeling better. Not having Clay near me anymore is good... I'm glad Shannon knows now, too. I feel a lot more secure." Grayson just "mhmms" while I speak. "I shouldn't have made your coming out about me," I say quickly. "I realize how stressful it is... I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I lash out and make everything about me." I notice that we're slowing down, and I don't mind. I feel like Grayson just forgives me before I say anything but I feel the need to say it anyway. "I um... my parents weren't accepting at all, and I'm still trying to work through that. And there's a lot of... I dunno, newness in my life right now. It's overwhelming."

Grayson stays a silent listener while I go on and on about my feelings and my behavior. Finally, when it's been half an hour, we stop running and sit on a bench, watching the last bit of sun fade behind the mountains. "Zeke, I know you never mean harm. You don't have to tell me that," Grayson says. I nod. "I was lucky to have supportive parents and friends. You don't have to deal with everything perfectly."

"I feel like I do," I sigh. Just when Grayson is about to respond, my phone rings. Good thing I kept Gabriel's name as 'G' in my phone, because Grayson can look right at the screen. I pick it up quickly. "Hey, sis," I say plainly.

"Hey—what? It's Gabe—"

"Yeah, yeah, I remember that," I say with a nod. Grayson just checks his emails. "What does mom say about that?"

"Zeke—ohh. Alright. What are you doing?" Gabe asks with a chuckle. "Obviously not able to talk to me."

I decide not to step away in case I look suspicious. "Just out on a run with Grayson. How was school?"

Gabe sighs. "'School' was a little wobbly. People are really laying it hard on the 'school'. We haven't been a hundred percent in 'student' relationships, and it's coming to bite us in the ass. Um, I'm guessing you can't talk for long, so I can call you later."

"Yeah, that sounds great," I sigh. "Yeah, just call me later."

Grayson turns to me, "You don't have to get off the phone," he says.

"She has to go anyway," I say quietly.

Gabe laughs again. "If I weren't so worn out, I'd play around with this, see if I can get you to blow your cover."

"Yeah, that sounds perfect," I say mindlessly. Gabriel chuckles. God, that laugh. I know exactly what his face looks like right now. The right side of his mouth always turns up more than the left and his eyes squint like crescents, hints of that gray peeking through long lashes. It's only been a few times when he's chuckled like that and I'm laid against him, feeling the vibration in his chest through my back. Damnit, I don't know if it's going to get better or worse by the end of the month.

"Bye Zeke," Gabe says.

"Bye. Miss you. Love you," I say automatically. It's dead silent on the other end. "Beth. Talk to you later." I hang up fast before I get the chance to stop breathing over what just slipped out of my mouth.

"Younger sister?" Grayson asks. I just nod.

---------------

I panic over and over and over again and I preheat the oven and turn it off and I preheat it and turn it off and I turn on and off the shower three times before I strip off all my clothes and sit in the tub with my arms draped over my head. I've been trying to justify it by saying I was absorbed in acting like he was my sister but I know that's not true.

Deep down I knew this would happen. I knew after years of throwing my feelings around, someone would come along and give me the right attention at the right time and I'd be fucked.

I know Gabriel's going to pretend he didn't hear it.

I love being around him, and I love the way he touches me. I'm not allowed to love him though. I can't even properly say that I do, or that it was what I was feeling at the time. It's been a month. A few weeks? I'm sitting here picking my fingernails so much I'm sure they might bleed. I can't believe I'm 24 years old and I've known a man for a month and I get so wrapped up in myself that I scare him off.

I shampoo my hair three times because I don't know if I actually can do anything right at the moment.

"Love you"

"Love you"

"Love you"

I want to take it back. No second thoughts I want to take it back I want to call him and tell him I was acting I want to take control of myself again.

I dry myself off and sit on the living room floor, staring at my phone. It buzzes twice—emails. The third time it buzzes I feel like my heart is about to stop when I see the 'G'. I know I told him to call but I just hold the phone in my hand. If I hesitate, he'll know I'm thinking about it. If I answer, I have to confront the situation head-on.

"Hello," I say softly.

"Hey. Is it too late to call?"

"No, no. What are you up to?" My hand still shakes, but I'm calming down.

Gabe tells me he's on the beach. It's been a while since he's been to the beach, a good three months before he came to Colorado. It takes ten minutes to get there, he says. I love the way he talks about the beach: not in a romanticized poetic way, but in a way of deep, navy-blue admiration. I wonder if he could talk to anyone about me, he'd talk about me like he talks about the beach. I wonder if his admiration of me would be navy-blue, or deep, woody-red. I wish I could talk about him, too.

"Saw someone who looked a bit like you today," Gabe says.

"Oh?"

"She had more freckles than you, but yeah," Gabe says with a sigh. "Zeke, I'm not gonna lie, this sucks. I thought I could stop thinking about how everything is going to shit, but I can't."