Assist

It's been a couple of days since I first met Matthew, and there's been little to no contact with myself and him. Besides the odd "Hello", or seeing him strutting around the store, there's been nothing. He's been wearing the shirts I sold him, and strangely, they fit different while he's in movement. They seem to cling tighter, the stores overhead lights seem to catch the shimmer of the stretch fabric, accentuating his body even more. I'm starting to wonder if I scared him off, if he caught on to my second-too-long stares, or if he realised that the shirts I gave him really don't leave much to the imagination. Or maybe I'm overthinking this and he's just been busy.

I'm starting my shift a little bit earlier than usual this morning, so I'm alone completely alone when I arrive and all the lights are off. My store manager lets me in as he is the first to arrive in the morning.

"How are ya, Blake? You good?" He asks, opening up the door for me.

"As good as I can be at this hour, Rob," I respond through a yawn.

"I know how you feel, man, I know how you feel." Rob walks off, presumably back to the managers office.

He's an interesting guy, Rob. He's roughly middle aged, no more than 40, but no less than 35 years old. He's surprisingly solid, maybe a bit porky around the middle, and taller than myself by about an inch or so. He has a closely trimmed dirty blonde beard and hazel eyes. I think he has a wife and two kids, but you wouldn't know it because he doesn't keep any photos of them in his office. He has quite a booming voice that seems to carry between rooms, and he slurs his words a bit, as though he can't be bothered to put his mouth in the right positions for annunciation.

I clock in using the screen on the wall, and head to the locker room. I pull out the flashlight on my phone so I can see where I'm going through the dark store, and as I'm walking past the doorway to the back office, I hear Rob talking to someone on the phone, though I'm not sure who would be up at this hour. I can't quite make out what he's saying, I'm only catching half words or sounds that sound like words.

I keep moving, and get to the locker room a little bit further along. I put my bag and my jacket into my locker, and close it as I move to the mirror at the end of the room. I can't help but think of Matthew in the fitting rooms in front of the mirror. His open shirt, his toned torso rippling underneath, his even skin. I see myself standing in the mirror, slack-jawed, lost in my own fantasy. Like he could ever find me attractive, I'm a little bit too thin so my arms and legs seem to jut out awkwardly, and my face hasn't quite gone past the pubescent phase so I could more or less pass as a 17 year old. I have the same haircut I've had since I was thirteen, and unsurprisingly, I'm still a virgin. I wouldn't be surprised if Matthew thought I was still a minor. As I'm looking at myself in the mirror, I see a shadow move from behind me. I whip around and-

"Matthew?!" I say, startled. I didn't even know he was in the building, let alone behind me.

"Hey! Thought I heard someone else here." He said nonchalantly.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"Am I not allowed in the locker room?" He retorts.

"No no, not that, I meant... I thought you were starting later with the rest of the managers?"

"Oh right, yeah no, Rob asked me to come in early for some extra training, teaching me how to open the store, etc."

Of course, Rob wasn't on the phone when I walked past the door to the back office, he was talking to Matthew.

"Ah... right." I said, ending the conversation.

Matthew stood in front of me, hands on his hips. It was like he was waiting for something. I stared back at him.

"Did you need me for something, or...?" I finally ask, breaking the ice.

"Yes! Sorry, I just wanted to thank you again for the shirts, they fit perfectly." He says.

Okay, and?

He continues. "I also just wanted to mention... I was looking at the security footage from that night you helped me - Rob was showing me the ropes last night - and I just wanted to mention that if you wanted to know what cologne I was wearing, you could've just asked me. We sell it in the store."

I feel my body immediately shatter and fall to pieces where I stand. A pit sinks into my chest, a black hole pumping harder and faster. My face is ignited with embarrassment. He saw me smell his shirt. He saw me smell his shirt. I want to shrink down and not be seen by Matthew, or anyone else for that matter, ever again. I will never be able to live this down. Wait... he said he was with Rob at the time, which means... oh, fuck me.

"I..." I start, but my mouth is dry as a bone. It's like my tongue has never moved before.

"I can show you now if you have time?" Matthew asks.

I think he's noticed that the person standing in front of him is merely a shell who's insides have turned into dust. He's trying to save my face.

"Actually I'm wearing it at the moment if you wanted a reminder of what it smelled like." He continues.

I'm pulled out of the active decay of my entire life. What? What does that even mean? Matthew tilts his head to the side, exposing the side of his neck, veins protruding from underneath his skin.

"I've got it on just here," He says, gesturing to his neck.

Is this a test? Is this a challenge? I not meant to make this advance? Is he baiting me into this? God, his neck looks good.

"Oh- Uh- That's fine-" I stumble out.

"No, seriously, I insist." He says. It felt almost like a command, as if he would punish me for not obeying.

Fuck it. I take a sharp breath and pull myself together. I stride towards Matthew, not wanting to look too eager, but also not wanting to look too standoffish. I stop just in front of him, a little bit closer than you normally would, and I can smell him from here. I can smell his warm cologne, his musk. I'm missing the salty tang of his sweat, but I'm also picking up on the slight soapy smell from his morning shower. I flick my eyes towards his, and we lock gazes for a brief moment. In that moment, I can tell that we both know how this looks, and neither of us care. At least, that's what I'm hoping I'm getting from him. I look at his neck again, up close now, and I can see some freckles dotted along. His skin looks incredibly soft, I can almost feel the texture, it's warmth, under my dry lips.

I lean forward, stopping so close to his skin that I can almost feel the heat radiating off his body. It takes every ounce of my control to not go further and kiss him up and down his neck. To envelope myself into his body, and cover his skin with small bruises. I close my eyes and inhale. He smells of warm spices, cinnamon and saffron, vanilla, amber, and a smokey depth that I didn't pick up on before. He smells like a comforting blanket, a warm fire on a cold night, a sweet caramel dissolving on your tongue. I can smell his musk too, it's slightly salty, slightly sour, but there's a comfortability in it. His musk and his cologne combine and I smell more, a lover's warmth shared under a comforting blanket, skin-on-skin contact by the fire on a cold night, a kiss that feels like sweet caramel dissolving between our tongues. It's the kind of scent that I could try to describe all the elements individually, but I could not describe how it makes me feel like the world has collapse beyond me, how it makes my knees weak, how I could just settle into his neck and nuzzle it like baby.

I open my eyes again, but I linger at his neck. I exhale, covering his skin in warm air. It's right there, if only I could... no.

I finally pull back, and meet Matthews gaze again. We both linger. His face looks relaxed, almost inviting. I clear my throat and break the eye contact, stepping back.

"That's, uh," I clear my throat and meet his eyes again. "That is quite nice, I'd love for you to show me that cologne. Maybe some time after work?"

"Yeah, for sure." His response is soft and low.

"Well, uh, I better-"

"Of course, of course."

"Things to do, you know."

"Right... Right! Don't let me get in your way." Matthew side steps, snapping out of the trance he had put himself in.

I practically run out of the locker room. I can't bear to be in the same room as him right now.

I seek refuge in the bathroom, a little bit further a long from the locker room. I can feel my face burning up, I can still smell his scent, I can still see his lingering gaze. I turn on the tap at the sink to the coldest setting and splash some water over my face, trying to shock me out of this daze. I look at myself in the mirror, water dripping from my face. I don't know what's come over me. It's like I lose all inhibitions of myself and become a rabid animal that only wants him.

I walk over to the urinal, hoping to buy myself time so I don't have to cross paths with Matthew again on my way out. I undo my pants and do my business. I did not realise it until now but I'm actually semi-erect. I don't know how long I have been, and I don't know if it was showing through my pants. Regardless, I need to stop thinking about him otherwise I won't be able to put myself away.

I finish up, but I hold myself in position for a bit longer, trying to think of anything and everything else in the world. I soften a bit more, so I shove it back into my underwear and do my pants back up again. I turn around to walk back to the sink, and as I do, Matthew enters the bathroom. I stop when I see him.

"Feels like I'm stalking you," he laughs. "Just gotta leak." He starts to unbuckle his pants as he's walking, even though he's still quite a few steps away from the urinal.

I laugh awkwardly, and start walking back to the sink again. When I get to the sink I start to wash my hands, but I can't help but watch Matthew through the mirror. His back is to me, he has one hand on his hip, while the other is down in front of him. He straightens his back, almost flexing his shoulders to me, like he can sense that I'm staring. I finish washing my hands, but when I go to turn off the tap and run out of the bathroom without so much as a goodbye, I reach for the soap and begin to lather my hands up again.

"I feel like I could learn a lot from you," He calls out.

Startled, and with my hands now under the running water, I respond, "Oh really? In what way?"

I see him drop his hand from his hip, and the sound of his belt buckle jingling as he does it back up. I rush to the paper towels so he doesn't catch me staring at him through the mirror.

"I haven't had a lot of experience in face-to-face customer service," he says, making his way to the sink. "And I've been served by you, so I know the level of personal service and assistance you give."

Finally having dried my hands, I look up to him from the paper towel stand. He stands in front of the sinks with his hands on his hips. I soak him in, looking at his entire body, and that's when I notice it... his fly is down. It's also gaping a little bit. Do I mention it? Should I return the favour? Or will he question me on why I was even looking down there? God, I hate how he does this to me.

"Uh, your, uh- Your fly is down." I manage to stutter out. I can feel my face turning red.

He looks down at his crotch, incredibly nonchalantly, and chuckles. He doesn't try to fix it.

"Ah, it is to. Now I know how it feels to be caught like this," he responds. "Are you able to help me with this?"

What? What the fuck is he asking me to do?

"Sorry, I don't un-" I start.

"I was just wondering," he cuts me off, "if you could offer me some assistance. With this." His voice commanding me again, but this time it remains quiet.

I look up at his face and a sly smile is swept across his face, but his eyes remain soft... almost needy. I can feel my pants swelling, and I let out a shakey breath. It's all been a fantasy up until this point. It's all been glances and held gazes, his smell, and an imaginary touch. But he's inviting me in now, he's confirming every second guess I had, every doubt, and I want this. Oh god, how I want this so bad. He's taken over my mind like no one else has before, and to get even closer makes every rational thought I have in my head fall to pieces. I don't care if he's playing with me, at least it's something.

I walk over to him without breaking eye contact, and stop just in front of his shoulder. I can smell his cologne from here, and it fills me up even more. He hasn't stopped smiling, but I can hear his deep breaths, each one ending with a slight shake, as though he's nervous too. I look down and look at his open fly. From here, I can see his white underwear slightly bulging out of the fly, his shape is contoured by his pants.

I move my hand from my side and place it onto his inner thigh. It's warm. The hairs on the back of my neck and all the way down my arms stand up. I look back at him, and he turns back to me, locking onto my eyes. I move my hand upwards, tucking my finger tips under his warm crotch and resting my palm on where the zipper starts. I can feel his balls under my fingertips as they sit in his underwear. I feel a pulse under my palm, a throbbing. It's his cock hardening itself under my touch. I drag my finger tips up to the zipper, rounding my way around his bulge, and I start to pull it upwards to close his fly. I pull slowly, one section at a time, and I let my finger tips graze closely to the outside of his pant bulge. I feel his cock throb again as my fingers graze over what I presume is his shaft. Matthews breath has become shakier, but our eyes are still locked. My hand gets to the top of his pants, and his fly is now closed. I let go of the zipper but before my hand can go too far, I place it over his closed fly and lightly hold onto Matthew's bulge, as though to confirm that his pants are now closed. I'm trying to saviour this moment, taking all of him in within my hand. I take a deep breath in, smelling him all over again, and I lift my hand off his pants, with my finger tips lingering for just a second longer before coming off.

"Did you need anything else today?" I ask with a coy smile. I'm leaning into the fantasy.

Matthew is looking at me with a fire in his eyes.

"There is one other thing-" Matthew whispers out, his voice is low and shakey.

The door of the bathroom swings open, and Rob walks in. I practically jump away from Matthew to one of the sinks, and Matthew swings around to the other sink behind him. I turn on my tap to not look suspicious. Rob stops when he notices that we are both in here.

"Wahey! Party in the mens room!" He exclaims with a smile on his face. "What a coincidence!"

I attempt to smile in response but I can't help but feel a pit of despair growing inside of me. I had pulled myself away from Matthew, pulling myself away from the weird sexual fantasy that we had created. I couldn't believe what I had just done. This is technically my boss, and for all I know, he's married, and I just groped his cock from outside his pants, feeling his constrained length, imagining how the real thing would feel in my hands. I try to catch Matthews eye through the mirror, attempting to see whether my sexual emotions towards him were even reciprocated or whether he was just toying with me, but he's concentrating on washing his hands. I replay the moment in my head over and over again, trying to remember what happened or maybe I'm trying to convince myself that it did in fact happen. The images are foggy, and the details are reconstructions, gaps filled in from my own fantasy. I remember him asking for assistance... but assistance with what? I didn't just go up to him and touch him, right? He asked for it... right? The scene in my head swirls and I don't know what the truth is anymore, I don't even know if I can face him again.

I look back at Rob, and he undoes his belt while he's still standing at the door.

"I guess we've all synchronized our pisses then," he chuckles.

I finish up washing my hands for the third time, take a deep breath, and move back to the paper towels. At the same time, Rob strides towards the urinals. While drying my hands, I see him start to undo the fly of his pants (it's a button fly) while he's still a good few feet away from the urinal. He rips the button fly open while walking past me, and I get a glimpse of his light brown and seemingly unkempt pubic hair as it pokes out of his pants. Rob was not wearing any underwear. I almost choked upon seeing it, not expecting to see any intimate part of Rob at any point in my life. The moment was so fleeting that I start to convince myself that I didn't see anything. My eyes were making up what they saw as they were still stuck in the fantasy with Matthew. My horny mind was clearly searching for things that weren't there. Regardless, my cock was rock hard in my pants, even more so having seen Rob, so I stayed at the paper towels a little bit longer in the hopes that it would go down. I could see Rob in the reflection of the mirror, one of his big and thick hands high on the wall as he leaned over the urinal. I could hear his piss hitting the urinal hard and heavy.

"You boys ready for a good day?" He calls over.

"Yep," Matthew says.

I throw my used paper towel out and rush towards the door. "See ya around," I say, finally leaving them.

I stop just outside the door to catch my breath. Matthews scent reaches me again, and I'm reminded in full colour of our interaction. The feel of Matthew's bulge cupped in my hand, his shakey breath in my ear, his fiery eyes almost begging for me. It was all real, but now I don't know what to do about it, or if I can do anything. If there wasn't two managers in the room next to me, I would've started jerking off then and there. I hear Matthew and Rob talking in the bathroom, and for some reason I decide to I walk closer to the door to hear a bit clearer.

"Is the kid gone?" Rob says.

"Yeah he's gone," Matthew replies.

Rob sighs. "Thanks for this morning, Matt, you were great," He says, his voice low and deep.

"Any time, Rob. For you, any time," responds Matthew.

What are they talking about?

"Can't make it too regular, can we? The wife will start getting suspicious." Rob continues.

Matthew laughs, "Suspicious of what? You're just at work."

"I guess that's true," Rob chuckles back. "Some mouth you have on you."

What does that mean?

"Well, that's some cock you have on you too." Matthew says.

What?!

I pull away from the door and throw my hand over my mouth, fearing I'd make a sound. I feel the pit in my stomach drag down again, my face flushes and my mouth dries. Are Matthew and Rob fucking? No no no, surely not, I misheard something, I'm misunderstanding something, there's some context that I'm missing. As far as I'm aware, Rob is as straight as an arrow... Matthew is confusing me, but that... Rob has a fucking wife! They can't be...

I hear both of them laugh from inside, and I panic, realising that they'll be coming out within the next 3 seconds. I dash from the bathroom door, running as fast as I can to the shop floor. I step behind a wall, hiding me from view so I can catch my breath. I hear the bathroom door open, and the two manager's feet shuffle out. I hold my breath, not wanting to make a sound until their footsteps fade away as they walk towards the back office.

The shop is quiet again, and I let my breath out. I sit down on the ground, unable to hear clearly, unable to breath steady, and unable to think straight. I'm scattered like a jigsaw puzzle. Everything happened so quickly, and I don't know how to start processing it. I don't know if I ever will.