Sun and Sea

Sun and Sea: Sadness is Temporary

Narrator: Rohit

I didn't see him for the next 2 days when I went to pick our food and returned home oddly disappointed and relieved. That weekend I packed my best clothes in the morning and decided to demonstrate that I can talk and am not some small town buffoon and also show my muscles in the process by wearing my tightest shirt.

I waited all day till it was almost 7.30 and then walked into the restaurant. What I felt when I met him for the first time was purely physical but when I heard him sing, I felt elated and for some reason proud that he was so talented. I stood there till he finished the song and clapped and whistled loud enough to get his attention from across the room.

He walked up to me and stood there with his hands in his pockets wearing a red and black check shirt and black jeans.

"Hey! You are a great singer." I managed to smile at him trying to draw to my full height and tighten my muscles.

"Thanks, you're here for your go-to meal?" He said looking down with his hands in his jeans pocket.

"Ya! Ya! My food. The food, ya that's what I am here for." I felt deflated.

"Come with me, we will get it from the back." He gestured by nodding his head towards the door, his hair falling on his face which he pushed back with his hand and turned around.

I followed him through the "EMPLOYEE ONLY" door to the kitchen.

Arnesh walked to his mom and may have asked for the parcel. She looked at me and said something pressing her lips together. He recoiled like he was hit physically with what she said and then he walked out of the door past me without looking. Bhumi came quickly with my food, apologised and requested me silently with her eyes to leave. Her eyes are so much like his but still so different, his more stunning.

I walked out worried for someone else for the first time in my life besides Pa, wanting to find him and see if he was okay. I felt, I didn't know how to explain it ... I felt responsible to ensure he was okay.

I walked to Nain Lake (Lake after which the town is named) and sat there on the bench. It was quiet at this time of the year with no tourists and no locals. It started getting really cold and windy. I covered my ears with my hoodie, zippered my jacket all the way to my neck and put my hands in my pockets.

I was about to leave when I spotted Arnesh, sitting alone in the darkest spot near the lake in his thin shirt, the wind whipping his longish hair. I didn't think too much and went with my first reaction to what I saw. I removed my jacket as I jogged to him and covered him from the back with the jacket.

"You want to fall sick?" I raised my voice to get heard over the howling wind. He just looked at me and smiled. "No die!"

Sun and Sea: Kiss and don't tell!

Narrator: Kitoo

Rohit Uncle went quiet, his voice cracking and he looked down but not before I saw they were shining. I got off my seat and kneeled next to him, "Sorry Uncle, I am so sorry for how I reacted and the things I said. You don't have to tell me anything, both of you don't owe me or anyone any explanation." I looked at Myra for support. She just laid her hand over Rohit Uncles and smiled, communicating wordlessly that she is with him irrespective of what he decides to do.

"No!" He looked at each of us, "You need to know everything. The man who you have only known as a hardworking father is so much more. He is everything to me and not because he is beautiful and that I love him more than myself but because he is worth every second I have dedicated to us and more... so much more."

Narrator: Rohit

I was too young and naïve to understand someone as complex as Arnesh, I just wrapped myself around him and started walking with him, overpowering him physically. I took him to my car and opened the passenger door, he sat inside without any argument, just kept looking at me covered in my jacket. I ran around to the driver's seat as it had started raining heavily. Both of us were wet and cold. I started the engine and the heater, my shirt plastered to my body showing off every muscle I worked so hard to build and maintain, wanting him to notice and like it, so that all the hard work finally pays off. He turned his head and looked at me, "I am bad news for everyone around me Rohit. Don't help me, I will take you down with me. I am wrong for everyone. I am the last person you should be nice to."

"Ya okay! Warning filed in for future reference. Do you have your house keys with you?"

"Ah No!"

"Cool, let's go to my place, get dry and I can give you some of my old clothes, you are almost two sizes smaller than me. I have the food parcel so we can eat and then I will drop you home."

"Didn't you hear me, don't be friends with me, Please!"

"I don't know how they do it in your big city, but in Nainital we don't let people wet and alone in a storm. And look at you, you're like bone and skin, you would be sick in minutes out there. You are stupid to stand in this cold without a jacket in the first place even before it started raining."

"I want to just die and not bother anyone."

"Cool, then next Saturday I will take you to a nice suicide point overlooking the mountains. We have a nice café with good coffee, I am sure you would like that and Mumaani's homemade biscuits. At least you will die awake, fed and happy."

"What? You want me to come out with you on Saturday to a café for coffee and biscuits?"

"Yep! And then die on that scenic mountain side." I smiled at him and put the car in gear and started to drive.

He was quiet for some time and then started talking, looking ahead but seeing nothing. I kept giving him sideway glances but he didn't look at me through the drive, tears flowing from his eyes but not crying. I was okay if he wanted to vent and cry, whatever it takes for him to feel better.

He started his story which was supposed to convince me to stay away but it didn't.

"I was maybe 14 when I realised I was different. I hit puberty differently. I didn't like girls hence was sort of lost on what I liked. Bhumi was my constant confidant and she didn't understand what was going on with me either because she wasn't confused about her orientation. I was convinced that there must be something wrong with me."

"I was a model student, still am, like always first in my class in all subjects. Six months before I turned 16, in my tenth class, I was aligned as a peer coach to a new student, his family had moved from Canada as his father had lost his job. Ronny was different. He was open, exposed to a different world and extremely nice to me."

"We kind of became best friends, I helped him with studies and taught him cricket. I learnt swimming from him and he helped me understand what's going on with me. We discussed it openly as he talked about how different kinds of relationships are acceptable all over the world. Once when we were doing our Math homework at his place, he leaned over and kissed me on my lips. It was more like a peck but I was turned on from head to toe. No doubt in my mind that I liked ... boys. He wasn't super good looking or anything... you know like you but he was someone who understood me, helped me accept what I was and gave me confidence to feel the way I did." When he said that I was better looking, I nudged him to look at me, flexed my biceps and winked at him.

He rolled his eyes and continued now without tears, "We were getting back from my 16th Birthday party and walking through an abandoned park to our place, he took me by my hand behind a tree and kissed me. Like really kissed me and held me to him. I didn't know what to feel, I didn't like Ronny you know that way but I knew I liked boys and this was my first kiss. Illias and Racket, two known bullies from our school, were there smoking. They saw us and called out. Ronny pushed me and I fell down and he shouted, "Stay away from me man! I don't like you like that." and ran away. I laid there, lost and confused with both the bullies now laughing at me.

Next day when I reached school, the story of us kissing in the park had morphed into me attacking poor Ronny sexually and in a month it was a known fact that I am a certified homo sex offender and have attacked multiple helpless boys. The verbal abuse and gossip soon turned physical. Not much just pushing me in the corridors or shoving me in the urinal type of bullying. The teachers were blind to it and I never told my parents. I was in an all-boys school so taunting and name calling had become a constant public humiliation and everyone joined in.

Though I lived in a big city, the world is really small and definitely tiny when it comes to gossip. One of my family aunties got hold of this news and it caught on to our extended family like wild wire. Apparently by the time it reached the full circle I was a homo-paedophile, lurking in parks and attacking innocent boys. I am still not sure what I was to do to them after jumping them besides maybe kissing."

He gave a wry smile. "We had someone getting married in our family and we weren't invited. My mom made phone calls and someone told her that the extended family wasn't comfortable with me being around their boys. Like I had some kind of a disease and will make them all fags by touching them. When I reached home that day, my father slapped me for my perversions and my mother just refused to talk to me." He wiped his tears with the end of his sleeves and sniffed but continued.

"Almost 6 months later when we were at half term and on our Diwali break, Ronny found me one night in the same abandoned park which was where I spent most of my time those days. He told me he is going back to Canada as he came out to his parents and he apologised for making my life miserable. I didn't say anything, didn't even look at him, and just sat there like a loser feeling bad for him that he will have to live alone away from his family because of me."

"When I reached home the living room was dark. I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone now, not even at home but I still asked no one in general, why the lights were off on Diwali, it's supposed to be the festival of lights. My father didn't hit me or anything, just accused me, "Because of you ... you have plunged us in this darkness of shame. Ronny's parents called, told us to keep you away from him. Why can't you STOP?" His voice rising. "

"My mom was sitting with her back to me crying. She said very slowly like talking to herself, "When I was told I am pregnant with twins, I was very scared and unsure what to do with two babies. Then on the 4th month I was told you were not growing as healthy as Bhumi and were frail. They told me that if anything happens to you, it will be a threat to Bhumi and me and gave me an option to abort you. But I said NO, I want both my children, and I was ready to risk it all for your life. Now I feel I shouldn't have."

"I just turned around, got out of the house and started running and after some time found myself on the side of the busy road connecting our township to the city. I just walked into the middle of the road and closed my eyes. "

"But I didn't die, like when I was in my mother's womb, I refused to die and lived on to make everyone around me miserable. I was in the hospital when both my legs and right hand fractured and hence I had to skip my exams. I was sent to my grandparent's vacation hilltop house to get better alone with their servants and then I moved here. "

"Silver lining of the accident was that the family reunited with my Mom and Dad. They must have felt the stitches and broken bones would have cleansed the GAY out of me. I work at the restaurant just for them to not feel I am a burden and my only friend in the world is Bhumi. When I asked for your parcel from Mom, she talked to me after almost a year and said "This is a nice town with wonderful people and we can finally start a good life for us and Bhumi, Ranvijay's son is a good boy please don't spoil him. Stay away from these people."

He looked at me and said, "So you know now that the best thing for everyone is to stay away from this gay plague ground zero." Pointing at himself.

"Okay" I said loudly, breaking the melancholy mood. "Listen I have never been attracted to anyone and then you happened to me ... like I never felt this way for anyone and that too at first sight. For my father it was my mother. He was never attracted to anyone before her and after her he can't think of anyone else. So when I told him that day when we met, the image of you with the guitar sitting under the light burned in my memory and the wave of attraction I feel towards you... my Dad asked me to give it time, sometimes it's just attraction and sometimes it's the person. Pa explained..."

"What?? You said WHAT? You told WHOM? You CRAZY?" He turned around in his seat to face me.

"What, Grandpa knows?" I interrupted Rohit Uncle. "Yes ... duh!" he said, shrugging like he must have when he said it to Dad all those years ago. "Pa always knew and supported me. Where do you think I got the money for the first gym and why do you think we visit Pa as many times as we can? He is the one who helped us." "Grandpa is so cool and I am such a jerk" I said. "No he is old and wise and you are young and allowed to be mad at your parents." He said. Pa, it has a ring to it, I looked at him and saw a father after 18 years, my father is Dad, and Rohit Uncle has always been my Pa, the cool dad. I smiled to myself.

"Can I continue now?" He asked, clearly excited at this part of the story.

"So where were we, yes, Anu thought I was crazy to come out to Pa the way I did but I told him..."

"Hey! My Pa is like your Bhumi. I tell him everything and he does too. And he explained it's okay, as long as I am not making any rash and wrong decisions. He has asked me to get to know you better and try to date a girl and decide. But I have decided I would like to date you till Saturday."

"Why till Saturday?"

"You want me to date you for more time, do you now?" I smiled at him

"No ...I'm curious ... Why Saturday?"

"Coz after coffee and biscuits you are planning to die in that spot I am taking you next Saturday. Then I will date a nice girl and may be a handsome boy and decide what or whom to do next"

He went quiet and then smiled after a long time, and I noticed he had dimples just like Bhumi. Boy! No one likes this one... I like him very much! I decided.

We reached home, getting wet again a few feet from the car to our door. I gave him a change of clothes, changed myself and set plates for dinner. He walked in looking impossibly cute in my oversized clothes which I had outgrown 2 years back. We ate in silence, me smiling at him and he followed me with his eyes everywhere I went.

"What?" I shrugged.

"Is everyone here like you or is it just you?" He asked

"Pa says I am special." I said smiling

"What about my miserable life hasn't pushed you away and why are you being nice to me?" He was kind of muttering and talking to himself but I still chose to answer his question.

"Lessons learnt from your past are ... huh... We are too young to think this is our life, ya you have seen and endured bad stuff that no one should but that doesn't define who you are or what you can be."

"Ronny is an asshole and you are a dumbass to feel bad for him ... period, no discussions on that. " I gestured with pinching my fingers in front of his lips to shut him up when he tried to argue, he has those natural doll lips but not too pouty. Hmmm ... Rohit likes it! I thought, so I said," You have beautiful doll lips".

"You know we should get you tested." He said, rolling his eyes and making circles around his ear.

"Third", I continued, "Parents are weird, all of them and they say weird stuff and then they repent it when they get really old, so ya I don't want you to like them if you don't like them and the last thing is, relatives are like pain in the ass but you can't make them drive your life." I said this and got up, he got up thinking it's time for me to drop him home and started walking towards me to the door.

I intercepted him and hugged him tightly, he just went stiff and kept his hands on his side. I whispered to his ear, "Nothing and I mean nothing in this world is worth throwing away a chance to live and make something of you. Never do that again, you owe it to you and everyone who will meet and love you in the future." I squeezed him harder and pulled his thin body closer. He slowly melted and wrapped his arms around me and started crying, silently at first and then sobbing. "I am not confused about who I am, Rohit! I like the way I feel, but I want to be loved and respected. I don't want to hate my mother, but I do. I feel guilty about it but I can't help. Does it make me a bad person?"

I just held on to him trying to understand his pain, "No! It makes us human."

He looked through the car window when I dropped him at his driveway and said smiling "So we don't go to that place on Saturday if I drop my suicide plan."

"It's a date boss, and I have already told Mumaani, I am getting my future boyfriend to meet her. You tell your parents you won't be singing next Saturday."

"You really need to get tested man, you are crazy and now I sing on Friday and Sunday evenings." He was laughing and somehow I felt satisfied that I was the one to do that, which made me smile till I went to sleep that night, thinking about the boy with big green eyes, doll lips, voice of an angel and a broken heart and realising I like all it, all of him and ... this is it, he was the one, Rohit likes Arnesh...like a lot and he just told me, we have a date every Saturday.