I had been curious about men. Never really too serious to consider anything more than a sexual curiosity about it. To this day, I cannot see myself feeling gratified with a man-to-man relationship in all aspects of life, perhaps it's the peer pressure still felt, or perhaps it's because of the affection I have for women, but nevertheless I do have a desire and an appetite for man-to-man gratification.
When I was senior in high school I had my first come on from a man. He was older, maybe 27. I was in a hotel bathroom changing my clothes to go swimming, and he hit on me. I was not sure what was going on, but I definitely knew he was watching and looking at me. He had short dark hair and dark eyes. A nice body, and he looked like a businessman, from what I could tell. He stood in the bathroom stall and kept peeking over his shoulder and looking as I stripped from my jeans and stood clad in my briefs before putting on my shorts. As I was standing back up, he turned ever so slightly and revealed a hard-on. It was then that I first understood that he was masturbating the entire time I was changing. He asked if he could suck me, to which I blushed and said no. I was not grossed out in the least, and he could tell that this was the case and he again asked me. I shook my head no, and told him not here and not now. However, I did not say no. I told him that I would be interested if he had a room, but not in a public bathroom. He hurriedly gave me a room number, put his cock into his pants and left.
I gathered my things and went out to the car. My friends would be waiting for me at the pool, but my curiosity had overcome me, so I went to the room that the man had told me about. I knocked on the door and waited; however, to my surprise and fear, another man answered the door in complete shock. This was not the older businessman. I quickly apologized and mumbled, "Sorry, wrong room." Completely embarrassed I ran to pool and met my friends.
That night I masturbated about him. That night and many nights afterwards I masturbated about a gay encounter. It was so alluring, so forbidden, so wrong, but it strangely had me curious to find out what that night/experience would have been like.
I began to read a lot of things about man-to-man sex. The Hite Report. "The Gay Advocate" I called the local gay bookstore and bought gay literature and erotic stories. I called the local gay hotline and talked to people about meeting other gay men. I masturbated during the calls. It was not phone sex, but it was a turn on for me to know that the other man on the phone line was gay.
When I went to college, I further developed my curiosity. I called the gay hotlines there, and found another freshman that would talk to me on the phone. There I engaged in my first experience in phone sex. I had yet to actually have sex with a man, but the thought was becoming more and more erotic.
I began to go to the public bathrooms and sit in there to be picked up. Occasionally a person would sit there for a while, but it was apparent that one of us had to make the first move…. And rest assured it would not be me!
One summer break I came home and visited the mall bathroom around lunchtime and waited. There was a glory hole there, and a young black man came into the next stall and before long he began to masturbate. I watched through the glory hole. This was the first time I had ever seen a man masturbate, and I was enjoying it. He had a nice thin, long black cock. He stroked it up and down. He made no sounds, with the exception of his hand stroking that beautiful cock. I took my cock out too and began to play with it. It was hard within a matter of moments. I leaned back and stroked my cock… feeling my cum beginning to boil deep in my balls. I heard a voice say…. "Mmm That's so nice." I opened my eyes and the black boy's face had popped under the stall. Our eyes met, and I slowed down, but he just smiled and told me not to stop. I leaned back and started back again….. knowing full well he was watching me. Within a minute I shot my load all over my stomach. Without saying anything I wiped the cum off, and bolted out of the bathroom ashamed.
For a couple of months I chastised myself. I could not believe I did that. I stopped calling the gay hotlines. I stopped hanging out in the public restrooms. I felt horrible.
When I was going back to campus for the fall semester I stopped at a local porn shop and adult viewing theatre. I never bought any porn in the store, but I did like to go into the video sections and watch porn. Most of the time I watched gay porn or a porn called "Cop Love" which was a masturbation video.
