10pm. Rain-thuds. Windless. Fingers of mist rolled off the roofs of my neighbourhood houses which looked like giant ships anchored in a dead calm sea of darkness. Depression. Hopelessness. Sensitivity.
I'm 18 year old Steele Sanders, and I'm sitting on the rainy front stairs that lead up to my suburban home, lonely, still and blank. My black Nike hoodie drenched, only revealing the lower half of my face, between droplets, I look down, unmoved, like a concrete statue, as if waiting for something to come save me from myself.
"Get a swimming pool," came a boy's voice not too far in front of me, "On the other hand, an umbrella?"
I didn't look up. I didn't falter. Didn't answer. I heard his footsteps draw nearer. Felt him sit down on the step beside me. Felt the sideways splashing of the rain off him adjacent onto my side.
"What's wrong? Freaky. You've been sitting out here in the rain all night. Could see you from my window. Emo. I just had to know. I'm Jake, and I've just moved into my grandparents' house next door, over there"
Pause...
"So this is what old Spanish teens are like without mobile phones in their pockets," he giggled.
"I'm Steele," I said softly in a voice that sounded foreign to my own.
Cautiously, I looked up and, out of the blackness of my hoodie, I saw him for the first time. What an amazing snapshot. He was dripping wet as he sat there in the broken streetlight, his straight hair almost fully plastered over his almond-like eyes. He looked into mine, as if the slippery strands of hair covering his eyes were invisible, and I could almost feel our vision connect. He was no more than 18 years old himself, and certainly the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my reality, on paper, or in the history of creation as I know it.
"Hey Steele...," he said in a cool perfect boy voice, as he tilted his head a little and half-smiled, almost all in slow motion, "Have you gotten anything to eat?"
"Nah actually," I said as if talking to myself, "My parents are out, I'll whip up something later...," my voice trailed off...
"Wait. Go inside. Take this. Can't risk it gettin' any wetter. I'll be right back", he handed me his phone wrapped tightly in a little blue handkerchief. And then he was off, running back toward his home in the sheets of rain. I thought I glimpsed him turn back once as he ran, and I imagined that half-smile as he did, before disappearing into the darkness across the road. I felt so lost, confused, happy and mixed-up in that moment. And for a split second, I felt as if the raindrops were falling up up into the night sky, and away...
I couldn't help it. I wasn't myself anymore. Once back inside, I shut the door behind me, leaned back against it, and slid out Jake's phone from the handkerchief. Rubbed my fingers over it carefully. It was warm. Suddenly precious to me. I could feel its power, the electric surge within. I pressed some buttons and flipped thru it, searching for anything - pictures? music? I don't know. And then I saw it - his internet browser's search history. My heart raced. It displayed pages upon pages of gay porn links. I couldn't tell if I felt embarrassed, scared, or excited.
By now I could feel my heart thumping in my throat. I put the phone down on the table. A tiny ticking metal heart. I left it there. Closed my eyes, and tried to calm down.
A few minutes later Jake returned with a tin of pancake batter, and wasted no time in taking to our kitchen, ushering me there eagerly, where we both cooked and worked like we know each other forever, and in half an hour or less, we were back outside under the barbeque dining shelter, enjoying steamy hot pancakes, butter and syrup. It was a rush, I hardly had time to think, but I have to admit it was fun, I was starving, and now we just relaxed, absorbed in our boy-talk, lost in each others' worlds.
