So You Thin You're a Top?

It finally hit me that night as I sat on the couch that evening next to Garret. I felt like I could still taste his load in the back of my throat. And it really sank in that I had probably done more submissive bottom shit in the last 48 hours than in the years since I came out. It felt strange.

I'd always enjoyed topping more, and that hadn't changed. When I topped someone, I felt more in control. Not just in terms of the obvious reasons, but like more in control of myself? Like I could be happy for someone to see me. For me to walk in on myself in that position. It felt hot. I felt hot. When I bottomed I was always so self-conscious. If I pictured walking in on myself in that position it felt very different.

That doesn't mean it wasn't also hot. But it was hot in a way that made me uncomfortable. Its like the emotional version of the physical feelings of pleasure and vulnerability that one has when someone is sliding their cock into them.

"How do you do it?" I asked Garret.

"Do what?" He asked. He had a dopey look of genuine confusion on his face.

"Let yourself be so... vulnerable to someone. Knowing they could think any number of things about you. Looking down at you while you slobber on their dick?"

Garret laughed. "Well, I think it's hot so that helps..." then he paused and his smile faded. He looked at me concerned. "Do you not think it's hot?"

"It's not that I don't find it hot... it is undeniably hot. It's more like... like I keep picturing myself from outside my body as I watch... and it feels..."

"Wrong? Bad? Gross? Stupid?"

"No... none of those. It feels... like I'm way to vulnerable. Like I can't control how I look to others. I don't think I look pathetic. I'm worried other people think I look pathetic..."

Garret was quiet for a while. Then he spoke. "Do you think I look pathetic when I take dick?"

"What? Absolutely not. You look... like you are so happy. Like you radiate a glow," I wrapped my arms around him and kissed his neck.

I looked into his eyes, and he smiled shyly. "Do you think others would look at me and think I'm pathetic?"

This I had a harder time answering. "I- I guess yeah. I would think that some assholes would."

"Some might, that's true. But I don't feel pathetic. I feel.... right. Like this warm feeling that spreads all over..." Then Garret got very thoughtful. "Maybe the filming is just what you need."

"You think?"

"Yeah. I think it might help you see yourself from outside and see how hot it really is. And maybe you can finally let go about what other people see."

"It sounds like you want me to turn into a bottom slut like you," I chided.

"Well... maybe a little. Doesn't mean I want you to stop fucking me, so don't worry there. But it would be fun to make out with you while we both get railed..."

"You've thought about this already!"

"Babe, over the past two days I've thought about quite a lot of new scenes for us to get into!" He laughed and I joined him.

"So, what is the message here? That I just have to give in? Is taking all these dicks I have so far not considered giving in?"

"Look, we both know you are competitive and there's a lot of money you stand to win, but let's not pretend that's the same as giving into true primal cock lust. Vinny is particularly talented at eliciting that from you, it seems. No, you have not truly given in yet. I'm excited for if and when you finally do..."

We lay together a while longer just rubbing each other's arms, holding each other. Then I got a notification on my phone. It was a text from Vinny to a group chat.

"Hello to all of our wonderful contestants! Plan this week is a different gangbang every day from our judges. Don't worry. All of us are very practiced in cumming a lot. We won't be too worn out to fuck you even at the end of the week. But each of you will get a day assigned. We'll fuck you silly, then on Friday night, show a highlight reel and announce the winner of this challenge. The goal is to get all the judges to cum up your sweet holes before you shoot your load out of your caged cocks. The guy who does it and does it faster than the rest wins." I saw others in the group chat marking it with a thumbs up emoji or a variety of others all sharing approval. The next message came in.

"Now don't think that's your only chance to earn points. There is an extra credit assignment... Since you each will be scheduled for your gangbang for just one of the days, but there are loads to be had even outside of our esteemed panel of judges we figured you could enjoy waiting for your turn with a good old fashioned gloryhole. A sponsor has graciously allowed for us to use his home personal gloryhole set up. It's open office hours, so-to-speak. There are multiple booths so no need to worry about multiple contestants using the booths at the same time. Just means more competition. The person who gets the most loads through the gloryhole by Friday will get 100 points. Since the judges won't be available to confirm the loads personally as per our rule, though, we figured out a workaround. The guy dropping his load off will confirm on his way out that he deposited a load and where. You just gotta get it out of him. All the guys will be briefed on this before they arrive to the gloryhole."

This was interesting. Given it was optional, I didn't really see the appeal. But the added points were quite a leap from the 10 I got earlier that day. Even so, this would be far different than what I'd participated in up to this point. Vinny wouldn't be there, and I'd have to voluntarily go to the booths if I wanted to try to get the extra credit. I couldn't see myself doing that. A few minutes passed as I digested this new information, and I got a message individually from Vinny.

"Hey slut. Your gangbang is scheduled for Wednesday. Hump day seemed appropriate," Vinny concluded his message with a winking smiley face. "Which means you have the next three days to work the gloryholes if you so choose. Of course it is 100% up to you."

"Yes, sir. I understand. I'll be ready for Wednesday," it was all I felt comfortable replying.

"Right to business, huh slut? Does that mean you aren't going to be taking advantage of this extra credit assignment?"

It took me a minute to think of how to reply. "I am not sure, sir. I'm still new to this side of things. I've never taken a dick at a gloryhole before." It took twenty minutes for him to reply, and I was nervous as hell that I'd disappointed him. The text notification was anxiety-inducing when it finally came.

"It's up to you, slut. Text me before you go if you decide to, though." He sent me the address and the instructions to get in. I replied an affirmative and remembered to call him sir.

All Sunday I was nervously wondering if I should go and try a shift at the gloryholes. On the one hand it was anonymous. Meaning no one would see me slobbering on cock. Or even pressing my hole against one coming through the wall. Yet, what really had gotten me in the right headspace to do this was Vinny. And he wouldn't be there in this case. I consulted Garret several times and he gave me encouragement but reminded me that it was extra credit and in no way required. By Monday morning on my way to work I'd decided I'd just skip out on it. It was giving me all kinds of anxiety and since the benefit was extra points, I thought that it really didn't seem worth it.

In fact, I was nervous enough with the upcoming gangbang. The group chat was blowing up on Sunday and Monday with announcements of the other contestants submitting to their own gangbang challenges. Seems the first two sessions were wild, and we even got a few sneak peaks of Trent and Duane's gaping holes dripping with cum. It stirred the top in me, and I felt my cock straining against its cage looking at the pics. Obviously, that felt a bit frustrating, but I tried not to think too much about it. After all, I was in it for the long haul and my competitive nature was stronger than my discomfort.

One convenient thing about the cage was it stopped me from tenting my pants at work, which was nice. Though it also made it much easier to be distracted as the random ways it pressed on my skin throughout my workday. Not to mention the feeling I got that everyone knew I was caged. Nothing actually indicated that was the case, but I couldn't help but worry about it. Which then transitioned into me worrying about my gangbang on Wednesday. I'd agreed to have it be recorded, and Vinny assured me that only I would get a copy, but of course I knew that wasn't a for sure thing. If it existed, there was a chance someone I didn't want to see it would see it. If it was a video of me topping, I didn't care. I'd never had a full porn production, but I've certainly snapped some pics and recorded some videos here and there. The idea of my boss seeing those never bothered me. This would be different.

As though feeling my sense of unease through the ether, Vinny texted me right then. He said it seemed I wasn't going to be going for the extra credit.

"Sorry Vinny. I'm honestly nervous as hell about the gangbang..." I messaged back.

"Did you just call me Vinny, slut?" The words sounded blunt with their simplicity.

"I'm sorry, sir! I was at work and forgot myself for a moment."

"You can't forget yourself, slut. You are a slut. My slut. At least for this competition. And I told you to always call me sir."

I hesitated for a moment thinking of the right response. "I'm sorry, sir. You are right." That was the best I could come up with.

"As your dom, now I get to administer a punishment. Hmmm... what punishment has the slut earned I wonder?" I got a bit nervous. I was still at work and wasn't sure what he had in mind. I knew what I was expected to do, though, and messaged back that I understood. And told sir I'd accept his punishment. "Even if I tell you now the gloryhole isn't extra credit, it's mandatory for you?" This gave me pause. Part of Vinny's spell had always been that he liked his subs to willingly submit. To want what he wanted because he wanted it.

"If that's what you deem appropriate, sir..." I wasn't sure if the ellipsis was too much. I hoped not. I hoped he got the meaning that I was nervous as hell.

"Don't worry, slut. I would much prefer you went to the gloryhole to please me. Not as punishment. And not even as points. So, I'll tell you what. I'll let you choose." I felt somewhat relieved, but at the same time I knew this choice would not be easy. His next message came through. "I'll give you two choices. Just what I call them, anyway. No, you won't get me to explain what they are. Pick from the name alone. Understand, slut?"

"Yes, sir. I understand. Thank you for letting me choose, sir." At this point I might be laying it on thick but I sensed that's what he wanted.

"Good, slut. Option A, let's call it double jeopardy. Option B, remote-controlled slut. You have ten minutes to decide. If you don't, you'll automatically get Option C. For that one, I'll simply confiscate your dick. No pain involved, but you won't like it... trust me."

Somehow, just with his texts he managed to induce that same tingling sensation he provided in person. I reviewed the options over and over again. I had many ideas what they could mean. The third option was the one that confused me most. I was already caged. What did he mean confiscate my dick? I wasn't free to use it right now anyway. I kept reading the names and trying to decide what to pick, and no matter what I imagined, Options A and B both sounded more disruptive or difficult than Option C. I started to convince myself that maybe this was a trick. Maybe the goal was to let him choose because he was the dom and I was the sub. I showed appreciation for being given the chance to choose, so maybe this time I wasn't supposed to pick. Then again, what if it was just as he described. My indecision got the best of me. And as I approached the end of my ten minutes I held my breath as I chose neither option. Instead, I messaged him that I was grateful for the chance to choose and that I would submit to his judgement as he saw fit. Then the ten minutes were over.

"Well, well, well. That's very hot slut. But you should have listened. I told you that you wouldn't like the last option, but that's the one we are going with for you taking too long to pick otherwise. Consider your dick confiscated, slut."

"Yes sir. Thank you, sir. But my dick is already caged?"

"What? You thought I meant your useless dick? Nope. That thing is caged and doesn't currently qualify as a dick, does it?"

I gulped. "I suppose not, sir." I'd always been proud of my dick. And yet, I felt that when he denied it, I was strangely turned on.

"This is the dick I've confiscated, slut," and with that message he sent a pic. It was of his thick dick. My eyes went wide looking at the picture, and realizing he was going to withhold it. My mouth watered, but my throat swallowed drily.

"Sir, you won't be giving me your dick?" I was confused.

"Yep. Just for a week, but unfortunately, that sounds like you just forfeited this week's round. Can't exactly beat the other subs at milking all the judges' loads if you can't take the dick of one of the judges can you?" Fuck. I was not expecting that. Forfeiting a whole round would no doubt pull me into the last place spot, and it was not clear whether I could crawl my way out of that. But it was more than that... I felt a pit in my stomach. This meant that I wouldn't be able to be the sub Vinny wanted me to be.

"Sir, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have forgotten how to address you. Please, sir. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

"I just told you, slut. You have to go a week without my dick. No matter how bad it hurts you in the contest. I'd say sucks to suck, but you won't even get to do that. Not that I'm happy about it, slut. In fact, I'm pretty pissed about it. I thought you had what it takes to be my good sub boy. But seems like I bet on a losing horse..."

That increased the anxiety I felt at disappointing him by a lot. "Please, sir. Is there anything I can do? Anything to get out of the punishment?"

"And you still are thinking about yourself, slut. So disappointing..."

I took a breath to calm myself. Took me a bit to think it over, but finally I came up with a reply. "I'm sorry, sir. You are right. I've been very selfish. I'm still selfish. I can't stop feeling horribly that I disappointed you, and that I won't get to make you feel good as a way to make it up to you. Please, sir. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you? Anything at all."

"Well, slut. I'm not sure. I'm glad you finally see how this punishment affects me. That should have been your concern in the first place. You thought I was giving you a trick question with that choice, slut? You think that's the kind of dom I am? Well, as much as I feel bad you are feeling so pitiful and sad about disappointing me, why should I have to come up with a way to make it up to me?"

Damn. Again, he had me by the balls. I realized now I was going about this all wrong. If I wanted a chance at his dick- or the contest I mean, I'd need to come up with a way to please him. If I wanted to make up for disappointing him, I'd have to do something that would really make him happy. "Sir, please tell me who has had the most loads in the glory holes for the extra credit assignment?" The wait for his reply was agonizing. Part of me wasn't sure if I'd pissed him off further or if he was keeping me on edge on purpose. Probably the latter, to be honest. After fifteen minutes I finally got an answer.

"Nico has had five loads and is currently in the lead, slut."

Whew. I breathed a sigh of relief that he did answer and got nervous again thinking of what I was about to propose. "Sir, if I can double that load count by Wednesday, can I please have your dick?" Again, the wait was too long. This time he made me wait twenty minutes.

"Now there's an idea, slut. I like how you think. Yes, if you can get ten loads before Wednesday. I will consider that your punishment administered. And we'll pretend your slip up didn't happen." The relief I felt was immense. At least at first. Then I remembered that even though I'd decided not to do the gloryhole extra credit, now I'd asked to do it. Practically begged. I was nervous, but I looked again at the pic of Vinny's hard cock. Suddenly ten loads felt worth it. Not just because it was a beautiful cock, but because it meant making Vinny happy.

"Thank you, sir. I won't disappoint you again. I'll go to the gloryhole after I'm done with work and cleaned up."

"Good slut. Tell me when you are parked outside the place, and I'll send you instructions to get in and where to go."

"Yes, sir." The rest of the workday went by in a blur. All I could think about was getting home as quickly as possible and getting cleaned up and over to the gloryhole as quickly as possible. My dick strained harder and harder in its cage as the end of the day neared. Once the day was done, I hurried home, showered, douched, and threw on some basketball shorts and a tank top.

"Going to the gym?" Garret asked. His smile was wide. If I had to guess, he'd been talking to Vinny.

I sighed. "No. Turns out, I am going to do the extra credit after all. I'm going to the gloryhole."

"Hot damn! Are you sure, babe? Didn't sound like your thing when we talked about it last..."

"Yes. I think it will be fun. Especially because it sounds like Vinny is really into the idea." And I meant it. Garret had called it that Vinny knew how to get my submissive side out. He stood up from the couch, ran over to me hugged me and gave me a sloppy kiss.

"Have fun, then, babe. You'll have to tell me all about it when you get home."

The drive over was nerve-racking. I found myself white-knuckling the steering wheel, but finally I found myself driving in an industrial park. I found the building after some searching, and it looked like some sort of private storage space. I parked, and texted Vinny. After a few minutes he gave me an access code to let myself into the building, and instructions on where to go. Luckily it sounds like whoever donated this space had been using it as a secret set of gloryholes for a while and had a whole system.

I walked up to the building, entered my code and found myself in a clean hallway with concrete floors. Doors lined the walls, and none were marked except one that said, "Private Area." Above the doors were little Neon signs that seemed to indicate a booth was open for business, so-to-speak. None of the signs were on. I walked into the door marked private and saw that it was a short hallway that turned at a 90-degree angle. Basically, it was access to a hallway on the other side of whatever rooms were behind the doors in the hallway before. And on this side there were another set of doors. At a quick glance it seemed there were about 10 rooms in total with entrances on both sides.

Each door had a little dial on the knob that said either "Vacant," or "Occupied." It seemed all were vacant. I chose one in the middle and let myself in. The room was lit sparingly. Inside the room was a leather chair, a little shelf with things like wet-wipes, hand sanitizer, and even chap stick. A little trashcan sat next to it, and on the top of the shelf was a small bowl of condoms and a large bottle of lube with a hand pump on top. On the wall opposite the door was the unmistakable hole. It was large. Large enough to allow any sized dick and its balls through with ease and just enough extra room to see the thighs and lowest abs of whoever was sticking their dick through it.

On one wall, there was a small TV screen with a remote control, and next to the chair was a bin presumably to put my clothes in. I promptly removed my clothes. Next to the hole itself was a little switch that was labeled above and below.