Divorce is strange. Two people can go from the height of emotional and physical intimacy to barely speaking. Ana and I had been married for seven years, together for nine, and that's what happened to us. Things just suddenly ground to a halt, and the only thing left to do was walk away.
Well, "suddenly" isn't quite fair. We'd always had differences, but what couple doesn't? Our lives just took us in a direction that magnified some of our smaller differences. We also kept growing as individuals. Who knows everything about themselves (or is honest about it) when they're only twenty-one?
The short version of the whole thing is this: the future we pictured together from the vantage of our early twenties began to shift separately in each of our minds, each unique version drifting farther and farther apart. She wanted three kids and a pile of dogs, and I wanted just her and a quiet home (and maybe eventually one kid). When we couldn't overlay our visions any longer, we started to fight. It only took a few months before we realized what we had to do.
We didn't own a house, we had no kids or pets, and our only joint property was one overstuffed sectional we'd financed. I moved out, and I let her keep the furniture.
And so, there I was, heartbroken over a marriage that had ceased to exist months, maybe even years, before our divorce. For the first time since I was twenty-one, I was also a single man back on the market. Although I truly was still grieving, there was an undeniable thrill knowing I'd get to discover another person all over again.
One other thing was different this time around, too: I'd come out to Ana a year and a half ago as bi. It was something I'd known for a while, but had to take time to admit (even to myself). She was supportive, and we even tried pegging once, but I don't think she was ever totally comfortable with it. (It was only that one time she agreed to peg me.)
Six weeks after the divorce, I still felt like I was settling into my new life. I got into a better routine of working out and running, got back to earnest work on my novel, and started catching up with friends I hadn't seen for a while. I felt healthy for the first time in a long time. I also felt incredibly horny.
I decided to share my bi identity (which I'd previously shared only with Ana) with my friend Brannon. Brannon was gay.
"You're bi?!" he said, almost spitting out his beer. "Since when?"
It was a Thursday night. We were catching up over drinks at a gay bar downtown — Brannon's pick.
"I mean, probably forever?" I said. "But I only really put that label on it and embraced it last year."
"Did Ana give you a hall pass?" he said. He loosened his tie, and then his eyebrows jumped up. "Is this why you two divorced?"
"Jesus, no," I said. "I didn't want a hall pass."
"Well, shit," Brannon said. The crowd at the bar was bigger than I'd expected, even for a weeknight, and the dancefloor was relatively full. "Are you going to get out there and fuck some guy tonight?"
I'd asked Brannon out for drinks because I was hoping maybe he knew someone he could set me up with. Sure, he was attractive and I'm pretty sure he'd be a great lay (said the gay virgin), but I didn't think I wanted to jeopardize our friendship with sex (even though I'd imagined what that sex might be like).
"I wanted to ask you," I said, "if you knew some guy who'd be interested in a hook-up." Wow. Just having the words out there was a thrill in itself. "I need someone you can vouch for. I want to mess around and explore this side of myself, but I don't know how far I can go yet. I wouldn't be comfortable with a total stranger."
Brannon took a sip of beer and narrowed his eyes. "I'll fuck you right here."
After I started thinking of myself as bi last year, it became a lot easier to appreciate an attractive man, and Brannon was definitely one of them — and my type. Dark hair, well groomed, fit, intelligent, funny, a sharp dresser, polite — and I could go on.
"I'm flattered," I told him, faking annoyance. Then earnestly, "I don't want to ruin our friendship, dude. What if it got weird?"
"What if I gave you the best orgasm of your life? We couldn't be friends after that?"
"I'm not trying to hurt your feelings," I said, laughing a little. Brannon was pushing back, but I could tell he was understanding. "I told you I'm buying tonight, right?"
"Why do you think I want to get you off?"
"Okay, really," I said, "Do you know someone?"
He made an exaggerated sigh. "Of course I do," he said. "Have I ever told you about my friend Quinn?"
I shook my head.
Brannon said, "He's handsome, clean-cut, keeps himself in good shape, about your height and build, and from what I've heard is a pretty passionate lover." He finished his beer. "I have not had the pleasure, but I hear he's well-endowed. He also just exited a two-year relationship. He might be interested." Brannon held up a finger as if to say, but wait!, and gave a knowing nod. He pulled up something on his phone and then showed me a picture. Yeah, this Quinn was a catch. Attractive, great smile, looked confident but not arrogant, and was wearing a polo shirt in the picture with the collar not popped.
Instantly I felt flushed, and my legs started to tremble. I'd fantasized about a man-on-man encounter and never thought it would happen. Here I was about to ask my friend to make it happen.
My mouth was a little dry when I said, "Could you give him my number?"
Brannon laughed. "You cunt," he said. Then another exaggerated sigh. "Fine."
He composed a text message and read it back: "Interested in taking a gay virgin? I've got a clean bi friend who's looking to fool around. Freshly divorced! Here's his number." He looked up at me. "Good?"
"Great," I said.
"Good," he said. "I'm attaching a photo, too." He sent it and put his phone down. I moved my hand over my phone in my pocket, hoping Quinn would reach out quickly. I was already starting to feel hard just thinking about what it could be like.
"Man," Brannon said, "You must be horny. You look like a cartoon wolf right now."
"Ana and I stopped having sex like six months ago," I said. "Yeah, I'm a bit wound up."
"And THAT must be why you divorced," he said.
I didn't correct him, but I said thanks for the connection with Quinn, regardless of what happened. Brannon and I each ordered another beer, and we talked about his new condo, how he was still enjoying being a bachelor, and work.
Twenty minutes after the message he sent, my phone buzzed.