I got past the read through with Mollie barely containing her fury, and Phil smirking at me the entire time. David was off in wardrobe, so he was spared the awkwardness. I waited for him outside his trailer and when he finally showed up I grabbed him.
"Look, I have a problem," I said ushering him inside.
"And that would be?" he smiled.
"I can't do this love scene with Mollie," I continued.
"Oh come on! I know she's not your favourite person, but you are an actor, so act!"
"The problem isn't that I don't like her," I admitted, "first thing is that I've never done a love scene before..."
"Really? I've done a few, they aren't that sexy so don't worry about anything 'coming up' during them." David sat on the edge of the day bed, and regarded me silently for a moment, "there's more to this isn't there?"
"The thing is I've never made out with a woman, ever."
"Well you still won't be, it's make believe, John," he replied, "besides it's very much like making love to a man."
"I would suck her dick, then fuck her in the ass while fisting her cock?"
"Um, no," he laughed, "OK so it is a bit different. But what do you want me to do about it?"
"I don't know!" I paced the length of the trailer, my brain going a top speed, "maybe you could show me?"
"Show you how?"
"Well, ah," I stammered trying to put my thoughts into words, "you could pick up one of those groupies of yours and let me watch?"
"Absolutely no way, I'm not doing that!" David stood up, "and you're just going to have to find your inner heterosexual and do something like rent a porno, like most boys do when they're curious."
"Would you watch it with me?"
"Don't you think that would skew your research?" he laughed.
"This isn't funny," I protested.
"Then you obviously are missing the joke," he replied, "you're a big strong man afraid of touching a little snip of a woman? John, if you really want to be a method actor, that's your business, but I'm not going to sleep with someone just so you can do research."
"How about giving me some pointers?"
"All right," he opened the door to the trailer, "try 'Debbie Does Dallas' it's a pretty good starting place." With that he walked out of the trailer, turned around to flash me a smile and walked back into the studio.
As I watched him leave his words about doing a few love scenes played in my mind. I know he had done a couple of movies before joining the show; maybe one of them was out on DVD? If I could rent one of those, I thought, I could get some ideas.
After the day's rehearsal I went to the local video shop, I asked the guy behind the counter for some help looking for one of David's movies, as he looked up the information on the screen the guy made chit-chat, "So have you seen this guy's recent series on the telly?"
A curious mix of having a bruised ego and relief that he didn't recognise me from the same show played in my head, with relief winning out, "Yes I've seen it," I answered.
"My girlfriend thinks he's really sexy, she just put up his poster in our bedroom, it's disturbing going to sleep with him watching me." He joked.
Seems heavenly to me, I thought, but instead just bit my tongue. After a while the computer search found the DVD and I rented it and took it home.
The movie was a period piece, seeing David dressed in tight breeches and a long fitted waistcoat was quite a turn on, but I really wanted to see the love scenes. I fast forwarded until I found one, it was pretty graphic, and I have to say I was breathing heavily only a few minutes into it.
Even though I knew he was just acting a role, it was very reminiscent of the real thing. I watched as David's character bend to take the woman's nipples into his mouth and felt the sensations, as if his lips were on me. When he kissed his way down her stomach and disappeared under the sheets, she moaned as if his mouth was on her, I touched myself. As David's character's back arched in climax with the woman riding him my mind flashed back to the way David's back did the same thing when I made love to him and before I knew it I came.
In a clearer moment, a few minutes later, I began to wonder if he had been that convincing on screen, was he just acting with me? My mind went back to the night of Sonja's party, and how he had been playing drunk and all the doubts built up in my head. Instead of letting it drive me insane I decided to call David, after about three rings he picked up.
I made small talk for a bit, then dove right in, "I rented one of your movies today..." I started.
"Well, aren't you becoming quite the fan boy?" he joked, "which one?"
I told him, and then said "And there's something I need to ask you..."
"If it's about the contacts, yes they were going for blue eyes, but it just made me look weird," he countered, "weirder than usual."
"It's not that, it's the first love scene."
"OK..."
"First let me say it was really good, and it got me off," I admitted.
David started laughing, "You aren't going to tell me you had a wank to one of my movies are you?"
"Yes, I did. But the part that bothers me is that it was very familiar." I finally came to the point, and was greeted by a long silence.
"I don't follow you," he finally said, his voice wary.
"Since I met you it's been apparent that you are a very good actor," I chose my words carefully, hoping to not sound as stupid as I was beginning to feel.
"And you wondered if I was acting with you?" he finished for me, in a completely emotionless tone. Making me wish I could see his face, to be able to read what he was thinking.
"Yes, in a nutshell."
"Please tell me you're kidding," he sighed, "you can't be serious."
"I am, completely. Can't you just answer the question?"
"I don't know what to say John. If you can't see by now that I love you, I don't know what else I can do to convince you. I risked a lot to be with you! I was even willing to sleep with Phil to save your career!" he replied his voice hard and his Scottish accent growing thicker, "I am an actor, yes, but I'm also a real human being. I don't know about you anymore. You don't seem to be in the right line of work if you can't separate fact from fiction."
Before I could say another word, he hung up on me. I tried calling him back straight away and a few more times before I admitted to myself that he was not going to take my calls. At first I was angry at David for just cutting me off dead, then it slowly dawned on me how I must have sounded to him, and in a painful moment I realised how much I had just hurt him.
I hailed a cab and headed over to his flat. I hoped he was home and that he would see me. I could see the lights on in his flat as the cab pulled up in front of the building. I got out and buzzed the intercom. As it was one with a camera I knew he could see me, as well as hear me. It took a couple of minutes for him to decide to buzz me, during which time I felt pretty conspicuous just standing outside the building pleading to thin air.
David greeted me at the doorway to his flat, completely blocking the entrance, seemingly determined not to let me in, "What do you want?"
"I wanted to apologise," I started.
I could see the hurt and anger in his eyes, "It's not that easy John." He countered, not budging from his post, "You just don't get it do you?"
"I know I was being a jealous idiot, and I'm sorry." I confessed, "it's just I know how attractive you are, and how you could have anyone you want. I think seeing that movie reminded me of that, and I guess I just got insecure."
"Obviously I can't have anyone I want," he replied, still holding his ground, "first Sonja, now you? I don't think that gives me a very good track record."
"Do you know that when you get angry your accent gets more pronounced?"
"What?" he replied, confused.
"When you chewed me out, you rolled your Rs like mad and I could see you dressed in a kilt standing on the highlands wind in your hair."
His eyes grew really wide and then he started to laugh, "Stop that! I'm still very angry with you."
"I know you are, and I deserve it," I glanced down the hallway, "can I come in? I feel really stupid standing out here like this."
David stepped aside, letting me into his flat but I could tell he was still very wary of me. I took a seat on the chair and he sat on the edge of the sofa, picking at some imaginary lint on his jeans "So now what?"
"It's up to you," I replied, "I think we could be good together, in the long run. No relationship is perfect, and this is all new for you, being in one with a man."
He looked me in the eye, and then back down at his jeans, "It's not just that you're a man, John,"
"Then what is it?" I asked
David started to say something, then stood up and went into the kitchen, "Do you want a drink?" he called out.
I followed him, "you're avoiding me. Why?"
He opened the cupboard, took out a glass and a bottle of whiskey, poured himself a drink and then set the bottle down, "I don't want to get into this right now." With that he downed the drink in one gulp and poured another.
Before he could take a drink of the fresh glass, I took the glass out of his hand, setting it down on the counter. I took his hands in mine pulling him closer, "Please talk to me."
David avoided looking directly at me, and pulled away. He picked up his drink and held it up to his forehead for a second, letting the cool glass rest there. Then he took a sip and set it back down, "I don't really know how to say this."
