This chapter of the Nate&I story is told from Nate's point of view rather than Oliver's. It'll alternate between them for the duration of the series.
~
Also, I love hearing feedback from you guys! Favorite it, rate it, comment. Tell me what you like, what you feel could be better, even what you want to see happen. Don't be shy!
*****
My head was still in a haze from the weekend. I couldn't what had happened actually happened. I don't know if I regret the whole thing or if it just scared me. Everything happened so fast. Did I really sleep with Oliver? Or was it all just some dream? Either way, it was enjoyable. It's been on my mind since I left Saturday morning.
Now, being Monday morning, it's still lingering in my thoughts. I buried it with other thoughts just so I could function without zoning out every five minutes.
I got to school and proceeded to go to my first hour, math. When I walked into class, Jake and Brent were sitting where they always sat. I felt a rush of guilt run over me. I swallowed hard and sat down next to them. Brent turned to me, and Jake was talking to some other guys on the team.
"Hey, Nate," Brent said casually.
"Hey, man. What's up?" I responded trying my best not to sound so nervous. It was ridiculous. How would they have found out? They read minds or smell Oliver on me.
"Not much, but guess who's taking Heather out this weekend," he continued.
"Who?" I asked not even thinking.
"Me! We're going to the movies and then I'm gonna take her out to the back roads if ya know what I mean," Brent suggested as he pushed on my arm. I was feeling too uptight to act normal.
"Nate, what's up with you? You're acting like you've got a stick up your ass," Brent commented. My stomach turned.
"Nothing. I'm fine. I'm gonna go get a drink before the bell rings," I told him, and I stood up and left the classroom.
I walked quickly through the crowd of people to the restrooms. The room was dirty and smelled awful. I hated going in there, but it provided some much needed privacy. No one else was in there.
I rested my hands on the sink and stared into the mirror at myself. I needed to calm down. No one was ever going to find out about me and Oliver. It just wasn't going to happen. Nobody could've seen us. I turned on the faucet and splashed some water onto my face. The cool water was refreshing and helped me get a grip. I was gonna be fine.
I made my way back to my class. I managed to get myself through whatever conversation Brent brought up. The bell was still a relief though. I didn't have second or third hour with Brent or Jake. That didn't stop me from tapping my pencil constantly. I guess you could call it a nervous tick. I think I did it subconsciously because I had been told to stop multiple times. Oh well.
Lunch that day made me want to throw up for a number of reason: guilt, anxiety, the food.
"What color do you think Heather's gonna look like naked?" Brent asked us. I had to keep myself from making a face.
"I bet she's pretty fucking hot. I saw she's got a belly button piercing," Jake commented.
"I'm more interested in what's below that," Brent joked. Jake laughed and I forced a smile to them.
"Yeah, that'll be great," I said.
"Hey, Nate. Have you heard back about that football scholarship yet?" Jake asked. I had to think for a second about what they were talking about before it hit me.
"Oh. No not yet. I'm kinda nervous about it though. This is really what I'm relying on," I confessed.
"Nah, don't be. You're too badass of a player for them to pass up," Jake said elbowing me. I cracked a smile. God, I hope he was right. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't get it. I don't know what my dad would do if I didn't get it.
"Dude, I can't even tell what that shit is," Brent commented as we got closer to the food. I had to admit, it looked pretty disgusting.
"You said it. Shit," Jake laughed. The two of them snickered like a couple of immature kids. They kinda were when you thought about it. We got our trays and made our way to our table.
I toned out Brent and Jake's talking as we walked. The cafeteria was full of mindless chatter, screeching chairs, and that annoying guy who never stopped playing the guitar. On top of it all, the smell of my lunch was pretty unpleasant.
"Hey, Nate," Oliver said to me. He had come out of nowhere with a bag of chips and a soda. His lunch was more appetizing than mine already. I stopped dead in my tracks and felt my face get hot. He stood for a second waiting for my response. We all stood in silence long enough for an awkwardness to take place.
It wasn't me to break it though. Brent and Jake's laughing did. I wish it had been me though. Oliver's attention went to them. I looked over to them too.
"What is this? The school fag thinks he can come over and talk to us?" Brent laughed. Jake laughed along with him. Some of guys already sitting did too. Oliver gave them a cold look.
"If you weren't so narrow minded maybe you'd see we aren't so different," Oliver defended. This only made them laugh more. I could see something in him though. There seemed to be something of a new kind of confidence in his eyes. Believe me, I'm glad he was confident in himself. I just don't want him to get himself hurt, and I know that Brent and Jake would make that happen. I knew he wasn't that ready.
"We're alike? I don't think so," Jake said, but Oliver still gave them that hostile look.
"What do you say we show this freak who he really has things in common with?" Brent suggested as he turned to Jake. They both say their trays down at the table and turned to Oliver. I didn't know what to do. I really liked Oliver, but I couldn't do anything without getting outed and given the same treatment.
"What are you-" Oliver began. His newfound confidence had turned back to insecurity as they forcefully pushed him out the doors. I followed them.
As soon as we were all out of view of any teachers, Jake and Brent grabbed Oliver by the arms. They dragged him, and all his efforts weren't enough to break free. I couldn't help my distressful looks, but I was behind them. I then realized what they were doing.
Jake and Brent were taking him to the dumpster. I hated myself for not growing a pair and standing up for him. All he had done was say hi to me. I didn't even give him a word.
Brent and Jake turned him around and slammed him against the nasty metal. Oliver was scared. I could see it in his eyes.
"Guys, don't waste your time on him. It's not worth it," I said trying to convince them to just let him go. They ignored me.
"Now this is who you have a lot in common with," Brent snarled at him. Oliver looked at both of them, begging with his eyes for them not to do it. He then found me. His eyes were filled with fear and a sense of betrayal. I couldn't bare to see him like that any longer. I looked away. I couldn't watch it.
I heard Jake and Brent lift him off and shove him into the garbage. I heard Oliver's scream and Brent and Jake's laughter. They brushed off their hands and walked back towards me. I wasn't even close to smiling. I looked back at the dumpster. Oliver wasn't emerging. No doubt, he was just laying there. I wanted to go help him. I really did, but that would destroy everything I had worked almost four years for. Everyone would bully me for being gay whether they thought I was or not. I've seen how bad Oliver got it. Surely he wouldn't wish the same for me, right?
I walked back to lunch with Jake and Brent. I couldn't even eat, let alone talk. When asked about it, I just blamed it on the food.
Later, all of us were walking back to our classes. Brent and Jake were talking about who knows what. It seemed like all they talked about were girls, football, and first person shooter games. They were like a bad stereotype in a high school movie written by an undereducated adult. I resented them partially for their stupidity and partially because I wish I was that blissfully ignorant.
"Hey. I forgot my uh, bag. I'll meet you guys there," I told them.
"Alright," Jake said half minded. They didn't care.
I turned around and jogged back to the cafeteria. I really did forget my bag. My mind's been somewhere else for a while now. I came out of the cafeteria doors and gazed over at the dumpster. The scene replayed in my head and my guilt got even worse.
I heard something move though. I saw a hand come over the edge. Oliver was still in there. I looked ahead and saw everyone disappear into the building. I ran over to him. Oliver emerged from the fowl smelling place. He was looking down, probably watching where he stepped before he threw one leg over the side. That's when he saw me. His face got red.
"I... I'm sorry. I just-" I began, but I was cut short when he held his hand up.
"Save it. I don't want to hear whatever excuse you've come up with," Oliver snapped at me. He brought his other leg over too. He reached down and grabbed his bag. He dropped to the ground and slipped. He landed on his butt.
"Here," I said quietly and held out my hand to help him up. He just looked up at me like he had look at Brent and Jake earlier. He got up himself.
"Please, Oliver," I said getting more desperate. I just wanted to apologize. I hated seeing him so hurt, but I didn't know what to do.
"No, Nate. All I did was say hi to you. And you let your 'friends' throw me in the goddamn dumpster. You didn't even try to stop them," he said. Each anger filled word was like a stab.
"I'm sorry. I couldn't... help. I would've...," I tried to explain.
"You would've what? Lost your popularity? Is that what you were worried about? Didn't you say you didn't even like those guys?" He shot back. I was at a loss for words at that point. He stared at me, waiting for an answer. I let my eyes drop, and he walked away. He smelled putrid. He wasn't going to class. He was going home.
I could only stand there for a few minutes. I didn't want to lose Oliver. He's the first guy I've ever liked. He was also the first guy I've ever been with. High school is too damn complicated.
The rest of the week was even more stressful than usual. Oliver wasn't talking to me. He wouldn't even answer my texts. I knew I was gradually becoming even more reserved than usual. My friends noticed but never bothered to try and find out why.
I mainly released all the anger and sadness in my seventh hour; athletics. Since it was my final semester, I liked to work out. I lifted weights and did pull ups. I ran laps around the field and did push ups.
The year has been all too stressful. With finally coming to terms and accepting that I liked guys. It was still weird to think about. But really, I had known since sophomore year. I just pretended I wasn't. I tried dating a ton of girls because I thought maybe it'd make things go back to normal. Nothing worked though. This year, I just gave up and accepted it.
