My Secret Dreams Come

When the day came I packed up my things and headed back to school. I still remember the feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach.

Owen and I had decided to be friends and nothing more. So that morning he came to wish me well. I told him about my bad feeling. “I’m sure everything will be fine,” he said. I thought maybe he might be right. I kissed him goodbye and headed for the airport.

It was the longest airplane ride of my life. At least I thought that at the time. I would soon stand corrected.

I finally reached school and went to my room. Someone’s things were on one of the beds, but they weren’t Will’s things, I was certain of that.

I went down to the office to ask who my roommate was and why Will wasn’t. The lady told me that Will’s mother had called in and said he wouldn’t be coming this year.

I thanked her and went back to my room. I dug through my suitcase and pulled out my phone book. I found Will’s number and dialed. A woman answered. “Is this Rebecca?” I asked.

“Yes, who is this?” she asked.

“It’s Jim,” I answered. “Is something wrong with Will?”

“I don’t know if I should be telling you this, but yes. He’s in the hospital now. He tried to kill himself.”

“Kill himself! Is he all right?” I asked frantically.

“Calm down. He’s all right.”

“Is there any way I can see him?”

“I’m not sure he wants to see you right now. You were part of the reason that he did it. But I can tell that you love him. Meet me at the airport.”

I immediately repacked and went to the airport. I bought a ticket for the next flight to Brussels. I had to sit and wait for two hours. I thought about finding something to eat while I waited since it had been so long, but my stomach was doing flip-flops.

I boarded the plane and found my seat. As always, it took a while for things to get moving. I was extremely impatient. I think everyone around me could sense it. But we finally landed after about an hour in the air.

I got off and looked around for Rebecca. I found her sitting on a bench. She stood up and hugged me. I could tell she had been crying. She followed me to luggage claim and took me out to the waiting limo. “I’m guessing you want to go straight to the hospital,” she said.

“Of course,” I replied as I got into the limo.

Thankfully it wasn’t a long drive to the hospital. I would’ve gone crazy if it had been. I was shaking a little as it was. I got out and followed her in. When we got to the right room she motioned for me to go in. “Aren’t you going in too?” I asked.

“You need some time alone with him. I’ll be waiting in the limo. I trust you can find your way out all right.”

I nodded and went in. I saw his pale form lying still in the bed. I moved a little closer. “Will?”

He turned his head and glared at me. “What do you want?”

“I just came to see you. When Rebecca told me what happened I was worried!”

“Why was she talking to you?”

“I called your house. I had a different roommate and I was wondering why. They said you weren’t coming back. I called to find out if something happened to you. I was worried. I love you damn it!”

I gently touched his cheek and he turned away. “Please don’t do that,” I begged. “I understand you being upset. I really can’t blame you. What I did was an awful thing. I’ve said I was sorry a million times! But you need to understand something. As I’ve said before, I came home to you. You’re the only one I really want. With the others it was just meaningless sex. With you it’s different. It’s totally amazing. You’re totally amazing. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone. How did you do it anyway?”

He showed me his wrists. There was a long line of stitches down both of them. I took each one in my hands and gently kissed them all over. Then I kissed his forehead, his eyes, and the tip of his nose. “Why on earth would you do something like that?” I asked.

“I didn’t see any reason not to. Nobody gives a shit about me. I’m a huge disappointment to my parents. I’m nothing but a cheap slut. Do you have any idea how many men I’ve slept with in the past six years?”

“I have no idea.”

“Neither do I. That’s the bad part. All I do know is that the number has to be in the thousands. Every night I would go out and find a man, any man. My only requirement was that he was breathing. I can’t deal with that anymore!”

“Then don’t. You’ve got me. You can have me as long as you want me. I can’t imagine being without you.”

He smiled up at me. “You really do love me don’t you?”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you! I have to go. Rebecca is waiting for me outside in the car. When are they going to let you come home?”

“Tomorrow I think.”

“I’ll see you then.”

I kissed him goodbye and walked back to the car. Rebecca was patiently waiting. We didn’t say much during the ride back to the house.

When we got to the house I was a little worried I wouldn’t remember how to get around anymore and I would get lost. After all, the house was huge! I still don’t know why anyone would need forty-eight rooms.

I didn’t need to worry though. I still recognized everything from the time I spent there over Christmas Vacation. I found his room with no trouble and settled in to wait for Will’s return in the morning.”