Red, white and blue lights danced in my rearview mirror and I started to panic. For a moment, desperation set in and I thought about making an escape. I was in so much trouble that I was on the verge of tears. I pulled my car over to the side of the road and grabbed my license and registration and tried not to panic. Not only was I speeding, I was on my way home from hanging out with my friends and we had been lighting up. I knew the cop would smell it on me and search my car. Lucky I didn't have any more on me.
To make things worse, my dad worked for the state. I wasn't sure what this would mean for him, but it couldn't be good.
The Texas highway patrolman asked me if I knew how fast I was going. I tried to be polite and responsive like I was taught.
"Yes, sir. I apologize."
"You in a hurry, son?"
"No, sir. Just heading home."
"Where are you coming from?"
"I was just out with friends, sir."
"You been drinking, son?"
"No, sir."
"You been smokin, though." It wasn't a question this time.
"Yes, sir." I lowered my eyes, admitting my guilt.
"Stay put for me son."
My dad was going to kill me. We didn't have the best relationship before this, and I knew he wouldn't go easy on me. My parents didn't know I smoked weed. They didn't know a lot about me. They have no idea that I drink occasionally, that I am dreading college, or that I'm gay. I always felt like I was never who they wanted me to be, but we do have a strong bond. It's been complicated. I know they try, which is why I try so hard to hide the parts of me I think they'll be ashamed of. There was no hiding this, though, and I feared this may be a domino that starts a chain reaction of unfortunate revelations. Would they arrest me for smoking weed? I just now realized I didn't even know the consequences of breaking the law. If my dad had to come bail me out of prison, tonight threatened to be the worst night of my life.
I saw the officer head back towards me in the rearview mirror and braced myself for the worst.
"You're Dave's boy, aren't you?"
"Yes, sir," I thought I might cry but fought it with everything I had.
"Well, it's either your lucky day or your unluckiest." I started to feel sick. "I'm gonna have to ask you to follow me."
The mystery of the unorthodox situation alleviated my fears enough to prevent my panic attack, but this feeling of dread sat heavily in the pit of my stomach. I followed the officer's car for a while desperately curious to know where he was taking me. After five minutes on the highway, we finally took an exit and eventually turned into a nice neighborhood. The officer stopped in front of a modest home, parked his car and returned to my window.
"Park it, son. You're going inside."
I parked my car, followed the officer to the door and waited as he knocked.
Who opened the door but State Senator Hugh Davis.
Hugh was an old bully, a senior politician, and a sexy bear of a man. He was a big man - an athlete in his prime, but now more of this boulder of aging muscle and excess bulk. He was just my type. My dad worked on his staff and I'd met him a couple of times at his work functions. He carried himself with this indescribable confidence. I remember one event in particular. A few years ago, I attended a re-election rally my dad had assisted with and I was mesmerized by his charisma.
I was there early to hang posters with my dad when he first introduced himself to me. The firmness of his handshake, the gleam of his smile, that look in his eye. He somehow made you feel like you were important to him within thirty seconds. He also had this subtle Texas drawl that made him even more irresistible to me. He thanked me for helping and told me how lucky I was to have my dad and how bright my future would be. After our brief encounter, I spent the rest of the event staring from a distance. I watched his every move and traced his round body with my eyes. I don't know if Hugh was the reason or just the first time I had realized that I had a thing for a real man's belly. I gawked at his gut, his powerful frame, and wondered what he might look like naked.
I had seen him a couple of other times, but mostly I knew him from stories. My dad talked about how kind he could be, but also described him as ruthless. I couldn't tell if he admired Hugh, feared him, or hated him.
Now I stood before Hugh Davis, guilty and trapped. He thanked the officer for escorting me here and dismissed him.
"Come inside, Collin."
His house was not particularly large, but it was beautiful inside. He led me to an office where he took his seat behind a large oak desk and beckoned me to sit across from him.
"I'm afraid you've made some poor decisions tonight, Collin."
I bowed my head in shame.
"Officer Miles tells me you've been speeding, driving recklessly, and smoking weed this evening. Is that true?"
"Yes, sir."
"Collin have you been drinking."
"No sir." I was still looking at the floor.
"Look in my eyes, Collin."
I looked up and softened a bit. This intense lust was building within me, but was suppressed by the overwhelming feeling of shame, guilt, and fear.
"Don't lie to me tonight, boy. Do you understand?"
His eyes warned me that I'd better listen.
"I understand, sir. I have not been drinking."
"Good. Don't you ever drink and drive, you hear?"
