Jim and Chad

[Author's Notes: This story is dedicated to a co-worker. Chad, if you ever happen to read this (which I seriously doubt) and figure out that you're the one I'm writing about, please don't hate me for the fantasy and please continue to be friends with me. It's just a fantasy that will never be acted out in our very happy yet separate, monogamous, straight lives with our own families. I know that we would both be devastated if the events described early in this story really happened; however, if they did, maybe this could be the story of how we become more than just friends as we rebuild our lives. For the rest of you reading this story, I apologize in advance for letting you know that this is a fantasy, since knowing this seems to destroy the story for some. But no matter who you are, my hope is that you will get drawn into the twists and turns of the story and completely forget about this particular paragraph.]

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Prologue

I started with a mid-Atlantic company a few years ago. The company was small but growing enough each year that management finally had the resources and the need to build a new building. Unfortunately, in the move from the old building to the new building, all of us workers got demoted from our own quiet offices to some spot in a noisy cube farm. None of us liked the situation, but it was either put up with it or leave.

Shortly after we moved into our new building, Chad was hired by the manager of a nearby group. Although he sat only a row away from me, I never heard him in the office noise. He seemed to be quiet and shy. I noticed that he was a good worker: he was in on time each day (if not early), took a short lunch, and left work only after he had put in a full day. This was quite unlike a number of other people in the office, and I respected him for it. I also noticed one other thing: Chad was really good looking. He was one of those rare people whose face was perfectly formed and symmetrical, with a good jaw line for a nice-looking, rectangular front and side view, and with well-groomed, short brown hair that made him look athletic. He always wore loose clothing so I couldn't really figure out what his body was like; however, I could tell that he had some fairly well developed shoulders under all that clothing. Although I could never get an accurate measurement, he seemed to be just under 6 feet tall, because his eyes were a little lower than mine if we stood to discuss something. To me, no matter which way you looked at Chad, he was just downright good looking.

Chad was also approachable and you could easily start a conversation with him. He also had a good sense of humor, but I quickly discovered that the humor wasn't his second best feature: Chad's second best feature was a bright "megawatt" smile that either made you weak in the knees or insanely jealous. Unfortunately for me, it was the former rather than the latter.

So how did I collect all these impressions about Chad? It was the only reason why I ever liked cube farms: when we moved in, Chad's cube wasn't quite finished so I got to catch glimpses of him whenever I went anywhere else in the building. As with every good situation, however, they finally finished Chad's cube, so I didn't get to see as much of him as I would have liked to. Damn cube farms.

As time went on, Chad became more involved with the people around his cube. I heard him every now and then, and I liked knowing that he was becoming popular. Of course, with his good looks and affable demeanor, he couldn't help but be popular. Everyone liked Chad, and he genuinely seemed to like everyone else. He wasn't a stuck-up snot like some of the other good looking (and not so good looking) men and women that I had to work with. Over a number of months, I got to work with Chad on a few projects, unfortunately not on a regular basis, but enough that I could get a better look at him. During our project working sessions, I noticed Chad's eyes were a medium to dark blue depending on what he wore. They made me nervous and jittery, and I had to work pretty hard to control my reactions. Needless to say, I seemed to lose my concentration when working with Chad. I always hoped that I wouldn't embarrass myself around him, but I'm sure there were some times when he thought my brain must have been scrambled or something close to that.

As part of a group from the office, we played some golf together. He was damn good, and when he got his slice under control, he put a large number of people to shame. Unfortunately for me, I was never much competition. Although I tried to keep myself from doing so, I was also able to observe Chad's body during these games. He wasn't flabby or anything like that, but obviously he didn't work out and that made it easier on me. I didn't work out either and it showed. I had loved life and life had rewarded me with a spare tire around the middle. The image I saw in the mirror always made me wish that I had turned down that extra slice of pizza and that second (or third) beer.

I wish I could have thought of Chad in a different manner but I seemed to be hooked on him from day one. He was one of those very few with good looks and who was also personable, genuinely interested in other people, and had a good sense of humor. In short, he was the complete package. He was one of the very few guys that got put on my "short list." Being on my short list meant that, even though I was happily married, I'd jump into bed with him if he offered. Up to this point in my life, I had always thought of myself as straight, but with a few kinks, and Chad seemed to bring out that kinky side a little more each day. Unfortunately, about a year later, Chad got married, so I sadly had to remove him from the list because I knew it could never happen. I guess my list was destined to have only the two actors and one actress that had been on it before Chad came along.

Life continued rocking along as happily as it always had. My hair was beginning to turn a silvery gray around the temples and my wife was ever so jealous. She had always said that men got more distinguished and better looking with age. To her credit, however, she wasn't aging at all. Into our early forties, her face had no wrinkles or lines and she kept herself in good shape, except for those few extra pounds she couldn't get rid of after having two kids. We were set for the rest of our lives together. Unfortunately, I didn't know how short our time together would really be.

One relatively warm April evening I was driving home from work wondering why the traffic in our section of the suburbs had been such a problem. Driving up to my house, I noticed a state trooper's car parked in front. As I drove into the driveway, a couple of troopers got out of the car. To make a long story short, I found out from them that I was "suddenly single." A drunk dump truck driver had fallen asleep, run a red light and taken out several cars. Unfortunately, my family was in the first car to be hit. Apparently none of them had suffered because of the force of the impact.

From that point forward, my emotions ran wild through hurt, pain, anger, despair, and, finally, loneliness. Life had become a disorienting mess. It was as if I had been transported to a part of the country I didn't know, where everything was covered in a constant fog. There's a little light but everything was still cold, damp, and not quite visible. And now I had to function without the lover, companion, and family that had been with me for the last fourteen years.

About a month after this ordeal began, Chad dropped by my cube, leaned in and said "Sorry to hear about your family." I got a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes, and I barely managed to croak out a "Thanks." Although I don't cry easily, that night I went home and cried the most that I had ever cried. When I realized it, not only was I finally grieving the major loss of my family, but I was also grieving the fact that I would never be able to get to know Chad better.

Over the next six months, I coasted through the lawsuits and work and my life in general. The bright, long days of summer kept me from becoming too depressed, but by the time October rolled around, those days were getting shorter and a full-fledged depression began to set in. Also, the change off Daylight Saving Time was about to happen, and I knew that less sunlight would probably send me over the edge. So I made major changes to my life. I sold the house because it had way too many memories and bought a large, top floor, three bedroom, two bath condo overlooking the upper end of the Chesapeake Bay. I also visited my family doctor and asked about anti-depressants. He said that he would prescribe some, but on one condition: I had to start a daily regimen of exercise and join a health club. Since I had always thought of health clubs, specifically the showers in health clubs, as "too public," I purchased a treadmill and a weight machine and began to exercise at home. I still joined a health club that had a number of racquetball courts and began to relearn racquetball, but I only played there--I always took the showers at home. The health club is where I met Robert, an incredibly good-looking stud that was also a manager. Robert became a "close friend" and I enjoyed his company from time to time, but that's a different story.

On the exercise program, I began to loose inches around my middle and began to add some muscles in my chest and back, an area that I had not been proud of for most of my life. I also began to get better definition in my leg and arm muscles. I say "began" because at my age it took a lot longer and a lot more effort to get everything looking like I wanted it to look. With the exercise and the anti-depressants, I got through the fall and winter months, especially those times around the holidays when you're with extended family who all too often liked to remember what life was like before "the accident." I didn't make it through with flying colors, but I did make it through. I also got some unexpected help from Robert in that cold, snowy February around the time that would have been my wife's birthday. Now I only had to get through the first anniversary of the accident.

I was muddling through April when I overhead someone in the next cube say that Chad was having problems in his marriage. Although I didn't hear the whole story, apparently his wife wanted to move away to California and he wanted to stay. About two weeks later, I heard through the grapevine that she had filed for divorce and moved to California without him. I felt really sorry for Chad and wondered why anyone would treat him so stupidly. A couple of weeks later, when I finally saw him in his cube again, I stopped by, leaned in and said, "Sorry to hear about your marriage. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm available." The first look he gave me was something I had never seen from Chad before, and when I figured it out, I realized that I had hit a really sore point and he was pretty pissed that I had mentioned it. But the look quickly softened and he said "Thanks." Based on his tone of voice, I knew he'd never take me up on it. After that short encounter, I realized that I still hadn't learned the lesson that sometimes it's just better to keep your mouth shut.

After work on a Monday in early June, Chad and I happened to be walking out to the parking lot at the same time. I asked him how it was going, and he replied with the standard "Okay." We walked a little further in silence, and as I was about to say good-bye and turn to go to my car, Chad asked me where I had been working out. He and a few other people had noticed how I had changed and he was interested in doing the same thing. He also said that he needed to find a place to relieve some of the tension and frustration he was having with the divorce proceedings. I explained that I had my own exercise equipment but that I had also joined a health club that had good equipment and a lot of racquetball courts. He was disappointed that I had my own equipment but seemed interested in the club. When I suggested that he come to the club as my guest that coming Friday, he was tentative, but still accepted.

On Friday, I was excited about meeting Chad at the health club. We had planned to meet at 9pm, I'd show him around a while, and then he'd leave and I'd play my usual single-person game of racquetball from ten to eleven. I was genuinely interested in helping this guy find a place to relax through some exercise. Chad was right on time, and we got through the club quickly. I showed him around the areas I knew (racquetball courts and weight rooms) and then pointed to the other areas that I didn't frequent (the showers). Once we had finished, we walked up to the front desk and I introduced him to Robert. On hearing Chad's name, Robert looked over at me, flashed a quick grin, turned back to Chad and said "Jim's mentioned you a couple of times. Glad to finally meet you." They shook hands, and when Chad turned to look at me, I turned a bright red. "Robert and I play racquetball against each other sometimes, and I was hoping that I could get you to play sometime as well," I responded, hoping that this would cover what I really had said to Robert about Chad. After Chad turned away, I shot a disapproving look back at Robert. Of course he ignored the look, but at least he changed the conversation to the features, benefits, and costs of a membership. After a minute, Robert looked at me and said with a grin, "You can go now. I'll take it from here." Chad added, with an even bigger grin and a chuckle, "I'm a big boy, you can leave now . . . Dad." I laughed out loud and knew that it was meant as a joke, but I was still somewhat hurt by the comment. Yes, I was a fair amount older than Chad, but I wasn't that old. As I walked away, Robert called out "You have court 7 tonight." Ah, yes, Court 7 and all of its memories.

Monday morning couldn't come quickly enough. When it did, I stopped by Chad's cube to see what had happened after I left. With a somber look on his face, Chad told me that the entry and monthly fees were too much for him right now, but he'd keep it in mind later. I was disappointed, but an idea popped into my head. I asked him to come into a nearby conference room for a minute. He was wary for a moment, but hopefully I overcame his hesitance when I offered to pay for his first year on the condition that he play a racquetball game against me each week. He said he'd think about it, and that's all I could ask for.

The next day Chad was in his cube and I didn't bother him. I did happen to see him a couple of times in a nearby conference room having private phone conversations. Toward the end of the day, he came to my cube, plopped down in a chair, and quietly accepted my offer for a membership at the health club. He also muttered something about needing to draw a face on a racquetball and hit it really hard many, many times. I grinned and when he saw me, he blushed and said that he really didn't mean it. I quietly and jokingly said, "Like hell you did." He grinned back at me and laughed, and the sparkle in his eye acknowledged that I got what he meant. We discussed meeting times and found out that Friday evenings were convenient for both of us, especially since neither of us had much else of a life at this point. So we agreed to meet at the club that coming Friday to work out all the details.

That Friday, we met, got him signed into the club, and played our first game against each other. Although Chad was younger, I was better and beat him easily. But little did I know that this wouldn't be the case for much longer. As a younger guy, he readily adapted to what little I really knew about the game, and he taught me some new moves as well. As we went through the summer, I realized that Chad's body was slimming down in the waist and getting better defined through the chest, arms, and upper back. Because he was wearing shorts, I noticed that his leg muscles were getting larger and better defined, especially the large muscles on the fronts and backs his thighs. His legs also looked a hairier to me than before, but they had probably always been that hairy and I was just studying them more closely now. As I found out later, he had been to the club almost five nights every week since early June, and his body showed it. Now in late August, I found that I couldn't play against him without getting some sort of "bedroom thoughts". The perfect face finally had the perfect body to go with it. All I could think of was what a moron his ex-wife must have been.

The first Friday in early September, I noticed Chad's game was off. Well, actually it was as if he weren't even there. I won two games in about thirty minutes instead of the hour and a half, best 2-of-3 grudge matches that we usually played. On the way out to our cars that night, I asked if there was anything he wanted to talk about. He quietly said, "The divorce was final today." Under the dim parking lot lights, I saw his eyes begin to glisten from the tears, and all I could say was "Sorry, bud." He turned, put his hands on the top of his car, and leaned into them. It was then I noticed that he had begun to cry quietly. After a few seconds, I couldn't help myself. I put a hand on his shoulder, slowly turned him around to face me, and pulled him into a hug with his arms over my shoulders and my arms around his middle. Holding him gently, I said "Let it go, bud. Let it go." I was kind of surprised when he leaned into me and continued the quiet crying for another three or four minutes. During that time, a whole range of emotions flooded me. First there was anger that anyone would treat this great guy so shabbily. Then there was a sadness that he had to go through this. But the final emotion made me feel more guilty than I had in years. Because of the situation, I was glad that I had stood in such a way that only our upper bodies were touching. With the heat of his body against mine, the strength of the muscles in his back where I held him, and the touching that I had wanted to do for almost four years, my cock got the hardest it had been in some time. He was a good friend who really needed a shoulder to cry on, but I had violated that friendship by getting a hard-on. Geez, I felt so unworthy. Luckily for me, Chad never knew about it. Had he discovered it, he probably would have decked me right there and never spoken to me again. And at that point in my life, I needed his friendship way more than he needed mine, so I kept all those feelings to myself.

After the crying subsided, Chad slowly pushed away from me. His eyes still glistened from the tears, but he looked more relaxed than he had in a while. Maybe holding him and letting him get it out of his system was what he needed. He looked at how wet he had gotten the shoulder of my t-shirt and apologized. My response was "That's what friends are for." I paused for a couple of seconds, then made the wild ass comment, "Now go home, take a good shower, have a beer, jack off to some porn on the Internet, and get a good night's sleep. You need it." He looked surprised at my comment, but I reached over and ruffled the hair on his head and said, "Go. Get out of my sight and have some fun for a change." He stared at me for about another five seconds as if he were going to ask a question, but then he told me "Good night", got in his car and drove away. After I watched him turn the corner, I got into my car and pulled away. I was going to go home to do exactly what I had told him to do, but my porn tonight was going to have to be someone that looked as close to Chad as I could find.

During that early September, our friendship changed much for the better. I gave in to Chad's requests and began working out with him at the club on weeknights. More than ever before, he started joking around, playfully punching me, and running into me in the racquetball court. Because of the change, my jack off sessions in the shower at home afterwards got more intense. Before I did anything stupid that would have damaged our friendship, my job forced me to go on travel for a couple of weeks.