Gay at Last

I'm 29, and prematurely shamed by divorce. Following a great four years at Brown University, I hurried to marry the first love of my life. My wife, Alexandra, was great, truly. But somehow we both knew that it wasn't for keeps, so to speak. And so, at the ripe age of 28, we parted ways. There are two things I will always remember about her: the way she flipped her medium length chestnut hair behind her with confidence, and the way she used to ride me. I had never had any inkling that I could be gay until after our divorce. I had never had a problem performing sexually, and I was hot for women. The vagina was my temple, and I worshipped in it as often as possible. In college, before meeting Alexandra, I had sex with somewhere around 10 women. I guess I was a bit of a man-whore, but who cares. I had always taken peeks at men, and envied the better bodies and penises of men, but I had never thought that my quick glances were unusual. I assumed that every man was curious of other men, and so I was normal.

After my divorce with Alexandra, I began to see why I was different. After an eventful 8-year marriage, my sex life came to a halt. We had been having sex regularly for that length of time, and there I was, left with my fist and a tube of lube. I moved to New York City after the divorce, taking a new job with a prestigious law firm. I was young, hardworking, and I had prospect for the future. At the same time however, I was lonely. I sort of sunk into a lull in life for a while, about half a year, where I worked, slept, ate, and jerked off. I would sit in my tiny Manhattan apartment, watch porno tapes, surf the net, chat, and masturbate. It was almost like I was a teenager again, but I had nothing better to do. One day, I had gone to the gym and worked out. Normally, I never bothered to shower or anything at the gym, with my apartment only a few blocks away. That day, however, I felt like relaxing in the Jacuzzi at the gym, and so I found myself showering afterwards. I looked around me and all I saw were muscular, toned men with good-sized dicks and fantastic bodies. It was then that my curiosity was struck. On my way home, I somehow struck the nerve to buy a Playgirl magazine, and I went right home to examine it. I looked over the pages of men, with their smooth shaved bodies and rigid, hard dicks. The veins were pulsing on their 10-inch cocks, and I realized that the cock is what I had craved all along. I slipped off my clothes, and I sat on my couch in a pair of black bikini Calvin Klein underwear, and as I looked at the pictures, my cock began to swell. It was pushed up the side of my underwear, and was pushing to be exposed. Eventually, after staring down each page of the magazine, I grabbed a tube of lube from by my bed, and I squeezed a glob onto my hand. I slowly began to rub the lube onto the head of my cock, slowly working down the shaft.

I consider myself an attractive man. I am six foot three, with a fairly toned body. I have dark jet-black hair, and greenish gray eyes. I have small tufts of hair on my chest, expanding from one nipple to the other, and lightly attaching to my belly button and trail to my pubic hair. I have an ample bush, but it does nothing to hide my cock. Flaccid, it's only a few inches, but erect it stretches at least 7 and half inches.

Anyway, I was about to tell you about jerking off the first time as a gay man. I started to slowly fist my cock, twisting my fist around, giving attention to both the head and the bottom of the shaft. In my mind I saw the pictures of the men from the magazine, and I wanted their cocks. I wanted to feel their velvety skin in my mouth, swallow their cum. I had never craved anything in such a way before, and I knew that I had to get some. I remember jerking to an incredible orgasm, shooting cum right onto my face; it dripped down my chin. I had never before tasted my own cum, but that day, I stuck my tongue out and licked the cum around my lips. Though I thought the taste strange, I didn't mind it in the least. As a formerly straight man, I had no idea how to just start being gay. I wasn't really sure that I was gay, but I did know that I was sexually frustrated, and I craved a man.

This entire realization of my homosexual fantasies came about in late June, and I was about to take a vacation to Barbados in the Caribbean, in an attempt to move on from Alexandra. I had no idea that I would move on in the direction I did, however. I packed my bags, including my large tube of lube, with the expectation of hotel porno and a few uneventful jerk sessions. I did however, have the best sex of my life.

When I arrived in Barbados, I took a taxi to my hotel. It was a resort, all inclusive, write on the beach. It had two private beaches that were excluded from any of the strips. My room was on the third floor of a thatched building, with palm trees around it. I had a balcony that looked over the pool and the beachfront, the beautiful crystal clear water of the Caribbean. When I arrived, I noticed that most of the guests were European, sporting skimpy Speedos or trunks. Me, the common American, with a large bathing suit, craved the attention of something a little more risky. I had always had the fantasy of wearing a Speedo, and so I indulged at the hotel gift shop. I bought the only one they had in my size, a blue thin Speedo with a drawstring. Though slightly hairy on my upper legs, I decided to venture out into the resort sporting my new bathing suit. I blended in with the crowd, or at least I thought I did. I layed on the beach for the first day without incident, sipping margaritas and minding my own business. I read a few good books, and enjoyed the tranquil sound of the waves hitting the beach.

The first night, I went to eat dinner in the restaurant at the Hotel, and felt very awkward sitting alone. I had sitting no more than ten minutes when a young gentleman came over and asked me if I was sitting alone. His name was Luc, and he was from the United Kingdom. He was also alone, to my joy. He was dreamy, aside from his stereotypically British teeth. He had short blonde hair, and blue sparkling eyes. He looked as though he had already worked hard on his tan, and he filled out his polo and shorts muscularly. I immediately hoped he was as interested in me I as I was in him. The meal passed by with some basic conversation, about who we were, what we did, our marital status, etc. I went to bed that night, exhausted but eager to see him again.

The next day, as I was eating breakfast on the balcony, I saw Luc walking out to the beach in a small red Speedo, barely containing his firm cheeks. I left my breakfast as it was, and I pulled my little bathing suit on, and made for the beach. I dragged a lounge chair next to his, where he was laying on his stomach. His arms were folded under his head, showing his small tufts of blonde hair under his arms. There were tiny beads of sweat on his back, and I was instantly turned on. Of course, in my small bathing suit I had to contain myself. We talked for a few minutes, and I laid down on my back, putting my sunglasses on. With my dark shades on, I knew he couldn't see exactly where I was looking, a plus to me. I was looking down his body. His legs were covered in curly blonde hair that was barely visible from afar, and it followed right up to his cheeks, which were contained in the red Speedo. The hair stopped there, and the small of his back was smooth and his back was muscular and defined.

Out of nowhere, he tossed me a bottle of lotion and asked if I could rub it into his back. As typical as this sounds, it made complete sense at the time. We were both alone, with no one to help us with such things. I right away said I would do it if he would do the same for me. I slowly rubbed the lotion into his shoulders, as I stood over him, straddling him. I rubbed it into the small of his back, barely rubbing against the seam of his bathing suit. Then I layed down and he did the same for me. He started at my shoulders and moved even more slowly that I had down my back. As he reached the small of my back, he rubbed closer and closer to the band of band of my Speedo, and he slipped just the tips of his fingers underneath, touching the very top of my ass. He quickly murmured that the sun could really penetrate. We layed together in silence for a while, and napped underneath the bright sun. He asked me if I wanted to work out with him in a while in the hotel's gym, and I obliged right away. A while later, we met at the gym and did some running and lifting. When we had finished, he asked me if I wanted to go in the sauna. We went into the changing room, and we both grabbed robes. We slipped off our shorts and bathing suits, and t-shirts. I turned my head just enough to get a glimpse of his ass as he pulled his Speedo off, it was very white, contrasting his tanned skin. I could see the fine blonde hair on it, and I could tell how firm it was. How I longed to reach out and squeeze it! After we had our robes on, we left the changing room and went back to the gym. We walked into the anteroom of the sauna, and before I knew what he was doing, he took his robe off, and hung it on a hook. He was a few feet ahead of him, and I got a quick glance again of his ass. I could see his balls hanging beneath it, and I just wanted to grab his cock right then and there. I can remember how strange it felt to not want a cunt, to not want a good straight fuck, but to want a man. It was certainly a new feeling. I slipped off my robe and went into the steamy room after him.

The steam was so thick that I could barely see in front of me. I could see Luc sitting in the corner, but it was so steamy that I couldn't make out his body. I sat next to him, leaving only a few inches between our naked bodies. The steam finally dissipated to reveal him nude before me. I could see both our pairs of eyes, looking the other down. He was so attractive! He had a small bush of dark blonde hair, and his flaccid, uncircumcised penis layed on top of his two hairy balls. Though small at the moment, I wondered how much bigger it would get if I had my way with it. My cock looked much bigger, if only because it was getting semi-hard. We were all alone in the sauna, and I prayed to god that no one else would come in. He leaned into me, and whispered in my ear why I was all alone in such a beautiful place. I told him that I didn't want to be alone, and he said that he didn't want to be alone either. It was then that I turned my face to his, and we were both leaned into each other. Our faces were mere inches apart, our eyes connected. I moved slowly closer, and he did the same. Our lips met slowly and sensually. We kissed for a few minutes, and the taste of his lips was sweeter than any pussy I had ever encountered. I knew that my cock was erect right away, and I felt embarrassed. After he pulled away, he looked directly down at my swollen, erect cock and remarked on how big it was. I thanked him and said that he wasn't so bad himself. We kissed passionately for a few minutes, and then he placed his hands on my chest. They slowly moved down my abdomen, until they reached by pubic hair, and they paused for a moment. He then grabbed by cock with two hands and started gently jerking me off.

What happened next, I can barely remember. I remember feeling this wave of panic, and my mind told me that I was doing something wrong. I pushed him away, and told him that I couldn't do this. In my mind I was trying to convince myself that I was not gay, that I didn't want him. I stood up and left the sauna as quickly as I could. I put my robe on, and went back to my room. When I got to my room, I shut the door and put my back to it. My heart was beating a thousand times a minute. What the hell am I doing? I went over every minute I had just spent with Luc, and I still knew I wanted him. Something in my mind was working against it though, and I couldn't overcome it. I fell asleep with my torn mind, and I had stormy dreams of the conflict I was feeling. I woke up in the middle of the night, sweaty and naked on my bed. My cock was in my hand, and I had just been dreaming of Luc. I knew that it was time to overcome the stigma, to overcome my fears.

I pulled on some shorts and a polo, and I went for his room. It was pitch black outside, and there was a steady rainfall. I walked in the open air to the door of his room; the rain was drenching me, but I didn't care. I knocked three times, and then waited a few seconds for him to come. When he opened the door, I saw that he was standing in front of me in a pair of tiny black briefs, and his hair was all tousled. He had been sleeping. He didn't look surprised to see me, so I told him that I wanted him and bent in to him for a kiss. We kissed like this for a few minutes, standing half in the rain. My hands ran down his strong back, landing on his hot ass. His body was warm, and I wanted him.

We stopped kissing, and he turned and walked into his room. I followed behind him. He turned and looked at me, and he was so hot in the shady light. I pulled off my polo, and we started kissing again. Our tongues were interlocked, feeling each other. I sucked hard on his upper lip, and his hands ran down my chest to my shorts, which he unbuttoned and unzipped. They fell down, and I stepped out of them. We were both locked in embrace; I was wearing white bikini briefs, and my cock was still soft, but you could tell it was getting harder by the second. He started kissing my neck and he began to kiss my nipples and my chest. His fingers caressed the small tufts of hair on my chest. He kissed further down my abdomen, until his was on his knees. He ran his hands down my back, working his fingers beneath my underwear, and he gently squeezed my ass. He moved his tongue along my abdomen, just above the band of my briefs. He teased me with his fingers, running them along my abdomen, and barely slipping his fingers underneath. I could feel his fingers under my briefs, barely touching the top of my pubic hair. My cock was throbbing by now, pointing upwards and to the right. You could see the outline of my head through my thin underwear, and he ran his hands over my cock. With one hand, he rubbed my cock through my underwear, and with the other he slipped his hand under my underwear on my ass, pulling my briefs off. My cock bounced out, freed from the tight containment of the briefs. I then layed on the bed, with my legs still squarely on the floor. He began to work his hands onto my pubes and thighs, without touching my cock. He rubbed my balls and sack. He stopped for a moment, and I opened my eyes to see he was going to straddle me, with his back to me. He sat on me, still in his tiny black briefs, and began pulling at my cock. I couldn't see what he was doing, and it only made it better.

With one hand, he grasped my balls and with the other he jerked me, starting slowly and then going faster and faster. He stayed on top of me for a few more minutes, jerking me off. After awhile, he stopped, and got off of me. He laid on the bed beside me, and we kissed. While our tongues were exploring each other's mouths, his hand still pulled slowly on my cock, keeping it hard. I gently put my hand on his face, and pushed him away from me. It was my turn to give him some fun. The rain was still falling heavily outside as I licked and kissed my way down his body. My hands rubbed his hairy legs, working their way up to his skimpy black briefs. His cock wasn't hard yet, but I knew it would be soon. I got off of the bed, my hard on bouncing, and I pulled his briefs down his legs. His flaccid cock began to rise as I pulled them off. As I had just about no experience with men, I had no idea about his uncircumcised cock. I hunched over him, my hands running over his pubes and balls, and I descended my mouth on to him. He was already hard, it had bounced up the instant my hands moved to his cock. I lowered my head as though I were about to suck him straight on, but then I moved to his balls. I first massaged them with my tongue, slowly feeling the creases of his scrotum. They were hairy but I didn't mind, they felt warm in my mouth. I sucked lightly on each of his balls for a few seconds, while I used my hands to jerk him off.

I couldn't believe the way his foreskin moved up and down, I couldn't imagine how much pleasure it caused. Flawlessly over his head, up and down. Then, I moved my lips over the head of his cock. With my hands at the base, pulling his foreskin back, I pushed his cock into my throat. His back instantly arched with excruciating pleasure. I pushed him as deep into my mouth as I could manage. It was the first time I had ever had a cock in my mouth, and I already loved it. I rubbed the bottom of his cock with my tongue, while I pushed it in and out of my mouth. With one hand on the base of his pubes, the other was gently tugging at his balls.

I started to feel a little more risky, and I moved my free hand from his balls onto his perineum, rubbing the hairy part between his balls and ass. I worked my way to his ass, and found his hole with my finger. Slowly, I worked my finger into his cheeks, and then slowly pushed it into his ass. Without lube it was a little difficult, but I saw his cock grow harder as I did it. I was still sucking him off, and I could tell he was getting close to the breaking point. He didn't ask me to stop, so I continued. I sucked his cock harder and harder, while I gently wiggled my finger in his ass. His whole body tensed, and his balls pulled close to his cock as it was being fucked by my mouth. He was going to cum at any second; I could feel it. I couldn't believe I was almost too afraid to do this!

Instantly, he pushed his cock deep into my throat and I felt his warm cum hit the back of my throat. I nearly gagged, with the combined amount of his cum and his cock my mouth was full. He spurted several times and I could feel the warm milky liquid hitting the back of my throat. Some of the cum squeezed it's way out of the corner of my mouth. Even after he came, I was still slowly moving my tongue around on the bottom of his cock, but it was becoming soft quickly. I pulled off of him, and swallowed the cum. I slowly removed my finger from his ass too. He was just laying back, breathing hard. I licked the traces of cum off of his cock, and moved up to lay beside him. We kissed for a few minutes until he saw my cock, still throbbing and hard. I was expecting him to suck me off too, but he said that he wanted me inside him. I had no idea what to do, I had experimented a little with my ass, but not to any real point of knowing how to fuck one. I told him that I had never fucked a guy before, and he just smiled and said don't worry. He got up off of the bed, his flaccid cock bouncing up and down, and he got a tube of lube from his dresser. He opened it up, squeezed some on his hand, and then tossed me the tube. He told me to put a lot of lube on my cock, especially the head. And so I did it, and when I looked up I saw him applying lube to his ass. He was laying on the bed on his back, with his legs pulled back. With one hand, he reached around to his ass and pushed two fingers in, and then three. He spread the lube all over his hole. His ass was barely hairy, not like the rest of his lower body. It was white and firm, and I wanted to fuck it. I asked him about condoms and he said not to bother.

With that, he beckoned me to the bed. Still laying back with his legs pulled, he said to fuck him. I knelt on the bed, and pulled him closer to me. I slowly inserted my cock into his hole, just an inch at a time. He winced at first, but once I started his face turned into a grin. I pushed further into him, not fucking him yet, but just pushing my cock as deep as I could. Then when my balls had reached his ass, I started to pull out, and then pushed in, again and again. Still only fucking him slowly, I started to get a rhythm going. His loose sac and cock were just bounding there, while I pushed my cock hard into his ass. He told me to go faster, and our eyes connected for a few minutes while I pushed into him, again and again. I was fucking him now as hard as I could. My hands were grasping his hips, clenching into his skin. Oh my god it felt so good, I can remember trying not to cum, trying as hard as a I could. I couldn't fight the tide, though. I was pushing into him, harder and harder, my balls slapping against his ass. His flaccid cock was bouncing up and down as I fucked him intensely. He leaned his head back and moaned as I slammed my cock into him. I couldn't fight the pleasure any longer, and I let go. I past the point of no return, and I felt my balls pull to my cock as it slid into Luc's ass for the last time. I gave one hard final fuck, and then I cummed inside of him. My body spasmed with pleasure, and I could barely handle it. The orgasm went on for what seemed like forever. I stayed inside of him until my cock slipped out on its own, softening. Luc laid there for a minute, still with his legs retracted as the cum dripped out of his ass.