In my younger years I was introduced to a sexual lifestyle that is interesting, fun, exciting, and satisfying. I am a straight man that enjoys having sex with other men. That sounds like an obvious contradiction, so allow me to explain.
In any relationship between two people, there is a physical and an emotional component on sliding scales. One could think of these in quantifiable terms forming a grid of sorts.
At the upper right corner, we have two people in love that have an intimate relationship, so their particular relationship is defined as both an emotional and a physical one. Those of you fortunate enough to know and love a parent or a child in the traditional sense would describe an emotional relationship without sexual intimacy, the lower right corner if you will. At the lower left corner we have no physical or emotional intimacy, where most people would place their work colleagues and casual acquaintences.
The upper left corner is the space of most erotic literature: physical intimacy with warmth, but without serious emotional attachment.
Simply put, that is what comprises most erotic literature. Some of the best erotic literature paints a portrait of striking physical intimacy with warmth, but not necessarily love. This is what humans are drawn to and why internet porn is so profitable. We lust over the chance encounter, the handsome partner, the gorgeous and willing woman, to be ours not forever but for a time. Men love to see two beautiful women intimately kissing then fondling each other's bodies. Clearly these women are not in love, nor are they necessarily homosexual or even bisexual for that matter. More than likely they were paid to do something and they did it.
When you look back on one of your one-night-stands (no, not you!) you will admit that most likely your experience fell into this final category I describe above. You flung yourself at that guy or girl and the next thing you know you have their body parts in your mouth. Far from love, of course; it's entertainment. In my estimation more should be encouraged. Experimentation and knowing oneself is key to a lifetime of happiness. Defining the borders of one's emotional and physical attractions are vital to Zen. How can one truly be happy without recognising what exactly it is that makes them so?
One of the major problems with American society is we are so hung up on labels that we fail to give young people a chance to explore who they are without stamping them with approval or disapproval, gay or straight, right or wrong. I do not mean to offend readers of faith, but in many cases the intolerance of violating apparent religious principles leads people to do terrible things to themselves and others, in many unfortunate cases for a lifetime. And in even more tragic circumstances, a short, tortured life for people that sacrifice themselves because of these unresolvable conflicts.
The lifestyle to which I alluded earlier broke down those barriers for me and for my lucky cohorts. What follows is a story of sex, to be certain, but moreover it is a story of discovery. Humans are tactile and visual. These stories are both...visually striking at times and, hopefully, rich in detail not only describing the physical relationships I experienced but also the emotional trek on which I was many times merely a passenger, a bystander, as my deeper consciousness immersed itself in the physical, pitching my life forward of its own accord, finding its way.
This is just one chapter of one person's life journey. I hope you enjoy it.
***
Tim ran in different circles than I did due to nothing more than geography; he lived on one side of the city and I on the other. Our friends overlapped in the club scene and our conversations for six months were limited to casual bar talk. One night he mentioned that he wanted to see a particular band that I happened to love. A few of us in the group were interested in going, so Tim and I arranged to meet at the show, which was a week later. We exchanged email & phone #'s and that was it for 6 days.
Friday morning, the day of the show, he emailed me saying that it was a good idea to let me know that he was bisexual because we would probably run into some of his gay and bi friends at the show and that we would be hanging out with them and, just to give me the heads up, he asked if I was OK with that. I replied that I was cool with it and that it's definitely no problem. That seemed to make him feel better, and we kept our arrangement for later that night. I had seen Tim with women in the circle of friends from which I had known him, and I got the sense that these two worlds were somewhat separate for him. I got the sense of an unspoken request to keep our conversation confidential.
Tim and several of his friends were already at the bar when I arrived. Knowing that some or all of them were bisexual made me oddly self-conscious. I must admit that I was secretly wondering if I was attractive to any of his bisexual male friends, which was a somewhat interesting experience in and of itself. As it turns out, I was not. Big surprise.
I quickly started wondering what was going to happen. Tim had been comfortable enough with me to share his orientation. I guess it's just like anyone else, though, and he'd have to be attracted to me to suggest doing something with me. I also wondered if it was his way of taking me on a date. Did my acceptance of his offer to see the show with him mean that we were on a date? I didn't think of it at the time, but now it was making me a little nervous, but not scared.
In fact, I was beginning to think that if the evening ended and he didn't show any interest in me I was going to be a little offended! Oh my god how funny was that. I was inundated with odd feelings, and my stomach was in knots and I couldn't figure out why I was so damn nervous. Over the course of the evening I came to realize that I really, honestly, was ready to experiment and Tim seemed, the more I got to know him, a very likely candidate to break me in. I had often fantsized about masturbating with another man but never had an opportunity to do so. Maybe tonight would be the big night.
As the night wore on I decided that I would wait until the last possible minute to drop a hint and see Tim's reaction. He had absolutely no idea what was going through my mind. We were just hanging out, having a good time, talking to his friends all of whom were a lot of fun to be around.
After the show ended, a DJ came on and we stuck around and danced for a while to some tecno. I love to dance alone or with someone else and I'm comfortable with either, so I pretty much stayed by myself. I have also been to dance clubs so often that seeing gay or lesbian couples together making out doesn't faze me, and there was plenty of that going on, including a few of his friends. The dance floor was very crowded and occasionally either Tim or a male friend of his would come over and dance sort of close to me, but because of the number of people I didn't think much of it.
I hadn't had that much to drink and, combined with the fact that I was dancing pretty vigorously, I was stone sober.
I looked at a clock and it was 12:34. I remember the numbers and thinking at that instant to myself, "I think I'd like to see Tim's cock tonight." It was a strangely lucid thought, stamped perfectly in my mind. I still have no idea why it crossed my mind but it did and amid the chaos and confusion of the noisy club I laughed out loud to myself, quietly amusing myself in a crowded, noisy room.
Tim came over right after that thought, oddly enough, and we started talking about random things but it was very loud so I suggested we go to another place to have a drink. He suggested we just go to his apartment, which was within walking distance, and I accepted.
I could still go over to his house, have a drink, shake hands and call it a night. On the other hand I could suggest we undress and masturbate together. I had the option to think it over once I was inside his apartment, see how I felt, and make a suggestive comment or two to feel out the situation. If things didn't seem right, I could walk right out the door.
Nervousness gripped me because I knew that this could be it. The feelings were nearly identical to that first night with that first girl, clumsily cutting through the formalities to get to the goods.
As I walked to his house I was glad I hadn't said or done anything suggestive earlier because I didn't want to feel pressured. I know it sounds like something a chick would say, but if we had started talking about "doing something together" at the club both of us would have had expectations. It definitely would have clouded my judgment and I know myself well enough to know that once we got back here there would have been a better than even chance I would have chickened out and just gone home. I was much happier with this organic chain of events and I was anxious and excited to see how things would play out.
We got back to his place about 1:00 AM and neither of us were drunk. Shortly after I came through the door to his apartment I decided that I was going to try to get him to do something, anything, with me. Maybe we could masturbate together, I thought, or maybe he would let me touch his penis. I was rock hard just thinking about these crazy possibilities. Tim made us a few drinks and we stood in the kitchen talking.
I was so horny and jumpy that as soon as we starting talking and sharing a drink, I just wanted to get on with it. But I needed to make it seem natural and of course also determine if Tim had any interest in me. I had zero experience in this area, so my words and actions were awkward to say the least. With women, I am perfectly comfortable in these situations, but with another guy, it was of course a different story. This being my first time I felt incredibly awkward and uncomfortable, nervous and scared.
I noticed he was about the same height as me, 5' 9" or 5' 10". He was 30 years old, medium build, dark hair, blue eyes, an attractive guy. I have similar features and build and I'm not bad looking myself, and at the time I was 27.
As he had expected, we had run into a few of his friends at the show and I asked him a few general questions, like how often does he date women and men, and if he has a girlfriend or a boyfriend.
