Epilogue
The man had his back turned, watching something intently across the vast expanse of water. The waves crashed against the stony shore, but it didn't look like he minded. He was wearing warm clothes, and the weather, cloudy and bent on nothing good, didn't seem to faze him.
Johnny was holding Ruslan's hand in his, and he could feel a small tremble in the long elegant fingers as they marched through the pebbles that made little crunching sounds underneath their feet.
The cold fingers coiled inside his palm, and then released him. Johnny stood back on purpose, letting Ruslan break into a sprint, making pebbles rise as he ran toward the man on the shore. The man didn't seem to notice, and Ruslan stopped at a fair distance from him.
Only then, Johnny quickened his pace. He took Ruslan by the hand, making his lover half turn and look at him with grateful eyes. Together, they walked toward the final point of their current destination.
"Papa?" Ruslan said hesitantly.
This time, when Johnny let him go, Ruslan didn't stop. Instead, as the man turned, he lunged forward, landing into his grandfather's arms.
"Russy," Douglas said gently.
Ruslan pushed his head into Douglas's shoulder and began crying. Douglas caressed his head with a slightly trembling hand. "Oh, Russy." His voice was filled with love and Johnny felt, for an instant, like an intruder.
But Douglas's eyes landed on him, and they were warm, letting him know it was his right to be there.
"Why did you leave me?" Ruslan asked between sobs.
"I thought I did it for you. Forgive an old fool," Douglas continued while still caressing Ruslan's head. "I had your love and thought that was the only way I could still have it. I was an egoist, after all, and nothing more."
"You were," Ruslan replied petulantly. "You left me all alone."
He sniffed and let Douglas wipe his cheeks with a handkerchief as if he was a little kid. Johnny could tell Ruslan enjoyed it, the care and love his grandfather showed him.
"I didn't leave you alone, Russy. You have Johnny. And your real father."
"Were you afraid of him? My real father?" Ruslan asked, looking up, into Douglas's eyes.
"It wasn't fear." Douglas shook his head. "But guilt. I knew I couldn't protect you. These young beasts," he added with a sigh. "I heard of Nigel. I know it must be against everything I taught you, but I feel relieved that he's no longer among us. I knew your real father could offer you the protection I couldn't."
"It wasn't your fault," Ruslan said. "And I don't care about anything else. But why didn't you tell me you were my grandfather?"
"For the same reason," Douglas replied. "I thought, in my foolishness, that I was protecting you when I was doing nothing else but protecting myself. Maybe I feared you would hold me accountable for your mother's disappearance, and all your suffering during those years I couldn't find you."
"But you looked for me," Ruslan said.
"Always. Never stopped. I looked for your mother, too, but she's nowhere to be found. For years, I feared the worst."
"Do you still fear?"
Douglas caressed Ruslan's hair slowly. "I have you here. It is a good time to let go of some of the hurt. Not all of it. It will be with me forever, how I didn't hurry to stop her the moment rushed through that door, thinking that I didn't love her. You're here to ease my burden, and for that, I am grateful."
"Will you come back?" Ruslan asked.
Douglas looked around. "It's quiet here. I left you everything. Is it too much if I want to enjoy the quiet?"
Ruslan shook his head slowly. "I won't tell a soul."
"You can tell your father. He'll understand. I know he isn't the man I ever wanted for my daughter or the father I wanted for my grandchild, but I know he loves you. That's enough for me."
Martin approached solemnly, and Johnny turned toward him. "I have tea and cookies ready. They're getting colder."
Johnny could understand a thing or two from what Martin wasn't saying. Here, in this remote place, Douglas and Martin could be themselves. They did deserve it.
Douglas took Ruslan by the shoulders, and they began walking. With a smile, he touched Johnny's arm.
They all fell into the same pace and walked toward the house. Johnny felt the quiet all around them, as they moved through the misty air now burdened with the humidity brought from the ocean. "We'll come to visit," he found himself talking.
Douglas turned toward him with a warm smile. "I hope you do. Johnny, I'm thankful you're here, and that you were by Ruslan's side, during hard times."
"I will always be, sir," Johnny said with determination.
