First Kiss
"The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial moment of any love story. It changes the relationship between the two people much more strongly than even the final surrender because this kiss already has within it that surrender." (Emil Ludwig)
As my flight touched down, I felt a shiver of excitement knowing that I would have almost two weeks at home to see my family and spend time with friends before returning to college to pick up some mid-semester credits. This was my second year, having just finished my fourth semester, and with some effort, I could graduate six months early if I kept taking extra courses. Not that I didn't like school, but I had my eyes set on law school and did not want to waste time hanging around.
My best friend, Trey, was to pick me up since he returned from school in Amsterdam the day before and wanted to be the first to welcome me home, a gesture that irritated my parents and my sister. Trey was someone that I have known my whole life, and we were very close before we left for college so my family members reluctantly accepted my decision.
As I approached the baggage claim carousel I saw Trey walking toward me with outstretched arms and a big smile on his face. We exchanged enthusiastic greetings and Trey gave me the traditional Dutch greeting of three kisses on my cheeks which he followed with a long hug. "I missed you and look forward to having some time together and hanging out like we did before," he said while giving me another kiss on the cheek.
"I feel the same and have wondered how much you would have changed after spending so much time abroad. Aside from the kisses, you seem the same," I replied with a laugh.
After retrieving my bag, I walked with Trey to his car and we began the 30-minute drive to my parent's home. As we talked in the car on the ride home, I soon realized that we easily picked the last conversations that we had several months earlier, and I felt relaxed in Trey's company although something seemed different from the way I remembered him. He seemed more mature, quieter in a pleasant sense, and more aware of sensitive issues that would never usually bother him in the past. I wondered if I came across the same way to him or if I presented the same high school silliness that I did over three years ago. Pushing these matters aside, I settled into the seat and listened to his stories, told some of mine and we laughed together as we reminisced.
Arriving at my home, Trey stopped shy of the driveway and said that he would leave me to catch up with family while he got some sleep since he was suffering from jet lag and suggested that we meet up the following evening for "burgers and beers" at our favorite tavern. I readily agreed and after thanking him for the lift I got out of the car to get my bag from the trunk. Trey got out as well and walked to the back. Closing the trunk lid after I took my bag, he stood facing me while looking into my eyes. I felt my stomach flutter with butterflies as we stood together silently for a moment, me with my bag in hand. Trey leaned his face toward me, cocking his head toward the right, and without hesitation, I did the same allowing our lips to meet. We held this kiss for about ten seconds before separating and staring at each other in silence. I placed my bag on the pavement to free my arms and wrapped them around his torso, pulling him close. Trey took my head in his hands and kissed me hard on the mouth, slipping his tongue gently between my lips and keeping it there for a long while until discretion made us separate.
"I have wanted to do that for a long time Chris, and I could not wait any longer. I don't feel that I must apologize but if I am wrong, please tell me and I will," he said.
"No apology necessary," I replied as I caught my breath. "I will say that it was unexpected but not unwelcome. Why did you wait so long?"
"We're friends Chris, and I did not wish to overstep societal boundaries and lose my best friend because I was too honest with my emotions." Trey paused for a moment and then continued with a quiet laugh, "In all the years that we have known each other, didn't you ever feel like kissing me? If you did, why didn't you? And if you didn't, I guess I understand but I would be disappointed."
I laughed along with him and reached for my bag, "I'm a tease, Trey, you know that. See you tomorrow." I began walking slowly up the path to the front door, slightly accentuating the movement of my hips as I went and saw it swing open and my mother walk out to meet me. I heard Trey's car start in the background and knew that it was time to come back to the real world.
As my mother met me with a hug and a kiss she exclaimed, "We heard Trey's car pull up a few minutes ago but it has taken forever for you to get your stuff together. Don't you know that we are anxious to see you?"
"Sorry, we were catching up and I couldn't leave mid-story. You know what Trey is like once he starts talking," I replied.
I was greeted by my dad and sister Rachel as we walked into the house, and it was nice to all be together again. My father was thrilled to have another male in the house to even things out, and my mom was happy to have her baby boy to fawn over while my sister seemed pleased to have a younger person nearby to tease and run errands, or so she thought. From my perspective, I was glad to be around people whose history I shared.
After some brief hellos and preliminary questions, I brought my bag to my room and quickly absorbed the familiar surroundings. Rachel followed several steps behind me as we continued our back-and-forth conversation about school and life in general but once inside my bedroom she became slightly more serious and flashed a mischievous grin. "I heard Trey's car pull up while I was in my room and couldn't resist looking out the window to see you approach. I was very happy to see you get out of the car and I watched you get your bag but before heading downstairs I stopped to flick off the light," she said quietly with a Cheshire Cat smile. "I took one last look outside before leaving my room and boy, was I glad I did."
A sudden knot formed in my stomach as I became enveloped by a sense of dread. "I'm surprised that you didn't race downstairs to beat Mom out the door to viciously attack me for old time's sake," I joked, hoping to change the topic.
"I've matured and I also found the view from up here much more interesting," she teased.
"Watching your brother pick up his bag and walk to the house can't be that exciting, even for you," I replied with a grin.
"Don't be coy, Chris, you know exactly what I mean," she said. "How was it?"
I was running the situation over quickly in my mind trying to find the most plausible explanation for what she said and what she might have seen if anything at all. Sure, she could see to the end of the driveway, but it was somewhat dark so how much could she actually see? Then there was the matter of depth perception; if she saw two figures how close were they to one another? I might be able to bluff past these points but the most troubling part to me was her final statement: "How was it?" She clearly saw something that interested her in a strange and mischievous way and there was enough information gleaned by what she saw to have her ask "How was it?" so I was forced to focus on the word "it" as it summed up the problem.
"I am not trying to be evasive but I am puzzled. What "it" am I being asked about? I am only an immature college sophomore trying to understand an older, more worldly, and sophisticated graduate student. I think you must be clearer in your question if you want me to provide an answer," I replied while trying to make light of the situation.
"It's refreshing to see that you have grown up a little bit over the past year. There was a time when you would have stammered and told me to fuck off and leave your room. Of course, I would have teased you for weeks regardless," she responded.
"If that is not your plan then I believe we have both grown up a bit, Rachel."
She smirked and calmly said, "I can only grow so much when it comes to you Chris. Tell me, how was it to kiss Trey?" then a long pause before continuing. "It appeared quite intense from what I saw, and I am curious how it felt to passionately kiss your best friend and hug him as if you just returned from war. Was it pleasant? Did he slip his tongue into your mouth or was your tongue in his?"
"Chris, come downstairs with Rachel and join Mom and me for a celebratory welcome-home drink," my father shouted from the living room. "It's too soon to be closeted in your room."
"Yes Chris, let's go downstairs to sit together before continuing our talk, perhaps downstairs," said Rachel as she turned toward the door.
"You're such a bitch, Rachel," I said with a forced smile before starting to follow her, adding, "By the way, have you seen Anne recently?"
Rachel stopped on the stairs and replied while turning to face me, "I have to work at being a bitch but I sense that it may come naturally to others."
Contrary to what I thought possible after my conversation with my sister, the evening and dinner was a pleasant affair with a lot of laughter and reminiscing. Families tend to lighten their moods when they come together even if it is for a short time. Depending upon the amount of underlying tension between the people involved, this period is variable. We had no major issues as a family so we could relax and be ourselves for better or worse. Rachel and I got along very well as siblings so aside from gentle teasing there was no animosity between us, and I did not expect that to change regardless of what either of us said earlier. I knew that she would tease me about Trey in private but when other people were present, I knew she would have my back and vice versa.