First DO No Harm is the mantra of the medical field. It is as old as the hypocritic oath. This includes the non-ethical congress of Psychiatrists and Psychologists with those under their care. I had faithfully adhered to this doctrine for 12 years of practicing. I was caught unaware of how strong a physical and emotional attraction could affect me and cause me to break that oath. This is my story.
This case was perplexing at first. When he first came to me and told me of his problems, I thought johnnie was an angry young man. But, as his visits continued, the puzzle began to take form.
My name is Jasper Goeringer. I've been a practicing psychologist for nigh on to 12 years. I deal mainly in family matters such as marriage counseling and problem resolution. I have been successful and have many clients referred to me by successfully helping other clients through dark times.
But johnnie was different. He came to me by himself with issues in his marriage to Cindy.
About johnnie. My first impression of the slender young, 20-something, was that he seemed depressed and angry.
Depression is wide-spread, and it would not be unusual for someone to come to me seeking relief from the debilitating malady.
But after listening to johnnie, I came to the conclusion that he was not depressed. Nor was the slight young man angry. johnnie was hurt and confused. Both of those emotions can manifest themselves as anger and or depression.
I studied my new client closely has he sobbed and wept while telling me of his problems. What I saw was a pretty cute male. He wore his hair shoulder length and it appeared to have a natural flip. High cheek bones, button nose, full and luscious lips gave him a delicate and yet sexy look as he peered at me with his cat-like green eyes while baring his soul to me.
In my profession you understand, one must take in all aspects of the patient in order to properly diagnose and treat them. Things like their attire, the way they comport themselves, the way the speak, mannerisms, all serve to help those in my practice better understand the individual they are treating.
In johnnie's case, I could see that his taste in clothing tended to be a more feminine style than most men would consider purchasing, much less wear. The tight white capri pants through which I could clearly make out the color and style of his underpants, plus the spaghetti strapped mauve tank top he wore told me that johnnie carried himself provocatively sexy.
As he made himself comfortable, I noticed the anklet he wore on his left ankle and traces of what was perhaps remnants of nail polish not completely removed from his toes that were visible through the opened toed sandals he had on his small feet.
His voice was low, soft, and a little high pitched. He was having a difficult time trying to explain the reason he visited me.
I listened carefully as he told me of his marriage to a woman he felt fortunate to have wed. But there was an under lying layer of discontent. Using a back door method of unmasking the real problems, I asked the lad what he felt he could do to improve his marriage.
That's when the little guy broke down in tears. Through sobs and sniffs, johnnie admitted that his wife had taken a lover on the side.
When I asked how long he suspected she was cheating, he looked up astonished. "Dr Goeringer, Cindy is not cheating," he insisted. "Tom is our very good friend."
His tear-stained face and the way he looked at me made me want to gather the young man in my arms and comfort him. Empathy is one thing in my business. But physical touching is frowned upon. I resisted the temptation to hug the pretty younger man and let him gather himself.
"johnnie," I consoled him. "I can feel your pain and sense of loss. But alas, our hour is up. Please come back. We have lots to sort through."
He wiped his pretty face with a Kleenex and smiled sadly. "When would you like to see me again?" he whispered in a husky voice.
I looked at my schedule. "How about Friday at 10? That will give you four days in between sessions."
johnnie came to my desk and offered me his small soft hand. "Thank you doctor," he said. "I'll see you at 10 AM on Friday."
As he turned to leave, I saw that young johnnie had a nice wide set of hips and a beautifully shaped bottom.
Had I not known he was a male, I would have easily mistaken johnnie for a woman from behind. As the door closed behind him, I found myself adjusting a growing erection.
Please don't misunderstand me. I have never had sex with a patient, male or female. To do so would be unprofessional and unethical. But my reaction surprised me, and I knew I had an issue to sort out myself before johnnie returned for his next session.
I found johnnie's first session typical of most of my patients. He was nervous, worried, maybe even afraid. It takes a while for first timers to be able to open up about what's bothering them. Usually, by the second or third visit, they begin to feel comfortable speaking to me about private matters.
I would hope in johnnie's case that was true. I was intrigued by his admission that there is another man in his and Cindy's marriage and then insisting she would never cheat. As I said at the beginning, this was a most perplexing study in human behavior.
johnnie seemed more composed Friday morning when he arrived for his second session. "Good morning, Doctor," he smiled. The young man simply radiated happiness.
He seemed more relaxed, or at ease as he sat where he had his first visit. This time he was wearing what I understand are called skinny jeans, a billowing shirt that was tied at his waist. Between the bottom of his jeans and vividly red sneakers, johnnie wore the same ankle bracelet.
He crossed his legs at the knee and bounced his leg. The smile never left his oh-so-full lips.
"How were your last few days, johnnie?" I asked.
"Wonderful. I had a splendid four days."
"That's great, johnnie. Tell me. What happened, what did you do that makes you radiate with joy this morning?"
"Cindy, my wife, remember?"
"I do."
"Well, doctor. Her mom needed her to stay with her to help when her father came home from the hospital."
"I see. I hope it was nothing serious."
"It could have been. Her dad tripped over one of their cats and wrenched his back. Cindy helped her mother get him settled. He seems to be recovering slowly but that's to be expected for his age."
I didn't inquire about his father-in-law's age. Instead, I asked what he did while he spent his time alone.
"But I wasn't alone. Tom came over to keep me company. Cindy told me she was sending him to stay with me while she was gone to make sure I behaved and stayed out of trouble."
"Your wife sent her lover to baby sit you?"
johnnie blushed when I asked that.
"Um, no sir. It's not like that. I'm better, I mean Cindy thinks it's better that our friend and I are together when she's not around. Besides, I like Tom. He's so, so, well,"
His pretty face burned red as he choked out the rest.
"Tom is much more manly than I am. Truth be told, doctor, Cindy tells Tom to look after me and behind his back, she tells me to take care of our man."
To me, this arrangement seemed strange. I thought about his response and what to ask next as johnnie twirled the ends of his long hair seemingly lost in thought.
"Are Cindy and Tom aware that you're seeing me, johnnie?"
Snapping out of his daydream, johnnie seemed startled. "No. They don't know I'm here. Please doctor, you can't tell them."
I assured johnnie of doctor-patient privilege, and his visits would remain secret.
Much relieved, johnnie become more open and direct with his responses.
"Tell me about Tom," I asked.
johnnie sighed and a smile flashed across his face. "I have known Tom since forever," he gushed. "Tom is very much a man and had been my friend since high school some 7 years ago."
"I see," I said jotting down what he was telling me. "How did Tom and Cindy meet?"
"I introduced them," johnnie freely admitted.
"And their relationship progressed?"
"Boy did it," johnnie beamed. "Cindy and Tom hit it off immediately. I could tell they were attracted to each other."
I was tempted to ask how that worked out but needed some information on Cindy before going deeper in the relationship between she and Tom.
"Tell me about your wife, johnnie. When did you meet?"
"We met in college. I thought she was beautiful. To my surprise, she was smart too. Cindy had many suitors; she dated a lot of guys."
"At first it bothered me that she was seeing so many guys. But always after her dates, Cindy would call me to come over and we'd have sex."
I looked at the young man as his mind wandered in past experiences. "So, she'd only have sex with you after going out with other men?"
"We didn't have intercourse, doctor. She would let me go down on her and then masturbate me."
"So, you two remained chaste until you married?" I questioned.
johnnie was reluctant to answer that question. He hesitated momentarily before telling me that after being called to join her after her dates many times, she eventually confessed to having been fucked.
"You mean that when you enjoyed giving her oral sex that she was....."
"She had sperm in her," johnnie interrupted me. "She told me that I had eaten a number of loads."
"Oh my. How did that make you feel?"
"At first I was jealous. I mean those guys having sex with my girl, you know. But Cindy told me that I was the best at giving her orgasms with my mouth and tongue and the taste of her lover's ejaculate didn't seem to bother me. The way she said it, with her hand on me down there, I couldn't be angry with her."
"Did her lovers ever confront you?"
"Never. Cindy promised me that it would be our secret."
"And when you got married did you then have intercourse?"
"Not exactly," johnnie said very quietly.
"May I ask how then?"
"How we had sex?"
"Yes johnnie. I know this must be difficult for you to talk about and you're being such a brave young man. But it is important for me to understand the dynamic of your marriage."
johnnie's head hung low, and I could barely hear him when he told me that he was very small in the penis area and that he was prone to pre-mature ejaculation."
