It had only been a little over a year since I had been diagnosed with HIV. I had been completely devastated by the diagnosis; I had never slept with anyone and I felt that I never would now. I'm still perplexed as to how none of the doctors I had ever been to saw it in 22 years. My mother, whom I got my HIV from through birth, had been dealing with her diagnosis for years and she had been trying to help me come to terms with mine but it never seemed to get easier.
I continued with my studies and just tried to forget about it with no hope. I was always a loner but this just made me more detached from society; I was afraid of getting close to anyone, friend or otherwise, and them leaving. It seemed like I was trying to push my way through a dense fog that just got thicker with each passing day. Being a young guy, I of course wanted to be intimate, but how could I. I felt like the most disgusting thing on the planet. I tried going out and meeting people but nothing ever panned out; I would always get nervous and chicken out.
On a warm October night I laid in my bed slowly caressing my naked body and tugging on my rigid member. I am not the greatest looking guy; I am 5'4, with a plump body and thick thighs, caramel colored skin, raven hair, dark brown eyes, and a cute face if I do say so myself. However, I don't have the greatest body image. Anyway, I just laid on my bed and stroked myself to orgasm, cleaned myself up, and slowly drifted off to sleep. I woke up the next day, ready to face the world as best I could. It was the weekend, so I decided to go mall walking and maybe buy a few things that caught my fancy.
I was perusing the makeup aisles of Ulta- I'm a bit of a femboy with a weakness for lipstick and nail polish, when I noticed a guy that I had seen at Macys, and again at the food court. He was holding cologne in his hand, but I kept catching him looking at me from the corner of his eye; suffice it to say, he was creeping me the fuck out. I put what I had in my hand back and fast walked my ass the hell out of the store. I went into a bunch of different stores with the intention of losing him, but this creeper was persistent.
I finally managed to lose him and luckily I was in a store that I actually wanted to go to that day. Just as I started to look around, I felt someone approach; there he was, standing no more than a foot beside me. I started to sweat, my heart started to race, and my stomach started to twist into knots as I became nauseous. I didn't know whether to run, ignore him, or confront him when suddenly he spoke, "That's a great movie! Seen it twice! Has some great acting!" All I could manage to do was smile and nod.
It was only at that moment that I had gotten a good look at him, he at least 6'0, 250- maybe a little more, at least 25, short, dark brown hair, a kempt beard, with thick, brown hair covering his forearms and piercing green eyes. I would have been more turned on if I weren't so terrified by the fact that he was following me. He spoke again, "My name is Ethan," he shoved his hand out for a shake. I slowly put a weak grip around his big, rough hand and shook it, " H- h- hi, I'm Erin," I winced at the saying of my own name as I had always hated that my mom chose to give me the female spelling of Aaron, but I quickly shook that thought from my head.
"I'm sorry if I scared you by following you around the mall, I just had to meet you. I was just thinking about why such cute guy was all alone." My face turned hot at his words but my nerves wouldn't let me keep eye contact very long. He spoke again, "So you like to wear lipstick, that's cool!; I bet those lips look great in red!" I was melting away with each word and I finally worked up the courage to speak, "They do, but I don't wear lipstick all the time." He moved in close and spoke softly, "I would love to see that sometime."
