Empty Spaces

Seth Johnson looked up at big front doors of his high school. 'I can do this' he said to himself. He  took a deep breath and walked inside. Just as he expected, there were a lot of people in the hallway. However, what he didn't expect was that they would all look at him the same way they always had, not as if he was a freak. 'It's not like they can just tell' he thought to himself. Seth took another deep breath and continued walking down the hall to his locker. Spinning the lock to open it, he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around and saw Julie, one of his best friends. "Hey Seth! How was California! I can't believe I didn't get to see you at all this summer. Please don't ever leave me for the entire summer ever again! I missed you way too much, and Scott agrees with me!" Scott was Seth's other best friend, and Julie's boyfriend.

Seth took a second to compose himself and looked at Julie. "Listen, Jules, I really missed you too, but I really need to talk to you about something important...like urgently..."

Julie looked at him. She could tell from the look on his face that something was up. She had never seen him like this in the 15 years that they had been friends. "Babe, you know can always count on me to talk to about anything, what's going on?"

Seth looked around, nervous as hell, he was sweating now, and he didn't know if he could go through with it. "Uh...well..." His heart started to race, he felt like the entire world was staring at him, judging him "you know what, never mind. I'll just tell you later...maybe alone..."

Julie looked into his crystal blue eyes and could tell it was something very important, and decided not to argue. "Alright, well my parents are out of town for the week, and Scott's coming over later to make us dinner, please join us?"

Seth wasn't sure whether or not he could handle telling Scott yet. They were close enough to be brothers, and they loved each other as if they were, but with this particular news, he was having a hard time finding the courage to tell his best mate. "Alright, I guess I can come over. Actually, I have a better idea, why not let me give you a ride home from school, and then we'll just hang out until Scott comes  over?"

Julie was starting to worry. Never had she seen Seth this stressed over something. And the fact that he didn't want to tell Scott about whatever it was also bothered her. "Seth, you're starting to scare me...are you dying or something? Like what's going on?"

Seth laughed a little, and cracked a weak smile, showing his dimples. "No Jules, I'm not going to die...well, I haven't planned on dying anytime soon, in any case...it's nothing like that. I just have something that I have to get off my chest, and I'd rather not do it here, or to anyone else. I'm not even sure if I want to tell Scott yet...I'll have to figure that out later. Anyway, meet me here after class, and I'll drive us to your house."

Julie was relieved that he wasn't telling her that he had cancer or something like that, but she was still worried. She shrugged it off, gave Seth a peck on the cheek as they always did, and agreed to meet him after class. "I really missed you, you know? I'm just so happy you're back!"

She walked off to her locker, leaving Seth standing there alone. The bell rang signaling he had five minutes to get to his first class. He got his books, closed his locker, and went to his class.

History was the most boring class Seth had ever taken. During the war of 1812, the British (Canada) kicked America's ass. And somehow his teacher, Mr. Lancroft had found a way to make it excruciatingly boring. "God, you'd think war and murder and death was as exciting as watching paint dry, the way he talks about it" Scott said to Seth. Mr. Lancroft spoke in a very monotonous voice that tended to lull his students to sleep. The only good thing to say about this class was that Seth had it with Scott, as well as Tony and Josh, two of his other good friends from the varsity football team.

Scott was sitting beside Seth and leaned over and whispered into Seth's ear "Jesus, Lancroft could fall over dead in the middle of his lecture, and I guarantee he'd find a way to make it uninteresting. Who the fuck cares about all this shit. Remind me again, why did we take this class?"

Seth stifled a laugh and whispered back "I'm pretty sure it's because you're parents told you that if you took one more gym class, they were going to disown you, and I took it because you made me."

This time it was Scott who stifled a laugh. "Weird, that doesn't sound like something I would do, at all." And he winked at his friend. "Well, whatever, who says that three gym classes in one semester is too many?" Seth rolled his eyes and laughed at his friend.

The two of them had grown up together, and been on the football team together since grade nine. Both boys were built, with big arms, large and firm pecs, really defined six-pack abs, and muscular legs. Scott was 5'11, had shortish dark brown hair tipped blond, a chiseled face, and brilliant hazel eyes. Every girl in the school thought he was a hunk, but he was a good guy, and he knew that Julie was the girl for him. Seth was 6'2, had dark blond hair about an inch longer than Scott's, he also had a chiseled face, with a strong jaw, and blue eyes that held a general consensus among the girls of the school of being "dreamy". All the girls thought that he was an Adonis in general, but he was content staying single.

"Besides," he'd always say "I don't have time for a girlfriend. I have football, Student Council, homework, helping my dad out all the time, and tutoring." No one ever gave him a hard time about it, and it wasn't a big deal. Scott wanted to get into the gym more so that he could put on some more muscle. Scott wanted to get huge, he was jealous that Seth was stacked like a body builder, Scott was muscular and toned, but Seth still had about twenty pounds of pure muscle on him. Scott thought it was the main reason that Seth was made team captain. Scott wanted to be co-captain. He thought that he had earned it the year before, but Coach Santos had chosen another guy because he had proven himself as a slightly better player. But he had graduated and moved on to Guelph with a full football scholarship, and the team needed a new co-captain. Coach Santos hadn't yet met with Seth to decide upon a new one, but Scott was trying to get as jacked as possible so that he would be the obvious choice. Seth always found it kind of funny that he didn't seem to feel that it was based on performance, and not just bulk. Scott had always done his team well, but he never thought about that, he just thought that if he put on some more muscle he'd be chosen. That was why he had chosen so many elective gym classes in one semester.

Scott looked over at Seth "By the way, since you're going to be driving over to Julie's after school, do you mind giving me a ride? It'll save me a trip, I don't really need to stop by at my place anyway."

Seth was a little annoyed with Julie, he thought he had been pretty clear that he wanted to tell her alone, but he was just going to have to deal with it. If he said no, it would raise a lot of questions. Hiding his annoyance, he turned to Scott and said "Yeah man, no problem!"

Scott looked a little sheepish and grinned. "You're the best, broski!" The rest of the day droned on and on. By the time fourth period finally ended, Seth couldn't wait to get out of there. He practically ran to his locker, got it open, grabbed his stuff, and slammed it closed again in seconds. He didn't have to wait long for Julie and Scott to come. They were walking down the hall holding hands.

Seth smiled to himself, in spite of the fact that he was very nervous about what he was about to do, he had to admit that they were basically the perfect couple, and he was happy for both of them. "Hey guys, ready to go?"

Julie nodded and Scott put his arm on Seth's shoulder, "Lead the way, fearless leader." The three of them walked out of the main entrance, and over to the far side of the parking lot where the student parking was. Scott pulled out his keys and pressed the automatic start. He grinned despite himself. He couldn't help it; every time he saw his car he was happy. Seth's mom had died when Seth was very young. After getting divorced from Seth's father, she had remarried a very rich man, who later became the CEO of a major corporation. However, shortly after marriage, she had died of leukemia, leaving Seth truly alone with only his dad left. Seth was only six at the time. She left him almost everything in her will--which was a lot as her second husband had not had any children. There was money for college and some other things. The money had been put into a trust fund, and Seth couldn't touch it until he turned 18. On his birthday, he gained access to it, but being a down-to-earth guy, he only used a small portion of the money to buy his car, leaving the rest for university. His birthday had been in July, so no one had yet seen his car; he couldn't wait to see Scott and Julie's reaction. They assumed that he was still driving the old Ford Focus. When they came in sight of the running car, Seth saw as Scott's jaw fell, and Julie's eyes widened with disbelief. "No. Freakin'. Way." was all that Scott was able to get out.

Julie managed a "That's not a..." before Seth interrupted with "...Mustang?" He laughed, he couldn't help it. This car was his pride and joy. Nothing made him happier than spending time washing it, waxing it, and just in general keeping it looking its best. It made him feel like a part of his mom was still there; something that she had left him, so he took extremely good care of it.

Scott pinched himself saying "I'm dreaming. There is no way..." Julie just stared. Neither of them could believe it. This was a sick car.

As Seth got into the driver's seat, he had to turn around to yell at his friends "Hey, so are you guys going to walk? Jeeze, hurry the hell up." He was still laughing. But, as they got into the car, it all came flooding back to Seth; he remembered what he was about to tell them, and his face clouded over. They drove to Julie's house in almost total silence. Julie had told Scott that there was something that Seth had needed to tell them, and it was serious. Scott had no idea what is was about, but was worried about his friend from the way Julie had talked about how had acted that morning. Julie was also lost in her thoughts, wondering what it could be that is bothering Seth so much. She hated seeing any of her friends having problems, and worse still because she was so close with Seth. She was just going to have to wait and see what it was that was bothering Seth so much.

They got out of the car and Julie unlocked her door and ushered them all inside. They went straight into her living room, and sat down on her plush leather couch. Julie's parents both held high paying jobs, and they lived very comfortably. "I'm going to get us some drinks." Scott headed off to the kitchen.

"Babe there's iced tea in the fridge," Julie called out. She looked at Seth, trying to decide how to help him open up about whatever it was that was weighing so heavily on him. She could see that her friend was off in his own little world, not really looking at anything. Julie scooted over on the couch until she was right next to him. She put her arm around his shoulders and said "Listen, Seth, you know you can always tell us anything right? We're always going to be here for you, nothing you say or do is going to change that."

Seth looked at his best friend and gave a weak smile. "I know I can trust you guys with anything, it's just that this is so hard. You and Scott are almost like family to me, especially after my mom died. I'm so glad that I have friends like you. I just wish...I just wish that I wasn't me sometimes." Julie was shocked, she had never heard Seth talk like this. A tear fell down his cheek, and it was followed by more. Julie embraced him, trying to help him feel better, but the silent tears kept falling. "I haven't cried in years...I can't even believe I'm crying right now." Scott came back to the living room, but seeing his best friend sitting on the couch crying, with his girlfriend trying to console him, something told him to just stay where he was, and let the other two talk it out.

"When I was in California over the summer break, I was the happiest I have ever been. I was spending time with my cousin Tucker and his parents, who I hardly ever get to see. Since my parents divorced, they have shown so much care for me. They always tried to get me over for Christmas, and whenever my parents were fighting, they would let me call them and talk to them about it. Being in that house, with so much love, I realized a few things about myself. Not at first, it took me awhile, but by the end of the summer, a change had come over me. Tucker's twenty-one, and so we would always be hanging out together since we're so close in age. He showed me all over Huntington Beach where he lives. We would spend hours surfing, and then come in, get changed, and go clubbing. I met all of his friends, and they're so cool, I've never met people like them. They're so free spirited, so kind, and so smart. One of his friends, Tommy...he and I got really close. We started hanging out a lot. I didn't think anything of it when he told me he was gay. It's not as if that changes me at all. And no one else cared either, so why should I? Anyway, one night he had a beach party. It seemed as if everyone from Huntington was there. It was so much fun. We had partied all night, and people started to leave in the very early morning. It was still dark, but the sun was going to be coming up soon. My cousin offered me a ride home, but I told Tommy I would help him clean up, and he said he could drop me off after. So, eventually everyone else had left. I was still a little bit drunk, but coming down from my buzz, and we were just finishing cleaning up. Tommy came over to me and told me to sit down in the sand. I did and he sat down next to me. It was a full moon that night, and it was reflecting off the ocean. It was bright, probably one of the most beautiful nights I'd ever seen. I remember that it was starting to get a little chilly, and Tommy looked at me shivering and took off his sweater and made me put it on. I was grateful, but worried that he was going to get cold."

"Relax," Tommy had said, "I'm used to this. Mind you, for a Canadian, you're not dealing with the chill all that well." Seth told them how that made him laugh. Tommy looked over at him earnestly, "you're really sexy when you smile, you have the cutest dimples I've ever seen, and the way the moon reflects off of your eyes...I could get lost in those eyes."

"I remember him saying that to me, and the way I felt after hearing him say that. I wasn't angry, or upset, or  bothered at all...I liked hearing him say that to me. It was weird. I felt so happy sitting there with him. I looked into his eyes, and then I just kissed him. That was when I knew I was gay."

Julie sat there looking at Seth, stunned out of her mind. "Oh my god! Seth..." Seth's eyes burned again, and try as he might, he couldn't stop some tears from falling. He cried softly, barely letting it out, but enough that the other two noticed.

Unable to look into their eyes, Seth spoke in barely a whisper "...look, if you guys don't want to hang out with me anymore, I'll understand. I know it's weird and that it doesn't make sense. I'll understand it if you hate me..."

Scott walked over to Seth, speechless, and sat down next to him. He wasn't sure how he felt about Seth being gay, but he knew how he felt about Seth. He grabbed his friend by the shoulders and pulled him into a tight hug. "I really can't even imagine how hard it must have been for you to tell you. But I can't believe you don't know us better than that after all we've been through. Of course we don't hate you. This doesn't change anything between us. Julie and I still love you, and we always will."

Seth looked up into Scott's face. "Thank you for being there for me." He collapsed onto his friend embracing him.

Julie didn't skip a beat, "babe, it means SO much that you told us first. But in my case, you didn't really need to be so worried...Scott I can understand, he's a guy, and that's different. But didn't you know? Every girl wants a gay best friend!" All three of them started laughing at this.

Seth stopped crying and grabbed his friends. He hugged them both as he said "I love you guys, more than anything. I'm not sure what I'd do without you."