I shifted in my chair, trying to pull my maroon sweater tighter around my body, the fabric thick and soft, shielding me from the frigid air in the university library. I might as well have just been outside in the snow. It was dim, with the only light coming from the cold, pale early January world outside, streaming gently through the massive stretching windows. I liked it though, it was quiet, ambient even. The air carried the scent of wicker, dust, and.. sweet - powdery sweet.
The Librarian Mr. Camerrel sat stiffly and silently at his desk chair coughed, and it startled me enough that I was pulled from my thoughts. I gazed down from the indoor balcony where I was perched, lost once more in my musings as students began sifting into the building. That seems to happen a lot to me these days, getting lost in my head.
I reached down to my tote bag and pulled out my pencils and anatomy book. I had new illustrations due by the end of next week and I was hoping to get them finished. I'm studying anatomy and art - I'm not exactly sure what I want to do yet, or if I'm even interested in these studies anymore, but I was a year ago and it hasn't changed so I think I am.
"Is this seat taken?" I looked up at the voice, meeting a beautiful pair of brown eyes peering at me through unruly locks of curly brown hair. The boy adjusted his wire frame glasses and offered a charming smile. I immediately recognized him from my anatomy class, his name was Elias and we'd exchanged a few words in the past, but we'd never really had a conversation.
"No, not at all, I don't blame you for wanting a balcony seat." I replied with a quick smile.
Elias's grin broadened, and he settled in the chair across from me. "You see right through me, alas." He quipped. "Are you a freshman? This is my third year and I haven't seen you before - you're in the anatomy class I take."
I glanced at the balcony railing, then back at him, considering my response. "It's my second year, but last year I was only taking art classes, and this year I wanted to delve into something more, like, intellectually stimulating, I suppose. This year has been a bit depressing." I gave a fake chuckle, but words felt awkward on my tongue and I cringed internally.
His smile turned a bit crooked as it widened and he glanced down at my sweater, then to my hands adorned in my old fingerless gloves. In weather like this it would be stupid not to wear some sort of hand covering.
"I get it." He paused, still focusing on my hands, "This university in particular is rather depressing. I'm glad I caught up to you though, excuse my forwardness, but when I saw you, I don't know, I just felt like you had a lot to say. Good company, you know?" He dropped his leather shoulder bag to the floor.
I adjusted my own glasses and crossed my legs, offering a coy smile at his compliment. I took in his appearance a little bit more closely. His loose, chocolate-brown sweater hanging gracefully off his muscular, but lean form. No stubble or acne, just a few freckles on his nose.
"That's..rather nice of you to say, what gave off that impression?" I asked, not really knowing what to say, my words still cautious. He kind of caught me off guard. Was he flirting with me? I tend to be careful when interacting with strangers, particularly men. I'm the quiet type and only 5'8, 127 pounds, so not the best odds when it comes to physical confrontation. Plus, I'm not gay.
"Well your art is incredible for one, and I'm a big fan of creatives myself. Your name is Peter right?" He brushed his hand back through his curls and stared at me intently.
"Uh yeah, it is, how'd you know? And I'm sorry, could you remind me of your name?" I lied. I knew his name.
His cheeks blushed in mild embarrassment, "Oh! Duh, I'm Eli." He giggled, his charming laughter filling the space between us. "I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable, I'm bad at starting conversations." He smiled and I couldn't help but smile back. I shifted nervously in my seat, something about his gaze was just, well, there was just something about it.
"Oh don't worry about it, I'm not any less awkward myself." I tapped my nails on the table, I was nervous as all hell, what was he doing? I also didn't want to be the guy to ask 'are you gay?'. He looked the part though and god, those eyes, like a fucking baby cow, or fawn, gleaming at me through gorgeous thick lashes.
STOP fucking looking at him! You're being weird. You're just an art student and he has such perfect shoulders and-
"Yo whats up Elias?" a shrill voice broke through the silence, abruptly ending our conversation.
I looked up to see a blonde hippy-esque girl with a parka and jeans on. She had a silver nose ring and crystals around her neck and she smelled strongly of weed. Not that I didn't ever partake in smoking, though normally I stuck to menthol cigarettes. I smiled at her, but it was not returned as she was staring at Eli.
"Oh, Claire." He responded, looking up at her, but his tone dropped and his smile fell from his face.
She sat down next to him, her crystals clicking together as she did so. "You weren't in the horticulture class you said you were gonna take, I thought we were gonna take it together." She nudged his shoulder and placed her hand on his thigh. He looked uncomfortable, and moved her hand. Oh thank fuck, he is straight.
Elias glanced at Claire, then to me, then to his lap. "Yeah, I was, but my anatomy class is more important to me, I have to take it for my history class if I'm going to be studying ruins and ancient civilization." He replied, less confidently than he had been talking with me.
The Claire girl laughed too loud for comfort and I shifted awkwardly in my seat, knowing we had the hateful stares from other students in the library who, like me, enjoyed the silence.
"You're so funny you know that? How come you didn't tell me?" She giggled, once again placing her hand on his thigh.
"Probably because of what happened in May." Elias glared at Claire and removed her hand once again. "Please, stop touching me." His voice was deeper now and laced in anger. I was starting to feel extremely uncomfortable. Obviously I don't know what happened between them, but it couldn't have been good. Was she an ex perhaps?
Claire glanced at me and then back at Elias, the tension was palpable. "We talked about that, it was an accident." She whispered, sounding annoyed and rolling her eyes. "I didn't know you were, you know," she made an exasperated facial expression and made a gesture with her hands. Elias blushed, but it was an embarrassed and angry blush. His fists tightened and he placed them on the table.
"Yeah?" He replied, sarcastically, "I'm not too inclined to believe it was an accident. I didn't tell you what classes I was taking because I didn't want you to take them with me. Can we not do this right now?" He turned to look at me, "I'm so sorry." His eyes were apologetic but there was something more like fear behind them.
Claire seemed to stare in disbelief, before raising her voice and saying "God why do I even bother with you? How many times do I have to apologize-"
"Quiet your voice right now for the love of god Claire, we're in a library." Elias admonished, his head in his hands. Quickly, he grabbed his bag and stood, managing to slip out of her grasp. He looked at me and motioned to my own black tote bag and sketchbook.
"Grab your things and come with me, please?" He asked quietly, but his eyes seemed to beg and plead. He spoke with urgency, like he couldn't bear to stay any longer.
"Yeah, Okay." I replied quickly, putting my things in my bag and standing, following his actions. Following him like a puppy, but for some reason it's all I wanted to do in that moment.
"Where are you going?" Claire asked, trying to stop him from leaving, but he was quicker and dodged her grasp. He grabbed my hand, and I felt a heat rise to my cheeks. He quickly pulled me down the aisle and down the grand staircase behind him as he began running. I was thankful that today I had worn boots, not that I really changed it up much, but they supplied good support. I was careful not to trip as we jogged down the stairs. We exited the library and he turned around to see if Claire had followed us, which she hadn't.
He looked down and promptly let go of my hand, blush rising to his cheeks this time. "I'm sorry, that was awkward, was that awkward? I didn't mean to do that, I just, you know, needed to get out of there." He fiddled with his wool scarf, "I'm so sorry about her." He breathed, "that was extremely embarrassing." He looked down at me and I saw just how tall he actually was, probably around 6'2, he made me feel short. I became more flustered and my heart began to pound. His pillowy, rosy lips were slightly parted and the cold made his nose red, I could've kissed him- what the fuck. I shook my head and pushed the thought down.
"It's quite alright, I've had my fair share of friends turned ex-friends." I paused, "I won't ask what happened between you, it seems private." I assured, offering him a supportive smile and he seemed to visibly relax.
He shuffled his feet and kicked the snow gently. "Do you want to walk with me?" He gestured towards town and gave a small smile. "Yeah, sure, why not." I felt the same heat rising again and I hated that my emotions read so clearly on my face.
