Donna and I had lunch together on Thursday, as we always do, but as we arrived back at the store, this time things were different.
We talk about anything and everything when we get going. Life, sports, cooking and even sex. But I couldn't help but think that this time I'd said too much. I didn't think so at the time, because she's so easy to talk to that I feel comfortable saying anything to her about anything. But as I was driving home, I wished I'd held back a little.
Let me back up. I LOVE women. I love everything about them. Their voices, their smell, their curves, their hair, their lips, all of it. Donna has all of that in spades, (oh yea and HUGE tits to boot) and she knew I thought so. But she's married. And I respect the hell out of that. I do. Really. She loves the man she married as much now as she did when she agreed to become his wife 20 years ago.
But back to me. I've never had sex with any human being that wasn't female. However, that doesn't mean I haven't thought about it. I've had this notion for so long now, that I can't begin to remember when it first germinated. Somehow, the idea of giving a blowjob crept into my fantasies and has only gotten stronger as the years have passed. I've read stories about it. I've watched porn from a different perspective thinking about it. It's even been in my dreams from time to time. It almost happened at a friend's house one night. But it just didn't. That's a story for another time.
This will sound like I'm in denial about myself, but I'm not what I would consider gay.
I'm not physically attracted to guys. Men don't turn my head when I'm working. (I work at a grocery store.) Women do. And believe me, the talent level of the female clientele where I work gives me a mild case of whiplash on a daily basis. Guys just don't do it for me that way.
But there is no denying that I am attracted to what is between a guy's legs. I think hard cocks are sexy as hell. Beautiful even. And I stopped trying to ignore this years ago. But what to do about it. Nothing. Absolutely not a thing. Fantasy fodder, nothing else. Too much stigma attached if anyone found out. Chickenshit? Hell yea it's chickenshit. But it is what it is.
Anyway... I told Donna about my fantasy. She looked at me for a minute with an expression I couldn't read. Then she took my hand in her's and told me how much it meant to her that I
felt comfortable enough to share that with her. I didn't look at her for a moment. She put her hand under my chin to raise my face. She looked like she was going to tear up. I melted.
I think you can see why I didn't think it was such a bad idea at the time. She's always had this ability to put me at ease even in the most uncomfortable of situations. It's one of her most endearing qualities, among many.
The next day at work she acted the same way she always does. Funny, silly and friendly. Totally putting me at ease.
The work week progressed and it became Thursday again. I had calmed down to the point of almost forgetting what I had confided to her a week ago.
We finished lunch and were in the car when she dropped a bomb on me.
"I have a confession to make"
"OK" I said uneasily.
"I told someone about your fantasy"
"You did what?" My heart leapt into my throat.
She put her hand on mine.
"He wants to help"
I was speechless.
"Actually, I want him to help, and he loves me very much, so he said he would."
My mind raced. "You told your husband?"
"Yea, and he wants to help." She repeated. "You know we've been in a sexual rut for ever now it seems. We had a long talk the other night, and we agreed that this might be the shake up we've been looking for. Are you in?
Again I was speechless. I couldn't think of a reason to say no, and I really tried. But he doesn't work with us, so that weirdness would be avoided. I'd never even met him. I was a jumble of thought processes going nowhere when Donna said, "Please be OK with this. I want you to be able to live out your fantasy. I want to help you do that. I want to be a part of that for you. You have been such a good friend for so long. I know how attracted you are to me and that I can't do anything for you that way. PLEASE let me make this happen for you."
This woman. This wonderful, amazing woman. So easy to see why her husband would do anything for her. Even something like this. Something most men probably wouldn't do if they had a gun to their temple.
"Yes." Was all I could muster.
She beamed from ear to ear.
Their bedroom was small but cozy, king size bed with lots of pillows and a padded chair at the foot of it, at an angle, and a pillow on the floor in front of the chair. The noise of a running shower stopped, making me aware of it for the first time. My heart skipped a beat because I realized it was David.
I was still standing in the doorway as Donna said "C'mon in Bill"
I laughed nervously, and stepped into their room. She led me to the foot of the bed and patted it for me to sit down.
"Are you OK?"
"Yea, I'm fine. Just nervous I guess."
"Nervous excited I hope. Not nervous like 'I want to run away' nervous."
"Excited. Definitely excited. I'm not going to run. My heart is beating so fast, if I tried to run, I'd probably pass out anyway"