The sky was growing dark as the train rattled into town, the lights of familiar buildings blurring past my window, lining up along the track like old friends to greet me. After a year at college in the city they seemed smaller than I remembered. The whole town did. I stood and swayed as the train slowed, pulling my case from the shelf above my seat, and making my way to the doors. They hissed open and I stepped onto the platform, the cold air bracing after the snug carriage. Pulling my case behind me I trundled across the marble floor of the lobby and out onto the street.
Henry was waiting for me, waving from the hood of his old Toyota. Karen, he called her, because she was always complaining.
"S"up bro." He slipped from the hood and met me in a hug.
"Good, you?" I was glad to see him. Growing up my big brother and I had been inseparable, the core of a group of local kids that had been a tolerated nuisance around the town.
"Same as ever." Breaking the clinch he opened the rear door so I could pack my case before jumping into the passenger seat. The inside of the car hadn't changed, and I had to kick away empty soda cans and chip packets just to find a place to put my feet. Henry got in next to me.
"Glad to be back?" I thought about the question. It felt surreal to be here again, sat in Henry's shitty car, the smell of sweat and weed and cheap body spray that always pervaded it. On cue Henry pulled open the glove compartment and produced a joint. He put it in his mouth and cupped his hands around the flame of his lighter. Blue smoke snaked from the end, followed by a puff from his lips. He handed it to me and I took a hit before answering.
"Yes and no." That was the truth. "Looking forward to seeing everyone." I passed the joint back, already feeling a little light headed.
"It's a full house." It would be Mom's fiftieth that weekend, and a big party was planned. He punched his finger at the car stereo until Neil Young began to play. He passed the joint back "Hannah and Nick got here yesterday. "
Oh to live on sugar mountain....
I nearly choked, coughing up smoke until my face turned red.
"Hey, you OK bro?" He patted my back as the coughing fit subsided. "Out of practice?"
"Yeah." I managed. "Something like that." Truth was it was the mention of Nick, my aunt Hannah's second husband, that had provoked me to momentarily lose my shit. I was twelve when I had been a page at their wedding, and I'd had a crush on Nick ever since. I remembered how he had looked on his wedding day, tall and strong, dark and handsome. A cliché I know, but I guess these things become chichés for a reason. The worst part was that he was a really fucking nice guy with it. A volunteer fireman for Christ's sake. If the weed wasn't already making me feel dizzy, the thought of a week under the same roof as him surely would have.
"So where am I staying?" I had been hoping to have my old room. Seeing family is great and all, but I need a place to get away.
"You're in with me and Jim. Nick and Hamah have got your room." I sighed. Jim was our half brother, from Dad's first marriage. He'd been in high-school when Dad divorced his Mom and married ours and, while he'd lived with his Mom, he would spend a lot of time at our place to see Dad. He could be a bit of douchebag, especially after a few drinks, but he was family.
Henry started up the car, the engine coughing as bad as I just had, and we pulled out on onto the road. I looked out of the window, lost in the high and in my thoughs for a while, taking vague note of the sights we passed; a group of kids goofing outside the McDonald's, skaters on the steps of the abandoned hotel, the landscape of my teenage years.
"Penny for them?" Henry caught my eye in the rear view.
"It's worth more than that." I grinned and he did too.
"It's good to have you back, little bro." He reached and ruffled my hair. "Even if you do look like a hipster."
We pulled up the crowded driveway, finding a spot next to Mom's Minivan. I noticed the new flower beds along the front of the house, and was glad that Mom was finding things to occupy herself. Since Dad passed, and with me moving away, for a while she seemed a little lost.
The porch light was bright and welcoming as I lugged my case up the steps and opened the door. Stepping inside it was as if I had never been away. The smell of cooking wafted from the kitchen, and a burble of familiar voices came from the living room. Henry reached for my case.
"I'll take this up. Go so hi to everyone." He lifted the case with one arm, and I noted that he'd been working out since I'd last seen him.
"Thanks man." I said and Henry nodded before bounding up the stairs towards his room. I paused for a moment outside the living room, unsure at why I was suddenly nervous. Actually, I did know why, but was reluctant to admit it. I was nervous about seeing Nick. No matter how confident I felt in myself and with other people, something about him instantly turned me to jelly. I took a deep breath. That was the old me. I was not a school boy anymore. "You can do this." I whispered to myself, then opened the door.
Mom was the first to pounce. No doubt she had been looking out for my arrival. She bustled forwards, all bangles, knitwear and smiles.
"Gareth. Come here at once." She pulled me down into a hug, planting kisses on both my cheeks, leaving behind a dusting of makeup. She stood back to take in my appearance. "You look nice. Is there a girlfriend you haven't told me about?"
I blushed at this and heard a snigger from behind me as Henry entered the room.
"No, Mom. I'm too busy for that." A lie, of course, at least in part. I didn't have a boyfriend either, but I'd had a few experiences over the past year that had confirmed what I'd always known. I felt a heavy pat on my back.
"That's the way. There's plenty of time for women later." Jim pulled me into a bear hug. He smelt of whiskey and cigarettes. "Good to see you bro."
"You too." Jim was quickly shoved aside by Hannah, who had me bow so that she could kiss me on the forehead and tell me how cute I was. As I lifted my head I saw Nick stood behind her and my heart skipped. There he was, and he was smiling at me, his blue eyes reflecting the lamps that dotted the room. I was fifteen again, trying not to stare at him over the thanksgiving table. He stepped forward and reached to shake my hand before thinking twice and pulling me into a hug.
Time stopped. His arms went around me, his hands on my back sending a tingle up my spine. His chest was against mine and I could feel his hard muscles through the sweater he wore. He smelt of oaky cologne, sweat, and something else that was just at the edge of sense. Masculinity. Sex.
"Great to see you, Gareth." His voice was hot in my ear and his hand dropped lower on my back, grazing the top of my ass. It was so brief I thought I must have imagined it. The moment passed and he let me go as Henry pushed a beer into my hand.
Mom disappeared into the kitchen and the rest of us sat down to catch up as we waited for the food. A fire had been lit in the hearth and candles placed around the room giving it a warmth and intimacy I'd missed. It was nice to hear of all the doings of the town, the gossip and scandals, something aunt Hannah excelled in.
"So, how's college been treating you?" Nick asked as Hannah got up to help Mom with dinner, his deep voice holding me spellbound for a moment as I looked into his eyes.
"Er, good. It's been good." I knew I must have sounded like an idiot, I always did around him. I guess it's hard to act normal around someone that you have jerked off over as many times as I had. He smiled.
"I'm glad to hear it." He took a sip of beer and looked me over. "You sure look different. Hard to imagine you're the same goofy kid that used to follow me around."
I blushed. "Was I really that annoying?" Nick laughed and shook his head.
"No, not at all. It was cute." I thought back to the days I'd spent at aunt Hannah's place the next town over, back when Dad was ill and Mom was so distracted taking care him. It had been a welcomed respite from the stress of home and I remembered the hours I'd spent with Nick in the garage as he worked on the Charger that was his pride and joy, oil stains streaking his white t-shirt and old blue jeans.
"How is the old girl?" I asked, meaning the car. Nick's eyes lit up and he began to tell me, at length, about all of the work he had been doing. I watched him, not really taking in anything he said, just enjoying the way he looked as he talked about his passion.
"She's out front if you want to take a drive sometime." He lifted his half full beer. "Though maybe not tonight."
"Hey, can I drive it?" It was Henry, coming from the kitchen with fresh drinks. Nick frowned.
"I don't know about that." He said, taking a beer. "I've seen how you treat that old heap of yours."
"Hey." Henry's face was mock indignation. "Karen is a whore and deserves to be treated rough. But I can treat a lady like a lady."
"We'll see." Nick replied, though he looked unconvinced.
Mom and Hannah returned from the kitchen, announcing that dinner was ready, and so we made our way to the dining room where the table had been set with the good tableware and a host of white candles, the food heaped in dishes down the middle. We shuffled into our seats and I found myself sat next to Nick, with Hannah on his other side. I tried to focus on the food and on the conversation, but all I could think of was how warm his leg felt next to mine, and of how good he smelt.
"I know you're focused on your studies, but there must be some girls you like." He said, turning to me, and I felt the heat rise in my face.
"A few, I guess." He nodded and gave me a knowing look, a smile playing on his lips. He leant closer to me until his mouth was inches from my ear.
"Or maybe a few guys." It was only a whisper but it echoed in my head like a bullhorn. I was glad of the room's low light because I was sure my face had turned bright red. He leant back again, the smile now broader as he watched my reaction. Unable to answer I took a swig of beer and, finding it empty, I stood and went to the kitchen for another.
