Chapter 2
As someone who normally has trouble getting sleep, the night following my first fucking was amazing. I slept like a bear in hibernation. The next day, Devon woke me around 11 with a mug of coffee and a tray of scrambled eggs and bacon. I felt odd, honestly. To be fair, until last night, I'd never had any type of sexual contact with another guy. Sure, I'd thought about it, fantasized about it, but never went through with any of it. Now, I was no longer a virgin to man-on-man sex. And as amazing as it felt, I was now sober and questioning myself. Devon leaned in for a kiss and I pulled away.
"Still have the jitters I see," Devon commented.
"I mean, it was my first time," I replied. "And I enjoyed everything we did last night. But my catholic upbringing is twisting my emotions with guilt."
Devon moved behind me and began kneading my back. He was quiet for a time before speaking again.
"I've been with a couple of guys in your shoes. It doesn't usually last long, the guilt. Or shame, even." He paused. "Though for me, the shame only made it more intense and wonderful..."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, until I decided to come out to myself, I was fighting my urges. I'd see a guy getting dressed in the gym locker room and feel a boner coming on. I'd peak at the other guys in the showers, lusting for a chance to play with one of them. Or two. But only in my head.
"It took a while for me to be comfortable in my desire for a man. Once I realized the feelings wouldn't go away, I gave in. I met a guy at a bar, we went to his place, and I indulged myself in the splendor of giving him head. I thoroughly enjoyed the entire thing. I could sense that I had a certain power over him. You know, I was the one causing his bliss. Then there was the taste of him, so musky, slightly salty, very intoxicating. His balls were heavy and hairy and delightfully full. Then he was blasting into my throat. I nearly choked in extacy."
"So where does the shame come into the picture?"
He chuckled. "It was afterward. I had been on such a high, as though I were drunk, stoned, who knows what. Then I came down and realized I'd done the one thing my parents would never accept. I felt guilt and shame. Then he started going down on me and..."