Deciphering The Bloom Ch 04

Thank you to everyone for reading, voting and/or commenting. I feel obligated to warn this chapter deals with abuse. It is not graphic, nor is it my goal to offend. If you are easily triggered, then you may not find this chapter to your liking.

Klastbreath you are my bossy pink flying hippo, turtle kisses and hippie hugs. Ladyshellie graciously beta read for me. Nomoretears as always thanks for the shoulder, it should be waterlogged. Edited by BlackStallion21, I love to tinker so any errors are all mine.

This is a copyrighted work of fiction by the author seeker71. All rights reserved

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Dreaded innate knowing made Nicolao speech slow and deliberate, "What are you doing with that David?"

"I'm leaving Nicolao, I don't belong here, I'm going back to my uncle's."

Once the words were spoken, Davey willed his legs to carry him to the door. He didn't want to explain, he couldn't. He was tainted, stained. Jeremy saw it, so had Nerina, and countless other people. He had almost let himself believe it could be real. That Nic could be his life and the Evangelistas could be his family. He put his head down, unwilling to look at Nicolao. If he could make it outside, he would be able to hurry back to the Under where he belonged.

"Don't scurry out of here, the least you can do is leave like a man." Nic's words were soft and cold.

Davey's feet stopped moving. The subdued tone of Nicolao's voice warred with agonizing pain they each battled.

"What?" He asked in spite of himself, but he did not turn to see Nic.

"I said leave like a man. Take your things with you; don't insult me by throwing everything I gave you back at me."

Davey turned to face him. There was a muscle in his jaw that twitched as he clenched it. His entire body was taut, as if he were about to spring. Davey took the sight in, but was not afraid. Nic would never hit him. But he was dismayed to see his eyes, those dulcet brown eyes were dead.

"It's not like that Nic..." He began.

"Do you think you are capable of telling me what it is like?"

"I never wanted..." again Davey's voice failed him. There was no point in trying to explain. He would rather have Nicolao hate him for running out than know what he really was.

Nic cast his eyes on the bag he had brought in moments earlier. "Come get this suitcase, and I will drive the rest of your things to you later."

Startled, Davey left his backpack on the table by the entrance, where he laid it while retrieving Nic's keys. With no keys he couldn't be tempted to come back. He moved into the living room and grabbed the handle of his suitcase. Nic was staring at him with deadpan eyes.

"I wasn't using you." He offered, not willing to have that misconception stand.

"I know, you're running away, I was told you would." Davey remained on the other end of the living room.

Nic glanced down at the bauble in his hand; he met Davey's eyes as he held it up. "Joshua's night light, go ahead and take it, to keep away your nightmares."

For Davey it was too much, it was all wrong, he had to get outside; he knew he could not be in Nic's presence a moment longer. He grabbed his suitcase and bolted. Shakily, he rested his head against the door once he had escaped. Panic swept in with the realization he had left his backpack inside.

The door closed, his David had indeed run, he threw the nightlight across the room. Nic's perception swelled and warped, as reality became less tangible Nicolao's body and Nicolao's soul ceased to inhabit the same space. The pain of watching David leave him proved too much. His spirit did not fight, did not reason, it fled. He had watched helplessly as David left. He wanted to go after him, to convince him to stay, but he remained rooted. His soul crashed mercilessly back into him, since he was heartbroken and not dead.

The weight of the knowledge that David did not love him made his knees give way. His two hundred and thirty pound body dropped unfettered to the floor. Alone, grief overwhelmed him, his body was seized by convulsions as tears began to fall. Entangled in the morass of woe he did not hear the door when it opened.

David stepped in, hoping to quickly get his backpack; it contained his bus pass, his way back to his true life. He took in the sight and struggled to comprehend it. He touched the bag, his aim was to claim it and leave undetected, but the posture of the magnificent flesh on the floor screamed of loss, and was weeping. Nic was weeping for him. Abandoning his rationales, he ran to Nicolao, and wrapped his arms around him, needing to ease his sorrow.

"No Nic, no, not for me, please you can't do this for me." He repeated the words, a litany begging him to relinquish his misery.

Nic couldn't think. David had left, now he was holding him, and he wasn't letting him go again. His body felt like lead, but he forced his arms up and pulled him to the floor with him in a steel embrace. His back rested against the sofa and held David; his David was in his lap. He was aware he was speaking, but he could process no words. Eventually the great heaving sobs yielded.

"You can't mourn me like this." David directed.

"Why the hell not?"

""You can't love me," David stated. "I don't belong here, it's for the best."

"Davey if you are still leaving me then let me lose it in peace." Nic ordered, but he did not loosen his arms.

"You have to trust me when I say I'm not worth your tears or your love... none of it."

"I trust that I love you," Nic paused unsure if he should continue. But if David thought he was oblivious he needed to know he wasn't. "The truth is I think you were raped, but I don't know whether that's it or not; I don't even know where your monsters dwell. There is a huge part of you that has retreated into numbness, and you survived because you avoided all of those feeling. But that doesn't make you unworthy."

David gave in, he had to explain. Nicolao deserved an explanation. His body slumped; it did not have the strength to war anymore, not even against gravity. He rested his forehead against Nic's. "It's so much worse than that."

David broke physical contact, sliding off his lap, resting his side against the front of the couch on the floor. He dropped his gaze to the floor, pulling the memories from the shadows, careful not to pull too much, to not connect with the feelings only the words.

David gazed at Nicolao, his blue eyes the color of haunted stormy skies, and when he spoke it was empty of all traces of his Dee.

"I was born a loser. You know I was behind in high school. The first year was because my grades were so bad. That was when I was diagnosed with congenital cataracts. I couldn't see. The second time was due to my natural stupidity. I didn't know I could get a bus pass from the district. I missed too many days because I was buying the passes with my own money. If I didn't have enough I didn't go. I'm telling you about that because you have to see Nic even simple things are out of my reach. Something is wrong with me, deep down." He paused. Nic was watching him, his face unreadable.

"The third time was three years ago, and you guessed right. Things had been unstable since Gayle left. Uncle Ben got high more every day, sometimes he would disappear, sometimes he would ignore me, and sometimes I was his best friend. I really wanted those times to last when he was good to me. He was all I had, so one day he came back from being gone for days. He said he had work at a bar, cleaning up, and that I could go with him. We went, but it wasn't last call so we sat at a booth and waited. Two of Uncle Ben's friends showed up and they brought over drinks. I didn't want to, but they said no one would know, and he was being so nice. 'Davey boy this, and Davey boy that.' I should've known better, but I drank it."

"The bar closed and I was trying to clean up like he said. I heard the owner talking to Ben about what he owed, I may have been drunk, but I knew it meant trouble. I tried to leave, but someone grabbed me, and dragged me to the back, to the storage room. There were five guys, maybe more left in the bar. They threw me over a case of liquor, and I knew I was in it deep. I tried talking my way out of there. I offered to suck their dicks... I had never been fucked before, and I didn't want it to be like that. I fought, but someone grabbed my arms, and tore off my clothes, and they fucked me... it hurts so bad I thought I was going to die." David rejected the emotions attempting to break through. He had much more to tell.

"They beat me, even after I quit fighting. I don't even know how many there were, or how long it went on, I shut down. I knew hands were all over me, they bit me, they tore me open going inside of my ass and knocked loose my jaw when they used my mouth. The more I screamed the worse it got. No one stopped them. No one came to help me. No matter how much I prayed for it to stop, God didn't make it stop, so I prayed to die, and he ignored that prayer too. I finally passed out. I woke up, covered in come, blood, piss, and shit. Uncle Ben was carrying me, saying he didn't know they were going to do that. He put his shirt over me and took me to the hospital." David paused, he didn't know when he had started, but he was crying.

Nicolao listened. Every word spoken threatened to rob him of his reasoning. Rage, his boon companion bucked for entry. He fought against himself and waited for his David to continue.

"Ben told me not to tell about the bar, that the owner would make it bad for us. I was sewn up, and tested. I was black and blue all over, I had broken ribs, my left arm was broken, my eyes were swollen almost shut and dislocated shoulders and jaw." Unconsciously David ran his hand across his jaw.

"Uncle Ben stayed with me night and day. The cops came and I told them I was forced in a car and dumped, but had no memory as to where the attack happened. They were fine, told me how sorry they were, they came by a few times... one had a hard time looking at me."

"One night, I don't know where Uncle Ben was, I woke up and there was a cop by my bed. He said they knew I was a whore who had sold myself, and I just got more than I bargained for. He said Garrett, the owner, gave him a statement that I came in and was giving blow jobs in the back room, and I said I liked it rough; that they would all say it was with my consent. He said I was facing jail time for underage drinking and prostitution. He said to keep my mouth shut and he would let it slide. Then he left, and I didn't say anything, because he was right."

Nic couldn't stop himself he moved to reach for David. But the look from blue eyes stopped him.

"He was right Nicolao. When I was twelve, Uncle Ben would tell me we needed the rent money or something, and he would have men come by. I would blow them for money. When I turned fifteen Mr. Ernst let me hang around. I started working off the rent, and I told Uncle Ben I wasn't going to do it anymore. He said he'd trained me to be a good cocksucker, and I was going to suck dicks anyway I may as well make money, but if the rent was paid he didn't care. That was why I tried to leave the bar. I figured I was there to pay Ben's debt even if I didn't want to. I hadn't done it for years, but I should have known when Ben asked me to come with him. The cop was right. I don't know how much Jeremy's private detective turned up, so I wanted to leave before he told you."

Nicolao turned over what he had just heard, his stomach clenched, "David, you said he trained you?"

David paused, that was something he hoped not to tell, but Nic should know all of it. "When I was eight I had a friend in the park, Alec. We were playing and Uncle Ben saw us holding hands. We were secret boyfriends." A ghost of a smile touched Davey's lips. "When I got in he told me he always knew I would be a fucking cocksucker. It started then, he always called it training. I thought it meant he loved me. He stopped when he had Gayle; but said if I told Gayle or Lizzie they would know it was my fault for being a dirty faggot. Uncle Ben said he wasn't a stupid fairy like me since I sucked him, and because that's all he ever did it was okay. When she left it started again, but I knew it was wrong. By the time he was selling me, he at least left me alone."

Nic eased closer to David, his David. He reached for his hand and he didn't pull away. That touch threatened to overcome David but he couldn't let go of the hand. He closed his eyes, unable to look at Nicolao now he knew the truth.

"You mentioned Jeremy?" He prompted.

"Nerina and Jeremy they know I'm no good. Nerina said Jeremy had a private detective that was going to tell you about me when we got back." David kept his eyes closed.

"Dee, why won't you look at me?"

"I can't take that Nicolao," David dropped his head to his knee. "For your family, for you to look at me like trash, I can't take that, I just can't! Let me leave, and I can have this one perfect time." His plea rushed out of his mouth, desperate for a last kindness.

Nicolao raised David's hand to his lips and gently brushed the knuckles. "Look at me love. Tell me what you see."

David opened his eyes and was confounded. The judgment and loathing he felt for himself was not evident in the sea of Nicolao's eyes. There was only sanctuary, the answer to every unanswered invocation to a distracted God, was waiting for him. He launched himself, and was pulled into Nicolao's embrace. Nic's strong arms, a place of consecrated safety, opened to him without hesitation; absolution granted without pause. This refuge freely offered was what he had been too afraid to hope for. He gave in to the deluge of emotions as he sobbed.

Nicolao took a calming breath, "If you leave me Dee, you take with you the best part of my life."

"But the things I did." David's voice was a low whisper in his ear.

"What did you do? Survive? You haven't done one thing wrong. If I could find all of those men who hurt or used you..." Nicolao tightened his grip on David and muttered his truth in his hair.

"You'd what?"

"I'd skin them alive, and soak them in vinegar, Pickled Pederasts and Rapists." The dark vision brought a smile to his lips. He could and would deal with Jeremy and his sister with much more than a macabre fantasy.

"I'm sorry for trying to leave, but I would die, if you ever looked at me like that." David declared.

Nic knew it was going to be a long night; there was so much to say and huddled on the floor was not the best place to talk.

"Why don't we get off of the floor, get something to eat, and sort through everything?" Nicolao offered.

David nodded; he wasn't hungry, but them ordering food was a return to their normal routine. He moved to get his legs under him so he could stand, when Nic's arms pulled him in again.

"Thank you telling me, thank you for trusting me." Nicolao's pressed his mouth next to David's ear, his voice teeming with emotion.

David felt more tears forming at the sound. He wanted to tell Nic he loved him, but stopped himself. He could say the words now, he could say anything, but the moment wasn't right.

Nic released him, and they both stood. David went to the kitchen drawer for their menu collection.

"Order from wherever you like, we can pick up or get delivery. I'll be right back." Nic called as he walked in the bedroom closing the door behind him. He then went into the bathroom and turned the water on in the sink, sunk to his knees in front of the porcelain bowl and emptied the contents of his stomach. He brushed his teeth without toothpaste and hoped the water rinse would hide the smell.

Nicolao studied his reflection in the mirror; his eyes were red and puffy, he looked like hell. He needed to get back to David, but he also needed to hold his emotions back. The questions without answers swirling in his head stoked his agitation. What exactly had his sister said to him? Did Garrett still own the bar? Could charges be brought against Ben? If a junkie just disappeared who would miss him? How had he misjudged Jeremy and how treacherous was he?

Nic left the bathroom, focused on finding out as much as he could about the people who had harmed David. He would make them pay. He leaned against the frame of the door at the sight of his love, dark thoughts of retribution immediately retreated.

David had gathered the pieces of Josh's nightlight while Nic was in the bathroom. He held a broken part in his hand, and was carefully squeezing super glue on the edges. He had captured his lower lip between his teeth, and his brows were drawn together in concentration.

Thoughts of anyone else disappeared from Nic's mind. There was only he and David, his soul's panacea. Watching him with his flaxen head bowed over his nephew's gift was utterly unexpected, and yet typical of his beloved. As if he felt the weight of his stare, David raised his gaze.

David was amazed by the man he caught watching him. The distance meant he couldn't see Nic's face clearly, but he knew what his eyes could not register. There was devotion and acceptance, Nicolao's love was as solid as he was.

"It broke in three pieces; it'll be as good as new when the glue dries."

Nic walked over to inspect his handiwork, "Do you think the light will work?"

David shrugged, "It doesn't matter. Joshua gave it to me; I just want to keep it. I'm not letting go of the good things in my life." With that declaration David held the pieces together. "I ordered from Vesuvius', you said anything. I'll stay here while you go pick it up."

Nic nodded. Was David planning on leaving after all?

David sighed, "We have a lot to discuss when you get back, don't we?"

"Only if you want to Dee, we have time."

"No Nic, I don't need any more time. I don't want to hide anything from you, but I want to sit here a minute."

"Hence, my drive to Vesuvius." Nicolao wasn't surprised; the upheaval of their homecoming had him locked in the bathroom moments earlier.

"Hence, Vesuvius, it should be enough food for the next few days." Davey put the mended pieces down.

Nic kissed the top of his head, "Back in a bit." He left with his heart swelling in his chest. He was proud of his David.

The staff at the restaurant swarmed him when they saw him. Nic knew he looked bad, but they acted as if he was on death's door. He mumbled he thought he had a bug, and the owner insisted on giving him a quart each of Italian wedding soup and pasta fagioli soup for David and him. Nicolao thanked them and hurried back home.

The brief drive allowed for his nerves to settle. Nic knew if he would have remained at home he would spoken rooted in his emotions. David's trip to the restaurant forced him to think, thinking was good, he had after all lost faith in them not an hour earlier. Which was why his leaving was an exercise in trust, the idea that he was giving David time to run niggled at the back of his mind. He fought the urge to test the speed of his car on the drive home.

David busied himself making their plates for dinner when Nicolao brought in the food. He had changed into pajama bottoms and a t-shirt after washing up. He couldn't help himself; the compulsion to bathe had been irresistible. Nic took a quick shower, wanting to give David space. When he emerged they ate on the couch. Neither one saying much, Nic had questions, but he wanted David to begin. They relocated the food on their plates from one corner to the other, Nic unwilling to risk eating and David found he tasted little.

"There isn't one part of you that's disgusted by me?"

Nic settled his plate on the coffee table. "No, not by you in the least, that's what you expected from me?"

David nodded.

"How you feel about yourself Dee?"

David swallowed but he couldn't make the lump in his throat go away. Why was Nic asking how he felt about himself? He thought the focus would be on how Nic was going to get past all of the things he told him.