"Why would you do that?" he demanded again, his voice cracking. I could tell by his tone that the question was rhetorical. Before I could say anything else he stood up and left the room, leaving me in a state of shock and guilt. Why the hell did I just do that? I felt like the world's biggest fool. I should have known better than to kiss him. Just because I thought he was beautiful doesn't mean he reciprocated the feeling. I buried my face in my hands and collapsed on the bed. God, I felt like such an asshole.
Eventually, I got up and got dressed, although that didn't change much. I spent the rest of the day moping around the room and wishing I could turn back time and undo what happened. Time must really fly when you spend all day regretting something, because I soon noticed that it was seven o'clock and that I hadn't eaten all day. Pulling myself out of bed, I made my way out the door and down the path to the dining hall. After waiting in line for my food, I looked around the dining area for Matt. I saw him sitting at the same table where we had eaten dinner the night before, he was sitting by himself. Jesus, he looked so lonely and sad. I wanted to just go sit next to him, but I couldn't work up the nerve. I desperately hoped I didn't really screw things up between us.
Matt must have left by the time I was done because I didn't see him on my way out. I slowly made my way back to our room, taking my time in the hopes of running into him on the way back, unfortunately, I did not. When I got to our door, I paused. I considered the possibility that Matt might be back in the room but decided it was unlikely. If he had stayed out all day, what would be the point in him returning now. I opened the door to find out that I was wrong. Matt was sitting on his bed staring out the window. He heard me come in and turned towards me.
"Hey." he said quietly, I replied in kind. I moved past him and sat down on the edge of my bed, facing him but staring at the floor.
"Look, about this morning, I don't know why I did that." I said after a prolonged silence. I sighed. "If you want, I'll talk to the RA tomorrow and see if we can get different room assignments." He didn't say anything for a few moments and then I heard a sniffle. I looked up and saw Matt's eyes were red. "Are you okay?" I asked tentatively. He didn't respond and switched beds, so he was now sitting next to me.
"I think you should just listen for a minute, Dave." He said, his voice sounding a little shaky. I confirmed my earlier suspicion, his eyes were definitely red. "I told you that I was kicked out of my old school because of a difference of opinion. That's not entirely true. I was kicked out because they found out that I'm gay." I was a little taken aback, but I didn't interrupt him. "I had known since eighth grade but I had never told anyone. Then, one day last year, after phys ed, one of the guys corners me in the locker room and kisses me." He paused, and sniffled again. "I was surprised but I thought he was hot, so I kissed back. Then, its like he suddenly realized what he was doing and stopped. He pushed me away called me a faggot then punched me, before throwing me in one of the showers." He paused again, and I looked at him. I noticed his eyes again, and they looked pained. I could tell it was taking a lot on his part to be telling me this story. He continued. "The next day, this boy goes to the dean and tells him that I had 'attacked' him in the locker room and tried to kiss him. The school, being a christian institution, had a strict anti-homosexuality policy and I was immediately expelled even though I did nothing wrong. I know this is a lot to lay on you, but hopefully you can understand why I reacted the way I did this morning. I just couldn't deal with that again and I freaked out." As he finished speaking I could hear pain in his voice.
"I can only imagine what that was like," I suddenly had no trouble finding my words, "and I do feel bad about what I did this morning. Kissing you like that was way out of line, and if it means anything, I'm sorry." As I said that, Matt broke down and started crying. He fell against me, surprising me as he leaned into my chest. I put my arm around him, feeling how small he was. I felt his hot tears soak into my shirt, and I wanted nothing more at that moment than to hold him and comfort him. I pulled him tightly against me while he cried.
"It's okay, Matt. That's over now, I'm here." I said, surprising myself with how easily the words came to reassure him. After a few moments, he spoke;
"Don't be sorry."
"What?" I asked, thinking I had misheard.
"I said, don't be sorry for kissing me. I did kind of like it." said Matt, wiping his eyes and starting to smile.
"You did?"
"Absolutely, I had a crush on you from almost the moment we met, and even more so now that I can see what a gentle person you are." he said nervously and hugged me tighter.
"Well, I liked kissing you too, and when I first saw you, I thought you were the most beautiful person I'd ever seen, and since I met you, I've realized I really like you." I said, equally as nervously. He looked up at me and our eyes met. I leaned down and kissed him again, and this time he kissed back, deeply and passionately.
