Crushed

Crushing Part 4

Alex's sides hurt, his cheeks stung. He was so happy, he had never known smiling and laughing so much could actually hurt you.

"I'm serious! I had no idea until the morning and everyone showed me the photos!" Logan laughed from where he sat in the drivers seat beside him. Alex felt tears in his eyes as he doubled over in laughter.

"How the fuck did that even happen?! Why was there a duck in your bed in the first place?!"

"They said it came through the window but I reckon it was a prank. Still it made a good little spoon for the photos. I'm just snoring... cuddling a duck."

"I need to see these photos."

They were well into their drive up to Leeds. The lightness that filled Logan the further he drove away from their childhood home was infectious. Alex felt excited to see this city which Logan had been raving about for the last hour and a half straight. They only had about 15 minutes left on the SatNav when Logan pointed.

"Here we go, this is the exit. Almost there," he smiled and took Alex's hand, lacing their fingers together over the gearstick between them as they pulled off the motorway.

Fifteen minutes later, they pulled up in front of a row of terraced houses. They looked worn down and tired, squatting on grey pavements littered with colourful cans and plastic packets, but to Alex it looked like heaven. Freedom from his parents, from his old life.

"Home sweet home," Logan grinned, stepping out of the car and opening the boot, pulling out both his and Alex's bags and putting them over his shoulder.

Alex followed Logan up to the door, which he unlocked and threw open.

"Let's dump this stuff upstairs and then I'll introduce you to everyone."

Alex nodded, following Logan up the stairs strewn with flyers and unopened post, past several closed doors, some with music playing or voices, and up to the last door. He unlocked it and welcomed Alex inside.

Logan's room. It wasn't something he had thought about up until he was actually here in it. You can learn so much about someone from their personal space, but they has always been together in Alex's room, not wanting to risk the discovery of Logan's dad. Now, the tables were turned.

He took in the double bed that looked like it had been hastily made before he left to go home for the holidays, a wardrobe with a slightly broken door that didn't sit right, a messy desk covered in papers and a couple of used mugs. On the wall were posters for The Beatles and Arctic Monkeys, and drawings that looked like Logan's own work.

"Sorry," he said hastily, picking up a pair of socks and a towel from the floor and throwing them into the washing hamper. "I hadn't expected to be bringing someone back with me when I left."

Alex grinned, "it's great, I love it. It's so... you." Even after having been away for weeks, Alex could smell the Logan-ness on the furniture, could imagine him at that desk, on that bed. He approached the drawings with curiosity.

"Did you do these?"

"Yeah, drawing calms me down," he admitted with an embarrassed smile.

"I had no idea you drew so well," Alex said, gazing at the detailed landscape sketches before him. The shading and proportions were incredibly good.

Logan dropped the bags on the floor and approached Alex, wrapping his arms around his waist, kissing him gently.

"It's so weird, you being here."

"Good weird?" Alex whispered.

"Very good weird," he confirmed, kissing him again with more intention this time, Alex laughed breaking the kiss.

"Slow down, shouldn't I meet your housemates first."

Logan groaned, "they can wait."

"It's rude," Alex chided and Logan sighed.

"Fine," he said rolling his eyes, but he smiled and kissed Alex one last time before dragging him to the door. "Let's go meet the crew."

*

Logan opened the downstairs door to a large kitchen and living area. Inside there were two girls, one cooking, the other leaning on the counter top talking animatedly. Further into the room there were three guys playing what looked possibly like Call of Duty, Alex wasn't sure.

"Logan, I didn't know you were back today," the nearest girl beamed, giving him a one armed hug whilst continuing to cook with the other hand. She had long curly auburn hair and thick glasses, she was pretty in a casual way, curvy in shape, wearing little makeup and an oversized flannel shirt. The guys shouted their greetings from their game, and the girls rolled their eyes at Logan.

"That bloody game has been on all day, they can only grunt one word answers."

"Fuck off Megan," one of them called, "just because you're shit! Take that for a one word - oh fuck!"

"Yeah you deserved to die shithead," Megan called, but neither seemed to actually be angry at each other. There was a lightness of good friends to their insults.

"Who's this?" The other girl asked cheerfully, approaching Alex. She was petite and white blonde, she was quite elf-like in appearance with a soft tinkling voice.

"This is Alex, my boyfriend."

The girls didn't seem even phased by his words, and Alex remembered Logan having told him that these were the only people who knew about his sexuality.

"Cute! So nice to meet you," the girl said, giving Alex a surprisingly strong hug, "I'm Lulu, this is Megan."

"Hi," Megan said from her saucepan, giving Alex a look he didn't quite know what it meant, and glancing at Logan.

"The losers over there are Harry with the red hair, Rob with the glasses, and the one who just died, Seb."

"Fuck you Megan," Seb called again, but he stood from the sofa, his game screen blank whilst the other two played. He was mixed race and tall, with a kind face.

"Hey nice to meet you man," he said to Alex, "Logan, good summer then?"

"Yeah, good cheers."

"What's with the cut on your nose?" Lulu frowned, "Wait... are they bruises? Were you in a fight?"

"What?!" Megan gasped, abandoning her meal to swing Logan round. "Logan we talked about this! What happened?! I can see the old bruises, you're right Lulu."

"It's fine, Megan I'm fine. Stop fussing," Logan pushed her away lightly and she scowled. He grinned at Alex sheepishly. "Megan is like my adopted mother, she likes to fuss over me."

"Well you keep making bad life choices! What am I supposed to do?" She said exasperated. "This boy when I first met him, you wouldn't believe the tool he was."

"Oh I believe it," Alex laughed and Logan had the decency to look embarrassed. Megan studied him with a look of interest, she was a little off putting with those big eyes.

"Yeah, yeah ok, let's stop talking about how much of a horrible person I am in front of Alex please. He knows enough already."

"You're not a horrible person," Lulu said gently.

Megan scowled, "sometimes he's a huge jerk. But we love him all the same. Now. What happened?!"

"Alright there was a fight, but I swear I didn't start it."

Megan raised an eyebrow. "So...?"

"I came out to some people at home. One of them, Chris, he freaked out, and it was all a bit of a blur but... yeah we had a fight."

"Oh," Megan seemed to look deflated, and behind her, Rob and Harry stopped their game to look over.

"Shit man, that sucks. You ok?" Harry asked and Logan nodded.

"All good."

"But... your dad?" Megan asked in a low voice, looking from Logan to Alex briefly.

"Don't worry, Alex knows everything. And no. Dad doesn't know yet. Mum does though. She took it surprisingly well, mainly thanks to Alex. She thinks he's a good influence."

Megan smiled at Alex, "oh well good. You need some more of those. So Alex, you like paella? I'm making some and I can definitely stretch it to feed you too if you want to join us?"

"Yeah, that would be amazing," he smiled and she smiled back.

"Great, and I get to learn all about you. No pressure," she winked.

*

Alex really liked Logan's friends. They were funny, welcoming, laid back. And took no bullshit from Logan. Between half told anecdotes and brief additions from Logan sat beside him, be pieced together that at some point in time Logan had not been friends with this group, and that through one messy emotional night, after getting into a fight with Seb, Megan had decided to 'fix' him. She had taken him in and had, in her words, 'found he had a soft gooey squishy side buried deep down' and worked very hard to bring that out.

"Megan does psychology, she thinks it's her moral duty to get into everyone's traumatic and messy childhoods," Rob explained from where he sat on Alex's left.

Megan shrugged and grinned, sipping on her cocktail straw.

"Watch out she'll be after your youth next, any skeletons in your closet Alex?" Seb laughed.

Alex laughed vaguely, and glanced at Logan who's expression looked tight as he forced a smile.

"All rosy for me, sorry Megan no dirt to find," he said and she narrowed her eyes at him curiously, but said nothing.

When they decided it was time for bed, Megan pulled Logan in for a hug. She seemed to whisper something in his ear and Logan nodded, glanced at Alex and smiled. He pulled her close and whispered something back and she gave him a concerned look but reluctantly smiled. She gave him a peck on the cheek and then turned to Alex, pulling him into a hug too.

Soon, he was falling into Logan's bed, enjoying Logan's warmth under the covers as he pulled him close to cuddle under the heavy duvet.

"What did Megan say to you downstairs?" He asked and Logan frowned.

"It's... she knows you."

"What? No she doesn't," he argued back. Logan sighed.

"No, as in... I've told her about you, a lot. She knows what I did to you, I think she's worried."

"What does she know?"

"Well... all the history at school, and I started to tell her about what you'd written about me. Not properly," he added hastily, "just that you liked me and how much I'd hurt you and she started screaming at me. Like proper terrifying. She called me a cunt for taking it and holding it over you and that she would never forgive me and she'd thought I'd changed. That was when I realised I'd fucked up, just a few days back in that house with Dad, the pressure, the guys, I'd backslid so far. She told me I should come straight back to Leeds and get my head on straight but... I said I didn't want to leave you. I wanted to fix it. And... well. Here we are. I didn't tell her we were together, or that you were coming here. She was just clarifying that you were the Alex I talked about."

"Oh," Alex was surprised. "You could have warned me."

"Yeah, sorry. I didn't know if I should tell you or whether that would make you feel more under pressure meeting them."

He imagined knowing that Megan knew these intimate details about his past and cringed. "Yeah, I guess that would have made me more nervous."

"I'm sorry, I didn't want you uncomfortable. But Megan is like, a sister to me, probably the best friend I have. She's helped me a lot. She makes me better, the same way you do."

Alex smiled, looking at Logan.

"You've changed so much."

"I know," Logan said with a small smile.

"I don't just mean from school, but like from when we met. All that stuff about needing to be in control, you kind of just... stopped."

"I didn't need to compensate with you. In all my relationships I feel out of control, so I think I was forcing it in other areas of life. But with you I don't need to anymore."

"I did quite like you pinning me up against the wall though," Alex teased.

"Oh did you?" Logan grinned, his hands slipped to find his wrists and in a quick move rolled over him so he was pinned to the bed. "Like this?"

"Yeah," Alex moaned. "Fuck yeah."

Logan grinned, "one sec."

He darted up off the bed and then began rummaging underneath. He emerged with a set of handcuffs.

"Always be prepared," he smiled darkly and moved back over Alex, straddling his chest and reaching for his wrists. In one swift move, his wrists were attached to the bed frame.

"This looks fun," Logan grinned and began kissing down his chest. Alex gasped and bit his lip at the tingling sensations spreading across his skin.

He felt Logan pull at his waistband and immediately take his cock in his mouth. Alex groaned. Logan's mouth was warm, his tongue swirling around the head of his cock causing him to pull against the restraints in pleasure.

"Fuck," he panted as Logan took him deeply, before gagging slightly and coming up for air. He gasped a little and laughed, using his hand to continue pumping his dick as he grinned at Alex.

This continued a couple more times until Alex was moaning and panting.

"Fuck me," he gasped.

Logan didn't need asking twice. He began to use his fingers to stretch Alex gently, and Alex realised that his ass was able to accommodate Logan's cock more and more quickly everyday.

"That's enough," he insisted, wishing he could reach for Logan's cock, his wrists digging into the metal cuffs, the cool air tickling his bare chest. "Fuck me, now."

Logan moved so that his cock was lined up with Alex's ass, using a mixture of spit and Alex's precum as lube he began to push into him. The familiar tight pain returned, and he grunted against it, wincing. But he knew it would be short lived.

Soon, as he knew it would, the pain began to be mixed with a deep intense pleasure. Logan hefted his legs over his shoulders and leaned over him, his ass fully accessible now for Logan's large dick to fully penetrate him. He moaned, and Logan kissed his open lips haphazardly between thrusts, their sweaty bodies rubbing against eachother.

He wanted to hold Logan tightly, to dig his fingernails into his back, but at the same time the vulnerable handcuffed position turned him on greatly as he pulled hard against the cuffs, relishing in the sharp pain of the metal against his wrists.

They gasped and moaned together, perfectly in sync, feeling the shuddering pleasure climb higher and higher. The tingling warmth spreading around his body, every sense hightened. Logan's heat, smell, the sound of his panting breath. He never wanted this to end, and he knew Logan didn't either. Together they made love late into the night.

The next morning, Alex awoke before Logan. He pulled a book from his bag and began to read. He hadn't read in a while, so distracted by Logan's company. But he picked up a book where he had left off, enjoying reading whilst Logan slept beside him, it was calm. Peaceful. At some point Logan must have woken up, because when he glanced at him next his eyes were open watching him.

"Morning," Alex said cheerfully and Logan smiled sleepily and mumbled a response, moving to lean against him, Alex moving his arms so he could rest his head on his chest.

"Read aloud," he requested and Alex did, reading his book to Logan who dozed against him. When he finished the chapter, Logan smiled softly, his eyes still closed. Alex closed the book and rested it against his chest, his free hand moving to stroke Logan's hair where it glimmered in the sun trickling through the curtains.

"I don't want this moment to end," he whispered and Logan's lips lifted slightly, still half asleep.

"I'm never letting you go," he whispered, tightening his grip against him to emphasise his point.

They spent many a morning this way, then finally getting out of bed to spend time with Logan's friends or explore Leeds. They went out, and Alex experienced his first drunken student night out, complete with clubbing.

It wasn't really his thing, but he did enjoy the feel of Logan's body pressed against him when they danced on the sweaty dance floor, the throbbing music pounding his drunken brain, making him feel dizzy as he grinned stupidly. He had puked his guts up that night and decided he'd rain check on the next one.

Then came the start of Logan's university lectures. It was hard at first, spending hours alone in a city he didn't know. But he came to enjoy adventuring and exploring the new city. It was so much more exciting than his little old town with the same people and places that never changed. He tried food he had never heard of, and found game shops where he chatted with the staff about the most obscure PC games, and old bookshops that smelled of history and untold tales. He felt alive for the first time in his life.

And when Logan would finish his lectures, he would meet him, and they would have BBQ's in the park, or walk through the September sunshine hand in hand. Logan wasn't afraid to hold his hand here, this was a safe space.

One rainy afternoon, he headed back early to the house, Logan let Alex have his key on his Uni days so he could come and go as he pleased. He walked to the kitchen to make a snack and found Megan sat alone eating her lunch.

"Hey Alex," she smiled.

"Hi," he replied. Out of all the housemates, Megan was the one he was still uncertain around. Perhaps knowing how important she was to Logan, or because she knew his past, set him on edge. But it always felt like she was looking at his soul with those penetrating eyes.

"Sit with me, I'm so bored," she requested. Feeling it would be rude to say no, he made a cup of tea and sat, taking off his wet coat and rubbing his cold hands together awkwardly. He ran a hand through his hair, a nervous response. Then felt annoyed at himself because she was a psychology student, she would know this was because he was nervous. He second guessed himself second guessing himself and began to spiral until Megan frowned.

"You ok?"

"What? Um yes sorry was just... thinking."

"About?"

"Um, nothing important."

She nodded and they sat quietly for a moment. Alex sipped his tea. She munched on a piece of iceberg lettuce.

"So," she said between mouthfuls. "You got to be close to finishing up your holiday allowance. What's your plan?"

"I still don't know yet. I mean it's basically between going back home back to the bookstore and doing something long distance, or coming here and being with Logan and looking for a similar job I'd be qualified for I guess."

She frowned, but said nothing.

"What? What are you thinking?" He asked.

"It's not really my business, I always get told I stick my nose in so I'm not saying anything."

"Come on Megan, please. What's wrong?"

She sighed, putting her fork down and surveying Alex over those large glasses.

"I just think that you're limiting yourself a bit. With those options. You're an intelligent and interesting person Alex, you shouldn't be settling for the first job that takes you."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh Alex, from everything Logan has told me about you... and now seeing you in person... it just feels like you are... I don't know, fixating on Logan."

Alex frowned, feeling anger rise inside him. But Megan continued talking quickly.

"By which I mean, you feel like your journey through life relies on him. You were friends, then he became the bully and you drop out, you spend years hiding away waiting for him, and when he does you jump into his arms without a second thought."

"Hang on a minute," Alex managed to choke out, "that's-"

"He was awful to you. It's his fault you dropped out of school. Anyone in their right mind would never forgive someone for that. But you did. Not only that you fell in love with him despite knowing all the worst parts of him."

"Why are you saying all this?! Do you want me to break up with him or something?!"

"No! Of course I don't! I just mean... I just. Oh I'm an awful friend. I can't stop meddling."

She paused as if waiting for Alex to say 'that's not true, you're wonderful!' But he only stared at her steely eyed, his fists clenched under the table so hard he thought he might have drawn blood.

"I just wonder, do you really want to spend your life just as Logan's boyfriend? Whilst he goes on to achieve success? Don't you want your own story? So much of your life has revolved around him, you should be finding your own way and letting Logan revolve around you. The change would be good for him too."