Chad and I just laid there for a while, holding each other and exchanging pillow talk. It almost felt like a dream. I'd imagined that night so many times that it hardly seemed real. My ass was sore from the pounding it had gotten, and I'm guessing Chad's was too. But neither of us was complaining.
After about an hour, we opened the wine Chad had brought. True to form, he'd gone for the good stuff, with a nice Merlot out of Napa. He poured me a glass like we were on a date, after which he poured a glass for himself.
It seemed weirdly romantic to be sitting there naked with just a single light shining through the window. A bunch of now-rumpled sheets lay tangled beneath us. I leaned against Chad's body and took a deep breath. Some of his scent was totally familiar, but some of it wasn't. It still turned me on either way.
"So," I eventually said, "tell me about that cologne you've got on."
Chad sipped his wine. "You like it?"
"Yeah I do. It's just... I don't remember you ever wearing anything like that. Deodorant sure, but not cologne."
"Well... I tried to pick it out based on flavors you like. Are you saying I picked right?"
I shrugged. "Apparently so."
"Do you want me to wear it more often?"
"I mean... as long as you promise not to wear anything else...."
"Baby, I'll wear whatever you want me to."
"Ha!" I said, and I ran my hand across his bare thighs. "I like this outfit just fine."
"So this is how you want me to look when we're out and about?"
"Don't tempt me."
"You know you love it," he said. "Speaking of which... what do you want to do while you're in town?"
I set my glass down. "I dunno," I said, "I-I mean I came here for you."
"Do you want to see Dad?"
I had to admit I had mixed feelings about Chad's father. Part of me did want to meet him, but another part thought back to the stories I'd heard. "Is he in any shape to meet me?"
"Well, I try not to overstimulate him," he said. "You've gotta remember, it's a long road back. He's talking now, but not in full sentences. And he doesn't have any filters, so he'll say crazy shit and you have to let it slide. But as long as you keep that stuff in mind... I mean, he's been my life for the last two months. So if that's what you really want to see, you might as well...."
I stared at Chad's face. He seemed so much more mature than before. Part of it was his beard, but even his eyes looked a little more grizzled, a little older, a little wiser. He definitely wasn't the devil-may-care frat boy I'd first met. "So," I said, "what about down the road?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well... how long is he going to need you?"
"I dunno," he said. "My family's been trying to figure that out. My mom keeps volunteering for stuff, and she's made a couple trips out here, but I know her heart isn't in it. Which I guess makes sense... I mean, if she didn't want to be with him to begin with, why would she want to be with him now?"
"Wait," I said. "Isn't that between her and your dad?"
"Probably... but that's the kind of shit I've been dealing with."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry," he said. "It's not your fault."
"But if you're putting your life on hold for your parents... where does that leave you?"
Chad gave off a faint chuckle. "You sound like my aunt."
"I-I mean don't get me wrong, it's great that you're doing this. I'm just saying you can't lose sight of your own life."
"Which is practically word-for-word what Pam would've said."
I clutched Chad's body. "In that case... I'm glad I'm not the only one watching out for you."
"Yeah." Chad put his hand on my chest. "I'm hoping we're seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I was trying to get them to move him to San Diego, to the Naval Hospital there... but apparently his next step is a rehab facility. Pam lives in L.A., and there's a place there that's supposed to be good. So that's probably our best bet."
"So your aunt would take care of him?"
"Basically," he said. "I mean, he'll need professional care for a while, maybe indefinitely. But yeah, Pam wants to take a more active role. She and Dad were always close."
I looked Chad in the eyes. "I hope they all appreciate what you've done," I said. "It's a helluva lot for you to take on."
"Yeah well...." He took a gulp of wine. "Maybe someday Dad will appreciate it too. At least that's my hope."
I didn't say a word. I knew how long Chad had yearned for his dad's approval. I suspected that was the real reason he was taking care of him, though he'd never outright admitted it. "I just want you back with me," I said without thinking.
"You've got me now."
"You know what I mean. Back at school... so we could just hang out and chill like we used to."
"Believe me, you don't think I want that too? You know how nice it would be to have my biggest worry be a paper or something? Shit." He put his arm around me. "I mean, this semester is pretty much shot, at least for me. Even so, you bet my ass will get over there as soon as I can."
I put my hand against his cheek. "I can't wait," was all I could say.
By the time we finished our wine bottle, we were both pretty tipsy. Part of me wanted to have more sex, but we were both tired, so we did the next-best thing. We spooned with my bare chest against his back, my hands clenching his, and my cock against his butt. It felt so comfortable. So relaxing. So right.
I'd forgotten how warm our bodies got under the sheets-- or maybe it was just that particular sheet. I draped my arm across Chad's chest, and I felt it rise and fall. He was pretty still at first, but then he started to fall asleep, and his body twitched a few times. I wasn't far behind him: I don't remember much before I dozed off.
I just remember pieces of my dream that night. As usual, it was a mishmash of images and feelings, some more vivid than others. At first Chad and I seemed inseparable: we were apparently living together, taking the same classes, seeing mutual friends, and generally sharing our lives. But then I dreamt Chad was the one in the hospital, seriously injured, hooked up to tubes and monitors and whatnot. I wasn't really clear on what had happened: he could've been attacked like his dad, or it might've been an accident or something. Either way, he just laid there unconscious while equipment whirred and beeped around him. The sight of it felt like a punch to the gut, and I wanted to scream, but somehow I couldn't move, and no words came out--
Then of course I woke up. Once I got my bearings, I felt incredibly relieved to find Chad lying with me in one piece. He was still fast asleep, letting out a loud snore. For once, my reality seemed more enjoyable than any possible dream.
I snuggled up to Chad and held his body tight. I couldn't help thinking how crazy I was about this man, and I didn't want anything to happen to him. But I also knew how fragile our lives were. No matter how badly I wanted him, and no matter how badly he might want me, there was just no telling what our futures might hold.
That morning we ran into Seth when he was leaving for work. It turned out Chad's description had been spot-on. Seth was wearing a suit and tie, ready to go, at an hour when we'd barely rolled out of bed. He was apparently an aide to Chad's congressman, and he'd known the Collinses since his time in the Navy. He seemed like a nice enough guy: he said to say hi to Chad's father, and he invited us to come by his office later. But to be honest, I hardly listened to what he was saying. My mind was somewhere else.
When we got dressed, Chad picked out a dress shirt and slacks. He carefully combed his hair, and he even put on his glasses. I hadn't brought any nice clothes-- I'd mostly just packed sweatshirts and jeans-- so Chad let me wear some of his.
"Remember where you're going," he said. "The place isn't exactly laid-back." He checked the mirror one last time, making sure his shit was together. Then he grabbed a laptop bag as we headed for the door.
