Cocklust Ch 13

I didn't want to come out right then, and I didn't like the way Amy was forcing my hand. But I also knew that if she hadn't picked up my phone, then someone else could've seen it-- most notably my mom-- which would've been even worse.

Only one thing was clear. Between my family and the Kap Eps, I just couldn't avoid the truth anymore. The real question was how to go about it.

I stayed up late watching coming-out stories on YouTube. There were an awful lot of videos out there, since almost all the gay vloggers had done an episode about it. Nick and Jay-- the couple who kept traveling the world-- had a pretty sad story: their families had practically disowned them. The guy who called himself the Hillbilly Homo had actually had a much easier time. Other videos ran the gamut: some guys got emotional as they talked, but others were totally relaxed. Practically all of them said they felt better in the end, and I could only hope I'd feel the same way.

I also spent a lot of time talking to Chad. He gave me more details about his talks with his family, both when he'd originally told them, and in the months that had followed. It sounded like his mom had come around, but his dad was still struggling. Yet Chad kept his chin up, like a lot of the vloggers.

I needed encouragement more than anything else; and in that department, he seemed to know exactly what to say. He told me I could do it, and that I'd be fine, and that he'd be there for me no matter what happened. With every word he said, I felt myself loving him more and more.

Finally, on my last night at home, I worked up the courage to do it. We'd just gotten back from the mall: my mom had wanted to go shopping, but the stores were too crowded, so we'd gone to see a movie instead.

I sat down in the kitchen. I didn't say anything at first, but I did look over at Amy, and she looked right back. Mom was pulling leftovers out of the fridge; she seemed to have no idea what was about to hit her.

"So," I finally said, "about that school stuff we were talking about... there's something else I haven't told you."

Mom didn't flinch at first. "Oh?" she said. "What do you mean?"

"Well, it's not about school, exactly. I mean, it's actually about me...." My words suddenly caught in my throat. I felt a weird mix of nervousness, embarrassment, and confusion. I'd thought about this moment so many times, and I'd assumed I was prepared. But I was surprised at how hard it was to actually go through with it.

Mom set down her tupperware. "Are you all right?"

I took a deep breath, and I choked down a lump in my throat. I knew my face was turning red, which only made me feel worse.

Amy put her hand on my shoulder. "Scott...."

I pushed her hand away, and I blinked away my tears. Then I forced myself to get it together, and I blurted out the words I'd been trying to avoid. "I'm gay."

The room went silent. It was almost like none of us wanted to breathe. Mom seemed to be caught completely off guard; she just stared into my eyes.

"I have a boyfriend," I finally said. "That's why I haven't told you much lately."

Mom cleared her throat. "Y-you're saying you don't like girls? I mean, at all?"

"Not like that," I said. I'd expected to feel a weight off my shoulders, but the results were pretty mixed. It did feel liberating to tell them the truth, and to know I wouldn't need to hide anymore. But it was still painfully awkward.

"Well," she said, then paused again. She seemed to be choking back tears herself. "How long have you known?"

"I dunno," I said. "I mean, definitely the past year or so... I guess if I'm being honest with myself, probably longer than that. But I didn't want to admit it till this summer--"

"You mean the summer you spent here?"

I took a deep breath. I really didn't want to talk about that. Revealing my sexuality was nerve-wracking enough. I couldn't bear to admit I'd slept around.

"I mean, you never mentioned anything the whole time--"

"I didn't want to," I said, "at least till the time was right."

"I'm your mother," she snapped. "You can tell me anything. Absolutely anything, anytime. Understand?"

"I didn't mean it like that. It's just--"

"It's just what?"

I sighed. I felt like I was letting her down in a very big way. She'd given me so much advice growing up, going back to childhood lessons about the birds and the bees. But she'd always assumed I was straight: she'd told me how complicated girls were, and what would happen if I ever knocked someone up. Occasionally she'd talked about meeting the right woman and settling down. It was weird to think she'd been on the wrong track the whole time, which meant a lot of her advice was pretty much useless. "Never mind," I finally said.

"Well, I...." She turned to my dad. "Don't you have something to say?"

Dad seemed weirded out too, but he seemed to brush it off. "Well, he did like Judy Garland as a kid--"

"David!" she said. "What's the matter with you?"

"Well it's true," he said. "Remember how much he made us watch

Wizard of Oz

?"

"Your child just told you he's gay, and that's the first thing you think of?"

I put up my hands. "Mom, it's fine. Just let it go."

She turned to Amy. "So what about you?"

"I already told him what I think," Amy said.

Mom seemed surprised at that answer. She looked back at me. "You told Amy already?"

"It wasn't my doing," I said. "She figured it out."

"How?"

I rolled my eyes. "Mom, is that really important right now?"

A tear rolled down her cheek. She tried to stop it, but she ended up just smearing her mascara. "Look," she finally said. "Everything about you is important to me. My job is to take care of you... it always has been, since the day you were born, and even before that."

"Oh geez Mom--"

"I just... I want you to know how much I love you," she said, "and that's never going to change."

I sighed. My mother had always had a way of driving me crazy, yet somehow she still managed to say the right things. "I love you too," I finally said.

She looked around the kitchen. "I'm sorry," she said, "I wasn't expecting this."

My dad cleared his throat. "Not that there's anything wrong with that!"

"David!" she said. "Now is not the time for a

Seinfeld

impression!"

"Was that wrong?"

Mom turned back to me. "Listen," she said, "I don't want you to think you have anything to fear."

"I don't," I said, "and I'm still the same person--"

"I'm just saying, if you meet someone special--"

"He already has a boyfriend," Amy said. "Remember?"

"What?"

Amy shot my mom a look, as if the answer was obvious. "He said so himself, just a minute ago."

Mom blinked a few times. She was obviously struggling to process what she'd heard. "Is it someone I know?" she finally asked.

"No," I said, "I met him at school."

"Well, what's his name?"

"Chad," I said.

"Does he treat you right?"

"Oh come on Mom--"

"I think it's a fair question. If you've got someone in your life, I want to know details."

"Well yeah...." I sighed. "I-I mean, he's cool."

"So when do we get to meet him?"

"Oh for crying out loud--"

"Do you at least have a picture of him?"

I gritted my teeth and pulled out my phone. I actually hadn't taken many pictures of Chad-- and some weren't safe for public consumption-- so instead I pulled up Facebook. I tapped Chad's profile pic and handed over my phone.

Mom seemed to stare at the picture. It wasn't the most current picture, but it was a good one, showing Chad at a Laker game. "He looks nice," Mom finally said.

Amy clucked her tongue. "Wow," she said. "How do you get to land better-looking guys than I do?"

"Har har," I said.

"Now," Mom said, "I just want you to be happy."

At first I didn't know how to respond. "I'm fine," I finally said. "You've got nothing to worry about." But I privately wondered if that last part was true.

I could tell she needed time to digest. She didn't seem upset, at least not in the usual sense, but she did seem overwhelmed. I kind of regretting dumping this on her right before I left, but on the other hand, there was no perfect time to do it.

I ended up tossing and turning for most of that night. I just couldn't stop thinking, no matter how hard I tried. At one point I texted Chad, but I never got a response; I knew he was probably fast asleep at that hour.

Eventually I threw my covers aside, got on my computer, and started surfing my favorite gay sites. They all had my username listed as RJ630. I was tempted to change that, and start using my real name. But after giving it some thought, I decided against it. After all, it was one thing for people to know I was gay; it was another to know what sex toys I owned, or which X-rated threads I'd commented on.

I ended up going to Nick and Jay's page, and I sent them a quick note. I'd never e-mailed a vlogger before, but I wanted them to know how much their coming-out story had helped me. I figured they got e-mails like this all the time, and that I'd most likely never hear back.

In the meantime, I was getting pretty horny. I hadn't masturbated at all since Thanksgiving Day. I knew I was on the verge of blue balls, and I needed a release. So I treated myself to some porn.

I found a video of Flynn, Vince, Logan, and Nate all fucking each other. I loved how it combined the porn stars Chad had introduced me to, plus the first guys I'd ever jacked off to. All four of them were damned hot, even when they still had their clothes on. Then, when they started stripping down, I couldn't take my eyes off their cocks and their asses. It was a helluva lot of skin on display, at least for one bed, and I enjoyed every inch.

I got naked myself, and I started pulling my pud. All I could think was how badly I wanted dick, and how soon I could actually get some. I couldn't wait to hear the sound of Chad's voice, or to feel his manly arms around me.

Onscreen, Vince and Nate were both getting reamed doggy-style, so their packages swung back and forth beneath them. The camera zoomed in on Flynn's ass as he pounded away. Then the guys switched positions, and Logan got spit-roasted between Nate and Flynn. I found myself feeling a whole new hunger; I'd never experienced a full-on orgy like that, and I wanted to try it sometime.

My orgasm crept up on me. I felt a sudden burst of pleasure, and before I could do anything, my multi-day load blasted out of me. I had to aim fast to keep from making a mess. One shot hit me in the face, but then I put up my free hand, and I managed to catch the rest.

Once I finished cumming, I let out a deep breath as my muscles relaxed. I grabbed a few tissues and cleaned myself up. Finally I turned off my computer and got back under the covers. I could already tell that my restlessness was gone, and that I could hopefully doze off. And sure enough, within a few minutes, I'd drifted into a deep and restful sleep.

The next morning, once I finally rolled out of bed, all I could think was how badly I wanted to leave. It only took me a few minutes to get ready, and to throw the last few clothes in my suitcase. My flight was still hours away, but I kept checking my watch as if I thought I'd miss it.

When Mom drove me to the airport, she was not about to just drop me off at the curb. She insisted on bringing Dad and Amy along, parking the car, and following me into the terminal. "Now Scott," she said, "I don't want you to get your heart broken. Remember what I said: you can tell me anything. And you can call me day or night--"

"Mom, I'm not going to call you to talk about boys."

"I know more about them than you think," she said. "I wasn't born yesterday, you know." She gave me an extra-tight hug, and she kissed me on the cheek. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Mom," I said. Then I stepped back and hugged my dad.

"Have a good flight," was the only thing he said.

Last up was Amy. Part of me was still pissed at her, but another part felt like it was water under the bridge. She ended up giving me a big hug-- on par with my mom's-- and she whispered in my ear. "Congratulations," she said. "I'm really proud of you."

I didn't quite know what to say. "Thanks," I finally said. Then I got into the security line. I was hoping the others would head home, just in case my luggage got flagged again. But Mom in particular refused to move.

Fortunately, I got through security without any problems. I could still see the others in the distance, so I gave them one last wave. Then I headed for my gate.

I wanted to call Chad right then and there, but I knew he was in the air himself. So I kept my thoughts to myself as I boarded the plane, stowed my stuff, and fastened my seatbelt.

Just before takeoff, I checked my e-mail one last time. Nick and Jay had written me back. They thanked me for my note, and they gave me a few more words of encouragement. I wanted to respond, but I didn't have time. I just turned off my phone and sat back.

I finally lost it when we reached the head of the runway, the engines started to roar, and the plane went barreling forward. I knew I'd crossed the point of no return. A few seconds later, when we launched into the sky, I got a panoramic view of the world I'd grown up in. I could see the forests where I'd played as a kid, and the highways where I'd first learned to drive. We passed over the river where Erica and I hung out, especially when we were feeling romantic, where we'd talked for hours and looked up at the stars.

Then, just as quickly, all that stuff disappeared from view. Ahead of me lay a whole new world, one that I still didn't fully understand. I was excited, terrified, and relieved, somehow all at the same time. Tears came rolling down my cheeks, though I did my best to hide them. I still couldn't quite grasp the magnitude of what had happened; I just knew that my life would never be the same. I kept counting the minutes for the rest of the flight, knowing I was getting closer and closer to Chad.

As soon as I stepped off the plane, there he was. By then, I just couldn't hold back anymore. My body collided with Chad's, and we started making out. We probably scandalized a few people, but at that point I didn't care.

Finally I pulled back and looked Chad in the eye. "I never want to go through that again," I said.

"You don't have to."

"What about Christmas?"

"For Christmas, you can come with me." He took my hand and wrapped his fingers around mine. "Besides... my mom says she wants to meet you."

I frowned. "You told her about me?"

"Of course. Didn't you tell your family too?"

"Well yeah, but I mean... I thought you didn't want to tell them any more than you had to."

"I didn't."

"What about your dad?"

"He's not going to be there," he said. "He's going to Bahrain."

"Bahrain?" I asked. "What's he doing there?"

"Fuck if I know," he said. "Some military thing, which is probably classified. Point is... I don't think we need to worry about him. At least not for now."

I wasn't sure how to respond to that. I wanted him to elaborate on that last part, but I knew I'd need to be careful. I just nodded, and we headed back to the car. "You know," I said, "I guess we should tell the Kap Eps about us... I mean, the ones who don't already know...."

"What do you think they're gonna say?"

At first I mulled over my words, but then I shrugged. "You know what? I don't care what they think anymore. I-I, well, when Hunter and Drew walked in on us, I thought it was such a big deal... but now? I mean, fuck, we just made out in public. And you even said yourself: what do we have to hide?"

Chad chewed his lips, then nodded. "Okay," he said as he turned the ignition.

We didn't waste any time getting back to the frat house. Most of the other Kap Eps were already there, so we figured it was as good a time as ever. We went to the living room, where a bunch of the guys were watching TV.

Finally Chad cleared his throat. "We've got something to tell you."

Only about half the guys looked up. Hunter and Drew clearly knew what was coming. Most of the other guys didn't react at all.

"Scott and I are a couple," Chad said, "and we have been for months." He looked over at me, bit his lip, and looked back at the others. "I just... well, we thought you should know."

Marcos laughed. "I knew it!" he said, and then he turned to Ryan. "You owe me twenty bucks."

"What the hell?" Brody asked. "You mean you've been banging this whole time?"

"Dude--"

"That's fucking gross!"

I cringed at those words, but I didn't say anything.

"Leave them alone," Justin said.

"Don't you tell me what to do, you fucking freshman--"

"I like guys too," Hunter said. "So if you have anything to say about that, you can say it right to me."

"Me too," Drew said.

"Don't forget about us," Marcos said.

Brody looked around the room. "What is this, a fucking ambush?"

"Stop being such a homophobe," Marcos said. "Besides, you knew Ryan and I were gay from the start."

Brody's nostrils flared, and he got up from the couch. "You're calling me a homophobe?"

Marcos stood up to face him. "Well, if the shoe fits--"

"Fuck you."

"So you think being gay is gross?"

"Dude--"

"Because that's what I heard you say. So unless I'm fucking hearing things, that makes you a fucking sack of shit."

"Who's a sack of shit?"

"You want to take this outside?"

I worried this was getting out of hand. "Guys," I said, "just calm down--"

"Oh, I'm calm," Brody said, "but this is bullshit. And it's not what I signed up for." And then he stormed away.

"Yeah, fuck you too," Marcos said.

We heard a door slam in the distance. Then Luke turned to us. "Jesus Christ," he said. "What's his problem?"

"He's probably jealous," Hunter said.

"He tried to hook up with Kaylee last night," Justin said. "She turned him down flat... which is saying a lot."

"Just ignore him," Ryan said. "The rest of us are happy for you."

Chad and I exchanged glances. "Thanks," was all I could say.

I'd always known Brody was an asshole, so I tried not to let his reaction get to me. Chad seemed to shrug him off too. I just took solace in the way the other guys stood up for us. It didn't seem to matter which ones had known about us, or which ones apparently suspected us, or which ones were surprised. As far as they were concerned, we all shared a bond, and we needed to be there for each other-- so if Brody didn't like it, then fuck him.

I was tempted to seriously mess with the guy. Since Brody seemed so grossed out, I thought it would be fun to throw TMI at him. I wanted tell him how much I loved eating Chad's ass, and exactly how it tasted. I could tell him what it was like to slide my dick in there, or for that matter, how it felt to take Chad up my chute. He'd probably be most freaked out about cum, in which case I could taunt him in excruciating detail, like where we'd jizzed on and in each other's bodies, or how it looked, felt, and tasted. The possibilities were practically endless.

As it turned out, though, I never got the chance-- at least not that night. I didn't know where Brody had stormed off to, but wherever it was, he stayed away for hours. In the meantime, Chad and I just kicked back and chilled: we gorged on nachos, downed a few drinks, and generally had a good time. The others acted like nothing had happened, as if our announcement wasn't that big a deal.

I was about to head back to my place when I realized I didn't need to. Now that we were out, I could finally spend the night in Chad's bed. And the timing was perfect, because it was just what I needed-- in more ways than one.

As soon as we shut the door behind us, we put our arms around each other, and we just stood there for a second. Despite all the times we'd held each other, the sensation this time was different. We were alone only because we wanted privacy-- not because we necessarily needed it. There was no more tiptoeing around, no more hiding, and no more shame. We didn't need to watch what we said, or hold back on our body language, or any of that shit. It made me wish I'd come out a lot sooner.