Chris woke with a smile. Chris always woke with a smile which is why Luke loved sleeping next to him so much. First the full red lips would twitch and the corners lift. Just a little at first and then more as if an invisible force were tugging them upwards. Then the long dark lashes would tremble and rise like shutters revealing the brilliant summer sky.
Chris' eyes were the thing that had first attracted Luke. Anyone who looked into Chris' eyes had to fall in love with him, even before they saw the pretty face and ever smiling lips. To say that Chris' eyes were beautiful would be a sacrilege on the concept of beauty. They were so far beyond beautiful that Luke couldn't look at them without losing his breath.
This morning was no exception and, as the glorious blue orbs came into view he caught his breath and couldn't help but smile himself.
Luke had been caught by those eyes in the very first instant he saw them and, from that instant he had been helplessly and hopelessly in love. That had been almost four years ago and he was still as much in love with the beautiful creature that lay before him as he had been in those first moments. Even more so because he now knew that behind those eyes was a sharp mind and playful personality.
Chris was a phenomenon. He was bright, funny, charming, gentle... he was like a puppy that never grew into a dog. He never growled or bit. He brought calm and equilibrium to every situation and everyone around him. He never lost his sense of humour, never lost his temper, was rarely sad and hardly ever angry. He was the one everyone went to when they needed help, the one who was the first to offer it and the last to withdraw it. He was a rock, an oasis, a good friend and an amazing lover.
Everyone loved Chris and Chris loved everyone... but no one loved Chris like Luke and no one was loved by Chris like Luke. Since the first day, when Luke had started at a new school feeling vulnerable and alone, when he had looked shyly into the sea of unfamiliar faces in the classroom and met the unbelievable blue eyes, they had been inseparable.
Soon their families had become friends and the whole lot of them had spent long summer days and cold winter evenings sharing company and stories and making memories. It was a good time, a wonderful time but all good things come to an end.
It had all started in the summer when they left school, when the close friendship between the two boys had grown into something much deeper. Loving each other had changed subtly to being in love with each other. That had been eighteen months ago but it seemed like forever now. Their families, far from having difficulties with the relationship were delighted. It had brought a whole new dimension to their friendship and how could they have been unhappy with the way that it had lit up their sons with a joy that overflowed and was boundless?
In the autumn they had separated to go to different universities but they hadn't let that get in the way. For many people long distance relationships were difficult, the additional stress and complication of travelling home at weekends and finding time to study and socialise were never problems because for both of them the only time they truly felt alive was when they were together and, although they both made friend and were social, nothing was important enough to take precedence over their reunions.
Sometimes Luke would stay with Chris so that they could both attend engagements or occasions at Chris' university, and sometimes Chris would travel to Luke. Both sets of friends were encompassing and became joint friends very quickly, to be absorbed into the joint family until there was one homogenous social group that shared both Luke and Chris between them.
It was perfect, too perfect. And then it all came crashing down.
Luke was thinking about all of this as Chris' smile warmed and soothed him and the beautiful blue eyes sparkled as they met his. For a moment his musings slipped from his mind as there was room for nothing more that Chris.
He had used to love to watch Chris wake. He had deliberately set his alarm so he could lie there in the early morning light watching the sun rise and Chris sleep. The anticipation would rise with the sun and sometimes would be so unbearable he had to wake him. Usually he was content to wait, savouring the delicious anticipation until the smile tugged at his heart at the same it did Chris' lips.
It still did, but now it was for very different reasons.
Chris blinked and turned his head towards Luke with a sigh. The sweet smile broadened and he yawned sleepily in that cute way that made Luke tingle. As always he lowered his head and kissed his lover gently, a kiss which Chris returned as eagerly as ever. But these days the kiss was different.
Luke raised his head and brushed the long dark hair away from Chris face as Chris closed his eyes and rubbed his cheek against his hand.
"Good morning. How are you feeling today?"
"You're here, therefore I feel good," Chris said simply.
Luke smiled. The relief that had flowed through him the moment Chris had looked into his eyes and responded to his kiss flooded him and made him feel dizzy.
"You look worried."
Luke's smile faded and he tenderly stroked the soft hair. "You know I always worry about you. I love you too much not to."
"I told you not to."
"I know but not even you can command my heart to that extent."
Chris' smile was sweet and gentle, his eyes soft. "I know. I'm sorry I make you worry."
"Oh babe, it's not you. You know it's not you. As if. It's just the whole situation. I feel so..."
"Ssh. There's no point. You don't have to feel bad."
"I love you Chris. How can I...?" There were tears in his eyes. "Every day it's a torment... watching, waiting."
"It's alright Luke. I still remember."
"Today. But what about tomorrow; the next day? One day you won't and then what will I do?"
"Go on."
"How can I?"
"Because you're strong. You've always been the strong one."
Luke laughed and, taking Chris' hand in his he pressed his cheek against it. It was trembling. "Are you kidding? You're the strong one. You have always been the strong one. I don't know where I would have been if not for you. I don't know how many times you've saved me and now I wish I could save you."
"You do. You save me every day. Every time I wake up looking into your eyes you save me."
"But it won't..."
"Remember what we promised. One day at a time. And today is a good day. The sun is shining and you love me, and I love you. That's a good day."
"Yeah." Luke said hoarsely. Chris' hand twitched in his and then the fingers brushed his cheek, wiping the tears away.
"It's a good day Luke." He said firmly. "Maybe tomorrow won't be, and who knows about the day after but today; today is a good day. Besides, he said softly, it's almost Christmas and I have a great present for you."
"Already?"
"You know why Luke."
"There's only one present I want."
"I know, and maybe you'll get it but... maybe you won't and you have to deal with that. You have to."
