I hadn't always been like this. During all my 38 years I had considered myself hetero-sexual, "normal"; I'd had sex with around 20 women, counting quickies as well as relationships; when I masturbated it was to images of sexy women or fantasies involving women.
So what had happened to make me so obsessive about John? How had this intern, 15 years my junior, started to appear in my darkest thoughts, sparking images of wanton sex, leading me to imagine all kinds of things I had barely even read about?
Was it really just from that afternoon at the lake, when a few colleagues from work had met up for a picnic, sharing cold food, cold wine and a lot of laughs? John, who had been sent to us for a month from our corporate HQ, was just getting to be accepted by our team of accountants. He was making a good impression - he could be funny, was clearly bright and had good potential at work, but wasn't pushy and too obviously trying to get himself noticed.
I noticed him particularly when - several bottles later - someone suggested a skinny dip. We were in a secluded area and it didn't seem to be a bad idea. Anyway, it had happened before and some of us at least had seen each other naked. I was actually looking forward to seeing Jean, a new staff member in her mid-twenties, get her gear off.
I hadn't expected to be so interested in seeing John - his slim body, almost hairless apart from a little bush at his groin, stayed etched in my memory after I got home. I couldn't stop him from coming into my thoughts as I lay in bed stroking my cock and thinking of Jean's perky breasts. John reminded me of the Michelangelo statue of David, even down to the rather small, uncircumcised penis. He looked more 18 than 23, and that alone worried me.
Just as I was getting close to cumming from thinking of Jean, John would appear, his smile, his hairless chest, his... penis. I squeezed my eyes shut and imagined touching him, and him touching me... very quickly I climaxed in a breathless, hard spasm that left great blobs of cum on my chest and tummy.
It was all very well feeling embarrassed, even guilty about it the next day; just that was enough to make me think of him all over again, resulting in strong arousal under the shower. I resisted the urge to masturbate, instead putting the shower on cold. That may have been my big mistake...
At this time John was working in my section so it was natural for us to spend time together - I was taking him under my wing, after all. I was especially sensitive to his mood that Monday morning, wondering if he had noticed me looking at him as he dived and cavorted naked in the lake. However, he greeted me in his usual, slightly timid way, and we got on with our work.
From time to time I found my mind wandering and images of him came and went, leading me to get aroused. Try as I might not to let it happen, it did - and when he came over to ask me a question, standing beside me to see the computer screen, there was no way of hiding the outline of my erection. He blushed - just a little but unmistakably, enough to make it clear he hadn't missed it. We went on with out working session but I sensed that a line had been crossed.
At midday I was still so aroused that I went to the men's loo and masturbated, deliberately thinking of John and letting my imagination run riot around his body... I came heavily into folds of loo paper and spent a long time cleaning myself up afterwards. In the afternoon I was able to concentrate on work and not on him.
That evening I was not troubled by any raunchy thoughts at all and went off to sleep without needing to masturbate. In the morning, though, I was once again horny and this time let myself go under the shower, figuring that this would stop me thinking about John at work. In fact, as I travelled to the office, I made up my mind to put some space between us and so end this haunting obsession.
I had a word with a colleague who agreed to take over my coaching sessions with John, on the pretext that I had some urgent work to catch up with. That way I didn't have much contact with him at all. I still found myself, once or twice, looking over to him, and noticing his hands, small-boned and rather fine: how often, I mused, did they touch his own penis, and get sticky with his own cum?
This was entirely the wrong tack, for it had me back in the loo in the afternoon, masturbating almost viciously to get shot of my arousal, my sperm, my desire for John. For that was what it had become: desire, to touch him, stroke him, kiss him... it was unbelievable and I knew I had to take every possible step to avoid him.
Later in the week he passed me in the corridor and stopped, calling after me: "Mike?" I stopped and turned, feeling a knot in my throat. "Mike," he went on, "Is there anything wrong with my work? You seem to have been avoiding me lately. I'd prefer you to tell me directly if I've messed up on something."
I went over to him, trying to keep my emotions under wrap. "Hell no, John," I said, "Your work is fine. You're doing very well. It's just that..." I had to cough, "Just that I've had quite a lot of work to finish this week."
"Really?" he replied, looking almost childishly relieved (which started to spark off more unwelcome thoughts in my mind). "If there's anything I can help with, just say, I don't mind staying late to help you. You're very inspirational, Mike... I wanted to tell you that. Whatever I can do, you only have to ask."