"Have you reached a verdict?" asked the judge.
"We have, your honor," said the foreman of the jury.
"Proceed," said the judge.
"We, the jury, find the defendant, Harvey Gilfedder, guilty on all counts.
Oh, God! No! Guilty! No! I had spent a fortune to hire the best attorneys and this was the best they could do? Oh, God! No!
"Have you anything to say before I pass sentence?" asked the judge.
Fucking, yes. I had a lot to say. But I couldn't say what I wanted to say in this courtroom with the judge in his fucking formal black robe, and the American flag hanging on the wall next to the ten commandments.
"Get him to postpone the sentencing until next week," I hissed into my lawyer's ear.
My lawyer, Max Morris, looked at me quizzically.
"Get him to postpone the sentencing," I hissed again.
My attorney turned to the judge and relayed my bizarre request. "Your honor, my client requests that you postpone sentencing until next week."
"To what purpose?" asked the judge.
"I have no idea," said my lawyer.
"Very well," said the judge. "I suppose there's no harm in postponing the sentencing. The sentencing will take place next Tuesday morning at 9 a.m." With that he slammed down the gavel and everyone got up to leave the courtroom.
I had just been convicted of Bribery. That was my business. Bribery. If you wanted to get something done, you came to me. I knew all the authorities. All the government officials who could make things happen for a price. I could get things done. I was the world's greatest specialist in Bribery, and now they had caught me and convicted me and were about to sentence me to go to the Big House for a long, long time. Fuck.
Prison is not for me. For many reasons. First of all I really love pussy. I can hardly get by for one night without pussy. I'm addicted to it. And there sure ain't no pussy in the men's penitentiary. And also, I'm a little guy. Not too tall, and pretty slim, and I've never worked out much, so I'm not really good at defending myself, and if some of those strong, tough, hardened criminals attacked me in the shower, I would be really out of luck.
There had to be something I could do to save myself from all that. I had a crazy idea. It probably was stupid, but I would try anything.
When we got back to my cell my lawyer asked me "Why did you want a postponement?"
"I can't go to the men's penitentiary," I said, and now I was starting to cry a little. "I really can't"
"Well, that's where you're going. You've been convicted."
"Listen. Can you tell the judge that I'm not very strong and that I'm afraid of being raped and getting strange sexually transmitted diseases?"
"Everyone is afraid of that. It won't make any difference."
"Listen. I have a heart murmur. You can even get a letter from my doctor. Any stress like that could cause my valves to deteriorate and kill me. So sending me to the men's penitentiary would be like killing me."
"Well, he's not going to set you free," he laughed.
"I know. I know," I said. "But if I could go to a different penitentiary to serve my time, it would really be good."
He was clearly perplexed. "What different penitentiary?" he asked me.
"I was thinking the women's penitentiary," I told him.
He started to guffaw while slapping his knee, like it was a great joke.
"And how would I get the judge to send a man to the women's penitentiary?" He asked me.
"Bribe him" I screamed at him. "Offer him a fucking five hundred thousand dollars in unmarked bills. I can manage that."
"Harvey, you were just convicted of Bribery," he tried to explain to me.
"Just fucking Bribe him," I told my lawyer. "Get me sent to the women's penitentiary."
He gave a deep sigh as he stood up and closed his brief case. "I'll see what I can do," he said. And then he left. I had that $500,000 neatly stacked in piles in one of my safe deposit boxes in town. The one at the Second National Bank. I hated to lose my nest egg, but I could not go to a regular men's prison. I forgot to mention that I'm cute (all the women say so) and I have a great smile, and a dimple on my right cheek. Putting me in there would be like throwing fresh meat to the lions. I shuddered at the analogy.
A couple of days later my lawyer came to me. "The judge is considering your proposal," he told me. "But the warden at the women's penitentiary would need some compensation as well."
"I'm giving him a fucking half million dollars. Can't he split it?"
"Apparently not," said Morris. "Would you willing to pay an extra Bribe to the warden?"
I had another safe deposit box with $250,000 in it, also in unmarked bills. That was at the Third National Bank. Oh, well. Easy come, Easy go.
"Okay," I decided. "We've got a deal."
I gave my attorney my power-of-attorney plus all the details, plus letters to the banks, plus the keys to the boxes, so that he could take care of the illegal transfers.
The day before the sentencing, my attorney told me that everything had been taken care of, and that my unusual request would be honored. At nine o'clock the next morning, I stood before the judge as he pronounced sentence.
"You are hereby sentenced to ten years in the Federal Penitentiary. But due to the delicate nature of your health, the court has decided to exercise leniency and sentence you to serve your sentence at Fargate, the women's penitentiary. Have you anything to say?"
"Just thank you, your honor," I said very politely. Ten years. Ten fucking years out of my life. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. But at least I wouldn't be getting raped in the ass by a bunch of testosterone-crazed ruffians. And the women's prison had another benefit. Pussy. ------- Pussy. Pussy. Pussy. There would be pussy everywhere. That wouldn't be a bad way to spend the next ten years, fucking pussy. Not bad at all. Yeah. It might not be so bad at all. I did love fucking pussy.
The next morning they took me out of the county jail, and transported me in handcuffs to Fargate, the women's penitentiary. We rode in a swanky stretch limousine, the kind I was used to, and there were two armed guards accompanying me. Also accompanying me was a fellow inmate, this hot-looking little blonde chick. She was also about to become a convict. I tried to chat her up during the trip. Who knows—maybe it would pay off at a later date while we were both doing hard time. I would try to make it not so hard for her with my trusty hard-on.
Her name, she told me, was Carol, and she was a call girl who also drugged and robbed her clients. Unfortunately one of the guys she had drugged and robbed turned out to be the assistant district attorney, and that was her undoing. She also got a ten-year sentence. Maybe this was fate. We were sitting side by side in the very back seat with a guard on either side of us. As we were chatting, I was pressing my leg very subtly against hers. After a few minutes, she started to press back, and I was getting this incredible erection which I could do nothing about, since I was handcuffed and there were those armed guards which I mentioned. Fuck.
Finally we pulled up in front of a stone-grey walled fortress. Some other guards came over to the car to check the papers which one of our guards had, and then they opened the iron door and the limousine entered the courtyard and drove up to the admitting door. Six more guards came out, hands on their weapons and opened the back door of the limousine. We all got out on that side. First the first guard, then Carol, then me, after I had assed myself across the seat, and finally the second guard. As I emerged from the car, I looked up at all the barred windows and saw many eyes staring down at us. The prison guards checked the papers, and then a guard took Carol to admit her and another guard took me inside. I looked at his name tag. His name was Sylvester. Details were important. You never knew when it might be good to know Sylvester's name.
"Come with me," said Sylvester. He took me down a long dark stone hallway and into a small room with only a chair and a table. There was a lockbox on the table. "Put your valuables in the box," he said. "You'll get them back in ten years."
"Okay, Sylvester," I said pleasantly, trying to make a friend out of him. It would be good to have friends in prison. But he was having none of it. He didn't even crack a smile. He was about my age, kind of good-looking, slim, with a little trimmed moustache. Too bad he didn't have a sense of humor. How else was I going to get through to him?
I put my watch and my wallet in the lockbox, but I took out my bills. I knew I would need cash in here. I had heard stories.
"Put this on," he told me, picking up a folded garment from the chair. I could see that it was orange, but not much else. I opened the folds. It was a one-piece jumpsuit.
"That's your prison uniform," said Sylvester. "That's what they wear in here."
"I guess it'll fit," I said.
"They only have one size for everybody."
"It's really not my style," I said ruefully.
"You're just fucking lucky they don't wear dresses in here," he told me. And I realized that he was right. "Put it on."
"Now?"
"Yeah, now," he said. I started to undress. I took off my shoes. I took off my socks. I took off my shirt. I took off my pants. Now I was standing in my white tee shirt and jockeys. I hesitated. "Everything!" he ordered. I took off my tee shirt and turned away from him as I lowered my jockeys. I could feel his eyes burning my ass. I hated being undressed in front of another man. This was so fucking embarrassing. As soon as I stepped out of my jockeys, I tried to step into my jumpsuit, but my leg got caught, and I tripped and I would have fallen if Sylvester hadn't caught me. He caught me with one hand on my back, and one hand on my ass. His hand was on my naked ass. It seemed to linger.
"Thanks," I said.
"Put it on," he said.
I stepped into my jumpsuit and buttoned it up along the front.