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I had always thought I might be gay, but I sure tried to convince myself otherwise. All through high-school and two years of college, I dated only women and fucked more than my fair share. I can't say I didn't enjoy it. Hell, I even imagined marrying my last girlfriend, having two kids and a dog, and continuing to living the lie. But as the relationship grew more intense, and I found more excuses to visit a nearby glory-hole, it became clear that it wasn't fair to me...and damn sure wasn't fair to her. The break-up was rough, and for a while I resisted the constant badgering from my roommate as to why I would give-up such a wonderful girl. After the hundredth time of being asked, I finally told Kevin what I'd been hiding from him for the past two years.
"Look, man...I love Pam too much to lie to her...when I'm not sure of who I am or what I want. I've been fighting the truth that I'm gay too long. So there you go...is that what you wanted to hear?" I said, clearly agitated.
Kevin just stared at me for what seemed like several minutes before finally finding the words to speak. "How could you possibly be gay, when you two have been fucking each other senseless every chance you got?"
"I'm not in the mood to analyze what a great fucking liar I am. Guess I thought if I got enough pussy, I'd stop thinking about dick." I knew the last line was purely about shock value...but it didn't keep me from saying it.
Kevin sat on his bed, rubbing his forehead and clearly struggling for what to do or say next. "I don't know, Mike...we've been living in cramped quarters for two years, and I never once that you might be into show tunes." He said, with a nervous chuckle. "Look...I don't get it, but I'm no homophobe. My uncle came out a few years ago...not that it was any great shock to anybody. The point is...how you want to deal with this is up to you...what you say to me, stays between us." He then calmly grabbed his backpack and left for class.
I sat at my desk trembling with nerves. Never in my life had I spoken about the truth that haunted me for so long. Kevin and I were roommates, and got along well...but I couldn't say we were particularly close friends. I even gave Pam a bullshit reason for breaking up. This was not the way I ever imagined outing myself. For the next hour I felt on the verge of throwing-up. Fortunately, I only had one class later in the afternoon.
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For the next few weeks, Kevin did his best to act as though nothing had changed, but it was clear he was at least mildly uncomfortable. I was miserable, and started to think I'd made a horrible mistake. Other than a few jerk-off sessions with a buddy in high school, and some anonymous blowjobs at a glory-hole in the library...I'd never really had anything close to a gay relationship. I was starting to question my sexuality all over again.
Kevin's girlfriend stopped by the room one afternoon, and gave me a surprise as she waited on him to return from class. "Don't be mad at Kevin for saying something to me." Lydia said, kissing me on the cheek. "He's worried about you...says you seem depressed."
"Yeah...well...try ruining your entire life in one afternoon. It's not exactly an uplifting experience." I mumbled, with a mix of anger and creeping sadness.
"Pam's been asking me about you. She wants to give you some space, but hopes you'll come back around." Lydia said, taking the chair across from me in the tiny dorm room. "I haven't told her a thing...and I get the impression she's in the dark about what's going on."
"Right now, nothing's going on." I snapped back. "I'm sorry...thanks for giving a shit...but nobody can help me with this fucked-up situation. I just have to deal with it, that's all."
"Holy shit...how did you go from jock-stud to drama queen so quickly?" Lydia said with equal doses of irritation and sarcasm. "Find a boyfriend and already, and see if that's what you really want. I tend to think this whole thing is just because you've been afraid to try a few things. Being curious is not the same as being gay, you dipshit!"
Lydia had a reputation for being direct and painfully blunt. She wasn't doing anything to disguise the way she felt today. I was about to get really pissed-off, when Kevin walked into the room.
"Uh-oh...I can see in your eyes you've given Mike a strong dose of your opinion." Kevin said, looking at his girlfriend's stern face. "Sorry man...but with two women hounding me over what was happening...something had to give."
I closed my eyes and allowed my anger to die-down. I realized they were concerned, and had to be thankful for that. "I'm sorry you guys have been caught in the middle of all this. I couldn't have handled this any worse."
"Screw the dorm food...let's grab a pizza and some beer." Kevin said, checking his wallet. "You can calm down, and Lydia can get pissed that I can't go home with her over the weekend."
"What?...You're going to make me tell mom you're not coming!? She thinks you walk on water, you know." Lydia said, clearly annoyed.
Although I was reluctant to go, it was nice to just hang out and feel like I was with friends. They may not have completely understood me, but at least they were there for me. Lydia still wasn't happy about going home without Kevin, but at least she was less pissed-off as the beers softened her mood. By the time the evening was over, Kevin and I managed to get back to the dorm and stumbled our way into bed.
The next morning, we had both slept late and I was the first to get out of bed. Kevin was still asleep with an obvious case of morning-wood in his boxers. It wasn't that big a deal, and had happened to both of us a handful of times over the last few years. I know Kevin had seen me in the same condition, and was cool enough not to mention it. Either of us would wake-up, notice the problem, and simply roll over to avoid being indecent. Given the topic of conversation over the last few days, I thought he might feel compromised, and tossed a blanket over him before heading down the hall for a shower. I'd been horned as hell the last few days without any relief, and seeing him that way wasn't doing me any good. The rest of the day went on about as normal as it could, with both of us feeling more comfortable than we had in a while.
It was Saturday morning and I rolled out of my top bunk as usual, only to find Kevin with another morning hard-on. Any guy knows they can be more of a problem at certain times than others, but this still seemed a bit odd. The covers were trapped underneath his legs, so I couldn't toss them over him this time. I made some noise moving a chair, and expected Kevin would get the message and roll over. Instead, he took a deep breath and lazily draped an arm over his eyes. I sat down, taking advantage of his blocked vision and stared at my roommates slumbering form. I always thought he was a good looking guy, but never wanted to make him think I looked at him in that way. As hard as I worked over the years to conceal my interest in cock, it was even more shocking that I spilled the beans so quickly. We both stay in great shape and are about the same height, but Kevin is just a bit more muscular. The most obvious difference between us is our complexion. I have dark hair, brown eyes, and a decent tan...but Kevin has the all-over pale complexion that goes with his reddish-blond hair and green eyes. None of that was of any great fascination for me until now, as my eyes ran up his toned thigh and into the leg opening of his boxers. From my seated position, and with the help of the morning sun, I could see the sparse hair that covered his scrotum...the fabric being tugged out of the way by his morning erection. My own prick was starting to swell as my gaze was drawn over Kevin's Chicago Bears boxers and to the tip of the tented shorts. The head of his cock pressed against the fly, with the opening revealing a glimpse of the swollen shaft. At this moment I never wanted anything so badly, but I had no intention of ruining every relationship I still had. I got up to get my robe, hoping the shower would be empty for a quick jerk-off session.
"Are you going to act like the faggot you say you are...or are you going to make me wait for Lydia to take care of this?" Kevin said in a gruff tone, his arm still covering his eyes
My heart immediately jumped into my throat, and for a second I hated him for calling me a faggot. Then again, he was about the only person who could possibly say that and get away with it. I was far too nervous to say a word. My body shook with a mix of fear and excitement as I slowly walked back toward the lower bunk. My hand trembled as I tentatively reached to trace a finger over the moist spot at the tip of his tent pole. Kevin took another deep breath as I watched the white t-shirt rise and fall over his stomach. Slipping a finger into the open fly of the boxers, I felt the warm, silky skin of Kevin's rod as I nervously fished his cock through the opening. I'd never seen my roommate's prick in this condition, and it was truly impressive. Not overly long, at a bit more than six inches, it still filled my hand with ample girth. The skin was even paler than the rest of him, with bluish lines of veins, easily seen under the soft skin that covered intensely hard flesh underneath. The pole throbbed as I gave a firm squeeze and a drop of clear nectar emerged at the tip of his circumcised dick.
"I...I don't know, man...are you sure?" I asked with a shaky voice, astonished that Kevin would ever allow me to do this.
"Shut up...convince me you're a fag." He barked gruffly, still hiding his eyes. "Suck it, or get the fuck away from me."
I'd never experienced this overtly dominate side of his personality before, but I didn't mind. If nothing else, it made me feel more like I was taking orders than willingly accosting my roommate. Kneeling on the floor, and leaning over the bed, I took the tip of his slick helmet into my mouth. Kevin's meat was the thickest I ever encountered...not that my experience was all that vast. Working up large amounts of spit, I managed to stretch my jaw wide enough to inch my way down the warm pole. By now, Kevin was leaking a steady stream of pre-cum into my mouth and the taste was fantastic...a bit sweeter than my own. After a few minutes, my jaw relaxed and I began sucking with enthusiasm. Kevin was largely silent, only grunting as I focused on the spot beneath the spongy helmet.
"Better at it than I thought you'd be." Kevin said hoarsely, reaching down to tug the opening of his boxers under his balls. "Lick'em, pansy-ass...lick my nuts."
I was too lost in lust not to obey. My tongue slid over the loose, wrinkled flesh that covered a pair of plum-sized orbs. I'd caught quick glimpses of Kevin naked after a shower, or changing clothes for a date...but never appreciated just how well equipped he really was. My dick might be longer, but he had me beat in every other measure. The whole package seemed to fit his more muscular, wrestler-type frame perfectly. The sunlight gleamed against pink hue of his sack and the blond hair that thinly covered it. Even the deeper red color of his pubic bush was easier to see with more of his junk out in the open. I lapped hungrily across his scrotum, up the swollen shaft, and devoured his throbbing organ over and over again. My own cock was now painfully hard and leaking profusely within my boxer-briefs. Kevin's nuts began to contract, and I knew my reward would soon arrive.
