I don't know when I first became highly attracted to ballet tights. I tried to suppress myself so much its hard to tell. But I have always found ballet outfits on men and women attractive. I remember when I was ten my mother took me to the Nutcracker. I was fascinated by the male dancers, and found the whole fairy tale world a magical place that I could escape. I loved the costumes, the music and the sets. But outside of ballet a kid just didn't see them. I grew older I forgot about it and it sank into my unconscious.
When I got older, I started to notice that you could see the butts of girls in gym class in nylon shorts better than in jeans and though it interested me, I never felt fully aroused, and I was never interested in looking unless they wore nylon stretch shorts. It more evoked a feeling of sensuality. I also loved the feeling of these shorts and how they clung to my body, but in retrospect the material wasn't as thin and soft as ballet tights.
In college, I got interested again in ballet. I legitimately liked it as an art form, but also I loved how the girls looked in their costumes. Especially tights. Something about how the tights smoothed the lines of the legs and emphasized their form I found alluring.
When I finally graduated from college I had money and was living in New York, and I started attending the ballet. I loved the atmosphere and I loved it as an art form, but I was disappointed if the dancers legs were covered with dresses or they wore loser clothing. When I was really honest with myself, I guess I would say if it wasn't for the tights, I wouldn't be so interested. Oddly enough though, no matter how I 'tried' to fantasize I never got sexually aroused thinking about the women. I thought "Oh she's pretty.. why don't I fantasize about her sexually'. At that time I was very repressed and I wrote it off that I didn't want to 'taint' the beautify of ballet by sexually fantasizing.
I started buying ballet magazines solely to look at pictures of the dancers in tights. The female dancers in tights. Or at least that is what I told myself. While I got excited I never became sexually aroused. Then one day there was a spread of a ballet company all in costume for classical ballet. It was mostly women, and they looked beautiful in their costumes, but my eyes stopped on a male principal. He had blond hair and grey eyes and a sensual, inviting smile. I admired how he looked in his tight ballet tunic but honestly my eyes didn't linger there, they went down to his white tights. Unlike women who usually had the hip area covered with a tutu or short dress, you could see his 'front' and when I looked at the bulge in his tights, my mouth went dry. At the time I was still in denial and I immediately suppressed the thought and wrote it off.
I continued to 'try' to look at the women. I found them beautiful, alluring, sensual but I could never get sexually aroused. I have heard it called 'repression', denial, or rationalization but I was convinced the reason I couldn't is because I had low self esteem or I didn't want to 'dirty' the art form. After all, a straight guy like me couldn't possibly be interested in men, so there must be some other reason I wasn't getting aroused by women.
One night I was at the ballet, with a female date. I was very relaxed and my mind was wandering, and looked at the legs of a male ballet dancer. He had black tights on and I could see the outlines of his muscles and legs perfectly, when he turned around, I could see his butt, the tights were matte but the light played off and emphasized his form. I was close enough to see how his tights clung to him like a second skin and I could even see the line in the middle of his gorgeous ass.... WHAT- "Did I just think that! I exclaimed in my head. Before I realized it, I had a rock hard erection and realized his ass was sexually arousing me in a way a woman's never had. When he started to sensually walk towards the female lead, the way his ass moved practically made me pant. I found my mouth dry, my palms and sweating. I involuntarily imagined burying my face in his ass and pressing my lips against the soft nylon and I practically orgasmed - even at the break I still had a hardon and had to cover myself with a program.
I looked at my date while we were having a drink, she was beautiful seemed interested in me but I realized I had no interest and all I could think about was that dancer's butt. I felt shaking and nervous as if everyone could read my thoughts.
At that moment I probably should have realized that I was gay but I was fighting the idea and still had enough rationalization that I found female ballet dancers beautiful to think it mush be some 'block'. I know the mind is a strange thing.
