I am a divorced dad who's kids are grown and out of the house. I've lived my life as a primarily straight dude - and I am honestly not attracted to men. You could put 1000 women in a room and I could sort every one of them by their attractiveness to me. I could not do the same with men. I literally cannot distinguish between George Clooney,, Brad Pitt and Danny DeVito in terms of attractiveness. However, there is something very erotic to me about having sex with a man.
My wiring feels like it is wrong. I want to suck a cock but I don't want to kiss a guy. Given this perception of being off - I really try to be open and tolerant of the way other people are wired. You don't pick what you like, you just like it.
I've sucked a few cocks over the years. The first was a few years after the divorce back in the Craigslist days. I'd had the desire for a while and since I was single I figured why not. I remember kneeling down and staring at his cock and asking myself if I was really gonna do this? Then I moved forward and pressed his cock past my lips and into my mouth. There it was - I was now a cocksucker. I blew him for a few minutes and tasted precum. That taste has remained in my mind for all of these years. I loved it. We shifted around a bit and at one point I was on all fours with my ass in the air. I thought about asking him if he wanted to fuck me but I was too shy. Instead we got to a position where he was blowing me and I came quick. After that I left quickly because something happens to me immediately after I cum with men. It's a combination of guilt and revulsion and shame. That lasted for a few years. I did not go back to cock quickly. I had my experiment and it was over. I also started dating a girl - and have never been unfaithful. So years ticked by.
I learned about Grindr not too long ago. I'd been having problems with my girlfriend and decided to poke around. I posted a profile with a body shot without a face pic to keep my anonymity. I eventually started messaging with a young person (30ish) who identifies as queer, non-binary, gender fluid, feminine energy. I hesitated to use the word queer in the title of this piece - as it has been a derogatory term in the circles I have existed in throughout my life. But I am trying to learn and if it the term used by my new friend, then I assume it is the term I should use.
We messaged back and forth for a while as we were both in relationships but enjoyed the conversation. It was an actual connection - which is rare. We shared pictures and I was surprised at how beautiful his ass is. His photos were all dolled up in lingerie and very feminine looking. The pictures were really hot.