I am a divorced dad who's kids are grown and out of the house. I've lived my life as a primarily straight dude - and I am honestly not attracted to men. You could put 1000 women in a room and I could sort every one of them by their attractiveness to me. I could not do the same with men. I literally cannot distinguish between George Clooney,, Brad Pitt and Danny DeVito in terms of attractiveness. However, there is something very erotic to me about having sex with a man.
My wiring feels like it is wrong. I want to suck a cock but I don't want to kiss a guy. Given this perception of being off - I really try to be open and tolerant of the way other people are wired. You don't pick what you like, you just like it.
I've sucked a few cocks over the years. The first was a few years after the divorce back in the Craigslist days. I'd had the desire for a while and since I was single I figured why not. I remember kneeling down and staring at his cock and asking myself if I was really gonna do this? Then I moved forward and pressed his cock past my lips and into my mouth. There it was - I was now a cocksucker. I blew him for a few minutes and tasted precum. That taste has remained in my mind for all of these years. I loved it. We shifted around a bit and at one point I was on all fours with my ass in the air. I thought about asking him if he wanted to fuck me but I was too shy. Instead we got to a position where he was blowing me and I came quick. After that I left quickly because something happens to me immediately after I cum with men. It's a combination of guilt and revulsion and shame. That lasted for a few years. I did not go back to cock quickly. I had my experiment and it was over. I also started dating a girl - and have never been unfaithful. So years ticked by.
I learned about Grindr not too long ago. I'd been having problems with my girlfriend and decided to poke around. I posted a profile with a body shot without a face pic to keep my anonymity. I eventually started messaging with a young person (30ish) who identifies as queer, non-binary, gender fluid, feminine energy. I hesitated to use the word queer in the title of this piece - as it has been a derogatory term in the circles I have existed in throughout my life. But I am trying to learn and if it the term used by my new friend, then I assume it is the term I should use.
We messaged back and forth for a while as we were both in relationships but enjoyed the conversation. It was an actual connection - which is rare. We shared pictures and I was surprised at how beautiful his ass is. His photos were all dolled up in lingerie and very feminine looking. The pictures were really hot.
Unfortunately things took a turn for the worse with my girlfriend and we broke up. I confided in my new friend and he let me know that he had also just ended a relationship. I told him I had a crazy idea and asked if he would like to go up to my cabin next weekend. Given that we had never met - or even traded face pics, this was a huge leap of faith, but he accepted. In anticipation my cock became hard immediately and wanted attention, but I resisted. I wanted it a peak performance this weekend. I picked him up Friday after work. He was all dressed up in a pretty dress with a wig and make up. We started the drive and his attitude was so light and so pleasant that it put me at ease. I was just really comfortable. We went over the same topics we had covered in our messages, but it was way hotter to hear the words and to speak the words to someone sitting next to you. Tone is incredibly more powerful in a real face to face conversation.
While we were talking and about an hour from the cabin I put my hand on his leg. He noted it, let out a little purr and moved his hips so that my hand drifted closer to his crotch. I boldly - but slowly - caressed his thigh, then his inner thigh. Again he responded with a purr and a hip thrust. The thrust put my hand in contact with his panties. I moved my hand closer and while massaging his thigh, the edge of my hand was contacting his balls and cock head.
I lifted up his skirt and exposed everything. His panties were lace and I could finally see his cock with the brief glances I was able to sneak in while still driving the car. His cock was not as big as mine, but it was a respectable size and looked great. No hair was seen anywhere and he was hard. I reached into his panties and grabbed his cock. It felt good to have another cock in my hand. I squeezed it - admiring the steel underneath the soft skin. I stroked it - eliciting more purring and hip grinding.