On a school field trip a few years ago, I had an unexpected encounter with another dad which awakened a sexual desire in me I never knew existed.
My daughter attended a small private school since the 4th grade when we moved to our home 5 years ago. Now in the 8th grade my daughter and I were preparing to participate in the schools' annual trek to Washington DC.
For over 40 years, 8th grade students embark on a 3-night trip to Washington DC a few weeks before graduation. To make the trip affordable, parents serve as chaperones and stay in the same motel room with their children.
Each room has two adults and two kids. When a parent is the same gender as their own child, they sleep in the same bed.
The year I accompanied my daughter I was assigned a room with another dad and his two sons.
Since I was a single adult male and Matt was traveling with his two 13-year-old twin boys, I was placed in his room. I was advised about this arrangement at a pre-trip meeting a few days before we left when Bob Smith, the schools 8th grade advisor reviewed the itinerary and room assignments.
I understand the school wanted four to a room to keep costs down and I was very glad to be on the trip with my daughter as this was a highlight right before graduation. It just felt a bit weird knowing I would be sharing a bed with Matt, even though I knew him from occasional interactions at school events.
We left early Thursday morning on two motor coaches filled with students, parents and the advisor from school. As we loaded the buses, students and parents were split between both motor coaches.
My daughter and Matt's boys were on the other bus with their friends. I told my daughter to behave and text me if she needed something.
After making sure his boys were settled Matt walked to the last row in the back of our bus.
Just as I was getting comfortable this 35-year-old dad of twin boys said, "you want some company?"
I nodded, smiled and removed some papers I had on the seat next to me as he sat on my hand and wiggled his butt.
He looked at me, smiled and said, "I guess we'll be getting to know each other over the next few days.
I hope you're not shy!"
A few minutes after getting settled into his seat Matt patted my thigh and said, "good to finally meet you." We would see each other at school events but never really formally met.
Matt was a gregarious guy who was very friendly and 'forward' but was also respectful and polite. My personality is a bit more reserved, so I wasn't sure if this was going to be a great trip with him or an excruciating 3 days.
As the buses rolled down the interstate over the next several hours, we chatted about our kids, family and jobs.
I learned Matt was a divorced dad whose wife walked out on the family. Just shy of two years of marriage and just before the boys turned 1 years old, Matt's wife called him at work to tell him to pick them up at a neighbor's house.
When he arrived home after picking up the twins, Matt found a note saying she didn't want to be a wife or mother anymore. He would later learn about her mental illness. He learned she struggled with drugs and slept around as her life spiraled out of control.
At the time of the divorce, the judge granted Matt full custody of the boys as she didn't show up at the hearing. Matt said he hasn't heard from her in almost ten years and has lost touch with her family once her parents passed away.
There weren't any obligations from that short ill-advised marriage; just two terrific kids from what was otherwise a horrible relationship.
What a sad story.
Matt shared that life can be lonely at times. He has no interest in dating, let alone getting remarried. His said his sole focus was building his construction business and being the best dad for his two boys who have just begun their teen years.
I really admired Matt's love and dedication for his boys.
I could sense his sadness in sharing this unpleasant aspect of his life as he poured out his feelings.
As he continued to open up about his past, I placed my hand on his thigh. After a few minutes, I gently caressed his knee to upper thigh. It was meant as an affirming gesture, to express my understanding, not a sexual overture.
We sat in silence for a few minutes. As I continued to gently rub up and down his upper leg, I noticed him adjust in his seat a bit as he spread his legs apart slightly.
I then shared my story of being a widower and single dad at age 36.
Now at 38, I am raising a 13-year-old daughter and a 12-year-old son who is staying with my parents while we are on this school trip.
I told Matt my wife was killed in an automobile accident two years ago on her way to work by a truck crossing the median during a snow storm. I always felt partly to blame since I should have driven her to work that morning. But I had an appointment to meet a colleague for breakfast in the opposite direction.
As I shared my story, I started to get a bit emotional and he immediately placed his left arm around my shoulder and leaned into me.
He placed his right hand on my thigh and pulled me into him a bit to comfort me. It felt great to feel another person close to me in that way. It felt warm and so good that I sighed involuntarily at his touch.
It was an intimate moment that I haven't felt with another adult in a long time. It was like two brothers hugging and reassuring each other.
As we sat there, I told Matt I had no interest in dating either.
My focus was raising my kids and giving them as much of a 'normal' life as possible.
Getting married again was the furthest thing from my mind. After the accident, I changed jobs, so my schedule was more flexible.
I looked at Matt and said, "you and I are in similar circumstances, although how we got here is different. This is the first time I met someone who can appreciate and understand my -- our - unique challenges."
He replied, "that is exactly what I was thinking. The one thing I have missed is having another person, especially another guy and fellow dad, with whom I can share whatever is in my head."
Several hours into the trip, the bus stopped at a buffet restaurant for an early lunch. As we entered the restaurant, the kids sat together, while the parents chose an adjacent section.
As I spent time eating and socializing, Bob Smith (the school advisor) told me he had been organizing this annual trip for 20 years. As we chatted, he said Matt and I were placed in the same room intentionally since we were the only fathers on this trip, and I had a daughter.
When we got back on the bus, I smiled and told Matt we were special parents on this trip.
He gave me a curious look as I said, "the advisor put us together since we were the only dads going."
He just smiled and rubbed his hand on my left thigh. This time Matt was sitting on the window seat and I had the aisle.
